
Class_ til 
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COPYRIGHT UEPOSrr. 




F. T. Ives. 



Yankee 
Jumbles 

or, Chimney Corner Tales of igth 
Century Events, Comprising 
Subjects of Fact, Fun and Fiction. 



By F. T. IVES 




^'"..>i'l 



BR OAD WA Y P U BUSHING 
COMPANY : : NEfF YORK 
AT EIGHT - THIRTY - FIVE 
BROADWAY ::::::: : 



i,^ 



LIBRARY of CONGRESS 
Two Copies Received 

DEC 28 1903 

^ Copyright Entry 
LAA.. ^_ ' q !! ^ 
SS *- XXc. No. 

■^ « -^ n 

- COPY 3 



Copyright, 1903. 

BY 

F. T. IVES. 



All rights reserved. 



INTRODUCTION. 

Thinking it possible that an apology may be due 
to the public for imposing upon them such a work as 
is to follow, a brief explanation is perhaps in order 
for doing so. The present generation talk of the great 
changes and improvements that have occurred in the 
last fifty years, which is about as far as the general 
public can make comparison. It is not the purpose 
here to review and recount the numerous inventions and 
discoveries of the last half century, but, to go back one 
hundred years and compare the customs and habits of 
the people with the present condition of the country, 
the character of its population, the way they lived and 
the various odd and quaint characters so common the 
early part of the last century. A brief notice of In- 
dian remnants and last traces of negro slavery, a 
casual review of the social, religious, political and mili- 
tary habits of seventy-five to one hundred years past, 
it is hoped will furnish a few hours' enjoyment to peruse. 
The state of society and methods of living, the com- 
mencement of the nineteenth century were as different 
from the present as the use of the scythe and cradle 
were to the modern mowing machine and reaper. 
The percentage of men living whose memories run back 
approximately three score years and ten is very small, 
and rapidly growing less. It will be but a few yeai's 



iv Introduction. 

when a large part of the precious information gained 
from reading this book would be lost, if the present 
is not employed to preserve such a heritage to the hu- 
man race. Genealogies are mostly of local interests, 
unless the subjects are of world wide notoriety like 
Adam, Moses, Samson, Mark Twain, Carrie Nation 
and others of like repute. It is hoped this work will 
not be confined by lines of latitude or longitude, but 
that instructive food may be gathered from these pages 
in all climes, and light be shed to illumine a world ly- 
ing in darkness. There is to be no windup with a 
wedding or funeral ; there are no tales of woe, intended 
to lacerate hearts or to fill eyes with scalding tears. 
While there may be many silly things to incur the dis- 
approval of some, it is hoped there may be enough of 
interest to encourage the reader to give the work as a 
whole a merciful criticism. While some may enjoy 
this and others that, it must take its chances as did the 
specimen work of the painter, that pleased nobody and 
ever}'body. 

It is the writer's firm belief that with the apparent 
lack in those times of what are now esteemed comforts 
and luxuries, people enjoyed more of life to the 
square inch than at the present day. Those who live in 
our back hill towns and valleys are to-day happier as 
a class, with less anxieties, rivalries, jealousies and per- 
plexing cares than the residents of Fifth Avenue in 
New York, or the proud tenant? of Beacon Hill in Bos- 
ton. With a comparatively now country covered largely 
with its virgin forests abounding in game, and streams 
alive with the choicest fish, with the finest sea food in 



Introduction. v 

abundance close at hand, a profusion of staple fruits 
and nuts, with a strong, hardy population of men and 
women, rearing large families to mingle, and looking 
out over a field offering new enterprises in every direc- 
tion, there is little doubt that the opening of the nine- 
teenth century had a greater measure of hope and en- 
joyment, than it is reasonable to expect with the 
crowded and conflicting interests that confront us at 
the threshold of the twentieth. 

It is not presumed these tales will take a place in 
classical literature, as that is not the aspiration of the 
writer, or that Shakespeare, Milton, Holy Writ or Gul- 
liver's Travels will be entirely discarded for the truths 
abounding in this volume. Like the ones mentioned 
there may be some clironicles that to those skepti- 
tically inclined may look slightly fictitious. As we are 
told that variety is the spice of life, it is hoped the 
reader may find enough in the succeeding pages to re- 
lieve any charge of monotony, with the diversity of 
Indians, negroes, characters, history, biography, poetry, 
anecdotes and general assortment of subjects good, bad 
and indifferent to make up this conglomeration of 
"Sense and Nonsense." 



YANKEE JUMBLES. 



INDIANS. 



During the first quarter of the nineteenth century 
there were a few straggling Indians left of the old tribes 
roving about the state, very few of them single, but 
generally an Indian with his Squaw, and frequently 
with some Indian boy with a bow and arrow. This boy 
served somewhat the purpose of a monkey with an or- 
gan-grinder to aid them in obtaining resources to sup- 
ply themselves with rum, or cider, the more common 
drink of the day. This was done by standing up a 
stick about a yard long stuck into the ground a few 
yards off with a four pence, ha'penny, or nine pence, 
in the slot, and sometimes good luck of a quarter at 
perhaps a greater distance, which the youngster was 
to shoot at and knock out of the slot, thus winning the 
money. They were expert enough to hit the slot with 
more than half the shots they made. 

When only the Indian and his Squaw were roving 
about, the Squaw always went ahead several rods. 
She stopped at the houses in quest of food, and to beg 
cider, and usually to offer for sale some fancy-made, 
or useful baskets. If any trade was negotiated or not, 
she usually got the food and cider, but Mr. Indian was 
alwavs- there with her in time to share it. 



2 Yankee Jumbles. 

The only burden he tasked himself with was a good 
ax to come in service when they discovered in some 
swamp or wood-lot a black ash or oak tree suitable for 
basket splints. 

In those times any man's liking for cider was likened 
to that he loved cider as well as an Indian. 

The only Indians in the memory of the writer were 
Sobuc and Seqnonk. They were both innocent when 
not filled with cider or some stronger drink. On one 
occasion, Sequonk was discovered annoying a man's 
wife to make her draw him some cider. He had her 
backed into a corner of the room, keeping his arms 
spread on each side of her so she conld not escape un- 
til she should promise to draw the cider. Fortunately 
her husband unexpectedly returned and Sequonk took 
a well-deserved thrashing. 

Sobuc was once employed to skin a dog that had been 
put out in the field; taking the butcher knife he went 
to skin the dog, and was gone for a long time, when 
he came back and complained of the job being unpleas- 
ant, and asked for a drink of rum to brace his stomach, 
when he would go back and give the finishing touches. 
Getting his rum he returned to his task, but being gone 
so long the man suspected the dog's skin was stolen, 
and going to investigate, he found the knife stuck in 
the dog's haunches, and the skin untouched. 

They were about the only Indians that tarried over 
the territory occupied by some of their ancestors, but the 
stragglers with their Squaws were roving all over the 
state. 



Yankee Jumbles. 3 

NEGROES IN CONNECTICUT. 

Until nearly 1800 slavery had existed in Conned i- 
ciit, as the writer can iT'iiicmber some who had Ix-cii 
slaves, and many children and grandchildren of foniiei- 
slaves. These all proved to ho an honest and trnsty 
people, and of their posterity scarcely a remnant ex- 
ists in the state. The negroes of the present day in our 
state are almost entirely importations from the South 
since the war. In certain ways they are a distinguish- 
able type from the old stock of negroes. The old class 
settled more or less on farni.s. and were more generally 
mixed np in country than in town life. Many iden- 
tified themselves with their former owners. They 
were of a very gregarious nature, fond of inusic, social 
occasions and dancing. As late as the middle part of 
the nineteenth century you would see an annual order 
published in several newspapers, noticeable by the pic- 
ture of a militia man with his gun and accoutrements, 
underneath which you would read in large letters, 
"Attention, Battalion, Company so and so, you are 
hereby ordered to appear on such a day and date, at 
such a time and place designated, fully armed and 
equipped with side-arms (which meant the fair sex), 
for inspection and drill." This meant a general call for 
the colored community in all directions to gather at 
the time and place designated with all sorts of instru- 
ments of music, refreshments in the way of eatables and 
drinkables, with their wives and children, for a day of 
great enjoyment, and winding up with a dance at night, 
which to witness was worth a trip across the contineiii. 



4 Yankee Jumbles. 

These dances, or heel and toe performances, on these 
festal occasions, might properly be classed under the 
head of genuine "shindigs," being well prepared for 
with full libations of cider-brandy and Santa Cruz rum 
during the day. Their programme was not made up of 
round dancing and quadrilles, as of later years, but of 
what was termed "country dances," such as Money 
Musk, Virginia Reel, or the Fisher's Hornpipe, and 
any style of music that would admit of a regular "hoe- 
down." Their dancing, too, was no walking around 
through figures to display elegant dresses or to show 
off graceful movements, but it was a drumming of 
heel and toe and a twirling around of big wenches, 
who were whirled as if they were animated tops. Oc- 
casionally an interval would be given to a dozen or 
more of their experts, both young and old, in which a 
spirit of rivalry would be exercised to see which could 
cut up the greatest amount of capers on the floor. 
These interludes were many times performed for the 
edification of spectators. 

An old negro fiddler of those early days, who fre- 
quently fiddled for such occasions, used to remark that 
after two or three figures the hall smelled like a boar's 
nest. 

Such a condition may be the source of a conundrum 
that used to be put in the early burnt cork concerts. 
**Why is a negro never dead broke?" After many 
guesses, and being given iip, the reply was, "Because 
he always has a scent about him." After the smiles 
of the audience, some other member of the troupe would 
say the answer was not correct. Xot being able to guess 



Yankee jumbles. 5! 

why, the answer was, "The scent was not a good one." 

For a long time, until recent years the colored com- 
munity recognized the auihorily of one of tlieir num- 
ber wliora they called "^Governor," selected for his 
wisdom and physical strength. Whether this test was 
made the same as with mules when brought together 
into an enclosure, settling the question of which is the 
best mule by several hours spent in kicking each other 
to ascertain which is the best kicker, is unknown. It 
does not take long for the best mule to develop, when 
he can walk serenely through the drove and all who 
have had a taste of his heels pass complacently out of 
his way. 

So this "Governor" dictated from his headquarters 
which for many years was in the town of Derby, where 
these military demonstrations were to be performed. 

This order of negroes having become almost entirely 
extinct, such a call for such a training has not been 
issued for nearly fifty years. 

Among the slaves in Connecticut were two negroes 
by the name of Chatham Freeman and Cato Barker, the 
former, I just remember, was always known as Chat and 
the latter Cato. Both were bom in Africa and cap- 
tured by slavers when young and brought to this coun- 
try. Chat claimed to remember distinctly the day he 
was stolen, and how he begged to be released to his 
mother, being only about five years old. He promised 
if they would let him go to bring his playmate Cato, 
which he did, expecting thereby to gain his own liberty, 
but failed to obtain the freedom of either. He used 
to tell that for awhile they expected they would be 



6 Yankee Jumbles. 

killed and eaten as he liad seen boys devoured by the 
cannibals, and cautioned Cato not to eat enough to get 
fat so that they would be in any condition for roast- 
ing, but after awhile he found that instead of being 
fattened they were more likely to be starved, and had 
to set their wits to work to satisfy their pangs of 
hunger. On board the ship were large coops of chick- 
ens which were so located that Chat could get to them 
occasionally, and bethinking himself (as many of his 
successors have), that there was a good relish to chicken, 
he would slip his hands through the slats and occasion- 
ally get a chicken by the head and choke it to death. 
This dead chicken being found in the coop the next 
morning, orders would be given to throw it overboard. 
Chat would make pleas to let nigger eat it, which the 
officers of the ship readily consented to, saying if nig- 
ger wanted to eat dead chicken let him have it. 

Chat became quite a favorite aboard ship for his 
apt and cunning ways. After landing in this country 
he came into the possession of a family by the name of 
Yale, and Cato was bought by a Barker family in 
Wallingford. At the time of the Eevolutionary War 
one of the Yale family was drafted to go into the 
arm}', and as a substitute Chat's master promised him 
if he would take his son's place and serve until the end 
of the war he should have his freedom. This offer Chat 
accepted, and served until the termination of the war, 
after which he returned to Meriden to spend the rest of 
his days. 

A slave girl by the name of Rhea obtained a warm 
spot in Chat's heart, and to obtain her freedom he 



Yankee Jumbles. 7 

served a socond term similar to thai of Jacob in ob- 
taiuing Rachel. But there was no kind mother in 
Rhea's case to ainelioratc (Hiai's wailing years by the 
substitute from time to time of maid-servants as a 
reward for Chat's faithfulness and patience. After 
serving his time for Rhea, they were duly married and 
lived happily together to quite extreme old age. The 
fruit of this marriage was one daughter, wliose name 
was Katherine, who on maturity married a colored man 
by the name of Robert Prinn, the pair being familiarly 
known as Robin and Katy. 

Chat used to entertain his friends by telling some of 
his army experiences, how when in battle the bullets 
would come flying through the air "whish, whish," "and 
make nigger dodge." '"When the bullets began to whish 
faster, some of the white men they dodge, too. General 
Washington (he said) would ride along and say, 'No 
dodgey on parade.' " Soon as the bullets began to come 
again nigger could not help dodging for all General 
Washington. Chat was an entertaining character with 
the farmers among whom he worked, usually taking 
his pay in some product of the farm. When they were 
measuring out grain on the barn floor, to pay him for 
threshing, when putting his grain in the measure Chat 
would begin to hop around on the floor so as to shake 
the measure down, always asking if they didn't want 
to see nigger dance? It was generally submitted to for 
the pleasure of seeing him take a double shuffle, in 
which performance he was quite expert. 

Chat had a peculiar experience with a deacon who 
had volunteered to help him in the j)urchase of his 



8 Yankee Jumbles. 

sup2)lies under the pretence of guarding him against 
being cheated or being taken advantage of. One sea- 
son after Chat had performed considerable labor for 
the deacon, he was to receive his pay in pork, which the 
deacon was to pack for him and deliver in Chat's cel- 
lar. When Chat began to use his pork, he found the 
first layer quite satisfactory, the next layer was very 
much poorer, and the third made up of feet, skirts, and 
hocks, and all the poor pieces of the hog, at which 
discovery Chat became very angry towards the deacon 
to see how he had deceived and cheated him in his 
representation of the quality of the pork, so the next 
morning he hurried to interview the deacon, and arriv- 
ing at his house, he found the deacon just rendy to en- 
gage in family devotions, and without any hesitation 
or delay for the deacon's family devotions, he abruptly 
inquired of the deacon "where he expected to go to when 
he died?" The deacon replied that he hoped and ex- 
pected to go to heaven. "No," said Chat, "Deacon 
Mitchell (which was the man's name), you will go to 
hell sure," and then came an explanation about the 
pork : "any man who packed pork in that way was sure 
to go to hell." As all slaves who lived in old orthodox 
families were taken into the church. Chat before the war 
was enrolled as a member in the same church in which 
the deacon officiated. Chat made the case so public 
that the church proposed to him that they have a meet- 
ing of the members for the reconciliation of Chat and 
the deacon, which meeting was held and the hatchet 
agreed to be buried, after which one of the members 
of the peace conference remarked to Chat as the dilu- 



Yankee Jumbles. 9 

culty between him and Deacon Mitchell was all settled, 
"and now yon promise, don't you, to forgive and forget 
all that has transpired?" Chat had a little impediment 
of speech in the way of stuttering and replied that "ho 
w-would p-promise to f-forgive Deacon Mitchell, b-but 
it w-was m-more than he was able to d-do to f-forget it."' 

One year the crops were very poor and Chat raised 
scarcely enough to carry him through the winter and 
tried to purchase of several neighbors enough to piece 
out his supplies, but nobody seemed willing to sell. At 
last he appealed to a man by the name of Yale, known 
as Uncle Isaac, but Uncle Isaac had no corn to sell ; 
then Chat said to Uncle Isaac, "Supposing you hadn't 
anything to eat, and you couldn't buy, borrow or beg, 
would you consider it wicked to steal?" After Uncle 
Isaac reflected on that question a few minutes he decided 
to sell Chat enough to help out his wants. 

As Chat served as substitute in the Revolutionary 
War, he became entitled to a regular soldier's pension 
of $96 a year. One year on receipt of the $96 in sil- 
ver he put it in a bag. On his return home he laid 
this bag down by the side of a curbless well while he 
stopped to get a drink of water. Abel^ a brother of the 
Isaac Yale who sold him the corn, was nearby, with 
whom Chat engaged in a short conversation, during 
which an old sow (according to the usual custom run- 
ning at large) discovered the bag of silver dollars in 
which the pension was put and tried to satisfy her curi- 
osity by rooting it over, in doing which she rooted it 
into the well. The jingle of the money attracted Chat's 
attention and the man with whom he was talking, who 



10 Yankee Jumbles. 

went at once for the rescue of the money. x\fter a long 
effort spent with poles and pails and various other de- 
vices they succeeded in recovering ninety-four of the 
silver dollars, the other two remaining a loss, still prob- 
ably in the bottom of that well. 

Chat's daughter, Katy, was a member of the Baptist 
Church, On the road to town from Chat's home lived 
a woman known as "Old Chicken," and as "Granny 
Guy," who was also a member of the same church. In 
those times it was customary for the sewing societies to 
be held at the residences of the families belonging to 
the church, and all who were so circumstanced as to be 
able to accommodate a liberal attendance were expected 
to take their turn in having the society at their house. 

This Granny Guy was an eccentric character and lived 
in rather a shiftless, untidy manner, but had a reputa- 
tion for a great deal of low cunning and diplomacy, so 
one day when Katy was on her way to market the Granny 
called her in for an interview. She said, "Katy, you 
know you and I both belong to the same church, and 
other people have the sewing societies at their houses. 
Now I have been thinking it over that perhaps we were 
not doing our duty as Christians, and, knowing that 
you could not very well have the society at your house, 
I have thought that we might join together and have 
it here as yours and mine." The plan looked plausible 
to Katy and from a sense of Christian duty she fell 
into the trap. The plan was for Katy to come and help 
Granny put her house in order for the occasion, which 
Katy consented to do and spent several days in cleaning 
out all the dirtv and filthy holes with which the 



Yankee Jumbles. ir 

Cranny's hoTi?e abounded, and after getting everything 
once more in respectable shape, with enconragemep.t 
constantly held out of the credit it would be to thern. 
the whole scheme ended and the society was never held 
at the Granny's house. This same Granny frequently 
complained of lack of attention from her minister and 
of some of her neighbors, and at times on retiring to 
her bed, she would write on the floor, "I died in a fit," 
to give evidence of her neglect by friends. One morning 
her minister made her a brief call while she was pre- 
paring her breakfast, which consisted of buckwheat 
cakes. The minister seeing she was about taking her 
breakfast, excused himself as soon as he reasonably 
could on that account. As he was about to depart, 
Granny said, "Why, parson, you are not going without 
praying with me, are you?"' "Oh, certainly not, cer- 
tainly not. Sister Guy," turning back from the door 
to perform his parish duty. After reading a brief 
portion of the Bible, as he was about to kneel in prayer, 
the Granny remarked that as she had just got her cakes 
fried, she thought she would eat them while they wore 
hot, and he could engage in prayer at the same time, 
which arrangement was conformed to, he praying while 
she ate her slap-jacks. 

One amusing feature connected with Katy was her 
ailments. For several years she was somewhat dis- 
abled from performing much labor, her trouble being 
generally described by Eobin as "wandering gout." As 
Robin worked and visited about the neighborhood, 
people would invariably inquire how Katy was? Robin 
would describe her pains and troubles as best he could 



12 Yankee Jumbles. 

and return the compliment, inquiring for the neigh- 
bor's health. The neighbor would have pains in the 
chest, in the side, weak back, headache and various 
other complicated troubles, and as each one was named 
over, Eobin would say, "Yes, Katy is just so, Katy is 
just so." Calling on another neighbor and inquiring 
after her health, the next neighbor perhaps would be 
troubled with dizziness, nausea, crick in the back, limbs 
paralyzed, and so on, to every one of which ailments 
"Katy was just so," and so it would go ; no matter how 
many pains or aches would be enumerated, Katy was 
always "just so." 

The other boy, Cato, captured with Chat, assumed the 
name Cato Barker from his owner, but was always 
known as Cato. After obtaining his freedom, Cato mar- 
ried a wench named Mary, who evidently did her full 
share of the courting. After living some years with 
Mary, and having no olive branches added to their house- 
hold, Cato became dissatisfied, and found out that Mary 
was much older when he married her than she repre- 
sented, as was evidenced by her having lost most of her 
teeth, as he claimed, so Cato's affections grew cold 
towards Mary, and he never shared his bitter bottle nor 
any other thing which he esteemed to any extent with 
Mary, who, more or less from his neglect, after a few 
years died. 

Cato had a cabin and several acres of land, and near 
his cabin was a very large natural apple tree, which was 
a profuse bearer of apples of good quality and long 
keepers. This tree was grafted from for a good many 
years, for quite a section around about, and the name 



Yankee Jumbles. 13 

of the Cato apple became as familiar as a Greening or 
Baldwin. Cato's resources were not very large, and in 
raising a pig he was as limited in his supply of food 
to the pigs as he was to old Mary his wife, and would 
always complain how '•ral)bcnus" the pig was, would 
eat a whole green pumpkin at a time and would still 
squeal and not grow any. When he came to kill him 
ihe had not learned the philosophy of sticking a pig so 
as to cut his jugular vein, and he thought that stabbing 
him in the side would perform the execution just as 
well, so he would take it down and stab him anywhere 
in the belly, and the pig, he said, would squeal the same 
as he did in the pen, and got up and run. After several 
attempts by stabbing him, he put an end to that exercise 
by putting him in a tub of scalding water, drowning 
him and scalding him at the same time. 

After old Mary's death, another wench, known as Nab 
Griffin, having an eye on Cato's estate, coaxed him into 
another matrimonial alliance. Nab began to be a terror 
to Cato, and soon began to tease him to make his will 
in her favor. After haunting him beyond all endurance, 
Cato consented to make his will in accordance with her 
wishes. Going with Nab to a justice of the peace in 
the neighborhood, he informed the justice that he had 
come to make his will. Justices in those days were called 
squires, so the squire asked Cato what disposition he 
wanted to make of his property. Cato stated that his 
house and land he wished to give to his dear wife 
Abigail, and after adding several other small bequests 
of different articles, called on the squire to read it over. 
The squire read the different bequests all through down 



14 Yankee Jumbles. 

to the point of signing the will. Cato said : "That's all 
right, squire ; done pretty well, squire, done pretty well," 
and got up to go. "Well, but," said Nab, "you haven't 
signed it yet, Cato." "Well," said Cato, "done pretty 
well this time, done pretty well ; I'll come again." But 
Nab repeats, "You haven't signed it yet, Cato ; the will 
isn't good for anything until you sign it." Cato re- 
peated that it was all right; had done pretty well this 
time, and would come again, all the time moving off, 
and Nab had to go off with him, cursing and scolding 
him as they returned home. Every few months they 
would return to complete that will; the squire would 
get out the same copy, read it over as before, Cato would 
pronounce it all right, with the same assertion that they 
had done pretty well that time, he would come again, 
and start for home. After all the attempts of that kind 
that were ever made, the will was never signed, and 
Cato's estate reverted to the town. 

An old darky by the name of Moseley, who prided 
himself as Col. Abel Pomp Moseley, used to work about 
among the different families, and was a first-class cider 
drinker. When well filled with this beverage it was a 
great pleasure to him to enumerate his names, making 
up the diversity of A. P. Moseley, Abel Pomp Moseley, 
Col. A. P. Moseley, and so on, with a dozen or more 
variations. It seemed to be a great satisfaction to him 
that he had such a diversified name. When he we'nt to 
hoe corn he always placed the jug of eider in the middle 
of the field to insure a drink on every row. 

Another descendant of the old slave stock was Philip 



Yankee Jumbles. 15 

Samson, of Watcrbury, Conn., a very honest and trust- 
worthy man, difficult to engage in a quarrel, or to anger 
in any way, but in case he were so disposed, would have 
been a very dangerous antagonist. He used to put 
his hands at each end of a barrel of flour and raise it 
up to his breast, turn the barrel up endways and balance 
it on one hand. A conceited follow, doubting Samson 
could throw him in a "collar and elbow" wrestle, chal- 
lenged him for a hold. Samson took hold of him, lift- 
ing him up at arms' length, and held him nearly a foot 
above the ground, kicking the air for the crowd to laugh 
at for some minutes, then swung him around like an 
empty pair of pants, finally putting one arm around 
him, laid him softly on the ground as a gentle nur^e 
would a baby. 

A funny old darky was Jim Eobinson, who lived on 
the mountain between Meriden and Middletown, in a 
group of huts known as Fiddle City. 

On town meeting and training days Jim was always 
the center of a circle of men and boys, listening to his 
stories and laughing at his mimicry. One day he put 
a drove of mules into utter confusion by his decep- 
tive he haws, as they were passing through town. He 
used to tell of once being on a wolf hunt on the moun- 
tain when they found a big hole in which his party felt 
quite sure was a nest of young ones. One nigger de- 
cided to crawl in and get the young whelps, but when 
he got to them they raised a cry that the mother wolf 
heard, and came rushing past them and into the hole 
after the intruder. As she Avent in another nigger 



i6 Yankee Jumbles. 

grabbed her by the tail and held on. The nigger inside 
became blinded, and sung out, "What's that darky 
the hole so?" To which the holding nigger replied, 
"Gorry, I guess you find out if this tail comes loose." 
Jim soon got hold of the wolf's hind leg and the whole 
litter was captured. 

Then Jim passed the hat for an ojffering. 

A clever darky was old John Cambridge, familiarly 
known as Uncle Jack. In the school district where he 
lived was a teacher one season by the name of Richard- 
son, who gained quite a reputation as a mathematician. 

Uncle Jack heard of so many difficult problems be- 
ing solved by teacher Richardson that it created a de- 
sire to see where his limit in solutions ended. So Uncle 
Jack evolved the following problem for the trial. 

Meeting Mr. Richardson a few mornings after, he 
says : "Good morning, Massa Richardson ;" with the time 
of day pleasantly returned by the teacher. 

Uncle Jack says : "Massa Richardson, I hear you are 
great in figures and I got a sum I wants to ax you." 

"Ah, ha," says Mr. R., "what difficulty have you en- 
countered that you can't solve ; let me hear it and I will 
try to help you out." 

"Well," says Uncle Jack, "it is just this : suppose in 
that lot," pointing over the way, "there is 9 acres of 
land, and in the lot is 9 rows of apple trees, and 9 trees 
in a row ; now under every tree is 9 sows, and every sow 
has 9 pigs." 

The multiplication table seemed competent to handle 
the problem thus far. 



Yankee Jumbles. 17 

"Now," says Uncle Jack, "the question's just begin to 
come : How many boar pigs would there be ?" 
Massa Eichardson was floored. 



FORESTS. 



The forests covered a large extent of the country, and 
wood was the only fuel in use; the timber being made 
up mostly of hard woods — of hickorys, maples, birches, 
beeches, chestnuts, butternuts, etc. The nut bearing 
trees always produced in the greatest profusion, so much 
so that after the frosts the ground under the oak, wal- 
nut, chestnut, butternut and beech trees would always be 
well paved with a great supply for the people, pigs and 
squirrels. The people used the shag bark or rough bark 
walnuts, and the smooth bark trees bore a walnut known 
as the pig walnut, which was loft for their use. 

Pigs were allowed to run during the autumn through 
the woods, in which they obtained their entire living, 
although it used to be said that some seasons when 
shack was scarce, the pigs would come in so poor that 
before they began to feed them for the winter they 
would have to be soaked a day or two before they would 
hold swill. 

The beechnuts were the favorite nuts of tlie wild 
turkey, and from which nut their flesh obtained a very 
delicate and fine flavor. From the lack of other 
trees of this species to produce fertilizing blossoms, the 
beechnut has not for many years filled out its kernel 
and has greatly depreciated in quality and abundance. 



i8 Yankee TumbleSo 



GAME. 

The first part of the century a large proportion of the 
country was covered with its primeval forests. Many 
thousands of acres that are now cultivated fields had 
then never known the stroke of an ax. Connecticut 
was Ihen a paradise for game. The woods were alive 
with partridge, woodcock, wild pigeons and various 
other wild game, and the fields were alive with quaii, 
plover and every variety of singing hird known in this 
country. 

There is no State in the Union that has afforded 
hetter cover for these games mentioned, that most 
delight the sportsman, than has existed in Connecticut. 
In those early days there wa;-; no need of dogs to stalk 
your game, for a man could alone tramp up dozens and 
scores of partridges, woodcock and quail in the bushes 
in a few hours. The woodcock were then considered of 
little importance as a game hird, and were called snipe, 
while the real snipe, which always lives in the open, 
living on the marshes and lowlands, was called the shad 
spirit. Shooting game on the wing was a diversion 
almost unknown. Partridge were almost invariably 
caught in snares. This was done by breaking down a 
lot of bushes and constructing a low hedge several rods 
long not more than a foot high, and at intervals of two 
or three rods a clear space made large enough for the 
bird to run through, and in that space hung a snare 
braided from the hair of a horse's tail, of which every 
boy would avail himself of getting a supply when ho 
came across a good long-tailed horse. The pai-tridge 



Yankee Jumbles. 19 

would follow tliis hedge, never jumping over it, until 
he came to the open spot in which hung the fatal snare. 
The flint lock gun of those uays did not cultivate the 
practiced markmanship that has grown up since tlie 
days of percussion locks and breech loading guns. 

The other groat feathered game for the sportsman up 
to the middle of the century was the wild pigeon, now 
entirely extinct throughout the United States. It then 
abounded in millions all over the country, and its roost- 
ing and nesting places often breaking down and seriously 
injuring large tracts of forests. 

A very vivid description of their great numbers and 
how they congregated and their daily flights for 
hundreds of miles around, in quest of food, darkening 
the sky like clouds, is given in Audubon's Ornithology. 

These pigeons in their extended flights each day 
would find some new feeding ground. If it chanced to 
be of rye or buckwheat they would fill their crops with 
what they found first. If on their flights homeward they 
passed over a field of wheat or any food that they liked 
better than what they had already taken in, they would 
stop and disgorge their crops and fill up with preferable 
food. The markets all over tlie counti7 would be sup- 
plied in the fall season with pigeons more than any 
other game. The favorite method of capturing them 
was to clean off a spot of ground two or three rods long 
and a rod wide, which would be strewn with grain for 
two or three days, attracting several flocks to feed upon 
it. Wl}en they came in such numbers as to cover this 
spot almost solid with pigeons, men in ambush would 
spring a net arranged on one side of this feeding plot 



20 Yankee Jumbles. 

over the whole swarm of pigeons, in which case they 
would have to jump on to the opposite side of the net 
with extra weight to prevent the pigeons lifting the net 
and escaping. In this way, thousands or more would 
be taken with one spring of the net. Another cruel 
method when they had no net to spring, was to arrange 
two rows of poles parallel with each other, about eight 
inches apart, two or three feet from the ground. The 
ground being baited as before to attract them, the birds 
would com.e and alight on these poles, filling them as 
thick as they could set, always facing from one pole to 
the other, so that their heads would cross in the center 
in a perfect mass. When all the poles were thus filled, 
the men would be in ambush with their guns in range of 
this compact line of heads. One firing would commit 
a terrible slaughter of the poor birds. 

Usually, in the month of April, enormous flocks would 
come from the west, going eastward to the shores of the 
salt water. For days at a time, flocks of birds, appar- 
ently a mile in length, formed in line, would come so 
rapidly that before one flock was out of sight another 
would appear to follow. 

Men and boys used to go on top of ledges in our 
mountain ranges during these flights, and shoot at them 
with their flint lock guns as they passed over their heads 
in such quantities as to seem almost impossible to miss 
them, but owing to their rapid flight, their shots would 
go be'hind them, not bringing down a bird scarcely once 
in a dozen times. 

This favorite game, once so abundant, owing to the 
murderous habit of men and boys intruding upon their 



Yankee Jumbles. 21 

nesting and roosting places, and slaughtering tlicra par- 
ticularly at nesting time, when the firing of guns would 
not disturb them, and they could even be knocked down 
with poles in great numbers; and when squabs, from in- 
creased weight, would often break down great branches 
of trees, they would loe picked up for marketing by 
wagon loads. This murderous business has resulted ap- 
parently in the retirement of this favorite bird entirely 
from our country. 



BIRD HABITS OF COURTSHIP. 

Every game bird has its peculiar habit of courtship. 
The male partridge in our woods attracts the attention 
of its mate by getting on to some large log lying on the 
ground, and running from one end of the log to the 
other at the same time giving his wings a rapid motion 
on his sides, making a drumming noise that can be heard 
for quite a long distance in the woods, thus inviting the 
presence of his lady friends. 

The quail has his season of courtship, and makes his 
announcement of being ready to receive visits from his 
feminine friends by sitting on the fences and repeating 
his favorite note of "Bob White," by which name he is 
familiarly Imown. 

The woodcock has the most peculiar habit of all. 
While always living in the bushes and under cover, in 
its mating season in early spring, just before nightfall 
they will fly out into the open. After alighting on a 
smooth pasture ground for a moment they utter a pout- 
ing sort of noise sounding lik(> "Woork-wape" a dozon 



22 Yankee Jumbles. 

times, then tliey start on an Gccentric flight, making a 
regular spiral circle, twenty-five or thirty rods in 
diameter, soaring so high until the chickering of their 
wings cannot be heard. Then they commence a descent, 
diving in zig-zag directions, at each one of which they 
utter a peculiar noise like "weecher, weecher, weecher, 
weecher," the noise increasing in volume as they come 
back, scarcely ten feet from where they started. 
Then uttering the same note of *'Woork-wape" a few 
times, as when they came out, and repeating those 
same eccentric flights several times. This habit of com- 
ing back used to be taken advantage of by b'^ys and pot 
hunters to shoot them on the ground till darkness pre- 
vented them from seeing them, as the bird's habit was 
to return to the bushes after a few flights. 

The last bird to notice will be the jack snipe, whose 
mating and nesting habits are somewhat similar to the 
woodcock, which bird, having an exceedingly long bill, 
evidently confounded one for the other in name. 

Their habit was to fly high in the air from marshy 
grounds at nesting time during dark and foggy days. 
After attaining a great height in the air they would 
make a succession of plunges in which their wings would 
make a noise similar to the whinneying of a young 
colt; not usually being visible, and from the fact that 
they appeared in the shad season, they were called shad 
spirits. 

Aside from these game birds named, the woods and 
fields abounded with hawks, crows, owls, pigeons, wood 
peckers of various kinds, yellow hammers, or high-hoes. 



Yankee Jumbles. 23 

larks, heron?, (;rarie?, bittern, shikepokes, kingiishers, 
and a great variety of smaller songsters. 

The clearing up of the country by cutting down fo. - 
ests and clearing up hedges, together with the destruc- 
tive work of mowing machines in our meadows and 
fields in their nesting seasons, the shot gun employed 
diligently at all times and seasons, and the demand 
trimming ladies' hats, has resulted in an almost com- 
plete extermination of all this variety of game birds 
and songsters. 

About the only thing left to command the attention 
of the present generation are the English sparrows, 
potato bugs and microbes. 

Aside from the feathered game, our woods and fields 
abounded in game chiefly useful for its fur — the fox, 
the raccoon, mink, muskrat, some otter, and squirrels 
of all kinds, skunks and woodchucks. Scarcely a stump 
existed in the woods but what was the residence of a 
nest of chipmunks or striped squirrel, which is a 
species of gopher, and has the habit of digging a bur- 
row in the ground with no particle of dirt outside 
the hole. This is the source of an old story that used 
to be told of a company of convivial fellows when 
it was proposed by one of their number that any one 
asking a question that he could not answer, should 
pay for the treating of the crowd. Soon one asked 
the question, "How does a cliipmunk dig his hole and 
leave no dirt outside?" He was called upon to an- 
swer it himself. Replying, "The chipmimk began at the 
bottom of the hole." Another member of the company 
then asked him, "How did the chipmunk get there?" 



24 Yankee Jumbles. 

Tliat question was left at his disposal to answer, which 
not being able to do, resulted in his being obliged to 
pay for the drinks. 



SNOWBIEDS. 



In Audubon's, and I believe in Wilson's Ornithology, a 
description is given of the snowbird, assuming that such 
a specie exists. With all deference to such high author- 
ity, this kind of bird must be ignored. The claim that 
such birds nest and breed in the far north, and make a 
migration south, to spend the winter in this latitude, is 
entirely erroneous. In fact, very few small birds exist 
north of New England. 

Fifty years ago and earlier the so-called snowbird 
could be seen during early winter in large flocks whirling 
about like the gusts of snow, alighting on the fences and 
top of drifts. For the last thirty years they are rarely 
to be seen. You will ask what were those birds. They 
weae our common tree and ground sparrow, or chipping 
birds of the summer, and the common bluebird, with 
some other varieties, all of which, in accordance with 
the habits of every species of birds at certain seasons, 
gather into flocks. The flocks were always noticeable 
as being of different sizes and notes. 

The reason why snowbirds are so scarce now is the 
rarity of the aforementioned birds in summer. That 
the bluebird remains with ns through the winter good 
evidence is in tlTe fact that nearly every year during 
warm, bright days in February, bluebirds may be seen 
and heard on trees in the old orchards, but with the 



Yankee Jumbles. 25 

return of a cold wave will go back to their holes in tho 
trees where they had moulted and changed their plumage 
from snowbirds to bluebirds. This second hibernation 
will usually keep them from showing themselves again 
till the warmth of April will allow them to appear in 
full force to stay and commence early nesting. The 
reason there are so few snowbirds now is the scarcity 
of all these small varieties in the summer. Why is this 
so? I will ask. Nobody kills them for game, and birds 
of prey grow less and less. With the absence of such 
agencies to exterminate, why don't small birds increase 
instead of becoming almost extinct? 



FISH. 

The streams of Connecticut were probably as prolific 
of fish food for the table as any part of the country. 
Every small stream abounded with trout, suckers, eels 
and smaller fish. Every pond was alive with perch, 
pickerel, bullheads and sun fish. The rivers were alive 
with salmon and shad and other numerous small fish. 
The shad were so plentiful and so cheap that almost 
every family would buy from one to six or eight dozen 
fine, large shad, costing five to ten cents apiece to salt 
doA\Ti. The favorite Sunday dinner with farmers was 
a big salt shad, freshened over night, then broiled and 
served with cream and other trimmings. 

Transportation not being as convenient as in more 
recent times, people would come from quite long dis- 
tances to the river on horseback, filling Large bags witlx 
shad and tying the mouths of sacks together and hanging 



26 Yankee Jumbles. 

tliem across their horses' backs to carry home. It used 
to be related of men coming from the northern part of 
the state from the town of Canton, when they were on 
the way in the spring to the shad fisheries, after the 
long cold winter with short supplies, people on the way 
would ask them where they were from. Their reply was 
given very faintly, "Canton, good Lord." They would 
spend a few days at the river eating plenty of shad, and 
on their w^ay home, when questioned in regard to where 
they were from, they would answer in a very bold, em- 
phatic voice, "Canton, G d you." 

Salmon were very plenty in the Connecticut Eiver, 
so that for several years when thay were hauled in with 
the shad in the seines, the fishermen would insist that 
the purchaser of the shad should take for a specified 
number a portion of salmon, which condition has not 
existed for a good many later years. 



HOUSES. 



The houses of these days were of a very uniform 
appearance, mostly two-story fronts and an entrance 
in the center of the front, with a large front room on 
each side of the entrance hall. Back of the two front 
rooms were usually two bedrooms, between the bed- 
rooms was a long back kitchen. In each front room and 
in the kitchen were large fireplaces. From the front 
entrance was a zig-zag flight of stairs landing m a small 
hall overhead, each side of which was a large front room. 
Back of these were usually two chambers and a big mid- 
dle room, which would be over the kitchen. The rear 



Yankee Jumbles. 27 

roof usually ran down to ono-story, admitting pantricv. 
choose room and wash rooiii. This style of house vi;v; 
known as a lean-to roof. The fireplaces in the kitchc]i 
were many of them of immense proportions, running 
from six to eight feet wide. At one side of these, built 
in some three or four feet from the floor, was a big brick 
oven with a door large enough in front to put in an 
abundance of wood for heating it. From this oven a 
flue went up to connect with the main chimney. To 
heat this oven, a special pile of wood was always pre- 
pared of hickory, maple or beech. After filling the oven 
with wood, and the fire had burned it down to a mass 
of coals, these would be spread over tlie bottom of the 
oven, then it was ready to receive a baking for the 
family, which would generally be a half dozen loaves of 
bread, as many or more pies, a pan or two of pudding, a 
pan of baked beans and various other things to supply 
the appetites of the large families that prevailed. The 
fireplaces were so large as to adirit of wood and logs 
four to six feet long. In fact, it was not uncommon in 
those old-time fireplaces to receive back logs hauled into 
the house by horses, logs from a foot to two feet in 
diameter. In front of this log would be set great iron 
dogs or andirons. On these dogs would be piled smaller 
wood, which, when well under way in burning, produced 
the most cheerful fire that ever a family sat by. 

In the ends of the fireplace would usually be hung 
strings of red peppers, dried apples, with bellows and 
peal and tongs for light fire work. Set into the Jamb 
at one side were staples, in which swung a crane, on 
which hung pot hooks and trammels on which to hang 



28 Yankee Jumbles. 

pots and kettles over the fire. Eacli could be swung to" 
and fro by the crane. Above the crane was usually a' 
bar of iron running across just under the throat of the 
chimney, called the chimney pole. This was a conven- 
ient place for hanging various things to dry, boots,, 
shoes and various other articles. 

In those times a friction matdh, which is now so in- 
dispensable an article in kindling a fire, was unknown. 
The only substitute when fire was lost was a tinder box, 
a small box adjusted with a flint and steel, with tinder 
in the box under it, when a stroke of the flint on the 
steel would throw a spark into the tinder, which for a 
moment would hold fire. To transfer this to tlie kin- 
dlings was done with strips of pine split up like coarse 
matches with one end dipped in sulphur. This touched 
to the live tinder was the first inception of a match to 
kindle a fire. 

In order to preserve fires when the big back log was 
all aglow and nearly a mass of coals, as it would be 
about retiring time, the abundance of live hot ashes in 
the fireplace would be heaped over this log, which would 
almost always keep an abundant supply of live coals to 
kindle with in the morning. If this precaution failed 
to keep the fire, and no tinder box was at hand, the only 
recourse was to go to a neighbor's and borrow fire. This 
was usually done in one of the old perforated foot stoves, 
or between two large chips, between which a good draft 
would keep a fire long enough to get home with. 

Another method of baking was in a tin oven placed 
in front of one of these glowing fires, in which most of 
the roasting of sparerib, beef, geese and turkeys was 



Yankee Jumbles. 29 

done. In fact, anything roasted in this way had a 
superior relish to any other method ever known. In the 
ceilings of these kitchens were driven large hooks 
through which were laid poles. These were for hang- 
ing up dried beef, strings of apples, chains of sausages 
and sometimes hams, and were also a convenient place 
for drying clothes. Cooking stoves were unknown ar- 
ticles, the first being introduced about 1825. The only 
thing called a stove prior to this time was a plain box 
stove for mere heating purposes, in stores, schools and 
saloons. Cook stoves had, when first introduced, no 
ovens, merely a fire-box with four holes on top, two di- 
rectly over the fire and two further back. To improve 
this arrangement was invented a rotary stove which had 
a fire-box and a revolving frame of iron for the top, in 
which were four holes varying from six inches to a foot 
in size. On one side of the stove was a crank attached 
to a ratchet which ran in cogs on the underside of the 
stove rim. When they wanted a change of holes or to 
turn an article away from the fire or onto it, the turn- 
ing of this crank would revolve everything on top of 
the stove. 

In the construction of these houses the native timbers 
were almost entirely used, particularly for the frames, 
which were selected from the woods, scored and hewed 
by the joiners into sills, beams, posts, and various tim- 
bers needed for the construction of a house. Posts and 
beam.i were so large as generally to need casing over in 
the corners of the rooms and crossbeams overhead. 

Floor boards, clapboards, mouldings, doors and shin- 
gles were nearly all sawed out and planfd by hand work. 



30 Yankee Jumbles. 

The cellar walls of the house were rarcl}^ laid in mortar, 
thus exposing the cellar to the cold winter. This was 
guarded against every fall hy banking up the house to 
the baseboard with leaves, straw and dirt. The chim- 
neys were on a foundation of stone and timber in the 
center of the cellar, from eight to twelve feet square, 
and on this foundation the chimneys and fireplaces 
above were built. The chimney thus being so large 
took up a large space of the best part of the house. 
These great chimneys were great breeding places for 
chimney swallows, who would take quarters in them 
by the dozen every season. 

Wlien their nests became heavy with the young, or 
from some drenching storm, they would become loosened 
from the inside wall and fall down into the fireplace, 
when the greatest pandemonium of noise behind the 
fireboard would be heard of the chirping and squeal- 
ing of both young and old. 

The fireboard was a battening of boards together and 
fitted to fill up the fireplace during the summer or its 
disuse. When a stove invented by Benjamin Franklin 
was introduced, called the Franklin stove, but merely 
an iron fireplace set out into the room, the pipe run- 
ning back through the fireboard was about the first 
economy of heat in a room. 

THE HOUSE FURNISHINGS. 

These were of the plainest character. Very few 
rooms were carpeted and these were home-made almost 
■without exception. A Brussels, tapestry, or ingrain car- 



Yankee Jumbles. ,31 

pet was almost unknown except in the cities and among 
those considered rich. Almost everybody in the country 
spun their flax and prepared their wool for making 
their carpets. These were all made in stripes, and 
looms were common in many of the houses for weav- 
ing them. The colors for the stripes were all prepared 
at home. The yellow stripes were all colored with yel- 
low oak bark, the black with log-wood, the red with 
Nicaragua wood, pink with cochineal, green with cop- 
peras, and these all arranged in stripes to suit the dif- 
ferent fancies. Some were filled with coarse yarn and 
Bome with rags, cut up in strips and sewed together for 
a cheaper use. One method of coloring, now quite ob- 
solete, was in what used to be called the dye-pot. This 
was done in a large earthen pot holding four or five 
gallons. The dyeing preparation was made up of urine, 
copperas, and indigo for coloring blue, for which rea- 
son this receptacle was usually known as the l>lno-pot, 
and was commonly covered with a square board, thus 
making one seat in the chimney corner for some member 
of the family and at times would send forth quite a 
noticeable fragrance. This was the favorite metihod of 
dyeing stocking yam, after being braided tight, when 
it would come out mixed and mottled blue and white. 



WOOD PILES. 



The universal fuel being wood, every home had what 
was termed the wood yard, in which great piles of wood 
were cut and split and piled up to season in advance 
for many months' use. This was a necessary precau- 



32 Yankee Jumbles. 

tion to make quick fires in houses that during the 
severe winters would be intensely cold in the morning. 
The sleeping rooms were mostly like going into ice 
houses and to relieve some of the misery of crawling 
into cold beds quite a free use of warming pans was 
resorted to. These were commonly made of brass about 
the size of a domestic tin pan, with a lid, and handle 
about three feet long, and this pan filled with live coals 
of fire with the lid closed would be shoved between the 
sheets long enough to make it feel warm and nice get- 
ting into bed. 



FIEEPLACE FURNITURE. 

Several articles were in household use for managing 
the fires. Every fireplace had its peel and tongs. The 
small peel was for general use in the fireplace and the 
big peel was mostly for covering the back log with ashes 
at night and for putting in and taking out bread, pies, 
and cake from the brick oven. The big peel, so called, 
was a flat piece of iron about the size of common letter 
paper with a handle three or four feet long with which 
one could reach the further part of the oven. 

The frying pan was nearly like the common tin pan 
with a handle three feet long. In this was done most of 
the frying of meats, which had to be held over the fire 
by the long handle. After the meats, eggs, etc., were 
fried it was then used to fry buckwheat cakes, known as 
''slap jacks." These were not cooked in small cakes as in 
later days, but poured in so as to cover the whole bottom 
pf the pan, which would be as large as the largest dinner 



Yankee Jumbles. 33 

plates. The turning of theise "slap jacks" was ordina- 
ril}^ done with a bro'ad knife, but many cooks became so 
expert in turning them that they would toss them up a 
foot or two high above the open kitchen fire with the re- 
verse side up as the cake came down into the pan. These 
tricks some became so dexterous in performing that they 
could toss the cake up over the chimney pole, catching 
it as it came back. 

These pans were a favorite receptacle in which to 
pop corn. A lump of butter about as large as a butter- 
nut and about a pint of corn poured into the pan with 
a tin pan inverted over the whole, then held over the 
fire until the butter melted and the corn was sfhaken 
until it popped so full as to raise the pan. This pro- 
duced the finest effect in taste of any way that corn was 
ever popped. 

Another important article in the fireplace furniture 
was the flip-iron. Flip used to be a very favorite drink, 
being composed of about two-thirds of a glass of beer 
that had become old and stale with an addition of brandy 
or Santa Cruz rum to suit the taste. 

The fiip-iron was a piece of iron half as big as an egg, 
attached to an iron handle a foot or so long, in the end 
of which was a ring to hang it up by on one of the 
jambs of the fireplace convenient when wanted. The 
flip-iron would be thrust into a bed of coals when needed 
and heated nearly red hot, when it was plunged into 
this mixture of beer and rum which would be com- 
pounded as the occasion required, by the glassful or 
pitcherful. The hot flip-iron would set it into a de- 



34 Yankee Jumbles. 

licious foaming condition, at the same time blending 
the flavors of the mixture. 

It used to be told of a man who was arrested for 
drunkenness, when brought into court, he was asked if 
ho got drunk on brandy, rum, or gin, and if so, where 
he got the liquor? Giving a negative reply to all the 
catalogue of liquors named, the justice asked him, "What 
did you get drunk on?" The man replied it was flip. 
The justice responded, "Oh, well ! That is not so bad ; 
I get drunk on that sometimes myself." 



THE MODE OF LIVING. 

The table fares were of a very plain, substantial 
character. The leading article among meats might be 
said to be pork, which was always packed down by the 
barrel and considered the standby of the family. Beef 
was also packed down by quarters and halves, to last 
through the winter and into the summer, and would 
consequently be pretty salt and rank before the supply 
was gone. The other staple salt food was shad. 

Speaking of pork being a staple article of food needs 
perhaps a passing attention. It was considered by many 
people who were great pork eaters, that hogs raised in 
this section of the country were superior in eating quali- 
fies to such as were raised in the West. Evidence of 
scrofulous consumption that has wiped out a large por- 
tion of the old New England families would hardly 
justify such a claim for some of the reasons which fol- 
low. 



Yankee Jumbles. 35 

It is claimed by authorities that fat pork is the 
equivalent of scrofula, and that the analysis of the scrof- 
ula glands of a consumptive's neck and that of a largo 
piece of fat pork were almost identical. The hogs raised 
in New England, having but little out-door exercise, 
were at an early age enclosed in pens of small area, al- 
lowing little exercise. The hog-pcn is the general re- 
ceptacle for garbage, dead cats and hens and any offal 
to be got out of the way. Frequently the privy will bo 
standing on the edge of the pen, and many horse 
stables were so adjusted as to have their out-heavals 
into the hog-pen. Here a hog is kept from six to 
twelve months in a small, filthy pen, with rains pour- 
ing into the combination of filth outside in which the 
hog has to wallow during his whole life. His sleeping 
accommodations were usually equally limited, and he 
is fed from a trough in which he gets a combination of 
sour milk and sloppy dish water, with mixtures of poor 
brans and grains, many times musty and unfit for any 
use, scarcely ever seeing or tasting a drop of clear water 
or having a chance to root in any clean earth ; he is 
stuffed from three to five times a day with all that can 
be got into him, in strife often with neighbors to see 
how fat and heavy he can be made. For lack of exer- 
cise he has no muscle any more than a cucumber. His 
blood becomes stagnant and thick as molasses so that 
when let out of the pen, he often has to be chased around 
for a time to make a successful flow of blood when they 
stick him. ]\rany are fed until in their pens they cannot 
rise on their feet to get to the trough, but swing them- 



36 Yankee Jumbles. 

selves around on their haunches. Nine out of every 
ten of such hogs twelve months old, w'hen butchered 
will show ulcerated livers, and it was quite common to 
see a half dozen ulcers cut out of the liver before send- 
ing into the house for the families to eat the rest of it. 

That anybody can conceive of anything more unfit for 
the human stomach to digest, and expect to be healthy 
on a large amount of diet of this sort, seems im- 
possible. Western pork has this great advantage: hogs 
run in the fields nearly their whole life, like sheep 
and cattle, have plenty of fresh earth, fresh air, and 
fresh water. They have plenty of exercise, feed on 
roots, and in fields of clover and during the last of 
their fattening ramble in grain and corn fields. Com- 
pared with the Eastern hog, enclosed in pens and 
crammed until he becomes nothing more or less thian 
a mass of disease, and would die of an ulcerated con- 
dition of the liver in a short time without being killed, 
Western pork has great preference over our Eastern 
method of production. 

In the country where pork is a staple article of food, 
men are afflicted with face and lip cancers. Shin or 
fever sores, so called, abscesses in their hips, backs and 
si^ps, and during the winter season when eating freely 
of fresh pork, the farmers used to be rotten with 
boils. These seem to be the developments of pork eating 
with men. Witli women scrofulous sores and tendency 
to consumption or resulting in breast or ovarian tumors 
and cancers. If properly grown, pork may be safe to 
eat in moderate quantities, but the less the better. 



Yankee Jumbles. 37 

DINNER TABLES. 

Such a thing as a tabic cloth was rarely seen ex- 
cept among the best livers and in time of company. A 
favorite dinner would be called potluck, made up of 
a liberal piece of pork or corned beef with a large kettle 
of potatoes, turnips or other vegetables; rye or corn- 
meal bread with a dessert of apple or "punkin" pies. 
All liberally washed down with good Connecticut cider 
with which every cellar was supplied. 

Bean porridge was considered one of the most health- 
ful dishes that children could be brought up on. After 
the first meal had been taken from the pot of beans, 
water would be added to the remainder and so on for 
several subsequent meals. One of the evening diver- 
sions indulged in was for a couple of boys and girls to 
sit down facing one another and slapping their hands on 
their knees, then slapping their hands together, repeat- 
ing this rhyme: 

"Bean porridge hot. 

Bean porridge cold; 
Bean porridge in the pot; 

Nine days old." 

The bread of New England in the *^eai. porridge" 
time was made almost entirely of rye, wheat flour be- 
ing used chiefly for pastry, and goodies for company. 
Sweet cider was boiled down as a substitute for molasses 
in preparing apple sauce, which was stored in tubs or 
barrels. 



38 Yankee Jumbles. 

DRINKING HABITS. 

While cider was the most common drink in the 
country, yet distilled liquors being very cheap were 
freely indulged in. Cider mills were very plentiful, 
there being a dozen where there is one to-day. From 
the surplus of cider was made cider brandy, which was 
sold for twenty-five and thirty cents a gallon. Santa 
Cruz rum was the next common liquor and cost only 
fifty cents a gallon. The above liquors were of better 
quality and purity than anything to be obtained at the 
present for ten times the cost. Everybody drank on 
all occasions, at weddings the wines were freely served, 
at the raising and moving of houses and barns, liquors 
and refreshments were always in order. 

An old Baptist minister used to provide for a dona- 
tion party two vials, as he called them, which were 
five-gallon demijohns, one with cider brandy and the 
other with Santa Cruz rum. This old elder did farm 
work outside during the week, and dispensed the bread 
of life to a hungry congregation on the Sabbath. He 
had a sen who became a favorite preacher whom the 
older people used to admit that in preaching he went 
far ahead of his father, but not so solemn in prayer. 

The rendezvous for the older class of men was at 
tihe country hotel in the bar-room, where many very 
jolly and convivial events took place, to be noticed later. 
In ever}^ house was kept a bitter bottle made up of rum 
and flavored with orange peel, fennel seed, juniper, 
cardamon, and often a mixture of tansy or wormAvood. 

The habit of treating was so universal that the parson 



Yankee Jumbles. 39 

in making parish calls would feel iicgloeled if the bit- 
ter bottle was not frequently set out, in which case he 
would go home quite well fuddled. 

As a universal beverage, cider was the favorite driuK 
of the country. For the table, for evening entertain- 
ments, with walnuts and apples or pop-corn, and for 
the field hands. Boys would be sent from the fields 
to get pitchers or jugs of cider during the day's labor, 
and were taug'ht one lesson when in case the cider was 
all drank up in the fields by the men so that none was 
left for the boy, he would be reminded that his place 
was to drink at the tap. 

Some fanners in order to economize the quantity 
their men would drink would water their cider at the 
mills. One good deacon who used often to apologize 
when treating his friends that his cider lacked body, had 
a very peculiar remedy for this weakness contributed 
one night by some young men who had been hunting 
skunks. Having captured four or five small ones, and 
being near the cider mill where the deacon had several 
casks in fermentation, one of the young men, knowing 
the deacon's excuses for the weakness of his cider and 
lack of body, thought best to prevent such difficulty 
that season by inserting a young skunk into each cask. 

A man who was an inveterate cider drinker incurred 
thereby a weakness of the eyes. He consulted an old 
physician of the times to know what he should do for 
his eyes and the doctor told him it was the result of 
drmking so much cider, which if he would leave off, his 
eyes would be well again. His cider drinking con- 
tinued, however, and again he consulted the doctor for 



40 Yankee Jumbles. 

his eyes, from whom he got the same advice as before. 
After several interviews, he finally, by the doctor's in- 
sistence, agreed to leave off the habit. Meeting the doc- 
tor a month or two later, the doctor inquired of him 
how his eyes were. He replied that they were no bet- 
ter. The doctor asked him if he had left off drinking 
cider. He said he did. Asked if he was drinking any 
then. Said he was. He asked how long ago he left 
off. He said more than a month. Asked how long he 
went without drinking; he said he didn't drink any for 
two hours, and made up his mind at the end of that 
time that eyes that would not stand cider were no eyes 
for him. 

Among early cider drinkers was one incorrigible char- 
acter whom no persuasion could induce to leave his 
chronic habit. His friends, thinking to frighten him 
out of it when he got drunk on cider, threatened they 
would bury him and get such a repulsive character out 
of the community. The threat did not induce him to 
quit, and soon being drunk as usual, they enclosed him 
in a coffin inside a very dark cellar. About the time 
they thought he might recover his senses, a movement 
was heard in the coffin by a watcher near at hand. 
Soon a rap was heard on the lid of the coffin and then a 
voice asking, "Children of this world, have you here any 
good cider?" 

This experience in burying a lover of cider was some- 
what duplicated in another case when the victim was 
as before placed in a coffin and left one very dark night 
in a graveyard, surrounded by stones and monuments. 
On his recovery from his debauch, he pushed off the 



Yankee Jumbles. 41 

coffin-lid and raising himself from his coffin, looked 
about him. Seeing no signs of animation, he rubbed 
his eyes and spoke so as to be heard by a listener: "Well, 

this is d strange, I must be the first that has riz 

or else am most cussedly belated." 

Uncle Bill Ives was an eccentric man of North Farms. 
He could tell stories from morning till night, quote more 
Scripture than Moody, and was always a jovial addition 
to a crowd. 

One day some friends dropped in for a neighborly 
call, when he soon, in the absence of his boys and con- 
forming to the time's custom, lit his tallow dip and took 
his pitcher to draw some cider. 

Going down the cellar stairs, he stepped on a loose 
board and fell headforemost to the bottom, the noise at- 
tracting his good wife's attention. Hurrying to the top 
of the stairs, she excitedly asked: "Husband, have you 
fell?'' To which she got an affirmative reply, accom- 
panied with most profuse embellishments. Then she 
anxiously inquired : "Did you break the pitcher?" "No," 
lu> says, "but I swear I will ;" and in his pain and wrath 
smashed it ao-ainst the cellar wall. 



WELLS AND METHODS OF DEAWING WATER. 

The methods of drawing water one hundred years ago 
are seldom in use now. Wells were fitted up with sweeps 
which are rarely seen except in the most remote places. 
This was done by setting a tall crotch or post in the 
ground, the crotch being twelve or fifteen feet high. 
Laid up through this crotch would be a long slim pole 



42 Yankee Jumbles. 

some twenty-five feet long with the butt end on the 
ground on which would be put weights to balance ihe 
weight of the small slim pole or chain with a bucket 
on the other end, which would be pulled down into the 
well and haul up the bucket of fresh water. This is 
no doubt the origin of: 

*'The old oaken hucket. 
The iron-hound tucket. 
The moss-covered hucket," 

llhe latter of which can never be found except in wells 
that never fail. 

Rain water was all gathered in hogsheads setting un- 
der the eaves, or in large wooden cisterns made to hold 
thirty or forty barrels. 



SOAP-MAKING. 



The fancy brands of modem soap for toilet or wash- 
ing purposes were very little known. Barbers' soap 
was usually in the form of balls, and the story is told 
of an Irishman who went into a barber shop and asked 
to be served. The barber after receiving the fee of ten 
cents in advance, took his shaving cup with the soap 
ball in it and poured in the water, filling it with lather, 
which he set on the stand in front of Pat. Stepping 
into another room to get his razor, on his return he met 
Pat going out, at the same time remarking that the 
soup was very good, but his turnip was not quite boiled. 

The ashes for soap-making were reserved from the 
great fireplaces. These were kept in bins and boxes 



Yankee Jumbles. 43 

until the soap-making season, then big barrels or tanks 
were filled and set up on a tight platform with holes in 
the bottom of the casks, tihen water poured in, which 
leaking throug*h, produced lye, the substitute for the 
modern potash for making soap. Then big kettles 
were hung on the crane in the fireplace, into which 
were put the reserves of grease and bones of several 
months, and a certain proportion of the lye mixture, and 
after some hours' boiling became soap. It was considered 
correctly made when a broomstick was set up in the mid- 
dle of the kettle after it was cooled and would stand 
erect. This was about the universal washing soap of the 
country for a gi-eat many years and used to be peddled 
about the streets by soap-makers, taking their pay in 
money or old grease and bones, which to some extent is 
done nov/. 

Often in soap-making, when apparently the right 
proportion of lye and grease had been used, the proper 
results were not obtained. This disappointmnt would 
try to be remedied by a council of old women in advis- 
ing to add more lye, or more grease, as the case seemed 
to require and then boiled down with similar results, 
sometimes ending in a complete failure to get soap of 
the required quality. This led to the old woman's trite 
remark 'which is often applied to the failure of en- 
terprises that, "Soap will bile so sometimes." 

As soap would sometimes come unexpectedly and at 
other times go back when apparently right, another max- 
im was bora, "Comes and goes like the old woman's 
soap." 



44 Yankee Jumbles. 



LIGHTS. 

About the most primitive light for a great many 
years in hotels and dwelling houses was what was called 
iihe petticoat lamp, filled with whale oil, commonly not 
holding over a gill. These were usually served to hotel 
guests, largely to prevent the undue burning of oil in 
their rooms. The petticoat lamp was a small tin affair 
with a fount about the size and shape of a goose egg, 
the big end down, and around this a skirt of tin about 
an inch and a half deep for it to stand on. This was 
japanned over, with a small ring soldered on one side 
for a handle, and was used to a great extent for many 
years. Its contemporary would be the tallow dip. In 
every house where whale oil was not in use would be 
a bunch of candle rods. These were sticks about two 
feet long, about the size of one's little finger. About 
each stick were doubled a bunch of candle wicks, some 
eight to ten in number, to hang down the desired length 
of the candle. These would be placed across two poles 
with their ends resting on chairs, then dipped into 
kettles of melted tallow being kept the right consis- 
tency by pouring in hot water. The wicks when dipped 
were laid across the poles. After dipping them through 
once, they would repeat the same process, till the cool- 
ing tallow had built up the wicks to the proper size of 
the candle. This was the universal candle until the 
modern process of running them into moulds came into 
practice. While the light from these candles was dim, 
yet it was better for people's eyesight, preserving the 
same to a greater extent than modern illuminations. 



Yankee Jumbles. 45 

The next advance in lights was with fluid lamps, a 
mixture of alcohol and turpentine, which in these days 
would be the moKa expensive light that could be used. 
The tallov; candle made an ideal light for courting by, 
as, unless frequently snuircd, it would make a very dim 
illumination. 

Snuffers were used to cut off the wick when get- 
ting too largely burnt. They are made on the plan of 
lamp-trimming shears with a box above the blades to 
hold what was cut off and prevent dropping. This was 
the origin of the riddle : "What kind of snuff, the more 
you take the fuller the box is?" 

A pleasant courting experience under the tallow dip 
light was carried on by twins by the name of Morse. 
They looked so much alike that very few of their most 
intimate friends could tell which they were talking to 
when seen apart. A very bright girl that they took a fan- 
cy to play a joke upon, consented to keep company with 
one of the twins for the season. One v.-ould go to visit 
her of a Sunday evening and talk up the usual impor- 
tant matters that are discussed during courtship, 
and what was going on around about in society. Ee- 
turning home he would inform his brother twin of the 
subjects that had boon discussed the previous Sun- 
day. The next Sunday the other brother would pay 
the visit to the young lady and talk about things that 
were apparently discussed the previous Sunday, without 
exciting any suspicion in the young lady's mind that 
she vvas entertaining a new lover. The next evening 
the alternate brother would visit her, and by keeping 
up this process of informing each other on topics of 



46 Yankee Jumbles. 

the previous evening, they continued to visit alternately 
for several months, enjoying the joke themselves and at 
the same time the young lady had nothing in her mind 
to mar the pleasure she supposed she was enjoying with 
only one of them. After she discovered the clieat, they 
were both, of course, readily dropped from her atten- 
tion, and she afterward became the landlady of one of 
the oldest and most popular hotels in Saratoga 

A neighbor of early days, a very bright young woman, 
telling of one of her courting experiences, told of one 
persistent lover before she was married. A young man 
of very good character and fine business prospects was 
very ardent in his attentions, which on her part were 
very slightly reciprocated. Coming to see her one 
evening in early summer, he thought to give a pleasant 
surprise by bringing her half a dozen fresli cucumbers. 
These she knew if exposed to her brothers and sisters 
and let them know the source they came from would be 
a subject of ridicule for a long time, so to avoid that 
unpleasantness, before retiring, she went out to a deep 
well back of the house and threw them in. It was the 
habit of people, before refrigerators and the use of ice 
was common, to hang their meats, butter and some vege- 
tables in the bottom of the cool wells for preservation. 
The season of the year being warm enough to commence 
that practice, within a day or two the well was resorted 
to for to hang something in. Looking into the bottom 
some one discovered what they thought looked like cu- 
cumbers; the appearance was so strong that a pail was 
lowered and being dipped out proved to be fresh cu- 
cumbers. This led to a current report over the neigh- 



Yankee Jumbles. 47 

borhood of how to preserve cucumbers over winter, as 
such a thing had not been thought of anywhere about 
that season, and no other solution could be thought of 
why they were there, but that they must have remained 
over from the year before. Further experiments in after 
years failed to prove successful and the reason was un- 
known until the young lady's marriage. 

Next followed coal oil as it was made from coal bo- 
fore the discovery of petroleum, from which followed 
kerosene, wihile gas has been more or less in use in the 
larger cities for a much longer time. 



HUSKING, PAEING AND SPINNING BEES. 

Husking, paring apple and spinning bees were oc- 
casions of a pleasant nature to young and old. The 
husking would be arranged for by pulling the ears of 
corn oft' the stalks with the husks on and put in a large 
pile on the barn floor. Then invitations would be sent 
out quite extensively inviting the young people to par- 
ticipate in the husking. As there were no glass lanterns 
in those days, the lights were furnished by tallow dips, 
and perforated tin lanterns with a door on one side, 
which afforded very little light unless the doors were 
open. The tallow dips were many times inserted in 
a piece of pumpkin, or a large turnip, and aside from 
this a profuse furnishing of what was termed "Jack 0' 
Lanterns." These were made by hollowing out the 
pumpkin and cutting holes in the side to represent 
some grotesque face, with a tallow dip set inside to 
cast a light out through the hideous eyes, mouth, and 



48 Yankee Jumbles. 

nose. These were good substitutes for the modem 
Japanese lanterns. In every pile of corn to be husked 
was expected to be a small percentage of red ears. Any 
boy finding a red ear was privileged to kiss any girl 
in the party; when the girl found one she was subject 
to grant kissing privileges to any of the young men. It 
is easy to imagine with what zeal red ears would be 
sought for. After the husking exercises, the usual 
collation of sweet cider and "punkin" pies would be 
administered. 

The paring bee was for the preparation of dried apples 
for a season's supply when the fresh fruit was out of the 
market. Being before the day when paring machines 
were much in use, the work was done almost entirely 
by hand. 

A good deal of rivalry would be displayed in tak- 
ing off the parings and young ladies, when obtaining a 
fine whole specimen, would whirl it around their heads, 
then casting it on the floor; then an interpretation 
would be called for, and what initials it resembled on 
the floor, assuming that such initials would be those 
of a lover or future husband. Apples in those times 
were usually quartered and cored, then strung on strings 
so that they could be hung on the south side of the build- 
ing in the sun, and during the unfavorable weather 
could be brought into the house and hung on hooks 
driven in the kitchen ceiling, or in the ends of the fire- 
place until they were dry enough to safely put away for 
future use in making pies and apple sauce. 

Spinning bees were usually gotten up by older people, 
particularly the women, for the benefit of some poor fam- 



Yankee Jumbles. 49 

ily or to help any family that had had such necessities 
delayed by sickness or some misfortune by fire, or to help 
t^ome contemphited bride in getting her marriage out- 
fit. These bees would be in the nature of wool spinning 
to which each woman attending would contribute a 
certain amount of wool rolls. This work was per- 
formed on a large wheel, which was done by walking 
to and fro from the spindle pulling out the threads with 
the left hand and turning tlie big wheel with the right, 
in which hand was usually what was called a wheel- 
boy, to relieve the pressure on the hand, made very much 
like a toddy stick used in hotel bars or in saloons. 

The linen wheels were small enough to be carried from 
house to house almost as easily as an umbrella. This 
wheel was propelled by a crank connected with the pedal 
on which the foot produced the motive power. Standing 
in an upright frame was what was called the distaff, 
made frecjuently of a young tree or bush, where four 
or five branches came together, and tied at the top, 
around this distaff were spread the hanks of fine flax, 
and this was drawn out by the spinners into the fine- 
ness of tlircad required onto a spindle around which 
were called flyers turning at a rapid rate to twist the 
thread and at the same time to wind it on the spindle. 

A very curious old woman of those times known as 
Molly Besto used to tell many queer stories to interest 
children and gro^Ti people. She told how she was once 
at a spinning bee and a cyclone of tlie most frightful 
nature came up. She said there were over a dozen 
spinners at work spinning linen. The wind struck the 
house and took it up from the ground and whirhMl it 



50 Yankee Jumbles. 

around in the air without a jar to interfere with their 
work. Slie said they sailed through the air without 
a shake, any more than if they had been asleep on a 
feather bed. They kept right on spinning and the 
house finally landed in a new place which on coming out 
of doors they found to be several miles from where they 
had started out, and to thoroughly impress the wonder- 
ful part of the story, she always asserted that they 
never stopped spinning a single "minuet." She was also 
a great gatherer of herbs, of which most families were 
in the habit of laying in a good supply in case of ail- 
ments during the winter and in consideration of the 
long distances usually required to find a doctor. The 
rafters in most farmers' attics would be filled with 
pennyroyal, liverwort, hysop, boneset, spearmint, worm- 
wood, and various other herbs adapted to any complaint 
that might befall their commonly large families. Molly 
told her experience in gathering herbs on the mountain- 
side, how becoming very tired she sat down to rest on 
what she supposed to be a log, and falling asleep did 
not awaken until almost night, when she found herself 
at the foot of the mountain, and to her surprise in- 
stead of being on a log, she found herself on the back of 
a large snake. Molly used to be very fond of cider and 
of telling stories to compensate for this beverage, and 
when entering a house where there were several chil- 
dren who would expect her to tell some wonderful stories 
would appear to be in a great tremor. When inquired 
of as to her he;ilth she would explain that she was so 
"narvous" it seemed as if she would fly all to pieces. As 
the people were familiar with what was needed for her 



Yankee Jumbles. 51 

recovery, a pitcher of eider would be suggested which 
she alwa3's thought worth trying. The mug of cider be- 
ing brought she would take a good drink and soon call 
file attention of her friends to see how wonderfully it 
had quieted her "narves,'' and then she was prepared 
to relate her interesting experiences. 



COUETSHIPS AXD WEDDINGS. 

Less than 100 years ago the prevailing religious habits 
in Connecticut were the keeping of Saturday night as 
an introduction to the Sabbath. From Saturday, sun- 
set, to Sunday evening, a pall was spread over the com- 
munity, and nothing of a worldly or frivolous nature 
to be tolerated. Family devotions and church attend- 
ance were the only duties to perform, and preparing 
meals beforehand was the custom of many. Sunday at 
sundown the clouds of orthodoxy rolled by, and the world 
breathed afresh. The parlors were lighted by the gen- 
tle misses and if the weather required, the fireplace put 
forth a cheerful blaze of wood, which in many cases af- 
forded all the light the occasion required for lovers to 
court by. If the tallow dip was in use for the evening 
introduction, it was not often snuffed to increase the 
light, and the dimmer it grew the better excuse for court- 
ing at close range. 

In the town of Waterbury lived a young man who, 
— later became one of its most prominent citizens as 
well as a deacon — while courting a young lady in an ad- 
joining town, had an experience, it used to be told, of 
a failure of both fireplace and candle light. 



52 Yankee Jumbles. 

At this quiet juncture the young lady's father unex- 
pectedly entered the room and found the lovers on the 
sofa in a peculiar position to prevent taking cold, when 
the surprised parent exclaimed : "Aaron, Aaron, are you 
going to have that girl ?" To which Aaron calmly and 
coolly replied, "Haven't I got her !" 

The later marriage of this couple produced the heads 
of some of the finest families in that now thriving city. 

Old-time engagements were usually announced some 
two or three weeks before the nuptials, from the church 
pulpits where the lovers attended, and was called pub- 
lishing the betrothed. 

Weddings were nearly all at the homes of the brides, 
and invitations to the mutual friends of bride and 
groom generously sent out. 

Instead of the modern church weddings, made up 
largely of guests expected to contribute a general out- 
fit for housekeeping, together with a profusion of mixed 
goods enough to fit up an ordinary fancy store, presents 
were rare, except the presence of a Jolly company. A 
bountiful supply of wedding cake of the same stylo 
known as Election or a straight old-fashioned raised 
loaf cake, well filled with raisins and ornamented with 
sugar sand of various colors. Plenty of old Madeira 
wine and sometimes heavier drinks were freely supplied. 
After the wedding ceremony, running round the big 
chimneys, and other common evening amusements were 
indulged till breaking up at a reasonable hour. 

Bridal trips were rare and the happy couple com- 
menced their matrimonial experiences usually at the 
bride's home. There were no showers of rice, or throw- 



Yankee Jumbles. 53 

ing of cast-ofT foot-wear, but sometimes kind sugg(\s- 
tions were given by elderly people, and at times the help 
of friends would be tendered to aid the new couple in 
their retirement and ample adjustments of furniture 
insistently be made. But those were days of happy 
marriages, lots of olive branches, strong men and 
women, few divorces, and Connecticut was filled with 
swarming, bustling and prosperous homes, which now 
in the country towns are rare to find. 



EVENING ENTERTAINMENTS AT HOME. 

The old-fashioned houses with their plainness of ar- 
chitecture and lack of rich furnishings, and anything 
in the way of the conveniences of the present day, still 
were the scenes of as much merriment and enjoyment of 
life as it is possible for anything modern to claim. About 
the wide and spacious fireplaces where blazed the big 
logs and wood, the families would gather for their 
evening entertainments and diversions. Neighbors both 
old and young would come in from long distances. Boys 
and girls would amuse themselves with the old games 
of "Three and Twelve Men 'Morris," and "Fox and 
Geese,"' "Hull Gull Hand Full, Guess How Many," 
checkers and dominoes. 

My first experience at cards was at a resort some miles 
away in a negro's cabin for a chance to play cards. The 
first point learned was in the game of "High, Low, 
Jack," in those days known better as "Old Sledge," or 
"Seven Up." My antagonist played an eight spot of 
hearts Which was promptly covered with a ten of clubs ; 



54 Yankee Jumbles. 

to my surprise my opponent hauled in the trick, to 
which I demurred, claiming to have played a higher 
card. "Yes," said he, "but you didn't follow suit." 
Thus the first point in card playing was learned. 

In those large kitchens, blindman's buff was a fa- 
vorite amusement, kitchen furniture change places, and 
in front of the fire a string of boys and girls would seat 
themselves, when at the end of the line one would pick 
up a fire-brand or a stick with one end burned to a 
live coal. This he would shake in his hand and repeat 
these lines: 

Robin's alive, and alive lilce to he, 

If he dies in my hands, you 7nay saddle hag me. 

He hands it to the next one, wlio must repeat the 
same distich and pass it. Whoever the last one was who 
took the stick and had the last spark give out 
was the subject of being saddle bagged or any sort of 
pranks the rest of the company chose to play on him. 
The common refreshment of the evenings consisted of 
sweet cider, apples, walnuts, pop-corn, with an occasional 
treat of pumpkin pies. 

EVENING PARTIES. 

Aside from the ordinary family and home enter- 
tainments, of course, special parties must be given for 
getting together the boys and girls in the surrounding 
districts. Young men would drive long miles to collect 
their lady friends for an evening party. Many of the 
girls were brought in on horse-back and both rode on 



Yankee Jumbles. 55 

a single horse. It was expected of every young lady 
to be prepared with what was called a pillion. This 
was a sort of a cushion adjustment to the back part of 
the saddle. When the young gentleman had received 
the pillion from the lady and got it properly attached, 
sihe was assisted on to the same. When he mounted 
into the saddle and she with one arm around him, they 
enjoyed a very pleasant ride to the scene of the evening's 
entertainment. The same method was quite universal in 
taking a partner to a ball or any other dance. At their 
evening entertainments, one of the particular diver- 
sions was running around the chimney. The construc- 
tion of the houses was such as to admit of this cir- 
cuit, around through the front hall and two front rooms 
and the long kitchen. When the game commenced, the 
course around w^as kept clear ; some gentleman would, as 
they called it, snap his iinger at some lady in the com- 
pany, so they called it "snapping up." She was ex- 
pected to respond by chasing him and catching him. 
All sorts of subterfuges and dodges and running back- 
wards and any method was allowed to catch the fugitive, 
which when accomplibhed, the lady, of course, was re- 
warded with a sweet, juicy kiss. The next in order 
was for the lady to snap up some gentleman to catch 
her. These games used to be the most exciting of any- 
thing in an evening party, often leading to collisions 
of 'a more or less serious nature. The old-fashioned 
doors were all fastened by wlint were termed thumb 
latches with somewhat pointed hooks driven in to catch 
the latch. On this a great many fine dresses were 
caught and sadly torn. 



56 Yankee Jumbles. 

One evening a lawyer, who was noted for his ex- 
tremely 'homely features and awkward manners, yet 
in mind and practice was decidedly smart, was at a 
party in full dress and was chasing his lady victim 
around the chimney, when he caught one side of his 
swallow-tail and tore it entirely off on the latch hook. 
The appearance of the gentleman after this disaster, 
you could only imagine by the amusement it furnished. 
The principal feature of enjoyment with the young 
folks just budding into society was their kissing games. 
These were indulged in forming rings and singing 
amorous ditties as an accompaniment to the osculations. 
A few of these might be given in order to refresh the 
minds of the passing generations. All gathered in a 
circle these favorites would be sung: 

"Here we stand in a ring so straight. 
For you to choose while others wait; 
Choose the one you love the best. 
And I'll be bound it will suit the rest. 

"Oh I What a tvretcJied choice you've made. 
You'd better in your grave be laid; 
Sing a song, we cannot stay, 
Give her a kiss and send her away." 

Another one: 

"There stands an old maid, forsaTcen, 
She is of a contented mind. 
Although her lover has left her. 
She'll find some other as hind. 



Yankee Jumbles. 57 

She'll find soi.ir other as hind, sir, 

Therefore, I'd have you know, 
She is ever so well provided for, 

SJie Jias twcniy-pve strings to her how." 

Another : 

"Very well done, said Johnny Brown, 
Is this the way to London town? 
Stand you still and stand you high. 
Until you see your love pass by. 
Dotvn upon the carpet Jc?ieel, 
While the grass grows in the field. 
Rise and stand upon your feet. 
And hiss your true love all so sweet." 

Another : 

"There she stands, such a handsome creature. 

Who she is I do not hnow, 
I'll go court her for her beauty. 

Let her ansiver yes or no. 
Now, hind Miss, since I've gained your favor. 

Tell me, tell me, tell me true. 
Would you call it rude behavior. 

Just to give you a kiss or two?" 



Another : 



"Green grow the rushes 0' 
Green grow the rushes 0' 
Clioose your true love now for to be. 
Come and stand by the side of me. 



58 Yankee Jumbles. 

*'Green grow the rushes 0' 
Oreen grow the rushes o' 
Kiss her quicJc arid let her go. 
Never mind the mitten o.' " 

Another : 

"Molly, put the Tcettle on, kettle on, kettle on; 
Molly, put the kettle on, we'll all take tea. 
Cut your bread and butter fine. 
Cut enough for eight or nine; 
Choose you one from the ring. 
Kiss her right away." 

These oseulatory performaDces would send a young 
man home feeling as though he had spent an evening 
drinking nectar and rolling in honey, so surfeited with 
sweets, he would be almost unfitted for business for 
a day or two. 

Another play was by all hands forming a chain around 
the chim-iey. A gentleman and lady standing at one 
door holding their hands together over the chain that 
was passing under, singing this refrain to the tune of 
"Primrose Hill:" 

*^The needle's eye that doth supply 

The thread that's passing through. 
It hath caught many a smiling lass. 
And now it has caugh t you. 
And now it has caught you." 

This was done by dropping their arms to intercept 
the line which privilege was given to the first lady to 



Yankee Jumbles. 59 

stop the gx-nlloriian f^ho preicrred to have ki.s.s her, 
and next the piivik^ge was for the gentleman to stop 
the lady he wished to bestow a kiss upon. The time 
to which these words were snng is known to almost 
everybody, but doubtful if its origin is known to a dozen 
people in this country. An age before knew it as the 
tune of "Primrose Hill," a sweet little love ditty which 
the writer doubts if another person in America knows 
at this day, and for its preservation will here insert it: 

On Primrose Hill there lived a lass, 

A sweet and lovely maid. 
Not Venus could give more delight. 

When you her charms surveyed. 
For the roses dear, and the lilies fair. 

They both comhined and so inclined, 

To form her beauties rare. 

This fair maid many a suitor had. 

And treated them with scorn. 
Until at last young William Grey, 

Came tripping over the lawn. 
He was dressed so neat and he sang so sweet. 

The ladies fair did all declare. 

They loved young Williani Grey. 

"Fair maid of Primrose Hill," he said, 

"Fve come a courting here, 
So do not treat me with disdain. 

Nor use me too severe. 
For my love 'tis true and 'tis fixed on you. 

Constant Pll he to only thee. 

Thou flower of every few." 



6o Yankee Jumbles. 

This fair maid gave her head a toss. 

Returned a scornful air, 
*'I wonder that you dare to me. 

Your fruitless love declare. 
For nohles great, both of land and state. 

Have offered me their bride to be. 

Sir, you have come too late." 

Then with a sigh he toolc his leave. 

Saying, "Proud girl, adieu, 
I'll quit thy charms for war's alarms, 

And glory I'll pursue; 
For love must yield to the martial field. 

The fife and drum invite to come. 

I'll march with sword and shield." 

Then with a smile she called him back. 

Saying, "Dear William, stay, 
I did it but to try yOur love. 

So don't you go away. 
For there's none so dear, nor yet so fair." 

She did agree his bride to be. 

And married thus they were. 

Then to the church ivithout delay. 

They tripped with speed away. 
And joined their hands in Hymen's bands. 

And hailed the happy day. 
Now they love each day and are always gay. 

And tvho so happy, happy can be. 

So happy, happy as they. 



Yankee Jumbles. 6i 

FARMING TOOLS. 

To see modern farming machinery and appliances for 
tilling the soil, makes it appear almost a miracle how 
our early agriculturists cleared up the country, re- 
moved the forests and stumps and monstrous burdens of 
rocks from the soil. 

Until into the nineteenth century plows were made 
with wooden mold boards. This was a very rudely 
made plow in its workmanship, with the plow-share 
made of wrought iron and when dulled would be taken 
off and carried to the blacksmith's shop to be resharp- 
ened the same as is done with picks, drills and other 
tools. How such a plow with a strong team of oxen 
drawing on it through ground filled with stones of all 
sizes, through roots of stumps left standing, and not be 
broken to pieces in short order, seems a mystery. 

Axes with their helves were rudely and coarsely 
made, shovels thin and soft, hoes with an eye in the top 
of t^he blade through which a handle was pushed, like 
what was later called a "nigger cotton hoe," and badly 
tempered tools of all kinds either too soft or too hard 
so as to either batter or break. In field work for corn, 
turf ground was plowed into ridges by turning two fur- 
rows together and planting the corn on the ridge. In 
most cases it would be difficult to get dirt enough to 
cover with, and when it came to lioeing, every ridge 
would be green with grass. After running through 
tliese rows with a pair of cattle or horses and trimming 
the ridges witli a plow, then hoeing began. Any lioe 
would do for a boy, and he must hoe and skip three hills, 



62 Yankee Jumbles. 

in order to keep up with the men. An old darky who 
used to take his jug of cider into the field with him when 
hoeing corn, found it a long time between drinks when 
he had to hoe clear around his two rows, so instead of 
placing his jug at the end of the rows, he always began 
at the middle of the field, thus getting his drink on 
every row he hoed. 

In haying and harvesting time, all the mowing and 
cradling was done by hand. Boys, wihen they com- 
menced, were generally put off with some old scythe 
and snath that had been cast aside as unfit for a man to 
use. This was considered all right for a boy to learn 
to mow with. A scythe snath was always made from 
some limb of a tree and not as of later make, being 
steamed and bent into form, so that every pear tree, 
peach tree and other trees of eccentric crooks were al- 
ways carefully examined to get one of the right bend 
for a snath. For some time after bent snaths came into 
use many mowers would stick to their old natural crooks^ 
so that this expression became a by-word of a man who 
proved successful in his business transactions, he was 
defined as a "natural crook." Many of these expres- 
sions were in common eonversiation like: "The little 
value of a tinker's d — ^n," and when some enterprise 
had failed in its expected results it was said to have 
"flashed in the pan." This phrase was in reference 
to a flint-lock gun missing fire when the flint struck 
the steel lip over the pan in which the powder for 
the priming was placed. The spark might ignite the 
powder in the pan and fail to fire the gun. 

These guns were of the sanic rude nature as the farm- 



Yankee Jumbles. 63 

ing tools and generally known as the King's anus, so 
named from revolutionary service by the British, weigh- 
ing about ten to twelve pounds with a stock running 
out nearly the whole length of the barrel clasped with 
iron bands with thimbles underside, through which 
was run an iron ram-rod as long as the barrels. They 
were too heavy for boys to hold at arm's length and 
usually had to be rested on a fence or against a tree in 
hunting; powder was carried in a large ox-horn, scraped 
and prepared with a great deal of care for such a pur- 
pose, the big end of the horn being stopped with a piece 
of wood nicely fitted in, A cord tied to a peg at the bot- 
tom and the other around the small top of the horn 
allowed the horn to be hung over the shoulder of the 
sportsman. Shot pouches were made in many rude ways. 
When loading the gun the powder was poured loosely 
into the hand, guessing the amount for a charge, and 
from the hand poured into the muzzle of the gun. 
Tliese guns were so long that a boy would almost need 
to get on top of a fence in pouring in the charge of 
powder to have it run do^vn to its chamber in the barrel. 
Wadding was an article of some account, as news- 
papers, in fact all kind of paper was scarce. The country 
people were obliged to lay in a stock of various kinds 
of wadding, which was often made up of swingling tow, 
hornets' nests, and sometimes punk. Some of these ar- 
ticles would be on top of the powder, rammed down 
with an iron ram-rod and the shot measured out, guess- 
ing according to the quantity needed for the game to 
be shot at, with a small ramming top of them. Then 



64 Yankee Jumbles. 

from the powder hom the pan would be filled and the 
gnn ready for business. 

Speaking of hornets' nests introduces an experience 
of two Irish greenhorns. 

In our primitive forests, the large paper-like nests 
of the big striped hornets were quite common, being 
in bulk as large as a ten-quart pail, somewhat pear- 
shaped, with a hole in the pointed bottom through which 
the hornets entered. By careful work the boys would 
often stop this entrance with a bunch of moss or grass, 
and the hornets were all made prisoners, and then the 
limb on which the nest hung could be cut off, and the 
whole carried away. 

On one such capture of a nest to carry home, a boy 
was met by two young Irishmen, just over, and their 
curiosity was aroused to know what it was. Being in- 
formed that it was a humming-birds' nest, they at once 
were anxious to buy it, as they had some idea of those 
little birds being very pretty and quite a novelty. 

They had no difficulty in negotiating a trade and 
after obtaining the prize, wished to know the best way 
to care for and handle the birds. The boy told them 
they had best take the nest into a tight room to avoid 
their escape when they let some out. In letting them 
out for inspection they had only to remove the plug 
and there would some of them at once put in an appear- 
ance. 

After examining and admiring them as much as they 
wished, and wanting to send them back, they could do so 
by rapping on the nest for the birds to return. 



Yankee J umbles. 65 

Jim and Pat hurriedly sought a favorable room in 
which to inspect their treasure in ornitholog}^ 

Getting a close room, with much secrecy and high an- 
ticipations of pleasure, they proceeded to open up the 
show by pulling out the plug of grass, thus setting the 
birds free. 

The first that came out lit on Jim's hand, who at 
once gave forth expressions of admiration of his ex- 
quisite stripes and otlier lines of beauty, at the same time 
remarking : "Lord Jesus, how hot his little feet is !" 
Others followed in rapid succession and went for Pat, 
lighting on his hands, neck, face and nose, but before he 
could discover and admire their beauty of colors and plu- 
mage he was so impressed with the hotness of their 
feet that he wished to defer the exhibition by appealing 
to Jimmy to "dhroom on the hive, dhroom on the hive, 
Jimmy ;" when, of course, they were soon assailed by the 
whole swarm and driven out of the room stung half to 
death. 



WAGONS AND CARTS. 

Wagons and carts were built in a very substantial 
manner for the heavy work required on a farm. Carts 
were made with only two large heavy wheels with a long 
neap and strong body for use with oxen. An ox-cart 
usually weighed from twelve hundred to fifteen hun- 
dred pounds, tHieir strength being required for hauling 
heavy stones for building walls and carrying wood to 
market. 

Some boys one night for amusement, took a neigh- 



66 Yankee Jumbles. 

bor's cart and dragged it into a field where there was 
an old well, putting the neap down into the well, and 
leaving the cart body standing over the well. The far- 
mer needing his cart the next day, found it in the morn- 
ing in the predicament named. He required the help 
of nearly a dozen men to lift it out, and after his suc- 
cess, coming home, told what a 'heavy job they had to 
lift the cart out of the well. A boy living with him, 
after hearing iiim tell of their serious job, asked him 
if they took off the wheels, which were more than two- 
thirds the weight of the whole. This inquiry made the 
farmer suspicious that the boy helped to put it in, 
which proved to be a fact, but he was so ashamed to 
tlhink the men had not been wise enough to lighten their 
work by so doing, that the boy escaped any punishment. 
Haying seasons called for a large amount of hand 
labor, which in modern times would seem very cheap; 
the best able bodied men would leave the shops for t!he 
harvesting seasons, working twelve and fifteen hours 
for a dollar or a dollar and a quarter a day. It was 
expected of them to bo up soon after daylight, dull 
scythes to be ground, during which many a boy has spent 
a sorry hour turning the grindstone. If in a little 
hurry, an hour or two would be put in before breakfast, 
as grass cut easily when the dew was on it. It was a pre- 
vailing custom for men to have a glass of bitters com- 
pounded with Santa Cruz rum, mixture of rue, tansy, 
or wormwood, as an appetizer. After breakfast, if in 
a religious family, the devotions would be duly per- 
formed, in which the hired men were privileged 
to participate. One fanner who usually employed five 



Yankee Jumbles. 67 

or six men was in the habit of having family prayers. 
One of his employees, \Vho was a conspicuous charac- 
ter during revival seasons and at prayer and confer- 
ence meetings, dhanced to be with him one season. 
When the proprietor finished his brief reading of tlie 
scripture, followed with a briefer prayer, this revival- 
ist, who preferred praying to mowing, was always moved 
by the Holy Spirit to invoke favors from the Throne of 
Grace. He would therefore follow up the prayerful 
exercises for nearly an hour, to which pious duty his 
employer could not consistently object. 

In these old haying times, meadows and fields were 
alive with c^uail, larks, robins, brown thrashers, and 
all sorts of favorite songsters. Turtles of every kind 
were found in great numbers in all the low meadows. 
One known as the box turtle would shut himself up so 
closely that the point of a knife could not be stuck into 
him at any place. It was a pleasant custom for men 
to mark their initials with the date cut with a knife into 
the bottom shell of the turtle. These turtles lived to a 
great age. The writer once found a turtle marked in 
1754, another in 1795, fifty years later in 1845. A 
brother, he recollected the time of his marking one in 
1833, the place under a small apple tree, and never saw 
the turtle afterwards until the year 1861, when plow- 
ing the same field, picked up the same turtle, under 
the same tree, within two feet from where he saw his 
brother mark it, 28 years before. For such reasons a 
man scarcely ever passed a box turtle without picking 
it up to see if it had the marks to indicate the work of 
some friend dead or alive inscribed in years gone by. 



68 Yankee Jumbles. 

Besides the profusion of birds and turtles, snakes 
of various kinds were numerous in the meadows. Black 
snakes were almost as plentiful as mice, and in the 
spring of the year wlien they first began to crawl out 
from fheir winter quarters, to sun the south side of 
stone walls and in other warm places, there was little 
difficulty in capturing dozens of them in a day if one 
wished to hunt for them. Of course when they first 
came out of their winter hibernating, they were a 
little numb and clumsy in their movements, but as 
warm weather limbered them up, there were very few 
specimens of animate nature any livelier than a black 
snake. To find them six to eight feet long was notlhing 
uncommon. Although harmless in their bite and other- 
wise, they were a subject to intimidate from their size, 
blackness and their agile motions. 

There seems to be a peculiar dread of black snakes by 
the colored race. Knowing this to be the case, a party 
of men mowing some meadows found a black snake 
and killed him. One of the men, thinking to have some 
sport with the colored fellow who was tending the hay, 
carried the snake to a tree under which was a spring, 
around which was the hay tliat had been mowed. Un- 
der the hay they concealed the snake, around the neck 
of which they tied a string. Wherever a spring oc- 
curred in a meadow was always the place for deposit- 
ing the bottle of rum which was expected to be par- 
taken of between ten and eleven o'clock. If they were 
far away from the house, a luncheon would be served 
Vfifk it. During this lunch time, when the company 
were all together and lunch was about through one of 



Yankee Jumbles. 69 

the men observed that lie liad the biggesi ankle in the 
party. Being understood, this was disputed by two or 
three others, and. so seeming to pull a string from his 
pocket, the fellow took the string, the other end of which 
was tied around the snake's neck. After measuring three 
or four ankles he said to the darky whose name was 
Jube, "Let's see how big an ankle a nigger has, Jube." 
Jube put his foot down for the measure, and one end 
of the string was put around it and was deftly fastened. 
At the same time the snake was jerked out from under 
the grass where it was hidden and all appeared to jump 
in fear of the snake with loud exclamations. Jube, 
of course, jumped with the rest and the string being 
fastened around his ankle to the snake soon jerked 
the snake around his heels, which in his fright set him 
running around the meadow, and he was so thorouglily 
frightened, that it was with much difficulty the whole 
party succeeded in catching him to relieve him from his 
fright. 

Households during harvesting time almost amounted 
to a hotel. The requirements for feeding the help were 
made up of five meals a day, breakfast about six o'clock, 
luncheon at ten, dinner at twelve, luncheon again at 
four and supper at seven or eight o'clock. If near 
at home a spread would be set for all these meals in the 
house, if at a distance in the fields, a luncheon would 
have to be prepared for the usual times. 

One of the seasons near the time of the snake epi- 
sode, a girl, some dozen years old, who afterwards 
became one of the first ladies of the town, was sent to 
the field with the lunc'heon for the men. Gettinii: over 



70 Yankee Jumbles. 

a fence through a bunch of bushes with quite a growth 
of high weeds, she jumped off among what she supposed 
to be an old cat and a nest of kittens. They were all 
very handsome black and white kittens and looked so 
pretty she thought she must catch one or two of them 
for pets. As soon as she picked up one of the kittens, 
the old cat commenced a broadside of very pungent 
perfume, filling her face and eyes with a liquid that 
produces a pain as intense as would be inflicted by a 
charge of tincture of capsicum. Instead of being as 
she supposed a domestic cat and kittens, her presumable 
pets were pole-cats. 



TOWN" POOR. 



Instead of town houses in these days the town pau- 
pers were put out among families by auction. Differ- 
ent classes of paupers would be bid on by some man who 
would keep them the cheapest for what seemed to be 
a system of slave trade. Some men would be able to 
render slight service to the ones who bid them in, and 
consequently would be kept very cheaply. Women, of 
course, cost more as a rule and many of them had to 
have supplies of opium in order to keep them in a 
quiet, peaceable condition. Opium was furnished by 
rations allowed by the town, and if the ration did not 
prove sufficient to keep the woman as quiet as was 
de^irable for those entertaining her, they would some- 
times contribute an extra quantity. 

One of these paupers was known as Granny Parker. 
Whoever got her on their hands had to invariably in- 



Yankee Jumbles. 71; 

crease licr supply of opium. It was diliicult to keep it 
hidden from her if in the house in case the family 
gihould absent themselves for a time. On one occasioa 
when opium had been secreted so as to be thought en- 
tirely out of possibility for her to find, the family on 
their return from church one Sunday discovered some 
of the pills of opium that had been so deftly hidden 
were gone. Of course there was nobody to suspect of 
stealing but Granny. She made it a subject for several 
days, protesting her innocence and expressing the dis- 
tress of her mind that such a thing should be sus- 
pected of her as stealing the opium. Not being able to 
convince her accusers of her innocence, th' subject was 
dropped for a few days, when one morning rising a 
little later than the rest of the family she came into 
the room where they were all together and said her 
innocence had been vindicated. 

Lying in great agony of mind during the nigilit, not 
being able to get a wink of sleep tossing in her bed in 
perfect misery, all at once a still, small voice spoke to 
her from overhead, saying, "Be quiet. Miss Parker, be 
quiet, Miss Parker, you're an innocent pairson." 

This so disgusted the man of the house that he told 
her if she ever alluded to the subject again, he would 
pitch her out of the house head first. 

This Granny Parker had seen some queer experiences, 
one of which she related was at a place in the town of 
Wallingford, then called Old England, on account of 
the number of English families that had settled in the 
neighborhood. These families were in the habit of meet- 
ing together in one of the old-fashioned lean-to-roof 



72 Yankee Jumbles. 

houses, which was the hest adapted to accommodate one 
of their festal occasions. It had been observed by a man 
living in the neighborhood on various occasions when 
these families met, that lie had wood missing in gener- 
ous quantities, frequently logs of good dimensions. Hav- 
ing one or two logs left near this rendezvous he thought 
he would try to obtain good evidence of where his 
wood went to, thinking that the log would be likely to 
find its way to the next gathering; so he bored a large 
hole in the end of this log, and put in nearly a pound of 
coarse powder, filling up the hole over the powder with a 
plug, leaving it so as not to attract the attention of who- 
ever would be likely to take the log away. The time came 
for the usual festivities, to which all brought contribu- 
tions of chickens, turkeys, goslings, spare-ribs, and vari- 
ous vegetables, a great majority of which were stolen 
goods, and the log was missing. They had certain ones 
delegated to prepare the different contributions for a 
grand supper. The old-fashioned fireplace was hung full 
of pots and kettles and with meats and vegetables cook- 
ing in tin ovens set in front of the fire, with roasts of 
pork and beef. The company were in the front rooms 
having a very jolly time. 

The tables were arranged in the big back kitchen, 
filled with dishes of everything, nearly ready for the 
guests to come to. When this prepared log, that had 
been stolen for the back log, had become hurned 
down to the powder, an explosion occurred that upset 
their tables into a total wreck, blew pots and kettles out 
of the top of the chimney, the roof being spread with 



Yankee Jumbles. 73 

chickens, meats aud vegetables in a eonglo mora tod 
mass. 

This was the hist grand feast gathering in Okl Eng- 
hind. 

In spciiking of town poor, tlie writer spent a season 
in the customary beginning of the young business man 
in peddling tin. Travelling among the hill towns of 
the state in his time for peddling, paupers had begun to 
be taken care of altogether, in some house kept by the 
town, or by some individual who took them for a stipu- 
lated price. Calling one day at a house to offer some 
tin-ware in exchange for rags or old metals, a little, 
short, dumpy, insignificant looking woman came to the 
door. After making the usual inquiry if any goods could 
be sold there, and getting a negative reply, it was noticed 
that a large room opened up with quite a variety of 
old and superannuated people. The remark was made 
to the little woman, "Is this the house where the town 
poor are kept?" She drew herself up with a desperate 
effort, trying to make herself appear of as much con- 
sequence as possible, and exclaimed with some empha- 
sis, and repeating to make sure of being understood, 
"Yes, I keep the town poor." It would not have been 
suspected if she had not explained it so emphatically. 

Seeing so many of these groups of paupers in dif- 
ferent towns anion <y the hills, a noticeable feature be- 
ing quite a percentage of idiots in every outside lo- 
cality, the question used to arise, "What is the cause of 
so many fools in these country towns?" The person 
asking himself this question sought in his own mind for 
a reply, which was this: "These fools represent the fruits 



74 Yankee Jumbles. 

of iTitermarriago of near relatives." In -most back 
towns families for several generations have intermarried, 
cousins marrying consins and near blood relatives. The 
mixture for a series of years produces these freaks both 
in their intellectual and in their physical structure. In 
the city, an idiot is a rare production, as a matter of 
choice in matrimonial selection has so much more 
generous scope than in the country. 

This is a subject to commend a crossing of native- 
bom Americans with any good foreign blood, producing 
a healthier and brighter progeny than to marry some 
debilitated growth brought up in the same locality 
with themselves. It seems reasonable that this s'hould 
be as good policy with human kind as with the import- 
ing of foreign blood in horses, cattle and dogs. It 
has been a question in former times whether this country 
was adapted to the lioaltliy growth of the white race 
and whether without a constant flow of foreign blood 
in it, the white would not ultimately become degenerate 
and extinct. There are certainly evidences in New Eng- 
land that such might be the case. 

In looking back three or four generations we would 
see the very large families that were so common 
throughout New England; families of ten to fifteen 
children were nothing noticeable, but rather common. 
In one district school adjoining the one in which the 
writer was born only one generation before him had 
within its borders ten families, numbering one hundred 
and ten children all at home, an average of eleven; the 
largest family was fourteen and the smallest nine, all 



Yankee Jumbles. 75 

boy^!, the writer's wife being tbo daughior of (be oblest 
one. 

In the days of tliosc great families, the public school 
would have an attendance of seventy-five to a hundred 
scholars, including some smaller families. Within the 
last thirty years, the native-bom. children have been 
reduced as low as six of all ages in the same district, 
not enough to scarcely keep the school alive within 
these limits. 

In the time of these large families a race, of very 
strong able-bodied men, numbering about forty, or- 
ganized themselves into a liody known as the "Plump 
Guards." Regimental trainings were in order calling 
together some ten companies of militia to what was 
called a general muster, these musters bringing to- 
gether a motley crowd of gamblers and fighters and all 
sorts of crooked characters from the ten or twelve towns 
from which the companies came to make up a regi- 
ment for inspection. 

On such occasions a great diversion was wrestling 
matches in which a deal of science and great strength 
would be displayed. With a plentifulness of cheap 
liquors, more or less bad blood would be heated up and 
rough and tumble fights and knock-downs were con- 
sidered one of the requisites to make up a good day's 
entertainment among the crowds. The "Plump Guards" 
was organized for mutual protection, any member of 
which getting into any diRiculty or quarrel vras to be 
sustained and defended by other members of the giuird, 
whether his case was right or wrong. They considered 
themselves invincible against any body of opponents 



76 Yankee Jumbles. 

they were likely to encounter and always proved their 
powers and success on all occasions but one, that one 
not being of a belligerent character. 

It was their bo'ast that they could endure any hard- 
ship and partake of any kind of fare that any man could 
endure or eat. A donbt being expressed by one of their 
number of their ability to eat crow, a number of them 
expressed an opinion that they could all eat crow well 
cooked with a relish. To test the matter, a dozen of 
them decided to have a crow supper, each man to 
eat a whole crow and any one failing to eat his bird 
should furnish a gallon of rum for the benefit of the 
rest. 

The crows were captured in a day or two and a Mrs. 
Captain Morse, quite a celebrated cook, was selected to 
cook the crows. They were all prepared in the best 
manner and the twelve members of the club met to 
partake of their supper. As they entered the dining 
room all expressed admiration and delight at the de- 
licious and appetizing smell of the crows and were eager 
to get to work at them. Each man sat down with a crow 
on his plate and the feast began. Each one praised 
the rich and delicious flavor of the meat, all the time 
chewing the piece he had in his mouth. After ex- 
tolling the exquisite flavor for a few minutes, one man 
took out his quid of crow and throw it under the table, 
soon another followed suit, the result being that not 
one man of the party swallowed any, and acknowledged 
one grand defeat of the Plump Guard. 

Another curious episode happened at the same house 
some years later. Mrs. Morse had invited in Quite a 



Yankee Jumbles. 'j'j 

party of her lady friends to partake of a fine dinner. 
A conspicuous feature of the same was to be a nice roast 
pig. The pig was duly roasted and placed on the table 
with the rest of the preparations for dinner. Just a 
feAv minutes before the guests were invited out, the 
central figure of the table, the piece de rcsista7ice, the 
pig, was missing. A search was at once made and 
much curiosity expressed as to where it could have gone 
to, as it was leaving a very serious blank to tihe en- 
tertainment. A simple-minded fellow by the name of 
Jep Lunnon lived with Captain Morse, and anxious in- 
quiry was made to find Jep to see if he knew anything 
of it. After serving the rest of the dinner, and giving 
up the search for the lost pig for a time, Jep suddenly 
appeared on the scene, picking his teeth. Inquiry be- 
ing made of Jep where he had been, he quietly replied, 
"I don't know nothing about your baked pig," al- 
though no reference had been made to the loss. Some 
weeks after, the bones of the pig were found in an ob- 
scure place under the barn. Jep's having no knowledge 
of the baked pig was for a great many years made use 
of in the way of evasive replies. 

While the appetites of the Plump Guard for crow 
proved too dainty to enjoy such a meal, some feats of 
eating were performed by others. 

A man by the name of Sam Botsford, weighing over 
three hundred pounds, went out riding along the road, 
fell in with some acquaintances who were pulling down 
an old stone wall. As the foundations were being pulled 
up, quite a sizabU; black smike ran out, and was 
killed by a man named Clem Thomas. After killing Die 



yS Yankee Jumbles. 

snake and holding it up to exhibit him, he remarked, 
*'Here, Sam, I wish you had to eat him," to which Sam 
replied, *'I'll eat him if ycu will pay for a gallon of 
rum," which Clem agreed to, but Botsford said, "I've 
just eaten my breakfast, and not being very hungry for 
snake, the whole of him would be more than I would 
want to eat, but I'll eat half of him," to which compro- 
mise Clem agreed. Botsford took the snake, sitting 
in his wagon, took out his jack-knife, cut off the sn-ake's 
head, skinned him half way down and ate him accord- 
ing to contract. Clem had no recourse but to pay for 
the rum. 

A man by the name of Sam Anthony, rather a thin, 
spare man, had the peculiar habit of going for a week 
at i^ time without eating and feeling no serious yearn- 
ing for food during that time. He wore a broad leather 
belt about him, which as he grew gaunt, he would 
buckle up from day to day. After his fast of several 
days, when he had the chance to wood and water his 
system again, he would set down and eat greedily for 
an hour or two, every few minutes letting out a hole 
in his belt until he was full. Travelling one time in 
Massachusetts with a friend, they stopped for dinner 
at a hotel and Sam had a good ordinary meal but not 
filled up to his full capacity. At the bar he inquired 
for some apples to eat. The bartender set out a plate 
with two or three good fair sized apples on it, when 
Sam inquired if that was all he had. Sam remarked 
that such apples as those he could eat two dozen of 
and that he thought that those offered were small al- 
lowance. The bartender doubted his ability to eat 



Yankee Jumbles. 79 

twenty-four such apples, when Sara offered to wager 
the drinks for quite a large party who were present in 
the bar-room. The bartender accepted the proposition 
and the twenty-four apples were selected and put on 
tihe counter for Sam to dispose of. He made short work 
of the first dozen, and the next half dozen, and after 
eating the twenty-third apple, he picked up the twenty- 
fourth and said to the bartender that he could eat a 
dozen more but that he didn't need that one and being 
a nice apple, if the bartender was satisfied what the re- 
sult would be he could save the last apple or have it 
eaten, just as he chose, leaving it to the bartender to 
decide, who being a little penurious, received back the 
apple, accepted defeat by treating the crowd, after 
which Sam got up and very graciously said to the com- 
pany that if he had been ordered to eat that last apple 
he couldn't have done it to have saved his life. 

Sam had a son, Philemon, who was a lazy, shiftless 
fellow, getting quite a large family on his hands, who 
were very poorly provided for. Phi's wife one very 
stormy day reminded him that there was nothing in 
the house for dinner and that if he did not get out to 
get something the family would go hungry. Phi looked 
out of the window into the storm and said he didn't 
think he should get out on such a day as that to get 
anything for his family to eat as long as he had a cat 
on the premises. So Puss, who was calmly lying by 
tlhe fireplace, was taken out and had her head chopped 
off and prepared into a soup for their dinner. 

The importance of owning a watch in .his time was 
displayed by the evidence of a neighbor who went to 



8o Yankee Jumbles. 

get Phi to do some work. Phi had obtained a very 
cheap old bull's-eye silver watch a few days before town 
election was to occur. The neighbor as he approached 
Phi's house heard loud conversation. Halting a little 
to see what it was about, he noticed Phi through an 
open window walking to and fro in his room with the 
watch fob prominently exposed and suddenly stopping, 
as if greeted by some acquaintance, when t!his colloquy 
seemed to occur: "How do you do, Mr. Anthony?" 
"How do you do, Mr. So and So?" "Fine day, Mr. 
'Anthony?" "Yes, indeed." "What is the time of day, 
Mr. Anthony?" (Pulling out the bull's-eye): "Four 
o'clock by G— ." 

In this community of great families were many odd 
and eccentric characters. One, Asa Horton, was noted 
for his fishy stories. He was a great brag about his 
strength, and claimed to have been picking apples one 
day, when a companion picker, who was several feet 
above him in the same tree, fell, calling to Horton to 
save him. He was a man weighing over two hundred 
pounds, according to Horton's story, who said he put 
out one hand and grasped him by the leg, his fingers 
going through his overalls, pants, drawers and even 
through the flesh to the bone, but he stopped him and 
set him back upon the limb, admonishing him to be 
more careful in the future, as he could not always be 
with him. His controversies were always with the big 
fellows, one of whom at a time insisted upon fighting 
with him. However, he didn't want to hurt the fellow, 
who persisted in thrusting himself upon him. He 
only used one hand with no unusuai effort, giving 



Yankee Jumbles. 8i 

a back-handed stroke to throw the fellow back and 
teach him to mind his own business. He found that 
his hand had gone into the fellow's bowels, and, with- 
drawing it, it was bespattered with blood and cov- 
ered with bits of the man's liver. He just told the 
man he had better let him alone or he would get 
hurt. 

Asa was full of such experiences when you let him 
tell them. He was a joiner by trade and used to tell 
of shingling a barn on North Farms when the fog was 
so thick that he did not know when he got to the top of 
the barn and shingled on four or five feet onto the fog. 



TANNING INDUSTRY. 

A very eccentric man was Dr. David Hall, bright, 
well-to-do, shrewd in business, and very hard to get 
ahead of. While he was fond of his glass, he always 
knew enough when he had taken a drink or two to let 
trade and business operations take care of themselves. 
A tanner in Wallingford by the name of Munson learned 
that Dr. David had a fine grove of hemlock trees un- 
der the east mountain, which will be referred to later 
on in this work as the Besek or Turkey Eange. In- 
quiring of Dr. David if he would sell them he recieved 
en affirmative reply and was invited to go and look 
them over, setting a day io do so. Mr. Munson, know- 
ing that the doctor liked a drop, provided himself with 
a pint of Santa Cruz rum for the trip. Going to the 
doctor's house they proceeded together to the grove of 
liemlock trees to look them all over carefully together. 



82 Yankee Jumbles. 

At the foot of the mountain was a fine spring which 
Mr. Munson knew about and suggested going there for 
a drink of water. The doctor of course knowing the 
location of the spring piloted him to it. Arriving at 
the spring, Mr. Munson took out his bottle of Santa 
Cruz, saying that he sometimes thought best in going to 
the foot of the mountain to be prepared for snake bites, 
as this was a prolific ground for red adders. At the same 
time knowing the doctor's respect for Santa Cruz, he 
asked him if he would participate, which the doctor very 
promptly did. After imbibing a reasonable quantity 
of the fluid, Mr. Munson introduced the subject of the 
trees, saying, "Well, Mr. Hall, how much are you going 
to a.sk me for these trees that we have been looking 
over?" The doctor promptly replied, "I haven't any 
trees to sell," and that was the end of it, Mr. Mun- 
son having defeated his own case by treating the doctor 
at the spring. 

The tanning industry was such as to make a good 
demand for all hemlock and white oak bark that was 
available in Connecticut of that growth of timber, and 
considerable bark and tanning material was brought in 
more or less from other states. With the deprecia- 
tion of forests, the tanning industries have nearly all 
died out in Connecticut, and gone to other states where 
resources of tanning material are more available. 

After hides have been through certain processes in 
tan vats, they require some treatment to take out lime 
and other material used in the tanning process. The 
use of hen and pigeon dung used to make these two 
articles a very salable commodity in the vicinity of 



Yankee Jumbles. 83 

tan yards and such materials are quite extensively 
used now in tanneries elsewhere in the country. The 
writer during wartime gathered a great many sheep 
skins which were very marketable at large tanneries 
such as J. S. Rockwell & Co., of Brooklyn, N. Y., and 
T. P. Howell & Co., of Newark, N". J. Having occasion 
to visit the great tannery in Newark in the sale of 
several thousand skins, a book of samples was exhibited, 
showing the preparation of goods designed for their 
various uses which were more numerous than any- 
body would possibly conjecture. These samples were 
made from three grades of skins or parts of skins. The 
sheep skin is split by a machine into three thicknesses, 
the outside is called a roan, the middle a skiver, and 
the inside a fiesher. Mr. Howell proposed to show the 
machine for doing this delicate work, and going through 
a variety of rooms and buildings connected with the 
tannery to where the machine was, one large storage 
room had nearly a hundred old sugar hogsheads 
standing on end. The contents looking like dog manure 
were noticed and an inquiry made as to what the ma- 
terial was. Mr. Howell replied that it was just what 
it appeared to be, and said he must tell a story about 
it. During the war this material became quite scarce 
and dear, ordinarily it was worth less than a dollar a 
bushel, it then rose to three times that cost. It was no- 
ticeable, he said, that their leather was not coming out 
in its usual condition and the tanners were much at 
a loss to account for the lack of success in their work. 
Various experiments were tried to detect the fault. 
While there seemed to be no lack of the supply furnished 



84 Yankee Jumbles. 

by the dogs, suspicions were aroused as to the quality 
of the goods, and detectives were put out into the 
suburbs of the city to see how their supply was obtained. 

They succeeded in making the very interesting dis- 
covery that among the colored people, the sheeneys, and 
other parties of whom they were purchasing, all had 
establishments in active operation making counterfeit 
goods. Mixtures of clay, mortar and hair and other in- 
genious devices of all colors and sizes to accommodate 
that of the dogs were produced by molding and shov- 
ing through tubes and old bottles with their bottoms 
broken off, and this material pushed through their 
necks, thus producing a great variety of designs and 
forms which were impossible to detect from the genu- 
ine article. This discovery revealed why the addi- 
tional quantities had not produced favorable results 
as formerly. It seemed that the higher the cost of 
material they were using they were getting more un- 
favorable results. 

This business has been sometimes recommended to 
young men out of employment as a means of earning 
an honest dollar. 

After enjoying this revelation in tanning the ma- 
chine was exhibited that cut sheep skins into three 
thicknesses, rarely making a hole or blemish. 

In the West and South cattle were branded so as to 
be detected when found, and in case of cattle having 
been stolen and butchered the tan yard was the resort 
to find their hides and examining for branding marks, 
thus hoping to trace the thief. Being a good many years 
ago at an evening party, in one of the Western states, a 



Yankee Jumbles. 85 

couple of old acquaintances met after an interval of 
twenty-five or thirty years. The gentleman expressed 
surprise that the lady should have known him so 
readily. "Bless your soul/' she said, "I should have 
known your hide in a tan yard." It was conclusive 
proof of her good memory. 

Speaking of barks for tanning purposes, they thus 
become a matter of merchandise, and forests of hemlock 
and oak had a special value for their woods and on 
account of the price of their bark. The white oak tim- 
ber of Connecticut also was in high demand for ship 
timber. The ship-yards along the coast sought for all 
the large white oaks for quite a distance inland from 
whidh to cut knees, which would be taken from the roots 
as well as from the branches. The logs or bodies of the 
trees were sawed into wide planks in the woods, thirty, 
forty and fifty feet long for ship siding, and long tim- 
ber bottoms for keels, beams, stems, futtocks and every 
other appliance made of wood in the construction of a 
vessel. Another very current use of white oak was be- 
ing split into staves for sugar, molasses and rum hogs- 
heads. These staves Avere cut out and packed at home 
in shooks so called, each one fitted and prepared for a 
hogshead when set up. Hoop-poles were also greatly 
in demand from which hoops were split out, shaved, 
and ready for the same uses. These bundles of shooks 
and hoop-poles were sold in New Haven mostly and 
at some other sea-ports. To connect with this history 
must be included another variety of goods which was as- 
sociated with this trade with the West Indies. New 
Haven was until 1850 the largest receiving port of sugar. 



86 Yankee Jumbles. 

molasses and Santa Cruz rum of any in the country. At 
that time mules were brought from Kentucky, Ten- 
nessee, Western Pennsylvania and some other states 
to Connecticut to be shipped from New Haven. They 
were raised quite largely in Connecticut for the same 
market. These mules, shooks and hoop-poles for hogs- 
heads were large commodities for exportation to Cuba 
and other West India islands. These all found a ready 
market there in exchange for sugar, molasses, and rum 
for the return cargo, such articles being mostly 
handled in New Haven by the old houses known as the 
Towners, Trowbridges and Hotclikisses, who obtained 
a great portion of the wealth accruing to these houses 
from that source. 

This transfer of mules from the Western states named 
would seem at the present day to be very much out of 
the channel of trade, not more so really than has been 
tihe change in the miarketing of cattle in the same 
time. Cattle for farm work were universally employed 
and for eating purposes were all raised and slaughtered 
by home butchers, making meats of a much finer relish 
than those which come from the West in refrigerator 
cars, and with preparations used to preserve tilieir con- 
dition. Evei-y autumn large droves of cattle were 
brought in to Connecticut from Northern New Eng- 
land and from New York state for the supply of the 
manufacturing districts. These droves of cattle to 
furnish butchers and winter's stock for farmers have 
become about as extinct as the great Auk. 

A custom used to prevail of Yankees going out into 
the border counties of New York state to buy horses 



Yankee Jumbles. 87 

of some of the old Dutch residents. Some of the 
traders after getting acquainted with the old Dutch 
farmers, introduced a credit system by buying their 
horses, and giving their notes for them. After the 
preliminaries of trade were completed, the notes made 
out and signed, in order to make assurance doubly 
sure, the Yankee would take the note home with him 
in order to be certain when it came due. This sys- 
tem worked well for a time, but did not prove to be 
eternal, as some of the purchasers failed to remember 
even with such a wise precaution. 

A friend who had been on one of these trips to York 
state to buy horses of the Dutch farmers, used to tell a 
pleasant story of a scheme he saw an old man adopt for 
breaking a colt of s3iying. This story carries with it 
a warning to young men not to overdo in their en- 
deavors in morals and business. The old man (to teach 
his colt steady habits) instructed his son, Hans, to se- 
crete himself behind a tree while he rode the colt down 
the street quite a little distance, and was to turn about 
and come back on a good gallop and wlhen passing the 
tree, Hans was to jump out and "pooh" at the colt. 
The arrangements all being made, the old man mounted 
the colt and rode a distance down the street and came 
back at a good lively gait, passing the tree. Hans 
jumped out and made one of his greatest efforts in 
"poohing" with the result that the colt jumped with 
all his might, throwing the old man heels over head 
into the gutter, nearly breaking his neck and bones, the 
colt going on up the street having it all to himself. 
It was some little time before the old man recovered 



88 Yankee Jumbles. 

his senses to get up. Slowly raising himself in a dazedj 
way, he said to Hans, "Py Gott, Hans, that vas too 
pig a 'pooh' for the colt. It was big enough for the 
old horse." 

It used to be a favorite custom with the farmers par- 
ticularly (although others joined them to a consider- 
able extent) after haying and harvesting to make trips 
to the sea-shore. They would go in companies of twenty 
to thirty wagons; this trip was considered a great 
stimulus to pushing through harvesting exercises in 
order to be ready to join the crowd for the shore, for 
clamming, fishing, bathing and a general "blow-out." 
Provisions were largely carried, on which to subsist, 
outside of what they would gather from the salt water. 
A few would get accommodations for their meals and 
lodging in the limited number and accommodations 
of the sea-shore houses, tlTe rest would sleep in bams, 
in their wagons and if necessary out of doors under 
the trees. These companies used to be called by the 
sea-shore people, "Portuguese Emigrants," and for 
a time while they were there it was wise to look out 
for their hen roosts, melon patches, and green cornfields. 
The drink habit would incite these parties to all sorts 
of mischief and carryings on as such a motley crowd 
would be likely to invent. 

On one of these Portuguese excursions, were two 
young men from Wallingford, Ives Martin and William 
Carrington, the former always ready for some innocent 
fun, and the latter, an amiable, polite and popular 
bachelor, very quiet and reserved in his habits. While 
most of the party were spending their evening in jollity, 



Yankee Jumbles. 89 

jiliiying cards, smoking, drinking, and idling stories, 
Carrington quietly retired to bed iu a room to be oc- 
cupied in common with Martin, During the evening, 
Martin patronized a nearby barber shop and took a clean 
shave, whicli called forth some comments from his 
jovial friends that he looked like a young woman in 
male attire. At this suggestion Martin proposed to 
go to bed 'with Carrington and try a little piece of de- 
ceptive work on his modest friend. 

Going stealthily into the room he luckily found Car- 
rington sound asleep, and, disrobing himself, deftly 
opened the bed and at once threw his legs over his bed- 
fellow, clasping his arms around his neck and began to 
imprint most fervent kisses and affectionate embraces. 

Carrington, awaking and finding himself involved 
in such a new experience, began in his bewilderment to 
offer apologies by exclaiming, "Madame, madame, ex- 
cuse me, there must be some mistake about this, ex- 
cuse me," and with a desperate effort extricated himself 
from the embrace of one whom he suspected was inclined 
to turn his feet from the virtuous path they had so 
long and faithfully trod and jumped out of bed. Be- 
fore leaving the room, the familiar and audible smiles 
of Martin revealed the wretch in his base attempt to 
pollute a heretofore unsullied life. 

The hot summer season was the favorite time for 
black fishing and catching round clams, both of which 
were very abundant. Every wagon would go home well 
laden with such stocks of sea food. In the spring time 
the festive soft clam was in season. At Indian Neck 
lived a quiet couple who wore well-known by some old 



90 Yankee Jumbles. 

acquaintances inland, and men were in the habit of 
visiting there to get a few meals of sea food and to visit 
them as old friends. The matron of the house was 
known as Aunt Eliza, a very kind and amiable woman. 
She used to allow her hens the privilege of the house 
almost as much as herself. In her sitting-room stood a 
bureau of drawers, in which one of her favorite hens 
sought a nest, and when she felt inclined to contribute 
to Aunt Eliza's store of eggs, she would walk demurely 
into the sitting-room and by gentle squawks would call 
Aunt Eliza's attention to her design, when the kind 
Aunt would open the drawer for her, into which she 
would jump, and, after a reasonable time spent in medi- 
tation, would leave her contribution. She was also al- 
lowed to hatch one or two broods in this same comfort- 
able location. This amiable habit of Aunt Eliza's will 
give some idea of her general habits of housekeeping. A 
couple of her old acquaintances from Wallingford made 
a trip down one spring in the shad season, and, as was 
natural, called on Aunt Eliza, she being an old friend 
of their youth. The day was raw and chilly, and they 
were glad to sit by her large open fireplace to warm 
themselves after their chilly ride from Wallingford. It 
was nearly dinner time and Aunt Eliza had just put 
a half of a nice shad onto the gridiron and placed it 
over the coals in the fireplace for broiling. These two 
friends chewed tobacco and as they sat and talked witii 
Aunt Eliza about old times, they would expectorate 
their tobacco juice on the shad, keeping it well basted. 
When the shad was turned to broil the other side, they 
continued to administer the same dressing of tobacco 



Yankee Jumbles. 911 

juice. The sliad was finally talvcii up after tliit^ de- 
lectable treatiiient while broiling, and placed on the table 
for her husband V dinner. He soon came in and this ap- 
petizing meal was set before him. As soon as he be- 
gan to eat he criticised the seasoning on account of 
there being too much pepper on it, which Aunt Eliza 
was at a loss to understand, thinking she had prepared 
the meal in her usual w.xy. The friends were invited 
to dine, but courteously declined. 

It was quite customary in days 1)efore the canning 
industry became so general for people to preserve fru:l ■• 
and vegetables by drying. As pumpkins were so perish- 
able an article to keep and made so popular a pie f sr 
families, one old lady was in the habit of preparing quite 
a stock to last through the winter in this way. This 
was mostly done by spreading soft boiled pumpkin on 
sheets of tin, in tin pans or pie plates to dry. Having 
a large family of small children they would of course 
be cutting up a great many antics about the room, 
climbing into chairs and on to the tables and every other 
place where they could scramble for amusement. In one 
of their pleasant little diversions a stand was upset on 
which were several dishes of boiled pumpkin in the proc- 
ess of drying, which by the upset of the table was 
scattered over the floor. 

The mother, anxious to retrieve her loss, saw^ no other 
way than to gather up and save wdiat she could from the 
wreck scattered over the floor. As she began to scrape 
it up into the pan some of the children would remark, 
"That ain't pumpkin, mother," and they would have 
regular disputes as to the purity of the pumpkin she was 



92 Yankee Jumbles. 

gathftring np. In order to be more positive, the mother 
would taste of the specimen gathered, and when she was 
in doubt about its entire purity, she would console her- 
self by the assurance that "there was some pumpkin 
in it," so that this expression for many years became a 
byword in speaking of the character of some young 
man, if not specially smart — "He was some pumpkin.'^ 



NEIGHBORHOOD EXCHANGES. 

Before there were any regular butchers or market- 
men, families had to depend upon exchanges of food. 
When one of the farmers was out of fresh meat in the 
summer he would butcher a calf. This would be divided 
up among his different neighbors in quarters and halves. 
The neighbors were expected in time to return by 
butchering a calf or lamb, whichever the exchange 
might be. The same thing in making cheese, a neigh- 
borhood would join all their milk for a certain num- 
ber of days, according to their number of cows, in order 
to produce a desirable size. 



AUNTIES AND GEANNIES. 

In the country districts, a great many elderly women 
were known as "aunties" and a large percentage of the 
old women were called "grannies." Firm in memory 
are "Aunt Sally," "Aunt Lucy," "Aunt Hopey," and 
"Aunt Tentie." Then there were "Granny Morse," 
"Granny Mix," "Granny Francis," "Granny Parker," 
"Granny Guy," and so on. The aunts were generally 



Yankee Jumbles. 93 

favorite elderly women and were looked upon with a 
spirit of admiration and love. The grannies were almost 
universal snuff takers. The taking of rank yellow snuff 
by the old women was quite as general as the chewing 
of plug tobacco by the men. They commonly carried a 
handkerchief in their pocket with which to absorb 
the mucus from their profuse use of snuff. It was 
common to see them kneading dough with a pinch of 
snuff between their fingers, taking up meats and vege- 
tables from dinner-pots, and making frequent use of 
the delectable handkerchief of apparently several days' 
use. 

One of these grannies about a hundred years ago, 
used to live near where the First Baptist church com- 
menced business. She was accustomed to entertaining 
one of their early ministers when he came to break 
the "Bread of Life" to the new congregation. The 
elder's name was Wheat, and in case of an invitation 
from a brother in the society to tarry over Sunday 
with him, he always declined on account of a previous 
invitation from "Granny Francis." This caused a great 
deal of talk among the good women of the parish. One 
Sabbath, after a sojourn over night with "Granny Fran- 
cis," Elder Wheat took for his text the passage in Solo- 
mon's Song, "Else up, my love, my fair one, and come 
away." The granny was seated near the pulpit, and 
this text was so often repeated, at the same time the 
elder looking down so affectionately towards the granny, 
tluit it became the source of so much amusement that 
people laughed outriglit. 

Tn Wallingford, nearly one hundred 3'ears ago, the 



94 Yankee Jumbles. 

old Presbyterian church had a stalwart parson by the 
name of Noyes. Elder Noyes had occasionally missed 
some of his chickens while counting them up mornings. 

One night, at latish bedtime, some of his family 
thought they heard the squawk of a hen, and called the 
Elder's attention to it, when he stepped out of doors 
to listen. 

He soon thought he heard some disturbance among 
his poultry, and stepped softly under a shed, in a room 
above which his flock roosted. As he got into the shed, 
he noticed two chickens lying on the ground in the cold 
embrace of death. Halting to listen, soon two more 
came down, when he called out, "There, I guess that 
is enough, you had better come down." There being 
no other recourse, the party overhead descended, when 
it developed to be a neighbor not far away, by the name 
of Cook. 

The Elder greeted him very courteously, passing upon 
the nature of the evening, etc., and invited him into the 
house. Mr. Cook was very loath to accept the in- 
vitation, but knowing the parson's traits of character, 
dared not positively decline. Entering the house, family 
greetings were as familiar as usual, the health of his 
home circle as anxiously inquired about. The Elder, 
as was the custom of those days, brought out the usual 
bitter bottle and invited Mr. Cook to partake ; but Mr. 
Cook insisted he was not dry, and begged to be excused, 
but after many protestations of not being dry was not 
allowed to avail himself of any excuse and took his 
medicine with the Elder. 

"Now," said the parson, "we'll divide the chickens, 



Yankee Jumbles. 95 

you taking half, and I will take half." Mr. Cook was 
most strongly opposed to taking the chickens, not caring 
for them at all, but the parson would not dismiss him 
till he accepted half the chickens to take home. 

For many years after in declining a drink, the formu- 
la was, "Mr. Cook ain't dry." 

During the common habit of letting cattle, hogs, geese 
and stock forage in the road, two or three men every sea- 
son had running at large several old mares with their 
colts of different ages from one to four years old. For 
a pleasant exhibition of speed, this drove of young horses 
would be driven by men and boys in the neighborhood 
into some back yard, and there prepared for a race with 
strings or more commonly strips of green elm bark, 
which was stronger. One end would be tied to each 
colt's tail, the other to some old tin pail or pan or any 
other similar article that would make a noise. These 
articles were carefully hoarded by the boys for the 
races. They were then started out into the highway 
in a bunch, and whatever the missile that was attached 
to their tail was kept in hand until the ponies were 
got into the street and could have a- fair start, with- 
out the usual delay at races of scoring up, which was 
avoided by the collection of missiles being thrown si- 
multaneously against their hind legs. As they went 
off, the aggregation of old pails, pans, teapots, etc., 
would be jerked on to their heels, and then on to their 
backs, thus stimulating them to their speediest efforts. 
There may have been better time made by Dexter and 
Eclipse, but no horseflesh ever put forth more honest 
endeavors for speed than these un-thoroughbreds to 



96 Yankee Jumbles. 

get away from the adornments of out-of-date tinware. 
Their attention being on things behind rather than 
before, would frequently result in some of the larger 
colts running over the smaller ones, and like blind 
leaders of the blind, be precipitated heels over head 
into some fence or gutter. No circus ever afforded 
the pure and unadulterated amusement furnished by 
one of these old tinware races. 

Another pleasant diversion with the horse was prac- 
ticed by a man by the name of Bull. His method was 
to take a split stick of wood and place it cross-ways 
in the horse's mouth, with a strip of bark over the horse's 
head and attached to each end to keep it in place. This 
used to be conducive of many smiles from people meet- 
ing this drove of horses, each with a big stick in its 
mouth. This proved such a success that the owner of 
the drove of young horses said they brought home 
nearly a hundred sticks one summer. 

A man by the name of Foster was rather slow in pay- 
ing his bills, but nevertheless was a man of good in- 
tegrity. He lived nearly three miles from the center 
of the town. A man whom he thought was crowding him 
unduly sent a collector one morning to his home to 
present his bill and urge a prompt payment. 

Handing the bill to Mr. Foster, he was told that he 
had not funds sufficient in his pocket to pay it, but if 
the collector would sit down and read the paper, he 
would go out and see what he could do. The collector 
seated himself to peruse the paper, while Mr. Foster 
•went out and harnessed up his horse and drove to town, 



Yankee Jumbles. 97 

where he spent the day seeing what he conkl do, leav- 
ing the collector to a day's work of getting news. 

Some men have a particular hobby to talk about. I 
once knew a man by name of Moore who could not be 
engaged in conversation for five minutes any time or 
anywhere but what he would succeed in the introduction 
of horse talk in some manner. 

Loyal Booth wonld do the same thing in gun talk. 
Sitting in a room with company, perhaps the subject of 
discussion might bo on the tariff, free trade or protec- 
tion. He woidd produce some noise by a stamp on the 
floor or some other way, and exclaim at once, "What 
was that? It sounded like a gun." From this starter 
he would go on, thus diverting the whole theme of con- 
versation in the room. 

Bill Cornwall was always bragging about his wife, 
never losing an opportunity to exalt her rare qualities 
and gifts. Some of his chums, having heard of Bill's 
wife to a surfeit, thought they had heard enough, and 
as Bill's wife was not considered by the community 
as entirely above reproach, one fellow says to Bill, after 
listening to a fresh eulogy : "Bill, how is it you are al- 
ways boasting about your wife as a model of perfection? 
Isn't she a little too familiar with other men than a 
perfect woman should be ?" "Wall," said Bill, "perhaps 
she is, but that's her only fault." 

A queer fellow by the name of Jason Durrow was a 
sort of stroller about, never having any special home, 
but working a short time and after getting a little pay 
would shift his (piarters. He was witty and had some- 
thing of a gift in making rhymes and sometimes com- 



98 Yankee Jumbles. 

posed epitaphs. His compensation for composing epi- 
taphs was a meal of food, a drink of cider, or sometimes 
cast-off clothes. In his town was a Doctor Potter, who 
one day offered to treat him for a sentiment in the way 
of diversion. He would usually insist upon getting 
part or all of his pay before he delivered his com- 
position. 

The doctor got the following sentiment : 

"Doctor Potter's fat as butter, 
Cheehs as red as a rose. 

He can give a glyster 

And draiv a blister. 
And that is all he hnows." 

On another occasion, Jason called at a house, being 
thirsty, and suggested writing an epitaph for the lady 
of the house, for which she promised him his usual 
drink of cider, but wanted him to write it before she 
gave it to him. After some little bantering, he con- 
sented to write half of it, which was agreed to. He 
started off as follows : 

"Good old Sarah died of late. 
And safely arrived at Heaven's gate." 

Thus far the epitaph seemed very satisfactory and 
a generous pitcher of cider was furnished to further 
inspire Jason's muse; when he was called upon for the 
other two lines he continued thus: 

"There Gabriel met her with a club. 
And drove her doivn to Beelzebub." 



Yankee Jumbles. 99 

x4nothGr iimo Jason happened in one morning at a 
neighbor's house before breakfast, just as the family 
were seating themselves at the table. The family con- 
sisted of a man and his wife, a son and daughter. Jason 
came in rather cold, and was given a seat in the chimney 
corner, while the family sat down to breakfast. As soon 
as they were all located at the table, the man of the 
house said, "Well, Jason, what's the news down the 
road?'' At first Jason didn't think of much, but finally 
starting upon a new thoui^hf. remarked that one of Col. 
Andrew's cows that morning had had five calves. "Well, 
well !" said the man, "that is news ; never heard of such 
a thing before, five calves at once! Wliat can the fifth 
calf do?" Jason said, "It can set and look on like a 
d — n fool, same as I do." This, of course, led to a very 
prompt invitation to breakfast. 

An epitaph written for a maiden lady by the name 
of Charlotte : 

"Beneath this stone lies one named Charlotte, 
She was horn a virgin, hut died a harlot. 
Till the age of eighteen, she Icept her virginity. 
Which ivas doing well for this vicinity." 

On a woman who died of wind colic: 

''Wherever you he, let your wind go free. 
For holding it hack was lite death of me." 

Many old sayings are passed about by people who liave 
a very vague knowledge of where they originated. All 

L. of C. 



loo Yankee Jumbles. 

over the country the expression of "Even Stephen" is 
frequently heard. Being in a business office in Cleveland 
some years ago, a large iron manufacturer, speaking of 
the different mixtures of ores for making a certain 
quality of iron, remarked that a little of this and a 
rttle of that of another kind of ore would make an 
"even Stephen," which to him or anyone else there meant 
nothing but that it would make it come out all right. 
He was asked if he knew the origin of the expression, 
to which he said no, but being Connecticut born, he hai 
always heard it. He was informed why. A man by tke 
name of Peter Hall had a son Stephen. The old man 
was horribly close and penurious in all his habits. He 
doled out his food on the table in the most stingy man- 
ner. One day, having a dish of pot-luck for dinner, in 
which was a liberal piece of pork, he served out his usual 
scrimpy ration to his wife and son, Stephen. Stephen 
soon dispatched his piece of pork and proceeded to help 
himself to more, cutting much deeper than his father 
liked to see him. The old man exclaimed emphatically, 
"Stephen ! Stephen ! cut it even," to which Stephen very 
promptly replied, "Even or odd, I'll have a good slice, 
by G— .^' 

In the old-time houses the best front room usually 
had a cupboard built across one corner known as a 
"boofat," meaning a buffet in which the bitter bottle, 
loaf sugar, and goodies were commonly kept for com- 
pany. It was not considered a cordial reception of a 
friend without setting out some kind of liquors, wines 
or cider. At weddings, raising or moving of buildings, 
liquors and wines were profusely drank, and any man 



Yankee Jumbles. loi 

within the circuit of invitation would consider himself 
greatly slighted if not invited to a raising or witli his 
teams of oxen to hauling a l)uilding. 



THE HABITS OF DEESS AND HOUSEHOLD 
LIVING. 

A congregation of people during the first half of the 
century in dress, and the habits of living would be 
about as unlike those of the latter half of it as the con- 
trast in almost any other feature of life that could be 
given. About the only thing known for men's wear in 
the place of store clothes would be broadcloth, cassi- 
mere and a fabric called satinet, the latter a cotton 
warp wool filled which after a few months' wear would 
develop white spots at the knees, seats and elbows. 
Broadcloth was the dress for the clergy and usually for 
wedding outfits. Aside from these, almost everything 
else were home productions. Nearly every farmer kept 
a flock of sheep, the wool being washed at home and 
taken to a carding machine and there worked into rolls 
about two feet long and the size of one's finger. 

A spinning wheel was in every house for spinning 
wool. This wool yarn was woven into homemade cloth 
for men's and women's wear. Some went into carpets, 
some for sheets and bedding, underwear and various 
other things. The next staple article for home produc- 
tion was linen made from flax. Every farmer would have 
a small patch or a whole acre of flax. This on a rich 
piece of ground was sown very thickly to insure a 
fine fibre. When gro^\Ti and the seed was ripe, it was all 



102 Yankee Jumbles. 

pulled by hand, bound in bundles and after the seed 
was taken out, it was spread on a smooth piece of field 
to rot the stem and make it brittle preparatory to 
breaking and dressing, as they called it. After two 
or three months of this treatment, it was again bound 
up and taken to the barns. 

During the winter, men were employed in taking 
this in handfuls and laying across the top edge of four 
or five boards arranged in a form called a break, with 
three or four more with the end enclosed in a heavy 
block to drop across it, bringing the two sets of edges 
together, thus breaking every inch of it. Then it was 
shaken out to separate what was called the shives and 
the remainder in large hanks was taken over the end 
of a board, set upright in a heavy block, and with a 
wooden instrument, called a swingling-knife, about two 
feet long, the coarser parts were whipped out. Then 
it was drawn through a coarse hatchel, taking out the 
coarser fibre, called swingling-tow. 

This was separated and worked into coarse towels, 
coarse shirting and for various other similar uses on 
the farm. The next treatment of the flax was on a fine 
hatchel. This last treatment took out every coarse 
particle of the flax, and left a material to be worked 
into thread, fine table linen, fine underwear, sheets 
and pillow cases, and anything that could be produced 
from linen fabric. This work was a preparation for 
any young lady anticipating marriage. It was expected 
that she should have all of her necessities provided for 
furnishing the new home, with the materials above 
named, with her own hands as far as possible. Whereas 



Yankee Jumbles. 103 

the spinning of wool was always done with the large 
wheel, the spinning of llax for these household purposes 
was done on a small wheel known as a Dutch wheel 
run by a treadle. 

Many of these later specimens of wheels are still pre- 
served in the -country, the relics of a past generation, 
as bric-a-brac. These latter wheels were so portable 
that women could transfer them by hand with little 
trouble from one house to another; thus a number get- 
ting together to spin for the benefit of a special neigh- 
bor, or for a social entertainment, was the origin of 
spinning bees. The styles of wearing apparel were very 
different from those adopted in later days, conform- 
ing to those of 'New York or Paris. Ready-made cloth- 
ing worn into town by country boys and girls would be 
a very attractive sight in these later days. To see the 
economy in the use of wearing apparel would be both 
a surprise and an amusement in our times. Men and 
boys were patched from head to foot. Elbows, knees, 
seats of pants and every spot of wear was covered with 
some piece of material without any regard to color or 
fitness. A boy's coat in those times would give a very 
good idea, of the one worn by Joseph, who, a long time 
ago, was reputed to have spent quite an adventurous 
time in Egypt. 

A very good illustration of the patching habit was 
given by a good old lady who fitted out her son, John, 
for a trip to visit his uncle, who was a man of some 
importance. She brushed up his clothes, patched the 
knees of his pants, and put a pair of her own gloves on 
his hands. John went to his uncle's residence out of 



I04 Yankee Jumbles. 

town and put in his appearance, announcing himself 
as a nephew, the son of a sister of the uncle. The 
uncle looked him over somewhat critically and said, 
"You are John, are you ? Mary Ann's hoy," at the same 
time remarking how 'well she had got hira up for the 
visit, with this observation — "Patch on both knees, and 
gloves on." 

The hats of those times were usually for Sunday wear 
and very important occasions. They were made of felt 
instead of silk as now, and were very stiff, heavy and 
uncomfortable for the head. 

The boots were for special occasions made of calf- 
skin kept polished with Day & Martin's blacking. The 
above named hat and boots were to be woin only at 
church or for some very special occasion, and would 
do service from ten to twenty years. 

Boots made of cowhide were more generally worn 
than shoes, both of which styles were made straight, 
not right and left as now. These straight boots and 
shoes were a prolific source of corns and bunions, a cure 
for which is worth the price and reading of this book. 
A corn is caused by a pressure on the spot that stops 
circulation. An infallible cure is to soften with oil and 
pinch the com till it is loose, which by a little persist- 
ence is easily done ; soon as circulation is restored, the 
corn is done for. Future watchfulness will prevent a 
recurrence. 

While these fashions prevailed throughout all New 
England for half a century, the country west repeated 
very much the same style of dress and habits, appear- 
ing to be using up the out-of-style ready-made clothing 



Yankee Jumbles. 105 

thirty to fifty years later, in evidence of which will be 
introduced one or two bits of correspondence written 
to a young lady as late as in the sixties.* 

Another essential with girls providing for matri- 
mony, was the preparation of feather beds ; such a thing 
as a mattress m those times was unknown. Nearly 
every farmer kept a flock of geese, being necessary to 
produce feathers for their beds, pillows 'and similar 
uses. The geese ran freely in the streets and to most 
farmers were an intolerable nuisance, crawling through 
fences and barways into their fields of grain, and wad- 
dling down the grass in their meadows. To avoid this 
trouble, it was the custom to yoke the geese, which was 
done by cutting a crotched stick with each prong ahout 
a foot long (just across which was placed a stick with 
holes bored) to receive each of these prongs. This 
cross stick was shoved up so as to form a triangular 
spot large enough for the goose's neck and fastened 
in place. It would seem like an easy matter to get 
crotched sticks enough with t'le abundance of bushes 
tliat existed, to yoke a flock of geese at short notice, 
but to get evenly balanced crotches was not so easy 
a matter as one might suppose. Therefore crotched 
sticks were generally kept on hand in some out build- 
ing, as it was the motto, "The time to cut a goose yoke, 
is when 3'ou can find it." 

The picking of geese was always an interesting ex- 
ercise for boys to witness and participate in by catching 
the geese for their mothers to pick. While goslings at 



* Soo pooius midor "Corrospondenco." — addressed to "Sweet 
Ella" and "Prune Ella." 



io6 Yankee Jumbles. 

their first picking would be gentle and tame, the older 
geese and ganders would resent the performance by a 
most vigorous biting, to prevent which the old women 
generally pulled a stocking over their heads. In the 
absence of goose yokes being on hand to keep geese 
out of neighbors' fields, some people would resort to 
catching their neighbors' geese and goslings and tying 
strings around their necks just above their crops, after 
which performance the goslings would fill up their necks 
with green grass which could not go any farther down 
than the string, thus presenting much the appearance 
of a flock of pelicans with their pouches filled. A 
string thus covered is a source of a great deal of trouble 
to remove. 

Other street nuisances were hogs, cattle and horses 
running at large. With hogs the same trouble was more 
or less experienced as with geese of getting into neigh- 
boring fields, and they, like geese, had to be yoked to 
prevent their depredations. If they were kept in fields 
they had to be caught and the rim of their noses per- 
forated with an awl and a piece of wire twisted in it 
to prevent their damage by rooting. A much easier 
remedy has been learned since then than that quite cruel 
process. Eiding on a western train a few years ago, 
with a man who was returning from Chicago, after the 
sale of a big lot of hogs, the train passed near a large 
fann in Missouri owned by this drover and leased to 
a party for raising hogs on. He said he had recently 
been on this farm and was taken out to the large 
fields in which the hogs ran, some two thousand in num- 
ber, and remarked that there was no rooting dene in the 



Yankee Jumbies. 107 

fields. He suggcsied to the man who owned the hogs 
that he must have quite a job ringing his hogs, to which 
the man replied with a sense of surprise that he never 
rung any hogs to prevent rooting. When asked how he 
prevented it, he replied, "By giving them all the salt 
they want," of which he convinced the man by showing 
him troughs of salt scattered in various places. 



APPRENTICESHIPS. 

Until the last thirty or forty years, it has been the 
custom for most trades to be learned through an ap- 
prenticeship. Joiners, tailors, shoemakers, blacksmiths 
and tinners, in fact, nearly every kind of trade vvas 
learned by young men starting in at the ages of six- 
teen or seventeen years and serving with master work- 
men until they were twenty-one. After that time 
they were considered competent to work as journeymen 
and receive regular wages as suoh. During their time 
of apprenticeship they w^ere required to work from ten 
to twelve hours a day, and when the days shortened 
from the 20th of September to the 20th of March, 
during these six months, shoemakers and such other 
trades as did work by lamp and candle light, were re- 
quired to work till nine o'clock in the evening. Appren- 
tices were usually, as they called it, bound out by their 
parents, under a written stipulation to serve their time 
in learning their trade, and were expected to be sub- 
ject to all the rules and regulations under those who 
gave them employment. They must conform to the 
household regulations, attending morning devotions, and 



io8 Yankee Jumbles. 

in many cases where they lived, as was usual, with 
their employers in the absence of whom temporarily, 
the oldest apprentice was expected to ask the blessing 
at the table. A very interesting ease of this kind 
happened in the family where the proprietor and his 
wife were extremely economical and miserly in their 
habits of living. During a severe storm, a nearly full- 
grown turkey was blown from ojEf a tree on their premises 
into a pond nearby and was drowned. It was not dis- 
covereid until nearly a week afterwards, when the lady of 
the house had it dressed and served for the apprentices. 
The man of the house happening to be absent when the 
fowl was served, it devolved as usual upon the oldest 
apprentice to ask the blessing. As the boys were aware 
of the nature of the feast prepared for them, the senior 
apprentice delivered himself of the following blessing: 
"Good Lord of love, look down from above upon this 
turkey hen; which has been dead and buried and now 
has rose again." Then all left the table in disgust, 
leaving the landlady to dispose of her turkey as she 
thought best. As another specimen of economy in this 
same family, it may not be out of place to record the 
most economical method in the use of tobacco. The man 
of the house chewed plug tobacco and after chewing his 
cuds until he had extracted all of their soothing juices, 
he then laid the quids on the mantel over his fireplace 
to dry, after which he supplied his pipe with the same 
for smoking. After smoking the same he reserved the 
ashes from his pipe for snuff, and it was told by his 
neighbors that he claimed the snuff produced snot 
enouo;]! to grease his boots with. 



Yankee Jumbles. 109 

In the days mentioned, the tinning industry was the 
leading business in the neighborhood of Meriden. In 
the eastern part of the town, where many apprentices 
were employed and large quantities of tin were made for 
peddlers and for jobbers, was a locality known especially 
as "The Devil's Half Acre." This Devil's Half Acre 
was a sort of trade center for many years although nearly 
three miles from the real center of the town. From the 
stock produced in the shops standing on this ground, 
probably more Yankee peddlers were sent to the South- 
ern states than from any other place in Connecticut. A 
large portion of the future successful business men of 
the town started in business from this point. For a 
time they would peddle tin about the state, taking, when 
they could not get money, such substitutes in exchange 
as old rags, geese and hens' feathers, old metals of all 
kinds, copper, pewter and lead, old gum shoes, butter, 
cheese and eggs, and at times various other kinds of pro- 
duce. Their next advance would be to engage for a 
Southern trip ; most of the peddlers from this region se- 
lecting Alabama as their field of trade. They would, 
with the aid of some friends to start them off, buy their 
dry-goods and Yankee notions in New York, commonly 
in the months of May and June, have them shipped 
through by water to Charleston, Savannah, Augusta, 
Mobile and any port from which they could be trans- 
ferred overland by teams to the destination in some 
county where they took license to peddle. In the 
month of September, they would start out with a new 
outfit of horses and covered wagons in strings of half 
a. dozen or more teams, requiring a drive of several 



iio Yankee Jumbles. 

weeks to get to the locality of their winter's work. 
Their goods would not much more than arrive in time 
for them to commence their sale in the fall, the means 
of transportation were then so slow. They would spend 
the winter months peddling, selling their goods to the 
planters, getting what pay they could down and taking 
notes for the balance. They returned in the spring 
to purchase a new stock of goods, spending the summer 
months north, and repeating the same migratory trip 
the following seasons. This history is given to show 
a great contrast in business between then and now. 
These goods were bought and shipped on individual 
credits to these young men on from six to eighteen 
months' time, which in these days would be an absurdity 
for anybody of however good credit to attempt to do 
business on such terms. To the credit of these young 
men they almost invariably paid their bills and turned 
out business successes in later life at home ; it was rare 
that any of them ever betrayed the confidence of their 
creditors. 

Among the apprentices of this tin-ware manufacture 
was one young man known as "Teenter Booge," who 
in settling up with his employer, a man very exacting 
of his apprentices, thought that he had been unjustly 
deprived of one dollar due him. He also took a trip 
south peddling. In those times, people receiving letters 
were expected to pay the postage; postage was charged 
according to the size of the package and the distance, 
ranging from 12^ to 35 cents. So Teenter Booge made 
Tip several packages and mailed them to his old employ- 
er, writing some indifferent matter in all but the last, in 



Yankee Jumbles. in 

which he put these couplets which became public prop- 
erty: 

''Old Noah PerTcins, I am well. 
Pay the postage on this letter and go to h — . 
You oive me a dollar, d — n you; 
This is the way Fll get it out of you." 

Another rather eccentric young man used to be em- 
ployed on "The Devil's Half Acre" by the name of 
Tenant. If any piece of trickery' was to be performed. 
Tenant was usually looked to engineer it. If a man 
came to the factory with a load of melons or other fruit, 
Tenant would be delegated to the man's wagon to di- 
vert his attention for a while in purchasing a small 
amount and then invite him into the shop to get his 
pay, when on his return he would generally find his 
wagon emptied of its contents. The horses used for 
fitting out tin peddlers from this establishment dur- 
ing the summer usually becoming poor and thin were 
disposed of in some way, before wintering. In the fall, 
the proprietor one season was applied to by Tenant for 
the privilege of selling his run-down peddling horses 
on commission. This was agreed to and Tenant took 
several of the horses to a neighboring town and notified 
the horsemen and others of the contemplated sale. The 
horses were well groomed and brushed up for the mar- 
ket. Tenant being very active about the horses, apolo- 
gizing for their bad looks on account of their summer 
usage, but insisted on having them hitched up and 
driven to show the intending purchaser that while they 



112 Yankee Jumbles. 

were poor and thin, they were high lived and ambi- 
tious horses. When the horses were harnessed it was 
a surprise to all to see what wonderful life every horse 
showed. Their heads and tails were high, and every one 
appeared to be a regular star gazer. After the horses 
were all sold at very fancy prices, it leaked out that 
Tenant had had his pockets filled with Cayenne pepper 
with which every horse was well anointed Avhile put- 
ting on his cruppers. 

In those days toll gates were general all over the state 
and everybody seemed to think it legitimate if they 
could beat a gate-keeper out of a fee when they -were 
on the road. 

In the old-fashioned winters, sleighing parties were 
common. Thirty or forty sleighs in a turnout to drive 
to some popular place fifteen or twenty miles away 
and have a big supper, frequently winding up with a 
dance in one of the old hotel ball-rooms. On one oc- 
casion, this same Tenant was in the party and as there 
were three or four toll gates on the circuit, he suggested 
that they were to make it a rule of the party to save 
trouble and time, that one should pay the toll for the 
whole, and that when they drove through the toll 
gate, the forward team should inform the gate-keeper 
that the person in the rear sleigh would pay, which rule 
all understood and would drive through without delay. 
In the rear sleigh would be Mr. Tenant and his lady. 
He took as much time as he saw fit in getting out the 
usual fare of six and one-quarter cents for a single 
team, handing the same to the gate-keeper, and prepared 
to drive along when the gate-keeper informed him that 



Yankee Jumbles. 113 

the first team going through told him that the rear team 
would pay. At which Tenant, in apparent rage, ex- 
claimed, "Haven't I paid you, you d — n thief?" and go- 
ing on, indulged in most abusive language, uttering re- 
proof for this dishonest attempt to defraud and take 
advantage of an innocent man whose chief pride was in 
paying his honest debts and who felt that when his 
integrity was gone, life was a blank. After a profuse 
shower of invectives, indulging in the most abusive 
language, mixed with loud profanity, he whipped his 
horse to catch up with the rest of the party now a mile 
or more away. 

From the center of town the Devil's Half Acre was 
some three miles away. At this location for many 
years, 'hunting matches used to be made up by a party 
of twenty-four with twelve on each side. These would 
be selected something like the choosing of players in 
an old-fashioned baseball game, two men alternated 
in selecting a hunter for each side. The game was 
counted by numbers, a robin or a red squirrel four, 
grey squirrel or partridge ten, hawk or crow fifteen, fox 
fifty, small birds like the blackbird, chipmunks, etc., 
perhaps two apiece, and so on through a long list of dif- 
ferent game. At night they would all be brought to 
these big tin shops by the bushel and counted and the 
side having the largest pile won a supper from the losers. 
Very few percussion lock guns were in use and a double 
barrel gun was rare. 

On Nortli Farms was a man by the name of Hall, 
who had several sons. It was a habit in the early spring 
as soon as the frost was out of the ground for farmers 



1 14 Yankee Jumbles. 

to go off to their distant pastures and mend up the fences 
preparatory to turning out stock for the summer. As 
their pastures were under the mountain more than a 
mile away, they took their dinners, which in the shad 
season consisted of fresh shad and a large wooden bottle 
of cider, usually a gallon or more. After their fore- 
noon's work they went to a warm corner in the field 
and ate their dinner, washed down copiously with good 
hard cider. No narcotic can be given to induce a de- 
sire for sleep more than a plentiful drinking of cider 
in the spring, and fresh shad is a good accompani- 
ment. For their nooning they all laid themselves out 
for a nap, and after a good refreshing sleep, all woke 
up about the same time and proceeded to their after- 
noon's work. Before night they felt unusually faint 
&mi hungry and quit work somewhat earlier than was 
the:i!r usual habit for home. Arriving at home the 
mother of the ])oys exclaimed as they came in. "Why, 
boys, where have you been ? We didn't know what had 
become of you." The boys looked at their mother with 
surprise. She asked John, "Where were you with the 
bo3^s last night ?" John says, "Here at home and abed." 
"No, you weren't," says the old lady; "we were worry- 
ing ourselves almost to death about you." For a time 
explanations seemed fruitless but finally the evidence 
was made conclusive that they were not at home and the 
cause of their faint and hungry feeling was from the 
fact that their noon nap had extended over night and 
into the next afternoon before they waked. 

A quaint character wa^s Enos Mix. In many ways he 
was very cunning and yet grossly illiterate. He always 



Yankee Jumbles. 115 

spelled his name S, Enos, X, Mix. For evening 
amusements young people would amuse themselves 
around the old fireplaces in making rhymes, each one 
in turn composing some couplet. The following speci- 
mens are credited to Enos' turn in composing ; the first 
effort was: 

"A burr and a rush chestnut burr 
Turn which way you will and get out as you can" 

Another: 

"Well, well, well, crotch 
Old Widow Mix and his wife, Wyndam cheese." 

Fishing for suckers by torch light was a favorite 
night sport. Torches were made with a roll of white 
birch bark, which, rolled compactly and lighted at one 
end, made a very brilliant light, and with a few extra 
rolls for substitutes a fishing trip in those times could 
bo made quite successful, as the lights shining in the 
brooks and holes under the banks would expose the fish 
to sight plainer than by daylight. A man with a spear 
could make a very nice catch by thrusting at them in 
the brook by aid of the torch light. 

This used to be a favorite duty for Enos to carry 
the torch. It would frequently be the case that Enos 
and his brother Tom on a trip for suckers, would both 
be pretty full of Santa Cruz rum and Enos would be 
a little careless in holding the light; sometimes from 
such neglect Tom would fail to hit his fish and always 



ii6 Yankee Jumbles. 

laid the blame on Enos, and when he missed his fish, 
would exclaim fifty times in an evening, "Hold the 
torch, Enos ; who the d — 1 can see to sucker/' 

Soon after 1800, England offered quite an induce- 
ment in the way of free lands for settlers from New 
England to locate in Canada, and for some inscrutable 
reason several colonies from Connecticut migrated over 
the line above Vermont, settling in the border of 
Canada just over the line. This oddity, Enos Mix, 
was one of a company of over forty, among which were 
two uncles of the writer, with the different families, 
making up over forty people, who moved into that in- 
hospitable climate, where many of their descendants 
reside to this day. 

The means of transportation when they went there 
to take up lands was by means of horses and some by 
ox teams. Their supply for clothing, medicines, grocer- 
ies, agricultural implements, nearly all were obtained 
from Boston and Hartford and New Haven, and hauled 
hundreds of miles by horses. This colony settled on 
the east shore of Lake Memphremagog. On one of 
their trips to Connecticut in the winter, a sled with a 
span of horses was loaded with supplies consisting of 
warm clothes and summer dress goods, sugar, salt, and 
among their variety of wants was a barrel of rum. Be- 
ing rather late in the season when they reached the 
head of the lake on which they made their winter's 
travel over the ice, this season the ice had become ten- 
der, and when getting some twenty or thirty miles down 
tbc lake, their load broke through the ice and only 
by expert Avork in cutting the traces the horses were saved 



Yankee Jumbles. 117 

while the load sank in a hundred feet of water. This 
of course was felt as a serious loss to the colony, and 
by laying poles across the broken space of ice, fish- 
ing with ropes with hooks attached was kept up avS long 
as it was safe to remain on the lake, with efforts to 
hoist up such a precious load of freight. This proving 
fruitless, they made land marks from which they could 
locats the spot exactly where the load went down and 
for three successive seasons, the efforts were continued to 
reclaim this load of goods, which at last proved success- 
ful. When raised to the surface and brought out onto 
the ice, the sugar and salt of course were worthless 
as well as many other things, but the barrel of rum 
was found to be in first-class condition, and most of the 
dress goods were saved in good order, and many of them 
worn for years after to Connecticut and exhibited as 
those which had lain for three years at the bottom of 
Lake Memphremagog. 

These were migratory days, for the very crowding 
population that was accumulating in Connecticut 
through these great families whidi were almost as pro- 
lific as the French families in some parts of Canada 
are reputed to be. Two other nncles with a similar 
company of about forty people migrated to the Black 
River country in New York State, north of Utica, and 
were the first white settlers that planted their cabins 
there. This colony located in a much better country 
than those going to Canada, the Black River locality 
becoming a very rich farming section, filled up with a 
prosperous and thriving population. 

During the early part of the century, Connecticut 



ii8 Yankee Jumbles. 

owned a valuable possession in thte state of Oliio, 
known as the Western Eeserve or as New Connecticut. 
This consisted of the nine northwestern counties of that 
state granted to Connecticut by Congress for her extra 
amount of contribution to the war expenses of the Eevo- 
lution. This valuable possession (which includes the 
present city of Cleveland) was finally sold to the state 
of Ohio for $2,000,000, which is the source and origin 
of the Connecticut common school fund. The state 
of Ohio was a very inviting field for emigrants from 
Connecticut, its attractions being published in papers 
and sung at evening entertainments for young people 
who had expectations of marrying and moving out 
into that new country. Lands along the Ohio River 
were reputed as very rich and attractive. Among the 
diversions of the young class of people around the old- 
fashioned chimneys, marches would be instituted, start- 
ing oif by some young man selecting a partner for the 
march, and leading off by singing this refrain : 

"Rise up, my true love, and give me your hand. 
And aivay ive will go to some far distant land. 
To some far distant land, my true love and I will go. 
And we'll settle on the hanls of that pleasant Ohio. 
Ohio! Ohio! My true love and I will go. 
And we'll settle on the hanlcs of that pleasant Ohio." 

The first selection of a partner by some young man 
would of course be followed by all the others and then 
all in unison would sing the following: 



Yankee Jumbles. 119 

"There is all sorts of game, hoys, a fitting for our use. 
Besides the lofty sugar tree which yields us of her 

juice. 
And if you will spin and weave, love, 
'Tis I will flow and sow. 

When we settle on the hanJcs of that pleasant Ohio. 
Ohio! Ohio!" {refrain repeated.) 

Then the march would break up into a dance or some 
kissing performance. 

Somewhat later on, the state of Michigan, then a 
territory and occupied largely by Indians, was con- 
sidered an attraction to which to migrate, especially 
the southern part of the state, which was nearly allied 
to the state of Ohio. It may be well to relate here 
why the present city of Toledo is in Ohio. The original 
boundary line of Michigan was from the south shore 
of Lake Erie to the south end of Lake Michigan. The 
city of Toledo becoming settled was of course north of 
this line as well as many other towns west of it, and be- 
came identified with the state of Ohio before any con- 
troversy occurred about the state line of Michigan. 
Micliigan, when becoming a state, laid claim to all from 
one lake shore to the other. As Toledo and other towns 
had become identified with the state of Ohio, they wished 
to remain, and to settle the dispute and pacify Michigan 
Congi'ess gave her all that part of the state reach- 
ing to Lake Superior, now known as the Peninsula, and 
then considered almost valueless only for lumber, but 
the mining properties have since made it one of the rich- 
est legacies any state has ever obtained. 



I20 Yankee Jumbles. 

At this point a character included in one of the pro- 
lific families of North Farms in the town of Walling- 
ford must be 'noticed. His name was Eldridge Morse. 
In the thirties he with an uncle, Albert Ives, the oldest 
banker, afterwards in Detroit, left North Farms where 
they were born, for the city of Detroit. The trip 
then was entirely by stages and was a long, slow and 
tedious journey. This was considered at that time the 
far West, as nearly everything beyond that was in the 
possession of the Indians. The uncle, Albert Ives, 
lived through the century and in conversation with the 
writer but a few years before his decease, told of staging 
it between Cleveland and Toledo, and the roads being 
so heavy and the stages so loaded, that he with several 
others walked a good share of the way, letting the stage 
carry their baggage, thus relieving the load and making 
much better time than if they rode. 

This man Morse went into business in Detroit, keep- 
ing a diversified stock of goods. At that time in Michi- 
gan were several tribes of Indians, the Winnebagoes, 
Chippeways and others who came to Detroit to re- 
ceive annuities from the government which were paid 
mostly in silver dollars and halves. Morse could adapt 
himself to any society or occasion, and soon cultivated 
the acquaintance of the Indians. When they came to 
Detroit, he very hospitably furnished them with plenty 
of free whiskey, thus obtaining much of their love and 
friendship. As they were in the habit of spending much 
of their money for supplies to take back to their oamps, 
it was very natural that their liberal entertainer, Morse, 
should get a good share of their trade, which he did. 



Yankee Jumbles. 121 

filling 'his coffers for the time quite freely with their 
silver which he would only take for goods, but whiskey 
was as free as salvation. He was invited by the chiefs 
to visit their tribal camps and he accepted their invi- 
tation. The highest compliment in entertaining among 
the Indians was to kill and roast some favorite dog, as a 
piece de resistance for a festal occasion. The Indian 
sets no table for his guests and asks no blessing at 
his meals, but whatever the collation is to be is served 
on the ground, the guests seating themselves on mats 
of buffalo robes and bear or wolf skins or other furs of 
a similar nature. Knives and forks not being in com- 
mon use, the chief tears his game, or joints of dog, 
apart by main strength, passing portions about to his 
honored guests first. This was the first time, as Morse 
tells it, that he had ever had the pleasure of dining on 
dogs, but he said it didn't seem to kill Indians and he 
thought he could stand it, so he helped to eat their 
d — ^n dogs with very good relish. This of course made 
him sound and fast in the affections of the Indians, 
and in their future trips to Detroit, he would have a 
barrel of whiskey on the dock, ready tapped on their ar- 
rival, and putting himself in some conspicuous position 
he was the most attractive object the Indians would see 
from the boat when coming down the river, and such 
a shouting and cheering as would be set up by the whole 
tribe was enough to frighten a city. 

About this time in several western states were a great 
many what were called "Wild Cat Banks," which were 
started on a very insignificant capital and put out a 
large circulation of bills with very little reserve for their 



122 Yankee Jumbles. 

redemption. As a matter of course many of them proved 
to be such swindles on the community that legislative 
proceedings were resorted to prohibiting their bvisiness 
and continuance. Morse having gone into a heavy 
steamboat enterprise failed to make it a success and 
[had to retire from business. Wild cat banks also hav- 
ing to quit operations and putting out circulation had 
on their hands a large amount of paper money already 
printed ready for signing and scattering among the 
people which then became useless. One of these was 
the Chippeway County Bank and Morse availed him- 
self of getting hold of what would represent some 
$200,000 of this Chippeway currency. Packing a trunk 
with sheets of it and cutting up enough to fill a capa- 
cious pocket-book, he started on a trip back to Con- 
necticut. The ride by stages being slow and tiresom.e, 
with his affable manner he would get the privilege of 
riding on the seat with the driver most of the way, 
which is generally considered to be the favorite seat for 
riding through the country. During his ride with the 
driver he would ask him how much time he could gain 
between different points on his route, as he had impor- 
tant business in New York and wished to make every 
minute count, money being no object to him, and when 
being told by the driver how much quicker he could make 
his route, Morse would pull out that pocket-book and 
take out a five or ten-dollar Chippeway bill, handing it to 
the driver and telling him to make his best time. The 
long whip would soon begin to crack, the stage to bound 
over the corduroy roads and through the mud and over 
the hubs and whatever obstructed them on the roads, 



Yankee Jumbles. 123 

to tho bowildermciil and wonrlcr ol Ihc [)a.s^cngcrs as to 
what the driver was up to. Hills were apparently 
levelled down on the way, and at the different stations 
the horses would come in smoking and steaming like 
coal pits. Great hurry and haste were manifested in re- 
lays of new teams and no time lost in the new start, 
and speed kept up to the highest point. In this way 
probably the closest time was made through Pennsyl- 
vania and Ohio that was ever known by the various 
disbursements of Chippeway bills aniony, Uw different 
drivers along the road. 

On Morse's return to Connecticut, he looked about 
hi? native town of Wallingford. This was soon after 
the time of the Hartford and New Haven railroad 
being built. The road layout was half a mile west of 
the center of the town on the sand plains, where no- 
body had ever located any buildings of consequence. 
Morse conceived the idea that a factory should be lo- 
cated near the new depot, thinking it would be a good 
nucleus for business to gather around. He therefore 
contracted with different builders of the town to erect 
quite a spacious building for factory purposes, the reason 
and its intended use being kept secret. During the con- 
struction of this factory, Morse spent most of his time 
in New York City, coming up to his Wallingford home 
every Saturday night, and at all places making a con- 
spicuous exhibit of his big pocket-book filled nearly 
two inches thick with Chippeway bank bills. After 
the building was well towards completion, rumors were 
passed about that Morse never would pay and the fact 
that he had not paid anything created uneasiness among 



124 Yankee Jumbles. 

flie contractors, who became so alarmed that a general 
strike was made on the job. Morse was notified in 
New York and cam.c home in high dudgeon. Morse 
was a man that had few peers in Connecticut in scien- 
tific swearing. His denunciations of people who made 
such reports about .his inability to pay and the scor- 
ing he gave the contractors in leaving their job before 
completed was a most fearful ordeal as reported by all 
who heard it. While denouncing their actions he 
would take out his big pocket-book, stuffed almost to 
bursting, run his fingers over the ends of the bills, 
showing twenties, fifties and hundreds, apparently 
enough to buy out the whole town, the sight of which 
very soon brought out apologies from the builders for 
leaving and profuse promises were made to finish the job, 
M^hich were all ultimately carried out. At the conclu- 
sion of the work on the factory, a grand ball was 
given for the benefit of the contractors and the dedi- 
cation of the building. As far as pay was concerned, 
Morse never liquidated one dollar. During its con- 
struction, Morse being present one day, a stranger who 
was passing, saw him standing ont and inspecting the 
progress of the work, chanced to ask Morse what was the 
object of such a factory there and what was to be 
manufactured, to which Morse promptly replied, "Itch 
ointment, and fine tooth combs." The stranger re- 
marked to Morse that if he was a fair specimen of the 
people about there they ought to enjoy an active trade. 
This reply suited Morse quite as well as if it had been 
on some other fellow, and when asked how and why 
he planned to build this factory with no purpose in 



Yankee Jumbles. 125 

view, ho said that they would need one there after 
awhile and somebody ought to set the thing off. 

In his own business transactions, he bought on credit 
large amounts of goods of about every conceivable na- 
ture in different parts of the country, and they had been 
shipped to New York for him to handle and a great 
variety of goods came to Wallingford to his old home- 
stead. For years, creditors from various directions 
would visit him, lioping to collect something on their 
accounts. Whoever they were, on arriving at Morse's 
home, they would be received as cordially as if they were 
princes, treated and entertained in the finest manner 
and enjoyed the visit so well in Morse's company that 
they would rarely make any mention of any claim on 
him and go away seemingly pleased that they had con- 
tributed a bill of goods to such a genial entertainer. 

This Chippeway money after the completion of the 
factory was quite generously given away to boys and 
any friend who wished to make a display of twenty or 
fifty dollars in something that had the appearance of 
money in their pockets, so that Chippeway money 
became as familiarly known for a time as modern 
greenbacks. 

Morse was a brother of the twin Morses who courted 
a young lady alternately during several months. It 
seemed that one of the twins had sold a cow to a man 
in Meriden by the name of Lawrence, known as Uncle 
Sile Lawrence, who was among the first stage drivers 
and teamsters on the Hartford and New Saven turn- 
})iko. In the center of Meriden was one of the old 
turnpike taverns. This hostelry was the headquarters 



126 Yankee Jumbles. 

for the older men of leisure to meet and spend their 
odd time exchanging stories and absorbing liquors from 
the bar. This old tavern stand bar-room was the scene 
of a great many joll}^ occasions and was not torn down 
for more improved property till nearly the year 1900. 
Tlie old bar-room rarely lacked a convivial company of 
friends and one cool day Morse dropped in among them 
and among other introductions, was presented to Uncle 
Sile Lavtrence as Mr. Morse, formerly of Detroit, more 
recently of Wallingford, North Farms, so called. 
"Morse, Morse," said TTnele Sile, "Is he any rela- 
tion of Harley Morse ? If so, I do not care to cultivate 
his acquaintance." Morse stepped back with one of 
his unique expressions of surprise at Uncle Sile's re- 
mark, exclaiming, "Why, my dear Mr. Lawrence, what 
do you mean by such an insinuation concerning my 
brother?" Uncle Sile explained that he had bought a 
cow of his brother, Harley, on which very flattering 
representations had been made to him of her fine 
qualities in producing milk and butter, all of which he 
found after his purchase to be utterly false, and he 
proceeded to denounce Morse's brother, Harley, in the 
severest terras. Morse put on an air of grief and 
wounded pride and proceeded to assure Uncle Sile 
that there must be something utterly out of the usual 
order of things in this case with his brother. He 
represented his brother as the soul of honor, one of the 
last things that he could be induced to do would be to 
misrepresent any article ho had for sale with the in- 
tention to defraud. It was beyond his ability to express 
his grief and surprise. Every form of apology that he 



Yankee Jumbles. 127 

could make on his brother s account was offered to as- 
sure Uncle Sile of his sincerity, and wishing to have 
his brother's reputation for integrity restored, he pulled 
out his big pocket-book and generously presented 
Uncle Sile with a fresh ten-dollar Chippeway bill, 
begging him to forgive and to forget this transaction 
with his brother, that he knew was made with the most 
innocent intentions. As soon as Uncle Sile received the 
bill, he made profuse acknowledgments and promised 
never to entertain the least unkind feeling towards 
Morse's brother and expressed much sorrow and freely 
apologized for what he had said. 

The friends in the bar-room who had listened to this 
transaction, remarked to Uncle Sile after Morse left 
that for such a profitable interview, it would be no more 
than rational to expect him to "set 'em up" for the 
crowd. To this Uncle Sile could not reasonably ob- 
ject and invited up all the party in the room to take 
something appropriate to such pleasant results. Af- 
ter all had taken their libations. Uncle Sile, being 
■short of other funds, presented the Chippeway ten, 
which the bar-keeper informed him was of no value. 
When the facts in the case dawned upon Uncle Sile 
that he was in for paying the bills with other money, 
it was claimed by those present that nothing in the 
way of strong language expressing Uncle Sile's views 
of the Morse family was ever heard in that bar-room. 

After a season spent oast at his old home, Morse made 
a return to Detroit to finish up some business affairs. 
Passing over the same stage route on which ho came 
east, he noticed very few of the old drivers that he came 



128 Yankee Jumbles. 

on with. Making inquiry what had become of some of 
the pleasant acquaintances he had made coming east, 
he learned that the majority of them were then serving 
time in jail, having signed several of those Chippeway 
bills and passed them on innocent people. One of 
Morse's pleasant diversions after his return West, was 
during a trip to New Orleans, being before any rail- 
road facilities were known and nearly all travel went 
down the Mississippi from various points by steamboats. 
On one of these trips, which took several days, Morse, in 
loitering about the deck of the boat, observed a busy 
little man going to this one and that and engaging in 
short chats, who after awhile presented himself to 
Morse, excusing himself for so doing, by remarking 
that a trip on the boat was rather long and somewhat 
tedious without an acquaintance and that he always 
liked to make new acquaintances and gratify his curi- 
osity by knowing where they were from, wliere they were 
going, and if they had no objection, to know something 
of their business ventures. This seemed to exactly 
suit Morse, and this little stranger was received in 
the most respectful manner and treated at once like 
long acquaintance. His ideas exactly suited Morse, 
and when business matters were led to, and Morse 
was requested to divulge the nature of his business, 
he remarked that he was engaged in an enterprise of 
rather a novel nature, which was dealing in dogs. 
Being asked what kind of dogs he dealt in, he said it 
did not make any difference, watch dogs, bird dogs, 
coach dogs, or any dog tliat could bark or bite he had a 
market for, was ready to buy or sell any dog that could^ 



Yankee Jumbles. 129 

stand on four legs. His new acquaintance seemed 
pleased to have found such a new source of business, 
and after passing a few words more excused himself 
to pick up other acquaintances. This interview dropped 
out of mind with Morse until some three or four days 
later when the boat had gone dowm to some of the river 
landings for wood in Arkansas, being in the spring, 
when the country was quite wet and the black soil 
Avas like a bed of tar. The boat stopped at a land- 
ing to wood up, where on the banks was the usual 
swarm of niggers. The boat had been at the pier but a 
few minutes when Morse, who was standing on the 
deck seeing them load the wood, was approached by 
a darky with a big shaggy dog. Cuffy said, as he 
came up to Morse, "Massa, you de roan buying dogs?" 
"Yes," said Morse, 'Tiave you a dog to sell?" "Yes, 
Massa, here he is ; what you pay for such dogs ?" Morse 
commenced the most serious inquiry as to what the dog 
could do, but before the darky could answer, another 
came and then another until in less than ten minutes 
from a dozen to twenty darkies and their dogs were 
tracking this black Arkansas mud on the decks, look- 
ing for the man who was buying dogs. 'Morse met them 
all with apparently the most honest intention of buy- 
ing the whole lot; during the negotiations the deck- 
hands of the boat called the captain's attention to 
this intrusion of both dogs and darkies, neither of 
which were allowed on the decks of a boat. To see 
such a swarm of intruders, the captain at once caught 
up a large piece of rope and proceeded to cut right and 
left among the new comers, exclaiming, "Where in 



130 Yankee Jumbles. 

h — did all the d — n niggers and dogs come from?'' 
The slashing of the captain's rope on the deck soon 
cleaned out the dogs and their colored owners. When 
the decks were all clear, Morse cast a look across the deck 
to a small man who was laughing until it seemed 
as though he would die. After that Morse and this 
small man were very close friends, Morse admitting 
that the little man had got his part of the joke on him 
that time. 

The Morse family were somewhat noted for their 
eccentricities; and another brother, Elkanah, some- 
times traveled with him. On one occasion putting up 
at a hotel, they had a room with two beds in it. 
Eldridge had gone to bed and learned from Elkanah 
that another guest was to occupy the other bed with 
them, so it was arranged that Eldridge should be sound 
asleep and that Elkanah should sleep with the stranger, 
ns they were anxious to transact some business by them- 
selves, so on retiring, Elkanah gave the stranger a little 
warning information which he said he always did in 
sleeping with a new acquaintance. He informed his 
expected bed fellow in a very serious way that in 
early years he had been bitten by a mad dog, and that 
som.etimes, when retiring very weary from his day's 
work, he became so restless that he was liable to bite 
ihis bed fellow, but it was only of very rare occur- 
rence and not at all liable to happen that night, but he 
merely mentioned it in order to prepare his friend if 
it should happen that he chanced to bite him during 
the night. He told him his name was Elkanah Morse 
and in ca.-:c of his biting to speak his name, when he 



Yankee Jumbles. 131 

always waked immediately and the trouble would be 
over. 

With these directions they retired together and his 
bod fellow's fears being allayed by the apparent ease 
with which he could arouse his mate. Seemingly El- 
kanah soon fell asleep as did also his comrade, but w 
the course of an hour or so, Elkanah gave a fearful 
snarl and growl, turned over and grabbed his bed fel- 
low in the shoulder with' a good set of double teeth, 
biting him nearly to the bone. The man waking sud- 
denly yelled with pain, but forgetting the name he was 
to call. The noise woke Eldridge in the other bed and 
he sang out, "Elkanah, the deviTs in you, you are biting 
that man, you will kill him," when, of course Elkanah 
suddenly woke up. The man commenced rubbing his 
shoulder in pain and Elkanah to make most profuse 
apologies, excusing himself with the fact that when 
they went to bed together he was so tired that 
it made him give the usual precaution, but assured 
the stranger that he rarely ever bit more than once in 
a night and that he need not fear a repetition of it 
again that night, but the stranger concluded to take 
no further risks and went to the office for another 
room, leaving the two brothers to enjoy their room 
to themselves. 

Elkanah was a peddler for a long time, peddling tin 
and Yankee notions. He had a sister, Lois, who had a 
friend in an adjoining town to whom she wished to 
send some remembrance in the way of a present. In 
those times a tin teapot used to be made holding jusl 
about a pint, known as an old maid's teapot. It had a, 



132 Yankee Jumbles. 

broad flat bottom and tapered to the top, similar to an 
oil can, with a small handle on one side and a spout 
running from the opposite side from near the bottom 
nearly as high as the pot. This was a very handy little 
teapot to brew a small drawing of tea in on the coals 
before the old fireplaces and later on the stove. The re- 
tail cost was ten cents. Lois purchased one of these 
teapots and sent it to her friend by Elkanah, and when 
it was presented it was a subject of the greatest ad- 
miration. Her friend on receiving the pot, exclaimed, 
"Did Lois send that to me? Tliat is just like Lois, 
what a good soul she is!" At the same time holding 
up the teapot to admire it and wiping it over with 
her apron, continued to exclaim, "What a good critter 
Lois is," and bursting into tears, said, "How could 
Lois be so good las to send me that teapot, it's just like 
Lois, she always has to do something for somebody," 
and the tears continued to flow. Setting it up in the 
cupboard she went on with her eulogy of Lois and then 
would go to the cupboard and take down the tea- 
pot, brush it off with her apron, burst into a new 
flood of tears, exclaiming, "That was so good in Lois, 
just like her, how could she be so good!" This ex- 
ercise would continue, alternating between praising Lois, 
wiping the pot off with her apron, setting it up in the 
cupboard, taking it down again with a new gush of tears, 
at the thought of Lois being so good as to send her that 
teapot. This was kept up for half an hour or more, 
wondering how Lois could be so good ! 

At an evening's entertainment on North Farms, quite 
a company of married people, meeting together for 



Yankee Jumbles. 133 

diversion, they adopted some of tho plays of the younger 
sets, in which judgments were passed to satisfy cer- 
tain forfeits in their play. K namesake was judged 
to kiss a married woman, who in his attempt to exe- 
cute his judgment met with rather unusual resistance 
for such an effort. The lady was not considered a 
very inviting morsel for any man to kiss, and getting 
a little impatient after several efforts to imprint the 
osculation, he exclaimed, "Well, seeing I've undertook 

to kiss you, I'll be d if I don't do it if I puke for 

three weeks." 

Another character known as Old Put lived in this 
section for a good many years. Where he came from no- 
body could ever find out. A tall, venerable, stalwart 
man with a large head and red face and seemingly 
with but one eye. He seemed illiterate in everything 
but one trait, that was his wonderful memory and power 
of imitation. He rarely attended church or any public 
functions, unless an occasional political speech, when on 
his return home to the man he lived with nearly all 
his life, he could repeat almost verbatim any sermon 
or speech he had listened to, with gestures and style 
of delivery, retaining a store of such things for months 
and even years. His pretension of having but one 
eye was an eccentricity that very few imderstood, al- 
ways seeing him with one eye closed and the other 
open ; but this order of things was changed every month ; 
the eye that was open one month was closed the suc- 
ceeding month and the other eye put into service, thus 
alternately resting one eye every month. 

Another queer man in early days was Siah Francis. 



T34 Yankee Jumbles. 

He was a man of phenomenal strength and very odd in 
all of his habits. Being one time very sick and given np 
by his physicians in an old-time ease of hmg fever, 
after all hope seemed to be gone for his recovery, he 
would ask in whispers for pepper and cider, which used 
to be a great antidote for colds. The doctor being con- 
sulted to know if it was safe to give it to him, said it 
jdidn't matter what he took, he was sure to die, so to 
every inquiry made of Uncle Siah if he wanted any- 
thing to take for his relief he gave the whispering 
response of "pepper and cider." This was given to 
him in plenty, with the result of a perfect cure. This 
circumstance led to nearly the whole community around 
there becoming Thompsonians. 

In his day wrestling being one of the favorite ath- 
letic performances, on public occasions like town meet- 
ing and general musters, there would always be some 
champion wrestlers challenging all comers either for 
sport or for betting. On one occasion a fellow who had 
never been defeated gave out a challenge in Walling- 
ford and the friends of Uncle Siah, knowing his pro- 
digious strength, selected him for a hold with this 
fellow, who boasted of never having been thrown. As 
they entered the ring together Uncle Siah remarked in 
his flat expression of language to a friend standing 
by, "I guess the boy will have to take it this time," 
and taking hold in their usual way, the word being 
given. Uncle Siah lifted his man into the air and 
flung him on the ground by main strength with as 
much apparent ease as if he had been an empty pair 
of breeches. 



Yankee Jumbles. 135 

Undo Slab ]i;ul a nephew, although not much his 
junior, known as Uncle Sam Francis. Pie was a very 
bright, genial man, always had plenty of leisure to s(>e 
his friends and entertain them with his fund of anec- 
dotes and good cider. 

He had a fine farm and was a generous liver. As 
has been heretofore remarked about geese, nearly every- 
body had a flock of them running in the streets. For 
a good many years Uncle Sam had three large brown 
geese and a gander and only an occasional year would 
they ever be seen with more than one gosling to their 
credit. Once perhaps in four or five years they would 
appear with two. Any one coming along and meeting 
Uncle Sam for a few minutes' talk, if they chanced to 
comment on the times in the season when these three 
geese and a gander had two goslings. Uncle Sam 
would speak very encouragingly of the prospects, and 
sometimes being asked what he saw to give him so 
much hope, he would remark that his three geese that 
year had got twins. 

Uncle Sam's wife had one of the old-fashioned names, 
Hopeful, familiarly known in the neighborhood as Aunt 
Hopey. She also had a sister, Content, known as Aunt 
Tenty, and a sister, Patience, known as Aunt Patty. 
One of Uncle Sam's enjoyable occasions was entertain- 
ing a trunk peddler over night by the name of Caleb 
Austin. A great share of the Yankee notions and small 
articles, handkerchiefs, pins, thread, combs, thimbles, 
Jew's-harps and a variety of other things used to be 
largely dispensed by trunk peddlers. They carried two 
tin trunks of the capacity of nearly a bushel each. 



136 Yankee Jumbles. 

Straps like a surcingle belt ran over their shoulders 
with stout double hooks on each end to catch into the 
handles an top of the trunk to relieve the hands. In 
this way quite a varied stock of small articles could 
be carried about the country. The peddlers' habit waa 
to stop over night with country people and pay their 
charges for keeping them with something out of the 
trunks. This Caleb Austin used to carry only one trunk 
and on the opposite side to balance it was a basket con- 
taining extract, essences, etc. He had one peculiar 
trait in his trade, that he would never sell the last of 
any article in his trunk down to a pocket-comb or a jew's- 
harp, however urgent a customer was to buy. Asked 
for his reason, with lisp that always accompanied his 
talk, he said, "He didn't withe to break hith athort- 
ment." 

Caleb was a bachelor and after getting well along in 
years, women used to ask him why he didn't marry? 
He said that he had not got quite ready yet, and had 
not found the right one. His lady customers would 
suggest certain maiden ladies and widows as suitable 
companions for him, none of whom would ever meet 
his approval. When giving a reason it would generally 
be that they were too old, and that when he got 
married he wanted a young wife. To his friends' in- 
quiry why, he said that "chickens were sweeter than 
old hens." 

To return to his staying over night with Uncle Sam, 
where everybody was sumptuously entertained. In the 
morning he opened his trunk, exhibiting his goods 
and inquired of Uncle Sam how much was to pay? 



Yankee Jumbles. 137 

Uncle Sam referred him to his wife in such matlo;.-, 
as he never set prices for keeping people over night. 
So Caleb directed his attention to Aunt Hopey to know 
what she needed. She replied that she had no price to 
name and he could give her what he was a mind to. 
Being very stingy and tight in his dealings, the terms 
being left to himself, he looked over his stock to see 
what he could find for her. He finally asked her how 
she was fixed for darning needles, which were sold 
two for a cent. She said she could use some darning 
needles, when he presented her with a couple, asking 
how that would do. She said that was all right and 
very satisfactory, which was apparently concluding the 
bill. Uncle Sam, sitting by his fireside, seeing the con- 
clusion of the trade, very readily interfered^ saying, 
"Hopey, that's too much,"' he repeated, "that's too much, 
don't you take but one." He insisted upon her re- 
turning one, which she did and Caleb accepted it, thus 
closing the bargain. This to Uncle Sam was much more 
satisfactory than if he had received +en dollars in any 
large transaction. It was a comfort to him to tell 
of the pleasure and profit he had in keeping Caleb over 
night, giving him two good meals and lodging for half 
a cent. 

Uncle Sam was a Univcrsalist and in his day looked 
upon by orthodox people with a good deal of distrust, 
although in every other particular was as honest a man, 
as good a citizen, and as popular with all his acquaint- 
ances as any man that ever lived in the state. He looked 
upon all kinds of religion as a subject of priest-craft, 
and most forms of gaming in the way of betting or 



138 Yankee Jumbles. 

gambling he disfavored. The game of backgammon 
was somewhat of a mystery to him, which he always 
called blackgammon. The district school-house was used 
for a variety of different religious exercises and com- 
monly well attended, either through interest, or from 
curiosity to see what new novelty was to be presented. 
Uncle Sam, being an agnostic, rarely attended, but when 
he did he would report to his friends that there were 
two things he had. never been able to master and see 
through, and these were blackgammon and North Farms" 
religion, as North Farms was good ground for any new 
religious fad or ism to take root. 

Another deal that pleased Uncle Sam to relate was 
concerning an acquaintance by the name of Baldwin, 
who was a bachelor and quite a wealthy farmer. When 
in the fall leaves were off the weeds and bushes, 
he discovered about his fences and odd comers several 
nests of hens' eggs which had most of them been de- 
posited through the summer, many having been set 
on and failed to hatch, and others had lain through 
the hot weather until they were mostly all stale. With- 
out any reference to their age or condition, they were 
gathered up to the extent of nearly half a bushel and 
taken to the store to exchange for groceries. This man, 
Baldwin, had a very dignified manner of speech and way 
of doing business. Coming into the store kept by a 
Mr. Birdsey, after the usual salutations and time 
of day passed, he asked Mr. Birdsey if he was buying 
any eggs? Certainly, he dealt in eggs. Mr. Baldwin 
said he had got a basket full, fresh brought in, that he 
thought he would like to exchange for a few groceries. 



Yankee Jumbles. ,139 

Boing requested lo bring them in, he did so and Mr. 
Birdsey commencod to count them out. It was soon 
observed in handling them that they were very smooth, 
and in shaking them, nearly every one would serve as 
a good rattle box. Mr. Birdsey remarked that he was 
afraid they would not suit his customers, as so many of 
them were bad. Mr. Baldwin expressed much surprise, 
as they were all fresh brought in, he assured him, that 
day. Mr, Birdsey counted a few more, they appeared to 
grow worse, and Mr. Baldwin kept reiterating his sur- 
prise and the fact that they were all fresh brought in, 
but Mr. Birdsey finally decided that he should not dare 
offer them to his customers, and, expressing regret, de- 
clined to receive them. "Well," says Mr. Baldwin, 
"I cannot understand why the eggs should be in such 
a condition, as they were all fresh brought in, and 
as I have brought them down I hope you will consent 
to take them even if at a little less price." The pleasing 
feature of this proposition to Uncle Sam was what re- 
duction would be fair and proper to be made on rotten 
eggs? 



SLOW POWDER. 



An indolent, lazy character by the name of Bill Lun- 
non lived on a back street near a mill pond. He had 
quite a large family and his tumble-down dwelling was 
quite a resort for boys to visit and spend evenings 
hearing him tell stories of fishing and hunting, at both 
of which he devoted a good share of his time. His 
hunting davs were with the old-fashioned flint lock 



140 Yankee Jumbles. 

gun loaded from a big powder horn, shot poured out 
into his hands and the charges rammed down with wads 
of hornets' nests or swingling tow. On one of these 
boys' visits of an evening quite a vigorous discussion 
sprang up among the boys as to the relative merits of 
slow and quick powder, the latter being a fine grain 
and used chiefly in rifles and by some considered too 
quick for good results, in shot guns and liable to scatter 
the shot too much. While this debate could not be 
settled with definite results among boys, Bill, who had 
sat in the chimney corner smoking his pipe, had been 
a silent listener and, knowing of his varied experience 
in hunting, the question was finally left to him to decide, 
which they all agreed should be final. After his usual 
yawn before telling a story, Bill said, "Well, all I've 
got to say about slow or quick powder is the luck I 
have had with slow powder, which I have never had with 
quick powder. I was chopping wood down here in the 
wood-yard, three or four years ago, and saw a nice flock 
of black ducks fly over. There was about twenty of 
them and they all lit right down there in the pond. 
I had my old King's Arm all loaded for ducks lying up 
in the buckhorns in the kitchen. I looked and saw 
the ducks settle in the pond, came in and took down 
the old gun, and crawled down behind the bushes to 
the edge of the pond. I got a good spot where I tbouglih 
they would come around and give me a good shot. Pretty 
soon they all came around just wliere I wanted them 
all in as pretty a bunch a^ you ever see. I took good 
aim on them right in the middle of the bunnh and pulled 
the trigger, wlien tlie old g-an snapped and, by gosli. 



Yankee Jumbles. 141 

she didn't go off, the powder just 'fooshed' up in the 
pan and no noise from the gun. I never was madder 
in my life, but I sec the ducks didn't fly, they being 
pretty tame ones, so I thought I would go back to the 
house and prime tlie <;;d gun up again. When I got 
back to the house I looked down to the pond and see the 
ducks were all there. I went into the house and before 
I poured the priming into the pan, I thought I would 
see if she was loaded all right so I pulled out the ram- 
rod and shoved into the barrel to see how much I had 
got in. By gosh ! the rod went down not more than half 
way in the barrel which surprised me to see what an 
all-fired load I had got in. I stopped and scratched my 
head a minute and while I was doing it I see that rod 
was moving a little and I made up my mind the charge 
was coming, so instead of priming the gun again, I 
looked down to the pond and see the ducks was there, 
I crawled down back again, got the same spot where I 
was before, the ducks came around just as good as they 
did the first time, I got a good sight on them right in 
the center of the bunch and in less than half a minute 
the old gun went off like Vesuvius, and I killed every 
darn duck in the pond. That's what I did with slow 
powder, and if anybody can beat it, they are welcome to 
use all the fine powder they can get hold of." 

Bill used to entertain the boys about one of his 
hunting trips with his old King's Arm, in which he said 
he used to shoot bullets as well as shot. One day going 
along the banks of the Quinnipiac River, he saw a 
big flock of pigeons sitting on the limb of a large 
tree where the limb reached out over the water. The 



142 Yankee Jumbles. 

pigeons were just as thick as they could sit on the 
limb, and he thought he would try an experiment, so 
he put in one of his big bullets that would weigh about 
an ounce into the old King's Arm and shot at the 
limb and split it so that it let in the toes of three 
or four dozens of the pigeons, and as the limb sprung 
back it caught all their toes and held them fast ; then 
the thing was to get the limb down, so he climbed 
the tree and weakened it enough with a jack-knife so 
that the weight of the pigeons broke off the limb and 
it fell into the river. Then he came down and waded 
into the water to pick the pigeons off from the limb. He 
brought out as many as he could "lug" onto the bank, 
and found himself so heavy when he got there that 
he could only just climb up the bank. His weight 
seemed to be largely in his pants, and after laying his 
pigeons down on the ground, he put his hands into his 
pants and found he had got about two dozen big 
suckers that had run into his pants while he was in the 
river, making about as good luck as he ever had on one 
trip after pigeons. 

He used to tell another trick he did with the old 
King's Arm shooting blackbirds. One year, he said, 
the blackbirds came by thousands to pull up his corn 
and they would light on the rail-fences around the lot 
so thick that they would almost break it down. He 
thought one day that he would see what he could do 
shooting them, so he went out and banged away at 
them, killing three or four at a time on the fence, and 
after he saw that that did not thin them out much, 
he tried a new plan ; so putting in a good big grist of 



Yankee Jumbles. 143 

powder and shot, he took aim at a spot where they eat 
pretty thick for twenty rods on the fence. He aimed 
at one end of the bunch and pulled the old gun off, 
and gave her a swing and swept that fence clean the 
whole distance, killing every blackbird on the fence for 
the twenty rods. In that way he said he soon thinned 
them out so that he saved his corn and had a pretty 
good crop at kst. 

Bill Lunnon said he got his first idea on slow powder 
being the best from shooting at a mark with his brother, 
Sam. Sam claimed just as the boys did that quick 
powder was the best, so he and Sam tried, Sam shoot- 
ing quick and he slow. They put up their mark, a two- 
foot circle, ten rods off, both using the same sized shot. 
Sam shot his quick powder and they went to see how 
many shots were in the ring. They could not count 
more than a dozen, the rest all having gone outside. 
They marked each spot with chalk where Sam's shot 
struck, then he loaded up with his slow powder, put 
in Just the same charge of shot and drew a bead on the 
center of the ring. He blazed away and hurried to 
seo how miany shot he had put in. When they got 
there they didn't find a new shot in the ring. Said 
Bill, "I felt darned ashamed and began to claim that 
I guessed I forgot to put in the shot. While we both 
stood looking at the mark, something began to pepper 
us from behind. I says, Tiot out of the way, Sam, 
I believe those shots are coming; you know the powder 
was slow.' We botli jumped aside, and for five minutes 
they kept coming in, and I am ready to die if every 
shot in that charge didn't seem to strike inside that 



144 Yankee Jumbles. 

ring just as even as a pepper-box cover. That gave 
me an idea on slow powder and I have never quit on it." 

Bill had a large family, mostly boys. One day a 
neighboring woman called on Mrs. Lunnon and dur- 
ing her visit observed what a prolific family she had 
and how bright and smart her boys seemed to be, and 
the girls, too, she thought were uncommonly smart. 
Mrs. Lunnon says, "Yes, they be all smart children, 
but Sam, named after his uncle, is the cutest one in 
the lot." The neighbor wanted to know why ? "Why," 
she says, "Sam has been under the bed for a convenience 
all winter and we never found him out till spring." 

While on the subject of hunting powder and guns, 
it may be timely to relate a funny experience of one 
Tom Mix, during his first experience in military duty. 
Tom had never had much practice with a gun and 
was somewhat timid in its use, and his mother, known 
as Granny Mix, was always fearful that Tom would 
have some mishap either by an explosion or shooting 
himself and was always cautioning him in the use of 
fire-arms. Being summoned to do military duty, he, 
of course, had to respond to the call for military dis- 
cipline, and, fitting out with an old King's Arm and 
cartridge-box and rude uniform, he started out for the 
parade ground. It was customary during their exer- 
cises of drill and parade to wind up with a series of 
firing several shots, for practice in loading and dis- 
charging their guns, as if in battle. Tom, being short 
handed for wadding, substituted punk, the use of which 
his mother feared might be somewhat dangerous, so 
with her usual precaution, advised Tom when he loaded 



Yankee Jumbles. 145 

not to prime. When called on to fire, with the rest 
of the company, there should be no discharge from his 
piece, and, among so many, his would not be missed. 
As they were all flint-locks it would only be attributed 
to a misfire, so Tom following his mother's advice, 
loaded the gun with powder, and no balls being required, 
put his piece of punk on top of each successive charge 
of powder, and in accordance with his mother's advice 
did not fire the gun off during the day. After the com- 
pany was discharged, Tom with his companions started 
for home, all having their guns over their shoulders. It 
happened that during the day, fire-crackers were in 
use, which were quite a common diversion among the 
boys on training days. It happened that one of these 
boys stuck a smouldering fire-cracker into Tom's gun- 
barrel just before leaving for home. 

Before Tom reached home, walking with his chums 
and gun over his shoulder, the fire-cracker had set 
fire to the punk, and, the punk reaching the powder, 
a very unexpected dischiarge of the gun took place, 
much to the surprise of Tom and his companions. Af- 
ter the first s^^rprise was over and Tom got home, he 
set his gun up in the corner of the kitchen. The 
family sitting down to supper, were soon greatly sur- 
prised by another explosion of the gun, from the first 
discharge setting fire to the next order of punk. This 
proved a serious alarm to his mother, and the whole 
family thought the gun bewitched and possessed of 
some strange freak, not suspecting the cause and Tom's 
method of loading. Thinking the trouble was all over, 
the gun was set away in the closet. About bed-time the 



146 Yankee Jumbles. 

family were again frightened nearly out of their wits 
by another report of the old gun in the closet. The 
gun was again put in a new place in the sink-room, 
not being considered worthy of being retained in the 
house of a well-regulated family. About midnight, an- 
other report took place, arousing the whole family, 
and again it was put out of doors and there it continued 
to report about once in two hours the rest of the night 
until the last piece of punk reached the original charge 
and all was quiet henceforth. 

Tom had a brother Eli who was quite an accomplished 
drummer. He could play his drum in a hall or room 
for better effect, keeping up a perfect, continuous roll 
of the drum and interspersed with blows, giving the 
effect of single, double and triple shots of a musket, 
with no apparent interruption to the roll of the drum. 
Eli was as odd as any of the odd Mixes that ever were 
bom. In his day the political parties were Democrats 
and Whigs. In 1840 the election of President Harrison 
by the Whigs was considered favorable to the estab- 
lishment of a national bank, but the early death of 
Mr. Harrison allowed the presidential chair to be taken 
by John Tyler. When Congress passed measures fa- 
vorable to the establishment of a national bank, to the 
great disappointment of the Whigs, President Tyler 
vetoed the bill. This, of course, was a subject of great 
delight and satisfaction to the Democrats, and Eli, be- 
ing a disciple of democracy, shared in the general re- 
joicing of his party. The day he received the news, he 
bought a gallon of rum and a pound of powder. Get- 
ting such good news, which he very little understood, 



Yankee Jumbles. 147 

only from pleasing evidences of his Democratic friends, 
he thought best to express his joy in getting well filled 
with Santa Cruz, and firing a few appropriate salutes 
to let, as he said, the d — n Whigs know what had hap- 
pened. This pound of powder Avas all in one big pow- 
der horn. He fired one charge to the north, holding the 
gun over his liead ; this charge he put in himself, when 
a young man, just the age of the writer, appeared on 
the scene with full approval of having his intentions 
carried out. The young man offered to load the gun 
for Eli the second time while he partook of another 
drink. The powder was poured out about what would 
be called two or three crow charges. This Eli held over 
his head and fired to the west. After this discharge 
Eli, with his silly laugh, said he guessed that would 
wake up the d — n Whigs, and while taking another 
drink of Santa Cruz the gun was being loaded again, 
this time with nearly double the second charge. This 
was fired to the south, and jerked Eli nearly a rod as 
he held the gun over his head and fired it off. That 
brought forth expressions of pleasure from Eli, think- 
ing the Whigs must have heard that all over the town. 
The young man who was doing the loading suggested 
that the firing should be to the four cardinal points 
of the compass, so while Eli took his fourth drink, 
the generous loader applied the nozzle of the horn of 
powder to the big muzzle of the old King's Arm and 
let it pour in without any restraint or measure. Think- 
ing there must he enough in for a generous charge, a 
piece of wadding was applied and shoved down with 
the old iron ram-rod. It didn't go down half th(! 



148 Yankee Jumbles. 

depth of the barrel, and shaking the horn was a scanty 
allowance of powder left for priming. This created 
some little fear on the part of the young man as to 
what would be the result of a charge of powder, which 
must have been something more than half of the whole 
pound purchased in the morning, but he thought best 
to let Eli fire it off as a final wakeup to be produced by 
his four grand salutes. Eli took the gun to the street, 
nearly four rods from where the young man stood in 
the doorway looking around the comer of the door 
to see the result. Eli raised the gun over his head, 
putting his thumb into the guard as usual, and pulled 
it off. No oannon of ordinary calibre could have made 
a greater noise. The yard was filled with smoke and 
past the door where this nice young man stood came 
the gun, the butt striking against the well-curb under 
a wood-shed a few feet further on and smashing in 
one side bounded back, sticking the muzzle into the 
ground. 

After about a minute, the smoke cleared enough 
to show Eli getting up off the ground in a dazed con- 
dition, coming along towards the young man, holding 
up his thumb from which the skin had been shaved 
clean on the back side as the guard of the gun flew 

out of his hands, and inquiring, "Where the h is 

the gun?" Being shown where it was planted in the 
ground, he gathered up his gun and thus was Tyler's 
veto of the national bank most worthily celebrated. 

Eli Mix was a member of one of the ten large families 
of North Farms. One of his brothers, William Mix. 
was probably about the first man in the state to cast 



Yankee Jumbles. 149 

pewter spoons. This used to be done in single molds 
for the different patterns of large and small spoons, 
the pewter being melted in a large cauldron made for the 
purpose of melting such stock, and a man sitting down 
with his single mold and with a ladle from the kettle 
poured in the material for the spoon. After a pro- 
cess of the spoon mold, through which metal was 
poured in, then scraped, buffed, and polished by hand, 
which made a very slow process compared with later 
methods in producing a very cheap and inferior spoon. 
Eli always claimed to be fearless of God, man or the 
devil, and some of his comrades, thinking to test his 
bravery, tried a little experiment. Overhead above 
his kettle of stock in the casting house was a small 
attic-like room for storage, and in this room they 
secreted a young fellow with a flask of powder. Eli 
in order to make good pay was in the habit 
of working nights, frequently until quite late. One 
of these nights, when they knew Eli to be casting, 
the young fellow placed himself on the floor overhead 
and every few minutes would sift down a few kernels 
of the powder into the kettle of melted pewter. There 
was not enough to create a flash but it would merely 
melt and burn blue in specks, imparting quite a sug- 
gestive smell of brimstone which to Eli proved quite 
a mystery. He would take the ladle and stir it in, when 
the trouble would cease. As soon as he resumed his 
casting, he would discover the top of the kettle covered 
with blue spots and a fresh smell of brimstone. While 
he had always asserted a disbelief in any devil, this 
phenomena of brimstone burning during his night's 



150 Yankee Jumbles. 

work was too much for him and so disconcerted his 
nerves that he very soon put out his fires, and quit 
casting operations at night in the future, until he 
found out some time later the joke that had been played 
on him. 

In the composition of these spoons was a mixture 
of tin and lead, lead being much the cheaper metal. 
As the trade in spoons increased, competition began, 
and reduced prices would increase the amount of lead 
in their spoons. A man by the name of Merriam, 
when he found that the market was running against 
him in prices, would instruct his casters that they must 
put in a little more lead so as to bo able to meet the 
market, as others were cutting under liim in prices. 
After adopting this method on several occasions, in 
returning from market with the same cut in prices 
confronting him, he rushed into his shop and remarked 
to the head caster as usual, "John, we have got to put 
more lead into our spoons." "Well," John replied, 
"if that is so, you've got to get a bigger set of molds." 

A familiar character for quite a long life was a 

man known as Uncle Josh , a very honest, 

hard working but illiterate man. His voice was very 
hard, hoarse and husky, ^and generally pitched on quite 
a high key. In talking, he had the habit of clearing his 
throat with a sort of spasmodic cough before uttering 
what he had to say. He was very much in the habit of 
using high sounding words, but lie did not always 
get the word to produce the meaning intended. In 
summer, for several seasons, one of ^orth Farm's re- 
ligious habits wias to have preaching in a grove. The 



Yankee Jumbles. 151: 

supply of preaching talent was for some time fur- 
nished from the Wesleyan University of Middletowii, 
by students training themselves for future "sky pilots." 
A young man by the name of Adams guided their 
thoughts in holy things one season very acceptably 
to all his hearers. Failing to come one Sunday, he 
sent a supply in his place who proved to be a faint 
and feeble ray in dispensing religious light. Uncle 
Josh being a hearer was quite busy the next day in 
expressing his criticisms, saying that Mr. Adams had 
sent over a "destitute," which everybody acknowledged 
to be one of the best hits by mishap he had ever made. 
He worked out among farmers a good share of his 
life and a good appetite was one of his greatest bless- 
ings. He never refused the offer of a dish of sweet- 
meats, remarking in his husky manner when taking a 
liberal quantity that he was always very fond of "de- 
sarves." Starting out one day to visit a neighbor only 
about a mile away, he stopped in at two houses inter- 
vening. It was about twelve o'clock when the family 
first called on were just sitting down to dinner, and 
Uncle Josh was asked if he would not sit up and partake 
with them. Clearing his throat as usual, he made 
a very common remark, when asked to do anything, 
"I don't care if I do." After disposing of a good 
hearty meal, he started out on his intended neigh- 
borly call. Going not over forty rods, he came to 
another neighbor whom he thought he would stop and 
speak to. Their dinner being a little late, they were 
just ready to sit down to enjoy the same. As Uncle 
Josh came in so timely they asked him if he would not 



152 Yankee Jumbles. 

sit up with them. Clearing his throat as usual, he 
replied, "I don't care if I do." After getting outside 
of a second good meal he departed for his original 
destination. Arriving there, their dinner being a little 
late, and just ready as he entered, he was asked if he 
would not sit down and eat with them. With the 
usual throat clearing, he "didn't care if he did." There 
he concluded his third good square meal inside of an 
hour and a half, in all of which his generous friends 
said he did himself proud. 

He had a peculiar reputation of a sweet tooth, 
and could drink a quart of clear molasses at one draught, 
and his children were said to have inherited this taste 
to such a degree that the offer of all the molasses they 
vranted to drink proved a good inducement for their 
good behavior ^and for extra exertions in the perform- 
ance of any service required. As the marketing in those 
days was largely done in New Haven, one fall ho offered 
the premium for industry and good behavior on the 
part of his family (which he used frequently to ad- 
dress as his little fatherless and motherless children, 
although with both parents living), that they should 
be taken to New Haven in the winter and have all the 
molasses they wanted to drink. As winter set in with 
a good fall of snow, making excellent sleighing, he 
fitted up a large square box-sleigh and with some ar- 
ticles of barter to sell in the city, he took the whole 
family for his long promised trip. Arriving in New 
Haven, he went to a grocery store where he had been 
in the habit of trading and told the proprietor that he 
had brought all his little fatherless and motherlors 



Yankee Jumbles. 15:^ 

children to New Haven witli the promise to give them 
all the molasses they wanted to drink, as pay for being 
such good children. The proprietor learning the de- 
sire of his customer, asked him how much he would 
have? "Well," says he, "give the children a pint, and 
me a pint." Not having dishes in which to serve to 
so many guests, Uncle Josh suggested that he turn 
rx) the barrel and pour the molasses on the head for the 
children, which was done, then he addressed them, say- 
Lug, "Now come up, all you little fatherless and mother- 
less children, and drink all the molasses you want. I 
promised I would give you all you wanted when you 
came to New Haven if you would be good, and now when 
you lick this all up you can have more if you want it." 
So the little fatherless and motherless ones grouped 
themselves around the barrel, wiping up the molasses 
with their fingers and licked it otT until the barrel 
head was clean. Uncle Josh drinking his meantime 
from a measure. This process being repeated several 
times during the day, in the afternoon they started 
for their home in Wallingford. After getting just 
outside of the city, as Uncle Josh related to his friends, 
one of the children wanted to stop, so he let the child 
got out, and by the time he was ready to get back into 
the sleigh another wanted to stop, and soon another, 
which led him to the conclusion that with these special 
delays he would not get home until midnight, so he re- 
sorted to a piece of ingenuity to economize time by 
taking up a board in the bottom of the sleigh and ar- 
ranging the children each side and then he said he 
drove on, and there was nothing but a stream of molas- 



1^4' Yankee Jumbles. 

ses all the way home. In a team a little ways be- 
hind, two gentlemen drove out from New Haven on the 
same road. One remarked, seeing the evidence on the 
snow, that somebody must be losing a large share of 
their molasses on the way home, seeing it so plentifully 
scattered along the way, but his companion doubted 
its being molasses, as it did not seem as though any- 
body could overlook such a copious leak. As the dis- 
pute went on as to the character of the stains on the 
snow, one of the men concluded to settle the question 
definitely by getting out and tasting of a small puddle, 
to which he called the attention of the other to satisfy 
himself that it was molasses, and after the second man 
tasted, he was forced to confess that it had the appear- 
ance of molasses, but if so, it had been kept in a hor- 
ribly musty cask. 

In his declining years, Uncle Josh became quite poor 
and decrepit and became a charge of the town. This 
was when he was over seventy years of age. Sleeping 
in a room in which was another bed, occupied by an. 
old man, named Beadles, who had been in Indian war- 
fares and was in the habit of sometimes rising in his 
sleep and wandering about, one night came across the 
room and made a somewhat serious attack on Uncle 
Josh in his bed, striking him nnd upsetting his bed, 
which, of course, was excusable only on account of 
Beadles' habits, but Uncle Josh was unforgiving and 
swore revenge on old Beadles, if it took him fifty years 
to carry it out. 

As he hobbled about the neighborhood he used two 
staves, which made a sort of four-leff^ed animal. Go- 



Yankee Jumbles. 155 

ing to a neighbor's, near the house where the town sup- 
ported him, he started to cjoss a barnyard to see the 
proprietor of the place, who was in the barn at work 
with his boys. As he crawiod through the bar-way 
and was making his way towards the barn, a large ram 
which was under an adjoining shed with a few sheep, 
espied him and taking him for some new kind of 
enemy, made a quick assault en Uncle Josh, striking 
him in the rear and knocking him heels over head. A 
favorite exclamation of Uncle Josh's then came forth. 
"Oh, God ! What in h— 1 was that ?" And attempting 
to get up he had barely got on all fours, when tiie 
ram struck him again, knocking him endways. Then 
he yelled still louder, "Oh, God! Now I am 
killed ! What in h — 1 was that ?'' Lying on the 
ground and looking up he discovered, the ram, then 
he cried out, "Is that that d — n ram ? D — n the d — n 
critter." And after one or two more repetitions of the 
same treatment of the ram and exclaiming loudly to 
his Maker as before, the man he was going to see and 
his boys came to his rescue. 

Uncle Josh at one time, while laying a stone wall. 
in rolling over a big stone had the misfortune to have 
it drop on one of his big toes and crushed it quite 
seriously. It became exceedingly sore and made him 
lame for a long time. This big sore toe was a theme 
of conversation with him to everybody he met and being 
in such a condition that he could not wear a shoe on 
it, without having a place cut out to avoid any pressure 
and bandaged up, it was a conspicuous object. At one 
of the special religious meetings, held as usual at the 



156 Yankee Jumbles. 

school-house, Uncle Josh was present, as was his usual 
habit to attend meetings of any kind at the school- 
house in order to have something to comment about 
the following days. After the meeting had got well 
under way and some pious member of the congregation 
was deeply engaged in prayer, a very wicked boy in 
the neighborhood came in, and passing through be- 
tween the rows of persons in attendance, sitting on 
the long benches of the house, he had to pass in front 
of Uncle Josh, and observing Uncle Josh's toe as he 
passed along, tried the experiment of stepping on it, 
the result of which brought out a most uproarious ex- 
pression from Uncle Josh of "Oh, God ! you have killed 
me !" repeating it half a dozen times, jumping up and 
turning around in his pain. This interruption rather 
put a damper on the fervency of the prayer and led to 
a general expression of sympathy for Uncle Josh. 

Uncle Josh felt a very deep underlying moral life 
and always expressed a warm desire to do right, but in 
case he ever neglected his duty and did anything wrong, 
he said he was always willing to be "recommended." 

He had a son, William, familiarly known for some 
cause as "Bill Turkey." Bill raised a great many 
chickens and one day, being called on by the minister, 
after a short interview, the clergyman, on leaving, 
observed large flocks about his place and remarked to 
Bill, "You seem to have a very fine place to raise 
poultry." "Yes," says Bill, "I can raise most anything 

around here if I didn't have so many d chickens." 

Bill was more or less trouble to his father, and one day 
made very serious threats upon the old man's life, when 



Yankee Jumbles. 157 

the old man called the attention of a neighbor, saying: 
"Uncle Sam! Uncle Sam! Come here; Bill is threaten- 
ing my death !" 

Until nearly 1900 Connecticut had two capitals, alter- 
nating their legislative sessions between Hartford and 
New Haven. The yearly inauguration of governor was 
an occasion to draw together a large delegation of 
people from all parts of the State. At whichever city 
this ceremony was to be, were called out one or two mili- 
tary companies, and large processions of citizens in 
their best turn-outs made an escort for the Governor lin a 
grand parade through the principal streets of the city, 
during which time all the church bells w^ould be rung, 
making one of the worst pandemoniums and bedlams 
of noise that it is hardly possible to conceive of. 

Before relating an experience of Uncle Josh in Hart- 
ford, it may be well to mention an incident occurring 
at an election parade some years before 1850. The 
writer, in company with another young man, each with 
a lady friend from the country, young and unsophisti- 
cated in the naughty things of the world, were standing 
on the abutments the west side of the entrance to the 
old State House in New Haven. The Governor and 
staff, led by bands of music, and the procession were 
coming up Chapel Street and heading across the Green 
for the State House entrance. Just at that point a 
colored wench standing behind us had something about 
her bonnet interfered with by some young man standing 
back of her, who was probably an acquaintance. The 
wench turned around on the nieddlor with her head- 
gear and wanted to know what in h—- this fellow was 



158 Yankee Jumbles. 

poking her bonnet for? She continued with a profuse 
volnme of swear words, which the fellow rather en- 
couraged. One of the young ladies with ns, who had 
never heard a woman swear, turned to listen to this 
colloquy between the wench and the meddlesome fellow. 
During this time the bands of music and the Govern- 
or with his suite and a large share of the procession 
passed into the State House, when the young lady with- 
drew her attention from the wench's profanity, turned 
about and inquiringly asked, "Where is the Governor 
and the procession?" they having passed within twenty 
feet of her entirely unobserved while her attention was 
absorbed with the wench's swearing. 

Before the Hartford & New Haven Railroad was con- 
structed, the principal conveyances to Hartford from 
the south were either by stage or by boat up the Con- 
necticut Eiver. The boat trip was the cheapest, and 
Uncle Josh wishing to attend the annual inauguration 
and see the parade, concluded to attend one ceremony 
in Hartford, and to economize, walked from Walling- 
ford to Middletown, where he took passage by boat to 
Hartford. Arriving at Hartford, as soon as the pas- 
sengers were ashore they were, of course, confronted by 
a swarm of hackmen and other parties offering trans- 
portation into and about the city. One hackman 
apjjroached Uncle Josh and asked him if he would have 
a carriage. Uncle Josh did his usual clearing of the 
throat and said he didn't care if he did. The hackman 
asked him where he wanted to be carried, but Uncle 
Jesli's ideas being vague as to location, he could not 
tlup.k of any direction to give only as something con- 



Yankee Jumbles. 159 

nected with members of the legislative body, so he be- 
thought him to say he wanted to go to Senator street, 
which in his very hoarse manner of speaking after 
expressing it two or three times, the hackman concluded 
to be "Insane Retreat," asking Uncle Josh if that was 
not the place. He cleared his throat, as usual, and said 
he guessed it was, so the hackman told him to get in, 
and drove off with him to the Insane Retreat, which 
was two or three miles from where he wanted to be, 
where he announced to Uncle Josh, "Here you are at 
the Insane Retreat." Uncle Josh got out of the car- 
riage, told the driver he was very much obliged, but 
the hackman said, "It costs a dollar to bring a man 
down here," which seemed to confuse Uncle Josh for 
the moment, not understanding that there was anything 
to pay, and started to walk off. "But," said the hack- 
man, 'Tiold on ; I want my dollar." "What in h do 

you want a dollar for?" said Uncle Josh, "didn't you 

invite me to ride down here? Any man is a d ^n 

scoundrel to invite me to ride when I didn't care any- 
thing about it, and then charge me a dollar for it." 
The result was the driver lost his fare, and Uncle Josh 
had to find his way back to "Senator Street" as best he 
could. 

Uncle Josh's oldest son, William, familiarly known 
as "Bill Turkey," invited one of the town clergymen to 
attend the funeral of his father. The clergyman, whose 
name was Dennison, came into the house at the ap- 
pointed time for Uncle Josh's funeral obsequies. "Bill" 
invited the minister into the room to see tlu; corpse, 
where "Bill" made a very polite and formal introduc- 



i6o Yankee Jumbles. 

fion, saying: "I make you acquainted with my father, 
Mr. Dennison." A piece of etiquette that was al- 
ways pleasant for the parson to relate as heing the only 
time he ever had formal introduction to a corpse. 

A neighbor of Uncle Josh, by the name of Hull, came 
to his demise, who with his wife had led a somewhat di- 
versified life. After his being laid out preparatory to the 
funeral was a matter of much pride to his wife, who 
was anxious to have all the neighbors view the silent 
remains, and was profuse in expression of her admira- 
tion as to how well he looked, insisting that he had 
never looked so well in his life. 

Mrs. Hull, on occasion of a journey several years be- 
fore, stopped at a way station for a meal, and as she 
seated herself at the table, placed her satchel beside 
her in a chair. It was the rule at this eating place that 
if a chair was occupied at a table that its occupant was 
responsible for a meal. Accordingly, when Mrs. Hull 
paid her bill while at the table, the price of two meals 
was extracted, to which she demurred. They explained 
their rules and that her satchel had occupied a place 
at their table. "Oh!" she said, "if that's it, it's all 
right." Then turning to the satchel she said: "Well, 
little fellow, if you have to pay, you must eat"; and she 
immediately proceeded to cram the satchel with every 
choice viand that she could reach on the table, and in 
this way she got more than even with the establish- 
ment. 

A shoemaker by tlie name of Sam Dutton, a neighbor 
of the Hulls, a free and easy character, was always 
verv systen^atic in all his business pUns ^nd wanted 



Yankee Jumbles. i6i 

everything done by rule, or, as he frequently expressed 
it, "according to Hoyle." He was very fond of fish- 
ing, and one day, feeling more like indulging in that 
diversion than he did in mending shoes, he suggested 
to some of his comrades that it was a good day to go 
down the Quinnipiac River and draw the seine for 
suckers. This invitation was favorably received. Going 
to the river where they drew in their net from a favorite 
hole, they found it well filled with suckers and about 
a dozen of fine pickerel. As soon as the net was 
drawn on the bank, Sam began to grab the pickerel 
and throw them back into the river. "Hold on," they 
said, "Sam, what the devil are you doing with those 
pickerel?"' Sam replied, "I am putting them back 
where they belong. We are after suckers to-day." 

A man by the name of Fairchild was a very shrewd 
dealer in cattle, eccentric in various ways, always wear- 
ing a tall bell crowned white hat, while one could be 
bought in the market, and in build and manner as good 
a representation of the "Brother Jonathan" of our 
newspapers and magazines as could probably be found in 
the country. He was polite and affable in his manner, 
a trait that would generally disarm a customer of any 
suspicion of anything being wrong with the stock that 
he was selling. He never told any lies, never made any 
flagrant misrepresentations. One instance might be re- 
lated to show sometliing of his methods. He had a very 
fine looking pair of oxen. They attracted the attention 
of a prospective buyer, and in praising their qualities, 
Mr. Fairchild put his hand on the nigh ox and fond- 
ling him over, told the contemplated purchaser that 



i62 Yankee Jumbles. 

he was the best ox he ever saw in his life or that ever 
put his neck through a yoke, as his looks gave evidence. 
Then putting his hand on the off ox, he said, "I don't 
know why this one isn't just as good." On this recom- 
mendation he sold the cattle for a good price. Not 
long after the customer came hack and told him what 
he said about the nigh ox was true, but that the off one 
was not worth the hay to keep it over night, and 
accused Fairchild of misrepresentation. "Why, no," 
said Mr. Fairchild, "I told you the truth, every word of 
it; I told you the nigh ox had no superior, and I 
didn't know why the off one wasn't just as good, and I 
never could make out to save my life." 

Some people are always complaining of the adverse 
treatment of Providence and seem to take pleasure 
in recounting their woes to their neighbors. Such was 
a man by the name of Sam Baldwin. He was telling 
how much he had lost that year. After trying to excite 
all the pity and commiseration he could in the breast 
of his hearers, they would ask him the cause of his 
misfortune. He would explain that turnips that fall 
were worth 50 cents a bushel, and that he had intended 
to have sown an acre or more, which he neglected to 
do, and was obliged to submit to going without the in- 
come which he might have liad. 

The Hartford & Now Haven Kailroad was completed 
for travel about the year 1840. The first track was 
laid with long timbers lengthwise with strips of iron 
about three inches wide and an inch thick spiked onto 
tlioni. By the cars running over them, the ends of these 
rails vroiild lift up, so that they used to be called 



Yankee Jumbles. 163 

"snake head?.'' They would frequently lift so higli 
that instead of the wheel running over them, they 
would run up over the face of the wheel, through the 
bottom of the car, thus creating lots of serious trouble. 
These rails were, of course, in time substituted by the 
present steel rails. 

The first whistle the writer ever heard was when on a 
high hill one frosty morning after cattle, having started 
up the cattle from where they had lain during the night 
and standing in that place to warm my feet. 

The whistle was construed to be the cry of some 
wild animal. It was more shrill and excruciating 
than at the present time, and the old revivalist, Elder 
Swan, used to use it as an illustration of the scream of 
an old sinner when the devil pounced upon him. 

Before the construction of the railroad, the turn- 
pike from New Haven to Hartford was a great passen- 
ger route by stage as a connecting link in travel from 
New York to Boston. Country hotels were located at 
intervals of four or five miles on the whole route. 
Being so thickly located v/as chiefly to accommodate 
teamsters hauling the various kinds of merchandise from 
tidewater up into the country. In the winter the 
river being frozen, there was no other communication 
and every one of these hotels would be nightly filled 
with teamsters, the roads full of standing loads of mer- 
chandise over night. Large loads of cotton predom- 
inated during the winter. As the country was so gen- 
erally covered with a native growth of forests, there 
used to be frequent talk of robbers lying in ambush 
along the stage route. 



164 Yankee Jumbles. 

About 1835 quite an excitement prevailed in Meriden 
through thie report that robbers were lying in wait in the 
woods known as Berlin Woods north of Meriden. Quite 
an expedition of some fifteen or twenty men were fitted 
out one day after the report that the stage in passing 
through there the night before had been fired upon 
with the probable attempt to waylay and rob. This 
expedition to capture the robbers is well remembered as 
being equipped with several old flint lock guns and a 
number of what was known as horse pistols, which used 
to be carried in holsters by cavalry, also a generous 
display of swords and butcher knives. With this for- 
midable equipment, Berlin Woods underwent a thorough! 
search during most of the day, during which time 
the citizens in Meriden were in a great state of anxiety 
to see how large a bag of game in the shape of blood- 
thirsty robbers would be brought in at night, but some- 
what to their relief and disappointment, this valiant 
set of robber-hunters returned without their game. 

The old stage driver. Uncle Sile Lawrence, sometimes 
got terms as badly mixed as Uncle Josh. Some crooked 
transactions by a man well known in New Haven led 
to his arrest. This man. being also well known in Meri- 
den, Uncle Sile reported the same on the return trip 
of his stage. Driving up to the old Central Hotel he 
stood up in his seat before dismounting from the stage, 
the usual crowd being in waiting, and loudly exclaimed, 
to give them a fresh surprise, "Tom Collins has been 
arrested for swingling." 

On this route in Yalesville, the hotel was kept by 
one Bill Hall, a very easy, careless man in his methods 



Yankee Jumbles. 165 

of business. Cider brandy and Santa Cruz rum was, 
of course, freely sold at (>very stopping place. In Yales- 
ville was a factory which employed several men, among 
whom was a fellow by the name of Green. He was in 
the habit of going to Bill Hall's hotel to buy i-um, 
and for quite a time bought on credit, until his account 
got so large that Bill got waked up enough to deny him 
any more indulgence. Green wanted the rum but he 
wanted to devise some way to get it without paying 
for it, so for a time he would take two bottles of the 
same type in his pocket, filling one with water and the 
other empty. Calling on Bill for a quart of rum with 
the understanding it was to be paid for, Bill would fill 
the bottle. As soon as iho bottle was presented to Green 
he would go through his pockets and discover that he 
had left his wallet over in the factory and promised 
Bill to bring it in the afternoon or next day. Bill 
had been disappointed so many times he would decline 
to wait any time and saying if the money was not ready 
to leave the rum until he brought the money, at which 
Green, with a show of offence, would hand him the 
bottle of water and say, "If you cannot trust me two 
or three hours, take your d — n rum back." After Bill 
had emptied the bottle of water back in the hogshead. 
Green would walk off with his bottle of rum. This 
worked occasionally but Bill soon cut off that process. 
Green's next exploit was in the fur trade. In those 
days all kinds of furs were very plentiful and taken in 
exchange at stores and hotels. Bill kept in connec- 
tion with his hotel a small stock of groceries and other 
mixed goods and was in the habit of taking in various 



1 66 Yankee Jumbles. 

kinds of skins. Green one day found in the factory an 
old musk-rat skin, which the moths had eaten almost en- 
tirely up, the tail being about the only evidence as to 
what animal it came from. The factory being some- 
what alive with rats, Green succeeded in catching a 
big one and skinned it. He then took the tail from the 
old musk-rat skin, and sewed it onto the common 
rat skin, telling his chums in the factory he was 
going to sell that skin to Bill Hall, so after a day 
or two, he happened into Bill's store and bar-room and 
said to Bill, "Buying any fur now, Bill?" Bill said, 
"Yes." "Wliat do you pay for musk-rat skins?" "I 
give a shilling apiece for them," said Bill, which meant 
sixteen and two-thirds cents. "Give me a quart of rum 
for a good skin?" Bill said he would and Green told 
him he had a nice one over to the factory that lie 
would bring over. Bill said, "All right." 

Bill kept his furs in a pile promiscuously thrown 
in behind his counter. The next day Green came in 
with his rat skin and holding the head part in his 
hand showed the fur end with the musk-rat's tail and 
said, "Here is the musk-rat skin, Bill, I have brought 
in for that quart of rum you promised to give me; shall 
I throw it in that pile of fur here ?" "Yes," said Bill, 
and at the same time, Bill took the bottle to fill. Green 
got his rum and went back to the factory very happy 
with his exchange. 

Every two or three months somebody would come 
along on this route, buying up the furs at d liferent 
stations. Green made his reckoning thai when the fur 
dealer came along, in looking over the pile of fur the old 



Yankee Jumbles. 167 

rat skin v.-ould ho discovered and very likely be thrown 
out the back door, so Green with his companions in 
this scheme kept a watch to see when the pile of fur 
was gone; then, in accordance with their plans, they 
would take a look out the back door and, as they ex- 
pected, would find the old skin. After a few days, Green 
would call on Bill again, greeting him in a very 
friendly way and inquiring, "Bill, are you buying any 
fur now?" Bill would acknowledge that he was; Green 
would inquire the price as usual and inform Bill that 
he had a nice skin over to the factory, and would like 
to bring it over and get a quart of rum. Bill would agree 
to the trade and Green would soon come again with the 
same old rat skin, throw it in the same pile again, get 
his bottle filled with rum and return as before. The 
same watch was kept up for the fur dealer and the rear 
of the house after his visit, and another inquiry would 
be made of Bill, after each sale he had made, "If he was 
buying any more furs?" The same old rat did ser- 
vice to buy rum for a year or two, until finally Bill 
burned it up, or it might otherwise have been con- 
tinued indefinitely. 

This combination skin is a reminder of a political 
speech delivered by Truman Smith in the forties, dur- 
ing the time when the Democratic and Free Soil parties 
ran a fusion ticket. At this time Mr. Smith was in 
one branch of Congress and was electioneering for the 
old Whig party. Alluding to this fusion ticket, he told 
a story during his speech which he deemed applicable 
to this duplex arrangement of parties. He said that an 
old neighbor of his had a boy who put up a sort of 



i68 Yankee Jumbles. 

puzzle for his father in the way of a combination skin. 
He had an old skunk skin, devoid of tail, and as a sub- 
stitute, he sewed on an old mink skin, making a rather 
strange compound of the two. Taking this to his father 
he submitted it for a name ; somewhat, it is presumed, 
as the Creator brought all the animals of the earth be- 
fore Adam to be named. He claimed to his father 
that it was a new specimen and was very curious to know 
if his father could tell what sort of animal it came 
from? Tlie father looked it over carefully and said 
it was what he should call a skunky-minky. This com- 
bination he considered applicable to the arrangement 
between the Democratic and Free Soil parties. 

The next evening, Lawyer Blackman, of Waterbury, 
followed with a Democratic speech and told in a pre- 
vious campaign of going to a place in the western 
part of the state to make a speech, and driving across 
country with a team he pulled up at a hotel in the place 
where he was to deliver his speech. He was met by a 
colored man, quite an inferior looking specimen, who 
took his horse and received directions for its care dur- 
ing the night. Going into the hotel, he registered, 
and at the same time met a very nice, sensible looking 
woman of whom he inquired for the landlord. She said 
he was out taking care of the gentleman's horse. "Why, 
no," said tbe orator of the occasion, "that nigger out 
there took my horse." "Well," said the lady of the 
house, "that was my husband, the landlord." With 
great surprise he looked at the woman, who was more 
than ordinarily attractive, and said, "Do 3^ou mean to 
say that that nigger who took my horse is your bus- 



Yankee Jumbles. 169 

band?" "Certainly," she said. "How is it possible that 
so likely a looking a woman as you could marry a 
nigger?" "Well," she said, "it may seem strange to 
you, but I had a sister that did so much worse than 
I did that I felt well satisfied with what I got." "For 
heaven's sake," I inquired, "whom did your sister mar- 
ry?" She said that her sister married a Whig. 

The style of campaigning and speech making were 
somewhat different in their methods from the present 
day. An instance is the election of the first President 
Harrison. It is doubtful if such a campaign is ever re- 
peated in this country. It would certainly be quite a 
novelty for the present day. General Harrison's chief 
qualifications for the presidential chair were that he 
had been an Indian fighter, gaining a decisive victory 
over the Indians in the battle of Tippecanoe, by which 
name he was christened in connection with the candi- 
date John Tyler for vice-president, as "Tippecanoe and 
Tyler too." Harrison's other qualifications were that he 
lived in a log cabin, drank hard cider and hunted coons. 

During this presidential canvass all the club rooms 
consisted of log cabins, in imitation of Harrison's home, 
the sides of which were profusely adorned with coon 
skins, or any other imitation, to embellish the outside. 
Inside was invariably a barrel of hard cider, which in 
those times could be and was plentifully supplied for 
the refreshment of all members of the clubs. In their 
Whig processions the log cabin, on wheels, adorned with 
coon skins and the representative cider barrel, were 
always to the front. With such attractions and brilliant 



170 Yankee Jumbles. 

qualifications for a candidate, of course. General Harri- 
son was overwhelmingly elected. 

Peter Corrigan claimed to have been born in Canada, 
evidently of Irish descent. He was a resident in Con- 
necticut for a great many years. As is common with the 
Irish, he was fond of hearing stories, and when in any 
company where stories of various character were being 
related, after listening to several without any relevance 
to the character of the last story, Pete would interpose 
to tell one, always introducing it by saying, "That puts 
me in mind of an Irishman who went into a butcher's 
shop, and looking about he saw half a fine hog hanging 
on one of the hooks. He steps up to the marketman and 
says, 'Mister, what do you ask for that half a hog hang- 
ing up there?' The butcher informed him that it was 
sold. 'Indade,' says Pete, 'is that so? When will you be 
after killing the other half ?' " Eelieving himself of 
that effort he became a listener again, and after a few 
more stories were disposed of, with his lack of relevancy, 
he would again remark, "That puts me in mind of the 
Irishman walking down the street in the city one day, 
looking into the stores and shops, and soon stopped in 
front of a lawyer's office. Looking in he saw the lawyer 
sitting in his chair. 'Good morning,' says Pat. 'Good 
morning,' says the lawyer. Pat says, 'What have you 
for sale here, sir?' 'Logger-heads,' says the lawyer. 
Says Pat, 'Begad, you have had good sale ; you have only 
one left.' " 

These two stories during more than twenty years' 
residence, were the only stock in trade in that line tliat 
Pete was ever known to tell. In after years the writer 



Yankee Jumbles. \iyi] 

engaged for some time in merchandising wiOi a partner. 
Drummers travelling about the country soliciting trade 
are generally loaded with a fund of stories, which they 
pick up at the various points which they visit, and by 
swapping with each other as they meet at hotels. 
Whenever a drummer came to our store and went to 
firing off a grist of his stories, either new or old chest- 
nuts, one of us would be very soon reminded of one of 
Pete's stories, and whichever took it up would perhaps 
for the first one be reminded of the Irishman's going 
into the butcher s shop. Several of our near neighbors, 
together with the clerks in our own establishment, grew 
to understand this habit of our being reminded of Pete's 
two stories, so with a little notice, which could be readily 
given, they would gather in for a little temporary amuse- 
ment. After the drummer had got himself tolerably 
emptied of material, one of us, as said before, would 
be reminded of the Irishman and the butcher's shop, to 
which all, of course, contributed the most hilarious 
laughter. This would call forth an extra elfort on 
Mr. Drummer's part to try and produce something as 
interesting. After a few more ciforts, the other one 
would be reminded of the Irishman walking down the 
street and looking into the law3'er's office, which would 
again result in l)ringing down the house. These two 
stories were the only ones ever allowed to be told in 
our store by the proprietor or any employee, and these 
two stories succeeded in making weary every drummer 
that ever attempted to entertain our crowd with their 
old chestnuts. Of course, our neighbors and friends 
invited in with ourselves enjoyed the absurdity of this 



172 Yankee Jumbles. 

method of tiring out drummers better than anything 
fresh that could possibly be introduced. 

Abe Potter was a curious fellow, spending most of 
his time loafing, hunting and fishing. Quite a large 
percentage of meats for his family was made up of 
rabbits and woodchueks and by the snaring of partridge. 
A man by the name of Larkins was one of the greatest 
wall layers of this time, when stone walls in Connecticut 
were the most common method of fencing, thus accom- 
plishing two purposes, making a fence and clearing up 
the fields for cultivation. It used to be a common re- 
mark that every man kept a dog, and every poor man 
two or three. Such was the case with Abe, his dogs 
contributing largely to his livelihood. When rambling 
about the fields it was an easy matter for the dogs to 
run a woodchuck into some stone wall, which he would 
announce by loud barkings to lead Abe to the place 
where he had the victim run in. Abe, of course, was 
soon on hand, and the woodchuck was done for. Uncle 
Sam Francis had a great deal of fine stone fence on his 
farm, and used to be much annoyed in finding here and 
there large gaps where Abe had pulled out stone to get 
his woodchuck ; so it used to be remarked by Uncle Sam 
that he didn^t know which had done the most work, 
Larkins in building walls, or Abe Potter in tearing them 
down. Abe told of one of the greatest disappointments 
that he ever met in liunting when one day he ran a 
rabbit into a big wall. After pulling out a rod or two 
of wall, the dog being the other side, sprang in to catch 
the rabbit, the rabbit running towards Abe. Abe 
stamped his foot down agnin.4 the rabbit's nose, thus 



Yankee Jumbles. 173 

interrupting his progress, when the rabbit, in his bewil- 
derment, shoved his face into the bottom of Abe's pants, 
thus running up his trousers leg. Abe said he grasped 
about the bottom of his trousers leg and says, "Ah, old 
fellow, I have got you now, sir," not thinking of a large 
hole in the seat of his pants through which the rabbit 
made a ready exit, and was three rods away before Abe 
thought he ought to have put one hand on the back 
as well as on the bottom of his pants. 

A fellow by the name of Hubbard, a painter, worked 
for years for a man by the name of Bates, who lived 
outside of town two or three miles. He had a habit 
of going to town frequently, and would retm-n very late 
at night, but would come into the house and go to his 
room upstairs so stealthily that they never would hear 
him when he entered the house. He felt quite proud 
to think he was so sly in his movements, and claimed 
he could come in for any indefinite time and they never 
would know it. This Bates family being neighbors of 
the writer when young, induced him to ask the privilege 
of putting up a little Job on Hubbard, so that they 
might know when he came home, to which they readilly 
assented. The chamber stairs, which Hubbard must 
ascend to get to his room, ran up on the side of the 
room in which Mr. Bates and his wife slept. A large 
brass kettle such as were used commonly in earlier times 
for boiling clothes on washing days, and for soap-mak- 
ing, etc., was placed at the top of the stairs. This kettle 
was filled with a string of bells, a lot of promiscuous 
tin and iron ware, and placed on the top stair on a 
balance so close that the pulling of half a pound weight 



174 Yankee Jumbles. 

would tip it off the top and down stairs. To the bail 
of the kettle was attached a string and extended down 
to the latch of the door at the bottom of the stairs, which 
had to be left slightly ajar. Hubbard returned after 
midnight, and, as usual, took off his shoes and crept 
slyly into the house. Going to the chamber door it 
only took a very slight pull to upset the big kettle at 
the top of the stairs, which, with its contents, came 
thundering down the stairs, scaring the fellow half to 
death, and making a noise as bad as thougih the whole 
house had tumbled in upon him. This awakened Mr. 
Bates and his wife, so that they knew that night what 
time Hubbard got home. He was so mortified and mad 
over the arrangement that he quit the premises for good. 

With this same man Bates, who was a neighbor, lived 
a man for several seasons by the name of Hiram Basley, 
who was not a man of very strong mind or nerve. 
Having read (during the time that Hiram lived with 
Mr. Bates) about men being frightened nearly to death 
and into fits of sickness and high fevers by other persons 
making them think they were sick, and men who were 
made to believe they were bleeding to death and actually 
dying by surgeons pretending they were tapping a vein, 
and in place of blood running, had substituted warm 
water to run into a dish, which the victim could hear, 
thinking it was his own blood, and graduating the 
apparent flow of blood down minute by minute until 
the victim was dead, when his skin had not been 
punctured at all, the writer thought he Avould test it. 

Thinking of such cases as this, the writer took it 
upon him one day to experiment upon Hiram's credulity 



Yankee Jumbles. 175 

and fears. Hiram was plowing in the fields with a yoke 
of oxen, and being approached for a short chat, during 
the conversation Hiram was suddenly asked what was 
the matter with him? He said he didn't know, and 
asked why? "Why," said I, "you look pale as death, 
do you feel well ?" He replied that he had a little bad 
pain in his head in the morning, but that he was all 
right since. He was asked to show his tongue, which 
he did, the same being pronounced very thickly coated 
with fever symptoms; his head was felt of and pro- 
nounced very hot, and he was advised to at once quit 
plowing and go right to the house and go to bed as 
soon as he could get there, as all his s5rmptoms indicated 
a dangerous condition and approach of severe sickness. 
He was told to leave the cattle in my care and lose no 
time in getting to the house and into bed, where, as 
soon as I had unyoked the cattle I would come at once 
to administer relief, if it was not too late. The cattle 
were turned out, and, going to the house, Hiram was 
found in bed as advised. The situation was explained 
to Mrs. Bates, telling the cause of Hiram's sudden sick- 
ness. She being a person who enjoyed a Joke, fell into 
the arrangements for trying to save his life. The newly 
fledged doctor went to the patient's room and felt of 
his pulse, examined his tongue again and pronounced 
it growing worse, head hot as a fire brand and every- 
thing looking precarious. Mrs. Bates was requested to 
prepare a dose of medicine, which consisted of a teacup 
of milk and water well sweetened with molasses, and a 
generous amount of ginger stirred in. This preparation 
was administered every few minutes to Hiram for an 



176 Yankee Jumbles. 

hour or so, Lis pulse and tongue very closely watched 
during that time until indications were that the progress 
of the disease was somewhat checked and the situation 
began to look hopeful. After nearly another hour's 
dosing with various innocent medicines, the coating 
seemed to be leaving the tongue, the high fever indicated 
by the head was reduced, and the pulse gave promise of 
a restoration of health. The cure was about as rapid 
as the approach of the disease, the disease commencing 
about two o'clock in the afternoon, and at a little past 
four Hiram was again pronounced able and safe to be 
out and was in the field plowing as at the time when 
discovered, and felt as though he had had a very narrow 
escape from the jaws of death. 



SMALL CHANGE. 

Before the establishment of our decimal form of 
currency, the making of change could never be complete 
or exact on account of fractional coins below twenty- 
five cents, as the Spanish currency was in very general 
use, and the small pieces below a quarter of a dollar 
for a long term of years were twelve and a half and 
six and one quarter cents, known as nine pence and four 
pence half penny pieces. These were the principal small 
coins in use before the adoption of dimes and half dimes, 
but for a good many years both of these kinds of coin 
were in circulation, until finally the Government made 
regulations that the old Spanish and English coin 
should conform to the decimal rates, and the old Spanish 
quarters were reduced to twenty cents, and the nine 



Yankee Jumbles. 177 

pence and four pence half penny to ten and five cents. 
It was very common in pieces of dollars and halves to 
have holes bored in them, which weie often strung about 
children's necks to chew during teething time. This 
habit of boring the coin was said to have originated 
among jewelers to obtain the borings for soldering pur- 
poses in their business; therefore, such coin as was 
bored became subject to a discount, since whicli time 
there has been no bored coin in circulation. This small 
fractional cuiTency was taken advantage of by many 
tradesmen, and particularly in bar-rooms. 

In many of our country hotels, which were more 
generally distributed on turnpike lines than to-day for 
the accommodation of the great number of teamsters 
and people travelling by stages, it used to be the habit 
of landlords' wives to accommodate guests at the bar, 
and many times the small advantages in making change 
in gaining the quarter and half cents would give them 
quite a little amount of pin money, as the drinks were 
six and one quarter cents apiece. 

A genial toper of those times who patronized the old 
Central Hotel in Meriden, having abused his credit for 
drinks, was denied any further indulgence without ready 
cash. Being hard pushed one day for a drink, he begged 
the loan of a nine pence from an acquaintance in the 
bar-room, with which he presented himself before the 
bar, for his drinks. The bar-keeper knowing he was in 
funds, without hesitation, sot out the bottle for him. 
This man was familiarly known as Judge Dagget. Tak- 
ing the bottle, he poured a very generous drink, remark- 
ing tl'at a judge should do honor to the liquor. After 



178 Yankee Jumbles. 

drinking down his draught, he stood for a moment to 
feel the happy effects, and turning to his friend from 
whom he obtained the nine pence and handing it to 
him, under the protest of the bar-keeper, when he re- 
marked that he always made it his principle to pay 
borrowed money before he did his grog bills. 

At this same hotel some years later the landlord pur- 
chased a load of hay from a farmer, the price of which 
was twenty dollars a ton. The farmer brought the hay, 
which was weighed on a set of public scales near by, 
and weighed two thousand and one pounds. The hay 
was put into the hotel barns, and being rather a raw, 
chilly day, the farmer was invited into the hotel to 
receive his pay, and at the same time was asked if he 
would not take a glass of something to counteract the 
effects of the weather, to which he very readily assented ; 
at the same time, while taking a good, liberal dram, the 
landlord handed him a twenty-dollar bill. After partak- 
ing of the liquor, the farmer stood around for some little 
time as if waiting for something. The landlord finally 
inquired of him if that change was not all right. The 
generous farmer reminded him he guessed there was 
another cent his clue. 

Another farmer of the same name was of a very 
similar nature. A man by the name of Perkins kept a 
store in the village of Yalesville. These were days of 
rather cheap prices in farm produce as well as many 
other commodities. This farmer's name was Lounsbury. 
Entering Mr. Perkins' store one day he inquired the 
price of eggs. The price named was nine pence a dozen. 
Standing around awhile, he inquired the price of clay 



Yankee Jumbles. 179 

pipes, which were told to be two for a cent. He looked 
over the box of pipes, selecting a couple that he thought 
would suit, said he guessed he would take those two, 
and putting his hand into his pocket took out what Mr. 

Perkins pronounced "one of the d est little eggs 

he had seen in ten years," and wanted to know where 
he got it, and did he lay it himself? The same man 
had a feeble wife, who, during her last sickness, became 
so extremely low that the doctor ordered some tonic for 
her, some nourishing food that would brace her up under 
such an ordeal, something that she would relish, and 
advised Lounsbury to get some appetizing food as soon 
as possible. He went to this same store kept by Mr. 
Perkins and bought a most luxurious pound of soda 
crackers, and took them home to produce new vitality 
in his declining wife's condition. Her debility was such 
that she died before consuming half of them, the re- 
mainder of which he took back to the store with the re- 
quest that he would exchange them for other goods. Af- 
ter his wife's death, in the village of Hanover, was a 
large factory for the manufacture of ivory combs, whose 
proprietor's name was Pratt. One day just before clos- 
ing time, Mr. Lounsbury came into Pratt's office, and, be- 
ing an acquaintance, chatted with him about the times 
and weather for a few minutes, and finally said, "Mr. 
Pratt, you have a good many girls working in your fac- 
tory, haven't you?" Mv. Pratt said he had. Lounsbury 
said he had lost his wife and was thinking about getting 
another, to which IVIr. Pratt replied that he thought he 
might find some one among the number of girls in the 
factory who would suit him_, and mentioned over some 



i8o Yankee Jumbles. 

that he thought well of. Lounsbury said he would like 
to see them when they went out of the factory, to whicli 
request Mr. Pratt assented. As they passed out under 
review, Lounsbury pointed out occasionally one to know 
who they were, but none were those whom Mr. Pratt had 
recommended. Mr. Pratt inquired what objection he 
could have to some of the girls he had named to him. 
Well, Lounsbury said they were not the right size, that 
his wife had left several dresses, which he thought if 
he got another woman about the same size she could 
wear. On this declaration Mr. Pratt subsided in his 
attempts to select Lounsbury a wife out of his stock. 

Another man, by the name of Morse, living in East 
Wallingford, accumulated quite an estate by exact busi- 
ness habits. In cider making time he employed a boy 
to drive the horse hitched to the end of a sweep in an 
old-fashioned cider mill, which revolved some rollers be- 
tween the cogs of which the apples were smasihed 
preparatory for the press. He was paying the boy the 
munificent sum of fifteen cents a day for driving the 
horse around, during which time something about the 
harness gave away and required some thirty minutes to 
repair. In settling with the boy at night he reminded 
him of the half hour lost time as an excuse for deduct- 
ing one cent from his wages, which, of course, was busi- 
nesslike and honorable. 

As late as 1871 small change was in little use in the 
Far West and South. The dividing line for many years 
was at Salt Lake City and Ogden, on the Union Pacific 
road. West of these places everything was payable in 
specie, and gold and silver at that time was at a pro- 



Yankee Jumbles. i8i 

mium of about 20 per cent. A few days was spent in 
Salt Lake City, during which time the acquaintance of 
Brigham Young and several other Mormon dignitaries 
was made. Their temple was just in process of con- 
struction, the tabernacle was completed and capable of 
seating several thousand people. In this structure was 
the second largest organ in this country, which was 
played for the special edification of our eastern party. 
Zion's great co-operative store, under the management 
of John Q. Cannon, was visited, and all the productive 
resources of Utah were exhibited. Everything in that 
establishment required for the wants of the population 
of that territory, at the time was a native production of 
the state, with the exception of part of the leather 
goods, and implements made of cast iron, leather not 
being made in sufficient quantity for all the people's 
wants, and no ore in Utah was suitable for making cast 
iron, while all other grades of iron ore were in great 
abundance. 

On taking leave of Salt Lake City, on the platform 
of the depot some boys were peddling apples, and offer- 
ing for sale, payable in pennies. The writer bought a 
few for his party and in the change some pennies were 
passed, no sooner done than he was touched on the 
shoulder by a man asking if he didn't pay that boy some 
pennies. Being told he did, the gentleman remarked 
he was not a beggar, but had lived in Texas more than 
fifty years and had never seen one, and asked if one 
would be given him, to which request half a dozen were 
offered, of which he would take only one, with thanks. 

From Salt Lake City to San Francisco specie was the 



182 Yankee Jumbles. 

only currency in use. Eiding in a street car a day or 
two after arriving there, as the conductor passed around 
the ear to collect his fares he was asked how much it 
was, to which he replied, "six cents." He was offered 
a nickel and penny for the fare, which he declined. 
Being reminded that the price was six cents, he was 
asked what other way he could be paid, when he said, 
"By a bit or dime." "Well, but," said the passenger, 
"that is more than six cents a good deal, and with the 
premium on silver, would be twelve cents." "Well," 
said the conductor, "you can buy four tickets for a 
quarter or two bits" (as they rendered it). "Yes," was 
the reply, "but that is more than six cents a ticket," 
to the amusement of a car full of passengers listening 
to the dispute. To liquidate the fare a dime was given, 
and the conductor proceeded to collect his fares of the 
rest of the passengers, after taking all of which he 
returned to the writer. Standing in front of him, he 

said, "Mister, won't you show me that d n thing 

again?" to the great amusement of the rest of the car, 
which, of course, was readily exhibited to his curious 
eyes, as being something that he had never seen in all 
his street car experience. 

That was a time in San Francisco for instituting 
stands in various parts of the city for selling small 
articles varying from a cent to twent^^-five cents and 
giving exact change, which would have been certainly 
adopted by the writer only for other profitable business 
enterprises at the time. A stick of candy, an apple, or 
any piece of fruit, in fact, anything of any account 
could not be bought for less than a bit; with fruit as 



Yankee Jumbles. 183 

abundant as air in the market, a man would be obliged 
to buy a great deal more than he wanted, aud conse- 
quently would pass it for lack of small change, i^or black- 
ing your shoes it was a bit, for which amount a dime was 
recognized, but a boot-black would resent it unless you 
gave him a quarter and let him pay you back a bit or 
a dime, which would make the blacking of your shoes 
cost you eighteen cents with silver at a premium. 

Several years before this time in San Francisco, the 
prices of everything were exorbitant. Very poor meals 
were from seventy-five cents to a dollar, the same with 
the meager lodgings, so that men coming in stranded 
from the mines, from the ranches, and prospectors from 
the mountains or the sea, had to pay the most outra- 
geous prices for what they needed to live on. In the out- 
skirts of the city were some gardens laid out, known as 
the Botanical Gardens, in which were aquariums, a large 
skating rink, and various other attractions. Adjoining 
these gardens was a circus ground and menagerie, con- 
taining a very ordinary collection of birds, animals, rep- 
tiles and some other features. To these gardens was a 
street car line, with the usual six-cent fare, admission to 
the garden was fifty cents, and fifty cents more to go 
into the circus and menagerie, costing a dollar and 
twelve cents for the round trip. The garden was not 
very liberally patronized, costing too much for the show. 

A man by the name of Woodward, who proved to have 
a level head, seeing this condition of high prices for liv- 
ing in the city, and to see the show grounds, conceived 
the generous idea of doing something that would be 
within the reach of the jjcoplc's necessities, so on Jackson 



184 Yankee Jumbles. 

Street he established a hotel and christened it the "What 
Cheer House." He established a large dining room, and 
filled the house with small beds. At the office a man 
could go and buy a card at a price anywhere from ten 
to fifty cents, and on the ten-cent card he would have 
a liberal slice of meat and bread and some vegetable, and 
on a twenty-cent card he would have as much more in 
proportion, and if he paid up as high as fifty cents it 
would include wine and fine desserts, in fact, a first- 
class meal. These cards would be bought and paid for 
at the counter and when a man went into the dining 
room, he knew just what his meal was to be and that 
he would have the full value of his money. The same 
arrangements as regarded lodgings. He bought his 
card for his room and bed, the highest cost of a bed was 
fifty cents, from that dowa to one bit for a cot on which! 
he could rest himself comfortably. 

This business proving profitable and the Botanical 
Gardens not paying their expenses, by the original man- 
agers were put on the market for sale, of which Mr. 
Woodward availed himself by purchasing and subse- 
quently the street railroad leading to the gardens. In 
place of a six-cent fare he adopted five, and in place of 
a dollar for the two shows, he gave the whole for two 
bits, and every few weeks of a Saturday, he would give 
a free ride and exhibition, to the Sunday school of some 
church in the city, all of which methods gave the great- 
est abundance of advertising to the What Cheer House, 
and the gardens, which were soon christened Wood- 
ward's Gardens. For many years these gardens became 
the most popular resort probably of any place in the city, 



Yankee Jumbles. 185 

nobody would think of visiting San Francisco vvilhout 
paying a visit to Woodward's Gardens. 

The result of this system of doing business was that 
in a very few years, Mr. Woodward became a million- 
aire. 



THE OLD CENTRAL HOTEL IN MERIDEN. 

This old holstery stood in the town of Meriden half 
way between the court-houses of Connecticut. It was 
headquarters for stages for a great many years, when 
they ran between Hartford and New Haven. As there 
were no railroads until about 1840, this house as well 
as many others was largely patronized by teamsters haul- 
ing freights from tide-water up into the country. Great 
loads of baled cotton, wool and general merchandise 
passed up and down this old thoroughfare, knoT\Ti as 
the Hartford and New Haven turnpike. 

In those days these old hotels were headquarters for 
business men and men of leisure to congregate. The 
bar-rooms were scenes of revelry and free use of ardent 
spirits. In the Old Tavern, over the bar-room and ex- 
tending over several other rooms was a hall appropri- 
ated for dances and occasional public meetings. This 
hall was forty feet in length and about twenty-five 
feet in width. It accommodated Meriden people for 
over fifty years and a large portion of the older resi- 
dents of Meriden have "tripped the light fantastic toe" 
to the tunes of "Money Musk," "Fisher's Hompipe," 
"Irish Washerwoman," "Hull's Victory," and "Virginia 
Reel" and all those old country dances, which were tlio 



1 86 Yankee Jumbles. 

only ones indulged in in those days. Such a diversion as 
the quadrille was unknown. There might be one waltz 
in the middle of a programme, but scarcely half a dozen 
couples would indulge in this. One violin usually con- 
stituted the music played by some colored musician. 

For quite a term of years which came into the mem- 
ory of the writer, the old hotel bar-room had become the 
meeting place of n number of men of leisure, some of 
the names of which it may not be out of place to men- 
tion. There were Farrington, and Miller, and Butler, 
known as Gen. Pickins, and Lawrence, Colonel Seymour, 
Uncle Ben Upson, Captain Collins, Levi Yale, known as 
"Old Beal," Uncle Sam Yale, Abel Yale, known as 
Captain Cook, Bronson Curtis, known as Judge Dagget, 
Charles Paddock, Ealph Childs and several others of 
quite uniform t; pe of men in age and tastes. This was 
about the make-up of the crowd present when it was pre- 
sumed that Ealph Ohilds had the delirium tremens. 

Captain Collins was a large land holder in the village 
and was a close descendant of one of the old slave-hold- 
ing families, and the captain liked the society of the 
old bar-room with its congenial friends better than he 
did hard work. His habits were always matter of fact 
and he had little admiration of sham or anybody's put- 
ting on frills. On one occasion in this old dancing hall, 
although in the dancing season, the room was in- 
tolerably hot. Among the party was a dudish character 
of the day who assumed some exquisite airs. He took 
pains to remark how very exceedingly and excruciatingly 
warm the hall was and tliat he was perspiring with the 



Yankee Jumbles. 187 

greatest profusion. The captain replied, ;;t,:" -^i ' j'cs, 
it's hot; I'm sweating like a horse."' 

Colonel Seymour had at one time held the ollice 
from wdiich he received his title, and during a public 
parade after the noon intermission, he came back to 
the hotel bar-room to look for some of his minor officers 
to call the companies together. Opening the door and 
thrusting his head in, he inquired somewhat hastily if 
any of his inferior officers were in there, to which a 
stranger, standing by, replied : "For the Lord's sake, he 
hoped not, judging from his appearance." Some one else 
remarked he had just seen one officer ascend up one 
of the flights of stairs and if he went up the same way 
he might find him. 

A very good joke occurred on Levi Yale at butcher- 
ing time. Uncle Ben Upson was a butcher by trade and 
always helped "Old Beal" when he butchered. When 
they had got a pig butchered and all dressed off com- 
plete and just as they had ascertained the weight, they 
saw Captain Cook, who was one of their intimates, com- 
ing across the field. "There," says "Uncle Ben" to 
"Beal," "there comes 'Cook'; now let's m-ark with him 
and see who will pay when we go down to tha bar- 
room, and if he agrees, you mark one pound over and 
I'll mark one pound under, so as not to create any sus- 
picion." The proposition to mark on the weight of the 
hog was accepted. "Uncle Ben" as agreed upon marked 
one under, and "Beal" one over, but "Captain Cook" 
marked the exact weight, beating them both at their 
own game. 

Another character who used to patronized the bar- 



1 88 Yankee Jumbles. 

room was a Spaniard by the name of John Antoine, 
who had a mouth running nearly from ear to ear, and 
when he drank a big mug of cider he never seemed to 
take more than a swallow for its contents. So for di- 
version some one of the men would agree to pay for 
all the cider that John would drink, provided he would 
drink ten mugs and only take one swallow to a mug. 
John was always ready to accept the offer, rarely ever 
failing to get down the ten mugs and often two or three 
more with only the stipulated number of swallows. 

In Middletown, until recent years has been something 
like such a group of men, who have congregated in the 
Old Farmers' and Mechanics' Hotel, but their amuse- 
ments have been more in the line of card playing, partic- 
ularly the old game of "seven up," for drinks to be paid 
for by some one of the party at the end of each rubber. 
A number of the frequenters of this house lived several 
miles out in the country, but no matter how cold and 
stormy the weather it had nothing to do towards closing 
their sessions. It was frequently near midnight before 
they would quit the enjoyment of their games. They 
were all men "well to do," and one man was quite proud 
of his easy circumstances ; he being one of a quartet that 
most frequently met to play together. He remarked 
with some pride one day, that it was quite rare that 
four men so well "fixed" financially as they, met to pass 
away their time at card playing, to which one of the 
others responded that it might be true, and that he 
thought, furthermore, it was as rare to find four men 
that could get outside of more rum in the same time. 

Another amusing; occurrence in the old Meriden bar- 



Yankee Jumbles. 189 

room. A man by the name of Williams was always 
bragging about his horse, claiming it was one of the 
most remarkable beasts that ever stood on all fours, and 
that if it were possible to find a horse that would mate 
thoroughly, he would give $500 for it, as such a pair 
would be almost priceless. He had so frequently bored 
the company with these remarks about this remarkable 
piece of horseflesh that one sceptic remarked that if 
the horse had on a different harness and were hitched 
to a different wagon, its owner would not know it. He 
didn't think that Williams' horse was anything to brag 
about, and he didn't believe that Williams was anything 
of a judge of horseflesh. Some one suggested an ex- 
periment to be tried, so the first opportunity when 
W^illiams' horse was under the sliod, a committee was 
appointed to take his horse out, reharness it and put 
it into a different wagon and hitch him to a post down 
the street. Then two or three were delegated to go in and 
inform Williams of their discovery. Addressing Wil- 
liams, one of them said: "We have heard you say you 
would like a mate to your horse, and for a good one you 
would give $500 ; we think we have seen just what you 
want out here on the street." Williams was incredulous, 
but they all insisted that they had looked it over and 
that it was a complete match, and advised him to go out 
and inspect it, to which he consented. Approaching the 
horse, he looked it over critically, not making a remark 
for some time. Finally he gave vent to his disgust and 
contempt for their opinion, thinking that horse would 
match his. "He didn't have such a head, or shoulders, 
or limbs or tail. He wasn't as heavy. He was goose 



190 Yankee Jumbles. 

rumped. He wouldn't match him in color, and after 
driving such an animal as he had been accustomed to, 
he would be ashamed to be seen with such a frame as 
that driving in the street and would not accept him 
as a gift." He then pronounced them all a pack of fools 
in the matter of judging a piece of horseflesh. He would 
rather have his horse than a drove of such camels. On 
return to the bar-room he expressed his contempt and 
disgust for the rest of the party, but when the truth 
dawned upon Mr. Williams later on, it cured him of ever 
making any more mention of his Bucephalus. 



RALPH CHILDS FOLLOWS. 

Ralph Childs was very much given to the playing of 
practical jokes. He spent much of his time in the old 
Central Hotel of the town, where were generally con- 
gregated a number of old settlers, spending their leisure 
time in a social way and drinking their toddies. Be- 
hind the old box stove in the bar-room was usually a 
large pile of wood, which was the universal fuel at that 
time. Ralph, while sitting one day by the stove, began 
to act strangely, so much so as to attract the attention of 
the bar-room attendants. Some one asked Ohilds what 
was troubling him. He replied that there were so many 
d — n snakes in the room that he felt almost afraid to 
stay there. This was construed to mean that Ralph 
had the delirium tremens coming on. As he appeared 
to grow worse, the room became quite excited. They 
advised him to go home. He declined to do so as long 
as there were so many snakes in the room. They called 



Yankee Jumbles. 191 

in the doctor, who diagnosed his symptoms, and advised 
him that he had better go home ; all of which suggestions 
Ealph emphatically declined to conform to unless they 
would kill all the snakes in the room. When they asked 
him where the snakes were, he told them that the wood- 
pile was full of them, and that if they would overhaul 
the wood and kill the snakes, he would go home. This 
being a task that required only a few minutes' work, a 
hotel porter was ordered to do it. Coming to about the 
last stick in the pile, they found what was known as 
a small ground snake not much larger than an angle 
worm, which Ralph had discovered, attracted out by the 
warmth of the stove. Everybody who had been so much 
interested in the case felt that they had got left, while 
Ealph sat and laughed at the whole crowd. Ralph 
used to take great delight in playing jokes on what he 
termed greenhorns, just coming into town to serve ap- 
prenticeships and clerkships. He would assume an in- 
terest in them and make himself their apparent friend. 
Some day he would ask one of them to do him the favor 
of going to a friend's house at some extreme part of the 
town and bring him back fifteen or twenty pounds 
of borum junk. At another time he would send a green- 
horn on a long journey to borrow a round file or a 
set of jew's-harp moulds. The borum junk would be 
made up of a large package of stones, which the fellow 
would lug back for a mile or two. Ralph would swear 
that his friend had played a joke on him, so as to relieve 
himself of the position. The round file was usually a 
length of six-lndi stove pipe filled with sand and 
wrapped in paper. 



192 Yankee Jumbles. 

People are apt to forget freaks of weather that come 
unexpectedly. In 1854, in the month of April, occurred 
a phenomenal snowstorm. From the fifteenth to the 
eighteenth snow fell two feet deep on a level. This 
snow was disastrous to thousands of birds that had al- 
ready returned from their southern migration. This 
snow was followed on the twenty-eighth by a rain storm 
which poured down continuously for some three da^^s. 

This great body of snow and protracted rain caused 
the greatest flood known in New England by its oldest 
inhabitants. This flood has probably more records for 
high water than any which ever occurred in the Con- 
necticut Valley. 

In Middletown at that time was the firm of Hub- 
Lard Bros., large dealers in lumber and manufacturers 
of doors, blinds and many other articles for building 
purposes. Their office building was over a very high 
stone basement and stood near the water, and for many 
years it had been their custom during the spring floods 
to draw a line on their building where high water had 
reached. This flood was at its highest May 4, 1854, and 
one of the firm, Gaston Hubbard, drew the line, which 
was so far above all other lines as to attract much at- 
tention. Soon after the water had subsided, Mr. Hub- 
bard, thinking this flood must have beaten all previous 
occasions, not excepting Noah's, but wishing to be fair, 
as he was a very fair-minded man, drew the line about 
six inches below, crediting that to Noah's flood of some- 
what doubtful authenticity. 

Two or three seasons later, a convention of ministers 
was held in the city and after the conclusion of their 



Yankee Jumbles. 193 

session, they were taken about the city to see some of the 
places of interest. About half a dozen of them went 
to Hubbard Bros.' works, through their planing mills 
and various shops, when their attention was called to the 
water marks and dates on the building. One of them, 
seemingly more interested than the rest, noticing the 
highest mark and then the one six inches below it 
credited to Noah's flood, expressed great indignation to 
his brethren and surprise that men like the Hubbards 
should allow such sacrilegious evidences of disrespect 
for holy and sacred things to be posted on their build- 
ing, and expressing such a serious shock to his religious 
feelings that some of his associates thought that Mr. 
Hubbard's attention ought to be brought to the matter. 
Mr. Gaston Hubbard very freely acknowledged that the 
record was made by his authority and placed to the best 
of his knowledge and that if it wasn't right he was very 
sorry ; if it was wrong, he was willing to make any con- 
cession to the aggrieved gentleman's wishes and would 
place the line for Noah's flood at any other point he 
would suggest, and thank him for the correction. 



EELIGION. 



In the first half of the nineteenth century, the re- 
ligious views of the community were not very materially 
changed from those of the century before, but the people 
were beginning to get their eyes opened in different di- 
rections to other views. The writings of Thomas Paine 
in the last part of the eighteenth century had sowed a 
great deal of seed, much of which had fallen in good 



194 Yankee Jumbles. 

ground. The people began to take the liberty of think- 
ing for themselves, instead of relegating all their re- 
ligious views and hopes into the hands of the priests. 
There began to be a feeling that we had a God of Love, 
and that instead of an angry God, He was of a peace- 
ful and amicable nature. The doctrine of eternal dam- 
nation began to grow obnoxious in the minds of the 
people. 

For the first half of the century, the steam was kept 
up from the pulpit motors to a strong belief in an eternal 
hell of fire and torment for the wicked, or such as did 
not belong to the church, or made confession of faith, or 
went through the formulas required by the church. The 
promises were held forth for those who performed the 
ceremony of believing, or professing to believe, and 
adopted the church formulas, who were to inherit a life 
of joy and bliss, to walk through the pearly gates and 
streets of gold, singing hallelujahs forever and ever. 

Thomas Paine's "Age of Keason" somewhat shook the 
faith of those who had courage to read it. 

Evangelists of a very ordinary type of intellect 
traversed the country from one end to the other, start- 
ing revivals and getting up religious excitement. The 
men and boys did not seem to manifest so much interest 
in the church during the pleasant seasons when it was 
more enjoyable for many of them to go fishing or on ex- 
cursions. When the nights grew longer and the weather 
was not so conducive for these outdoor sports, a new in- 
terest was likely to arise in the church and protracted 
meetings began to be held in the evenings, and young 
people susceptible to the fears of hell and eternal damna- 



Yankee Jumbles. 195 

tion, had these doctrines thoroughly infused into tht ir 
minds. They were urged on by their parents and the 
clergy and became anxious about their souls and went 
forward for prayers, and during the winter were pre- 
pared and coached for the final exercise of being baptized 
and joining the church. Some of the clergy of those 
days were very poorly educated. Among the founders 
of one of the principal churches in Meriden was a shoe- 
maker, who worked out for his farmer neighbors dur- 
ing the week when cobbling was dull. 

He had a son, who in later life became quite a 
talented preacher. It used to be said by the older people 
that the father wae more solemn in prayer, but that the 
son could beat him at preaching. Another prominent 
light was a shad fisherman from the town of Haddam, 
who used to take horseback rides of twenty and thirty 
miles on Sunday morning or any other time to con- 
tribute his labors to a revival and preach the comfort- 
ing doctrine of eternal damnation. 

Parish calls were much more faithfully attended to 
than at the present day. One great inducement to look 
tenderly after their flocks was plenty of good bitter bot- 
tles and good dinners. One of this whangdoodle type of 
clergy used to come to Meriden from Berlin. The head 
of one of the houses where he was always treated hos- 
pitably used to remark that he could always tell five 
minutes after "Old Bentley" left Berlin to come to 
Meriden, for every chicken on his premises took to hiding 
just as fast as they could find shelter. He preached 
through the early days of slavery agitation, and was in 
the habit of expressing his contempt of the "abolion- 



196 Yankee Jumbles. 

ists." The cliiireh at that time approved of slavery, as it 
was thoroughly justified in the Bible. In his views about 
the Indians, he used to express himself as somewhat in 
sympathy with the "^abigones." 

Among these evangelists was an elder named Swan, 
who was about as eccentric and fanatical as Sam Jones 
of Southern fame. One evening when Elder Swan was 
preaching to a large congregation, and as usual mak- 
ing most radical statements, a tall, lank youth in the 
audience got up and walked down the aisle to leave. 
Elder Swan paused in his discourse, and pointing his 
finger at him, said, "Go, you stackpole of hell." 

One of his illustrations concerning an old sinner was 
that when the devil caught him his yell was likened 
to the shrill scream of the whistle to a locomotive. 

One of his brother preachers, by the name of Jen- 
nings, abandoned preaching and went to manufactur- 
ing bits and augers. In one of the ministerial con- 
ventions, this Swan alluded to Jennings' desertion of 
the ministerial ranks, and prayed that the Almighty 
would take him in hand and shake him over the pit 
of hell until every bit and auger had dropped out of 
him, and then send him back to his legitimate calling. 
Another pious brother came into town, and putting up 
with a member of the church where the revival was in 
progress, requested one of the brethren to get him some 
carpet tacks, some shingle nails, some six- and eight- 
penny nails, some twenty-penny nails and a few spikes. 
The brother was much mystified to know what he wanted 
them for, but the evening exercises disclosed their use. 



Yankee Jumbles. 197 

THE TEXT: "SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN TO 
COME UNTO ME." 

The subject was chiefly on the necessity of children 
and youths coming to Jesus. Aiming to impress the 
danger of putting off the vislit to later in life, when the 
obstacles seemed more difficult to overcome, he took out 
the assortment of nails and spread them on the pul- 
pit, then drawing from his pocket a magnetic tack ham- 
mer, he proceeded to demostrate how much easier it 
was for the children to come to Jesus than for the old 
sinners. He put the hammer into the little bunch of 
tacks, when a dozen or more attached themselves to the 
magnet. Then, holding up this illustration to the au- 
dience, he said, "Sec ! see ! this tack hammer represents 
Jesus, and these tacks little children, and see how easily 
they come to Jesus." He next applied the hammer to 
the shingle nails, and of these he could get but one or 
two. "Now," he said, "my dear hearers, these nails 
represent children of twelve or fourteen ; you see it 
catches them, but they do not come in groups." He next 
applied the hammer to the adults, or the eight-penny 
nails, but they were only slightly attracted by the mag- 
net. "You see," he said, "they require more magnetism, 
more persuasion, more prayer ; and now, T will try the 
effect on the old sinners." Then he applied the hammer 
to the twenty-penny nails and then to one of the spikes ; 
the latter, he said, represented the old sinner of fifty or 
sixty years, to move which would require a loadstone. 
the tack hammer showing no more effect than a ball of 
putty. "So," he said, "you see, my dear hearers, the ne- 



198 Yankee Jumbles. 

cessity of getting children to come to Jesus as soon as 
possible." 

The same illustration was used in San Francisco dur- 
ing one of the writer's later trips west, and drew out con- 
siderable comment from the city press. 

During another revival meeting in the Kaugatuck 
Valley, the whole community became quite exercised 
as to the safety of their souls. Living among the hills 
was a Captain Stannard, one of the most staunch, pa- 
triotic, honorable and honest of men in that whole re- 
gion. He was almost alone in not attending these meet- 
ings. Some of the prominent men of the church thought 
it a pity not to have such a man as Captain Stannard im- 
prove such an auspiciniis chance to get into the fold of 
Christ. Their anxiety impelled them to have a com- 
mittee appointed to visit Captain Stannard, and to in- 
fornij him what a "shower of grace" was falling upon 
them. To insure success in this eifort, the parson and 
one of the deacons, by the name of Chipman Smith, 
known familiarly as Deacon "Chip," were delegated to 
visit the captain. They called on him and told him the 
object of their visit and expressed their wish to have 
him come in and have his soul saved before it was too 
late. They used all the persuasion they could, but the 
captain politely declined to attend the meetings and was 
so religiously wicked as to pronounce the whole thing a 
"humbug." They then requested the privilege to pray 
for him before leaving. He consented to the arrange- 
ment, so they both approached the throne of grace in 
prayer, presenting his case as strongly as their words 
could express, and calling down all the blessings they 



Yankee Jumbles. 199 

could think of on the captahi, iind wound up with wishes 
for his final conversion. When they got through the cap- 
tain thanked them for their kindly intentions and told 
them they had made very good prayers, and turning to 
the parson, said, "Parson So and So, you made a very 
good prayer, but I rather think 'Chip' beat you." This 
was the conclusion of their efforts for the conversion of 
Captain Stannard. The captain afterwards gave his rea- 
sons to a friend why he had no use for the church, the 
following being a partial list remembered as related: 
He did not believe that the world was made in six literal 
days, that grass and vegetables grew before the sun ex- 
isted, that God had Adam name all the animals, that 
woman was created from the rib of man, that a serpent 
ever walked on his tail, that God ever repented that He 
made man, that the earth was covered with water to the 
depth of several miles, that Noah could have put one- 
tenth of the stock claimed to have been taken into the 
ark, carried and sustained them 150 days, nor that they 
could have lived for lack of ventilation and accumula- 
tion of filth. He did not believe that Joseph was ever 
sold into Egypt, that Moses and Aaron ever turned day 
into darkness that could be felt, nor filled the country 
with frogs, lice, locusts, etc., so thick that the people 
could not stir around. That two million of people could 
have congregated from over all Egypt without de- 
tection until ready to make their escape over the Red 
Sea, that the waters of the Red Sea opened and formed 
two walls to allow the Israelites to pass through on 
dry ground, that when they clamored for meat that 
quails were sent in from the soa to lli(> depth of throe 



200 Yankee Jumbles. 

and one half feet around the camp for thirty miles, 
and that the man gathering the least quantity had 150 
bushels of quail in his larder, and when they had them 
gathered, were not allowed to eat a mouthful of them. 
He did not believe that two she bears ever made a meal of 
forty innocents, that the trick of testing the power of the 
gods of Baal was done only by Elijah substituting lime 
for wood, thereby requiring an ample supply of water. 
He did not believe there was any meaner man in Sodom 
than Lot, /if the story were true. That Samson ever 
killed thousands of Philistines with the jawbone of an 
ass, then found water in it with which to quench his 
thirst. That he ever caught 300 foxes and tied their 
tails together and fastened torches to them and then 
burned the Philistines' vineyards by this means. He did 
not believe that a whale or other fish ever swallowed 
Jonah, nor that he could have composed the prayer at- 
tributed to him while inside of the fish. That God ever 
told the Israelites to kill and rip up all the women that 
had ever known men, and save all the virgins for the 
lust and ravishment of the soldiers. He did not be- 
lieve that such a character as Christ ever lived. That 
it was necessary, on account of God's love for the world, 
to adopt such an expedient as having a son born for 
man's redemption. He thought the Creator of the uni- 
verse capable of a simpler and more rational method, 
clear and convincing to every mind as that air is air, and 
water is water. He did not believe that Lazarus was 
raised from the grave except by a trick, if indeed it 
ever occurred, as there was only one evangelist who told 



Yankee Jumbles. 201 

the story, and then there was no evidence that Lazarus 
was really dead. 

From a religious standpoint, Captain Stannard would 
appear to be a very wicked man, to have doubts about 
all these precious questions ; but in the community where 
he lived he was recognized as a man of strict integrity 
and moral character, which from an orthodox standpoint 
would hardly seem posslible. 

These religious revival seasons were necessary for men 
to polish up and revise their orthodoxy, as a large per- 
centage of those showing the most zeal during these oc- 
casions were the most liable to be backsliders at an early 
day. Several of such cases were familiarly known. One 
prominent tobacco dealer in the town of Suffield used to 
have a reputation of experiencing religion on an average 
of three or four times a year, but a large share of the 
intervals would be filled up with all sorts of dissipations. 

A man in the town of Woodbury, by the name of Jim 
Russell, had some difficulty with a neighbor by the name 
of Munson. During revival seasons Russell was in the 
habit of breaking forth in frequent supplications to the 
throne of grace, on which occasions he would go to a 
place in the corner of one of his lots near the Munson 
residence. He would pray so loudly as to be heard quite 
a distance about the neighborhood. He prayed for 
everybody else as well as himself, excepting Joe Mrmson, 
and in winding up his appeal, would always close with 
the invocation: "God bless Jim Russell and God d — n 
Joe Munson." 

The belief that all the wicked were to be burned in 
eternal fire led to the construction in the city of Phila- 



202 Yankee Jumbles. 

delphia of a sort of patent hell. This miniature hell 
was got up by a series of rooms that appeared to be paved 
with beds of live coals. Subjects were selected as poor 
and emaciated as possible, and were placed quite freely 
through the different rooms to show people the condi- 
tion of a sinner after a long season in Satan's king- 
dom. The subjects would lie and roll about in apparent 
agony, emitting groans of misery and torment. They 
would ask each other questions as to what brought them 
there. Perhaps one of them would say he came there 
for telling lies, and being asked how long he had been 
there, would answer, "Ten thousand years." Another 
would be interrogated as to his reason for attendance, 
and he perhaps might reply : "For committing adultery." 
Another would be present for stealing sheep, and had 
been there for fifteen or twenty thousand years. And 
so every sin in the catalogue was enumerated to sihow 
what brought them there. This was considered instruc- 
tive to those who were walking the paths of sin in this 
life. 

This was a sort of camp-meeting age. The colored 
people also held meetings and for several years, Meri- 
den was favored with these gatherings of the "sable 
clan." During these meetings, particularly on Sundays, 
there would be a gathering of every class of low and 
drinking society about their camp ; while they were 
strictly orderly themselves, it required the attendance 
of sheriffs and special police to protect them from annoy- 
ance. In one of the large towns, an effort was made to 
establish a colored Zion, and contributions were solicited 
to buikl their church. Very few gifts were larger than 



Yankee Jumbles. 203; 

$5, until an eccentric fellow by the name of Childs 
subscribed $100 on condition. For such a munificent 
gift he received most profuse thanks and assurances of 
a great deal of prayerful consideration. After a time 
collections were being made on these subscriptions, when 
on going to Mr. Childs he asked them if they were ready 
to comply with the condition. "Oh ! yes," they said, "dat 
would be all right." But he said that he would like 
to have something in writing to insni-e the carrying out 
of such a provision as he wanted. "Oh ! yes, dat could 
be fixed up ; no trouble 'bout dat." They told him that 
if he would tell them the condition they would have it 
provided for. It being a Baptist society, Childs in- 
formed them that the condition was arbitrary that every 
convert made after the church was established should 
be baptized in boiling hot water. 

In the early part of the nineteenth century, the only 
method of heating the churches was by means of large 
box stoves. One of these stoves would heat but a small 
part of the edifice, and to keep themselves warm during 
the service, the people provided themselves with foot- 
stoves, which were small perforated tin affairs, about ten 
inches square. 

Nearby many of the churches were built small liouses 
known as Sabba' Day houses. They were used for the 
comfort and convenience of the people from the country. 
They would drive in with their families several miles, 
and leave their family at the Sabba' Day house, some one 
of which would build a roaring fire with fuel kent there 
for the occasion. When the fire had got under way. 



204 Yankee Jumbles. 

tliey filled the little foot-stoves with live coals and then 
proceeded to the church. 

Each pew generally had a door at the entrance. When 
all were seated in the pew, this foot-stove became of 
general use to the family to keep their feet warm on the 
icy cold floor by being passed from one to the other. The 
minister's only recourse for warmth was to exercise him- 
self by getting up as much excitement as possible ; "hol- 
lering," and pounding his pulpit, in order to keep up 
circulation. The sermons were rarely less than two 
hours long and there were two services during the day, 
as quantity seemed more essential than quality. At the 
noon intermission, the families from outside would re- 
pair to the Sabba' Day houses to partake of the luncheon 
they had brought with them and left there to keep 
from freezing. 

It was related by an old acquaintance that at a baptis- 
mal service, it was customary for one of the deacons to 
provide the bottle of water to pour into the baptismal 
font. On one occasion the good deacon brought two bot- 
tles, one of water and one of cider. When he went to 
prepare the baptismal font, he poured in the cider in- 
stead of the water. The candidate who was to be bap- 
tised on that Sunday was always recognized as having 
been baptised in cider. Different denominations have 
different methods of baptising. The Baptists used to im- 
merse their converts in ponds or some stream of water, 
where there was a sucker hole. Sometimes they were 
baptised through, a hole in the ice; frequently when it 
was nearly a foot thick. Later baptistries were placed 
in the church where this rite was performed. In one 



Yankee Jumbles. 205 

of these baptistries, not many years ago, several ean^- 
didates had been immersed, when one of the converts 
declined to take her turn. The minister assured her 
that it was ail right as so many had gone in before her, 
to which she replied she should think from the appear- 
ance of the water that they had. 

A common formula of baptism is : I baptise thee in the 
name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy 
Ghost. An old friend, several years ago, related an ex- 
perience of one of her daughters, who had seen the 
baptismal service in a Baptist church. Being of a pious 
turn of mind, on the daughter's return home, having 
several dolls, she thought it would be a good plan to 
have a revival and to have them experience religion. 
After a certain amount of good advice and placing them 
on an anxious seat for praj^er, she assumed that they had 
obtained hope, and after arranging them in an atti- 
tude of devotion, she considered them fitted to receive 
the last ordinance of baptism before entering the church. 
So she arranged them around a good sized wash-tub 
filled with water. The mother, looking on with a great 
deal of interest to see the result of her daughter's re- 
ligious work, was, to say the least, much astonished to 
see her small daughter hold one of the dolls over the 
tub and repeat this formula : "I baptise thee in the name 
of the Father and of the Son, and into the hole you go." 

In these early churcli attendances, perfumeries and 
confections were rarely ever used, but a substitute was 
made up of orange peel, caraway and fennel seed. Look- 
ing about a congregation, a large percentage of the 
women could be seen nibbling their orange peel and 



2o6 Yankee Jumbles. 

chewing their caraway and fennel as composedly as the 
Western girls of the present day chew gum. 

In the first quarter of the nineteenth century, a great 
excitement overran New England, under the name of 
Millerism. A fanatic by the name of Miller predicted 
that the end of the world would occur in 1843. Great 
crowds of people flocked to the meetings, which were 
generally held in tents, to hear the advocates of the uni- 
versal wind-up of earthly affairs give their reasons why 
it must be so. Pictures of all the animals and mon- 
strosities which Daniel saw in his visions, and canvases 
covered with figures enumerating days and hours and 
times, and all other vagaries that the human mind 
could invent were exhibited and figured out to a nicety, 
demonstrating that the "jig" would be up, beyond all 
doubt, with sublunary affairs in 1843. Some very 
penurious and close-fisted men were so positive and such 
ardent believers in the truth of these things that they 
gave away thousands of dollars, who afterwards lived to 
see pressing need of this money. 

Some time after this Miller excitement, which did not 
close up affairs as expected, an impostor by the name of 
Spayth, of New Jersey, came to Connecticut, represent- 
ing himself as a kind of second Christ. It is claimed 
by many of the orthodox belief that the mere fact of 
Christ getting so many followers should be taken as 
conclusive proof that he was of divine origin, not think- 
ing that one or more, of modern times and denounced 
as rank impostors, have had thousands of followers. 
John Smith has obtained hundreds of converts in this en- 
lightened age, where Christ had one in an age of ignor- 



Yankee Jumbles. 207 

auce. This man, Spayth, in a very few months succeeded 
in enticing from the towns of Wallingford and South- 
ington five married women who had families of children, 
to gather up all the earthly effects they could lay their 
hands on, instead of taking up a cross, and then follow 
this fellow to Canada, Here they stayed until their 
resources were exhausted and then, abandoned by this 
scamp, they returned home, trying to restore their fam- 
ily relations, which m nearly every case, they failed 
to do. Besides these women, quite a number of prud- 
ish old maids became so infatuated with the views and 
teachings of this rascal that they would appear before 
him nude without a blush, feeling so free from sin. 
The manner of preparing young ministers for service 
in the cause of Christ was to have evening practice 
meetings. There were two such young men coached for 
the ministry in the house next to where the writer was 
born. The mother of these young hopefuls used to express 
dissatisfaction for the lack of attention by the clergy, in 
her church. She thought she ought to be visited more 
by the parson, as, having raised two ministers for service 
in the church, she was entitled to more recognition. 
My mother set up a claim that she was entitled to as 
much consideration, having raised two fiddlers, one of 
whom played in the church choir and the other at dances 
and other social occasions with quite as much success 
as the other two preached. When these young men 
returned from the seminary where they were preparing 
for their future work, during vacations, meetings would 
be held at the schoolhouse for fjiem to show off their ac- 
complishments. At these meetings would be a general 



2o8 Yankee Jumbles. 

turn-out of not only the older folks, but the younger 
people, who were well acquainted with these young 
preachers. At one of these evening meetings, the girls 
decided that they would play a joke on their beaux, who 
as usual wdth good young men, were very punctual in 
performing the duties of seeing them home. By a pre- 
concerted move, the girls slipped out in advance of the 
boys and running down the road were soon out of sight. 
When the boys came out there seemed to be no girls for 
them to go home with. One of the boys said that if 
the "darned fools" wanted to go home alone, let them 
go. A short distance down the road was a thick bunch of 
cocum bushes under which the girls were hid. The 
boys came along, expressing their contempt and dis- 
gust for the girls and just by this bunch of bushes 
they came to a halt. 

There was an occurrence similar to the one related 
in Judges, sixth chapter, thirty-seventh verse, where 
Gideon, not having implicit faith in God's promises, 
asked for manifestation of having dew fall profusely on 
a fleece of wool and that the ground around it should be 
dry. Not being satisfied with that manifestation, which 
seemed entirely successful, he asked that the operation be 
reversed and that the ground be wet and the wool dry, 
which God very obligingly did to convince Gideon that 
he was no humbug. In this case the bushes and the 
girls underneath were wet and the ground around re- 
mained dry. The girls lay still and the boys never knew 
until later years, until many of them were married, that 
Providence is not partial in its mysterious manifesta- 
tions. 



Yankee Jumbles. 209 



SOME FAVORITE HYMNS SUNG AT THE CON- 
FERENCE MEETINGS. 

Broad is the road that leads to death, 
And thousands walk together there; 

But wisdom shows a narrow path, 
With here and there a traveller. 



My thoughts on awful subjects roll, 
Damnation and the dead. 

W/hat horrors seize the guilty soul 
Upon a dying bed. 



With holy fear and humble song, 
The dreadful God our souls adore ; 

Reverence and awe become the tongue 
That speaks the terrors of his power. 



Far in the deep where darkness dwells, 
The land of horror and despair ; 

Justice has built a dismal hell 

And laid her stores of vengeance there. 



A PEN PICTURE OF GOD IN SOME SIMILAR 
STANZAS. 

His nostrils breathe out fiery streams 

And from his awful tongue, 
A sovereign voice divides the flames 

And thunder rolls along. 



2IO Yankee Jumbles. 

All supposed to be comforting and for the good of 
souls. 



Up to the first quarter of the nineteenth century, the 
Presbyterian church was recognized as the most promi- 
nent, and enjoyed the name of the Standing Order. The 
laws of the church were such that if any one seceded and 
went to another order, he was still held responsible for 
church tax, having once been enrolled as a member of 
their society. The laws of the state were such as to en- 
force collection. If children were sprinkled, which was 
an alternative to get their names on the roll, in time 
they were considered members of the church. Later 
on they were put through a system of revival training to 
have them make a formal connection with the church, 
which was by baptism and subscribing to certain formu- 
las. In time other denominations springing up, like the 
Baptists, Methodists and Episcopalians, many seceded 
from the old Standing Order. 

The political parties of those times were the Demo- 
crats and Whigs. The Democratic party rather took 
sides with those who wanted free religious toleration, 
and consequently the old church would be made up 
mostly of the Whig element, while the other denomi- 
nations were almost universally Democrats. So to find 
a Baptist, Methodist or Episcopalian a Whig, would be 
about as easy as to look up a white crow. 

A movement was made to abolish this taxation by 
those who went from the old church, but it was quite 
awhile before anything could be accomplished. 



Yankee Jumbles. 211 

The law at that time for debt allowed the debtor to 
turn over such property as he could best spare without 
embarrassing his wants. While many were being taxed 
after affiliating themselves with other churches. One 
man, who was well conversant with the law, who chanced 
to be an uncle of the writer, objected to the payment of 
the tax and challenged them to collect it by legal 
process. It happened about that time that there was a 
grocery store in the place which had suspended busi- 
ness. In closing up affairs, several dozen commodes 
were sold at auction which this man bought and kept 
in storage preparatory to a call from the sheriff. The 
church had a vn-it of attachment made out to collect 
her back tax. When the sheriff called to serve his 
writ, the debtor took advantage of that feature of the 
law to turn over property which he thought would 
least embarrass his financial affairs and, therefore, 
presented his stock of commodes^ remarking at the same 
time if their value was not enough to satisfy the claim, 
that he might take his little outhouse. The officer 
reported to the church the kind of goods that would 
have to be taken. As all goods had to be sold at 
public auction, the church authorities decided to aban- 
don the idea of collecting that tax. It proved to be the 
last church tax payment tried to be enforced so far as 
knowTi from that time. 

In speaking of my uncle, it may be proper to mention 
that ho served as county sheriff for several years, v/hich 
proved a very thorough schooling in the minor details 
of the law. At that time, there was but one lawyer in 
Meriden, by the name of Andrews. He transacted a 



212 Yankee Jumbles. 

large share of the legal business of the town in the 
way of making out writs, deeds, leases for people, etc. 
When frequent petty cases in law came up the plain- 
tiff had no other alternative, except to go out of town, 
than to employ Lawyer Andrews. In such cases it 
was quite common for the defendant to employ the ser- 
vices of "Uncle Levi," who was recognized as being 
well informed on all critical law points as well as be- 
ing something of a wit. So during legal arguments 
in cases that came up, Lawyer Andrews was very much 
given to quoting "Blackstone" and "Coke upon ittle- 
ton," and other celebrated legal writers. As an offset 
to this, "Uncle Levi" would quote correct law and 
give as his authority "Mother Goose" and "Bluebeard's" 
narratives. These methods were so disconcerting to 
Lawyer Andrews, and m'ade so much amusement in 
the court-room, that "Uncle Levi" almost invariably won 
his case. 



WHEN I WAS A BOY. 

Seventy-five years ago, boys in Connecticut had very 
different experiences from the boys commencing the 
twentieth century. In the country the families were 
larger than to-day and the conditions were more of a 
"get up and get" character than now. 

The greater part of boy life was spent on the farms, a ■ 
our towns and cities were very little developed in the 
way of manufacturing. The boy was an all-roujid 
iisefvil member in making up the complement of lal)or 
on the farm. He was the fellow to bring in wood, 



Yankee Jumbles. 213 

pick up chips, pull flax, bring in hens' eggs, feed 
the chickens, fetch the cows, tend hay, rake after the 
cart, turn grind-stone, hoe three and skip three to keep 
up with the men in the field, bring up the old mare, 
go after the oxen, drive plow, ride the horse in plow- 
ing and harrowing, ride him to water, pick up po- 
tatoes and small stones in the fields, chop brush, 
pile up wood, hold the light when pork was being cut 
up, and when pork and beef were being packed in 
the barrel, pick over apples evenings, cut and drop 
potatoes, plant beans between the hills of corn, stick 
pumpkin seeds in the rows, drive geese and pigs out of 
the meadows and corn fields, draw cider for all comers, 
and dozens of other things of a similar nature; in 
fact, there was considered no limit to the capacity 
of a boy's legs and endurance for running and doing 
chores. This was about the order of my early ex- 
perience on the farm and that of most boys of the time. 
The dress of nearly all boys was of the home-spun 
order, produced on the farms from crops of flax and 
the growth on sheep's backs. When garments became 
worn they were patched with almost anything, regard- 
less of match in color. Boots and shoes were only worn 
against the severity of weather; the prevailing fashion 
for the summer season from early spring until late 
in the fall was to go barefoot, and many a time, in the 
kite fall, when I have been sent into the field for 
the cattle, where they had been lying over night, I 
would take advantage to stand on the place they had 
got up from for quite a time to warm my feet ; but 
with all the diversity of labor, compared with the 



214 Yankee Jumbles. 

present day, I may assert there was more real en- 
joyment for boys in tlie country then than now. The 
fields were alive with game and every boy had a dog, 
and when sent into the fields after horses and cows, 
or on any other errand, his invariable companion would 
be his dog Bose. The fences were mostly large stone 
wialls, which made good shelter for skunks, wood-- 
chucks, squirrels and black snakes. If the boy heard 
Bose barking on. one of these trips after cattle, he be- 
came so familiar with his dog's language that he 
could invariably tell what kind of game Bose was 
barking at. If it were a chipmunk or red squirrel, it 
would be a sort of whining peep, not at all em- 
phatic or loud ; if it was a black snake it would be 
barks at intervals which would not mean game of any 
importance; if it were a skunk or woodchuck, the bark- 
ing was emphatic enough to mean business and that 
the case was one of great importance. A boy hearing 
that kind of barking is sure to forget his mission after 
stock and to be rather late and disappointing in his re- 
turn on time, and apt to have some inquiry as to where 
he was gone so long. 

Two boys, named Ansell and Joel, were sent one 
spring into the fields with a cart body of potatoes 
to be dropped into the rows, and, discovering a red squir- 
rel in a tree one side of the field adjoining a swamp, 
they thought it necessary to capture the squirrel before 
dropping the potatoes. Their dog had got the squirrel 
treed and they soon besieged the squirrel with all the 
loose small stones they could pick up near at hand. 
They would almost hit him, but had not quite sue- 



Yankee Jumbles. 215 

ceeded until they had exhausted all the small stoney 
convenient to throw. They thought the chances to hit 
him so near that they commenced with the potatoes. 
The result was that they threw the whole cartload 
of potatoes at the squirrel and were under a high 
degree of excitement. When the last potato had gone 
into the swamp, Ansell sang out to Joel as if the fate 
of a nation depended upon the issue, "Joel, climb, 
let's have the cuss anyway." Joel climbed the tree, 
shook the squirrel off into the swamp, where he was per- 
fectly safe from any further danger. The boys re- 
turned home with their empty cart minus the squirrel. 
There was a dearth in the way of toys, except some 
few rude things which they made themselves, as kites, 
bows and arrows, rude sleds, elder pop-guns, and such 
things as these, which were of a very inferior character 
compared with the toys and various things for amuse- 
ment in the present day. In the winter skates were as 
often tied on with tow strings as any other way, the 
skates themselves being of a very inferior make. There 
was more pleasure for boys in getting together in the dif- 
ferent farm houses than most any other feature of their 
lives. Their evening amusements for outside, when the 
evenings were pleasant would be made up in the game 
of "I spy the wolf," playing bye or tag, and play- 
ing a game called "Free come fetch," which would 
be played in the street, restricted between the fences 
on each side. One boy would be selected to stand in 
the middle of the street, the rest, a dozen or more, all 
going to one side. He would then sing out "Free 
come fetch," and they must all rush by him to the oppo- 



2i6 Yankee Jumbles. 

site side of tlie street, and he was to catch as many as 
lie could in their passing and each one that he caught 
and spit over his head must join with him in help- 
ing to catch the rest. After catching two or three, 
if he was a small boy, his force would be so augmented 
that they could join together in catching a bigger one, 
thus they would capture an increased number of catch- 
ers until they were reduced down to two or three 
of the largest boys. The capturing of these last big 
boys of course made lots of excitement as they tried 
to break through the crowd. Wlien it was a big boy's 
turn to stand of course he m'ade quick work in cap- 
turing the best of them. 

In playing "I spy the wolf," they usually stood 
around in a ring and the wolf was selected by re- 
peating one of these lingoes, commencing with some 
boy in the ring and touching them as repeated go- 
ing around; one familiar one was this: 

"Iry, ery, ichery, an, 
Fillisy, foUisy, Nicholas John, 
Quevy, Quavy, English marish, 
Strinlcalum, stranhalum^, hucTc, 
You're out." 

and so on to the last; or this one: 

"Onesol, two sol, ticher sol tan, 
Fillisy, follisy, Nicholas John, 
Harem, scarem, hoh-tail vinegar, 
Strinkalum, stranTcalum, hacTc." 



Yankee Jumbles. 217 

The last boy was to be the wolf and he woukl go ami 
hide while the rest waited for liim to be well se- 
creted; after thinking he was properly hidden, they 
would sing out, "All ready, say nothing:'' if he was not 
ready, he would say "no," but if he kept still that was 
evidence that the wolf was hidden ; then they all 
scattered to hunt him up, and whenever anybody found 
him, he would yell, "I spy the wolf." At this sig- 
nal the wolf would spring out and catch the one who 
spied him, if possible, before he could get back to the 
station they all started from; if he did not succeed in 
catching that supposed sheep, he had the chance to 
catch any other that had not succeeded in returning to 
the goal. In this way the band of wolves was aug- 
mented to go out and hide and ultimately pick up the 
rest of the straggling sheep. 

Sometimes a diversion from these amusements about 
home would be indulged in by visiting some neigh- 
bor's early apple trees, pear trees or peach orchard. 
One particular instance was in giving attention to 
an old fellow's watermelon patch. This old chap was 
very stingy of all his fruit, and one season had 
a watermelon patch on a very steep side of a hill 
with a southern exposure to insure an early crop. Pre- 
suming that the boys might want to sample his goods 
some night when they ripened, he thought he would lay 
in wait for them, and adopted what he thought was a 
very cunning plan to catch them. He located his 
two-wheeled cart near the upper side of the patch, 
throwing two or three bundles of straw into the cart 
body, under which he concealed himself to wait the ex- 



2i8 Yankee Jumbles. 

pected call, it being Saturday night and a favorable 
time for the boys to get out to make such a visit. The 
boys being late in their arrival, the old fellow getting 
tired and sleepy, he dropped off into a sound doze. 
When the boys arrived, they came stealthily into the 
patch, and as they approached the cart heard a noise 
which one of them soon discovered to be that of a man 
snoring. No movement being made the boys at once 
took the hint that the old man was concealed in the 
straw, and by his long waiting had gone to sleep. So 
they soon concocted a plan to give him a little sur- 
prise party. This was in the days of Millerism, when 
a great many people were looking for the second coming 
of the Saviour ; among such believers was the pro- 
prietor of the melon patch. The boys, to carry out their 
scheme, arranged some half dozen of them to hold 
the neap of the cart, while one ring leader, as they 
turned the neap of the cart uphill and the tail of 
it down, struck a match and set fire to the straw, 
while the boys gave the cart a push down the hill 
and yelled like demons. This aroused the old fellow 
in the midst of flames and gave him the most fear- 
ful scare of his life, exclaiming that his fears had 
finally come to pass that he should some day wake up 
and find himself in hell. 

While boys do a great many good things, the old say- 
ing is yet true that "boys will be boys." A rather un- 
popular man one winter season, as was the custom in 
earlier days, did a great deal of hauling wood to market 
on a sled, as the winters then usually afforded a long 
term of snow for sleighing and sledding. As he hauled 



Yankee Jumbles. 219 

his wood a \onfi; dislaneo, lie usually loaded it in the 
afternoon anH hauled it to his house, ready to take 
a very early start in the morning. The loading and 
packing for market of a cord of wood is quite a heav}'- 
task, and one night when this man was to take an early 
start with team and load to New Haven, the boys 
visited his load of wood and throwing it all oif, turned 
his sled over and put the tall stakes back into the 
same holes as when the sled was right side up, and 
then reloaded the wood in about as good order as it was 
the first time. This man was not a regular fre- 
quenter of prayer conferences, and it was said that if 
he had been his remarks on driving his team to the sled 
to hitch on for the morning's journey would have been 
very inappropriate for any church member to utter. 
Aside from all these outdoor diversions either in- 
nocent or naughty, the evenings about the old fire- 
places had many charms. The evening entertainments 
are things that everybody is likely to remember in 
after life. The days of youth, naturally surrounded 
and under the patronage of parents and older con- 
nections of the family, were the times to be enter- 
tained by stories of their parents and elders. In olden 
times boys and girls would sit many an evening listen- 
ing to songs and stories, exploits of war, hunting and 
fishing stories, but about the most captivating and in- 
structive, to keep ears in. listening, and put a young 
man into the most pleasurable condition to retire in 
a dark chamber, or go into a distant corner of some cel- 
lar to draw cider or get apples, or to be sent out to the 
bam with or without a lantern to obtain some in- 



220 Yankee Jumbles. 

different article, were the beautiful ghost stories. Af- 
ter an evening's entertainment of this nature, the 
rustle of every leaf was a spook, every shadow made by 
a candle or by the moon was the flitting of some 
ghost. Apparitions were discussed and talked about as 
freely by the old aunties and grannies, as the pulpit 
would discuss the subject of the angels or devils, all of 
which agencies would seem to till the air and all space 
after listening to the tales of some of these good old 
believers in supernatural agencies. 

In these times all the political and historical events 
of the country were largely preserved in songs, and 
pieces of poetry written to commemorate such events 
as victories on land or water. Such happenings would 
be rehearsed at our fireplaces in song all over the 
country. The capture of Quebec by General Wolfe, his 
heroic end. Perry's victory on Lake Erie, the naval ex- 
ploits of Paul Jones, the capture of Burgoyne and Corn- 
wallis, with scores of similar events were preserved and 
rehearsed in song by songsters all over the nation. 

Aside from political songs, were love songs, some silly 
and some pathetic. Among this class may be named 
William Riley's "Courtship," "Black-eyed Susan," "The 
Factor and Lady," "The Old Man's Dream," and the 
most pathetic of all, Campbell's "Wounded Hussar," 
It may be well here to recall two or three of the old 
songs that were the entertainment of our youthful days. 
These are from memory, before twelve years of age, 
heard sung many a time by my mother to entertain a 
group of children at home and from the neighbors. 



Yankee Jumbles. 221 

The music of all these songs is of a pleasing charac- 
ter and well remembered. 

One was "The Old Man's Dream," and is as follows: 

Good morning, good fellows; pray, how do you do? 

Come, tell me, I pray thee, and what's all the news? 

For trading it is low and I'm sorry for it, 

And that's what makes me feel worse than I used. 

I've nothing to do, for I have no money, 

I have no way for to get a penny, 

And charity is not used by many. 

I've nothing to lend, I've nothing to spend; 

I've nothing to do but to stay at home. 

A-sitting in my chair, drawing nigh to the fire, 

I fell asleep like an idle drone. 

And as I slept I dreamed a dream, 

I saw a play acted without any scene ; 

But I could not tell what this play did mean. 

At length I perceived what this play did mean. 

As they acted it out, it was all mankind. 

There was something peculiar in it to be seen 

Concerning this world which we are in. 

And when the play was ended down the stage did fling. 

There was no difference to be seen 

Betwixt a beggar and a king. 



-toto' 



The first that mounted the stage I protest 
Was Time with a scythe and a glass in his hand. 
He'd the circle of the globe marked upon his breast 
To show the world he had in command. 



222 Yankee Jumbles. 

There's a time for to get and a time for to spend, 
A time for to borrow and a time for to lend. 
And a time when all things must have an end. 

Truth, she came in, she was clothed in wool, 

She says this world it is full, full, full. 

Truth, she came in and talked calmly and cool. 

She says this world is full, full, full. 

The country's full of poverty, the city's full of pride. 

Such underhanded dealing I never saw beside. 

But the usurer's bag is well supplied. 

Charity came in, she looked wondrous old, 

And she was shivering with the cold. 

She was dressed like a lady in Holland sleeves, 

Said this world's full of rebels worse than thieves. 

For I've been in the city and in the country, 

Among the nobles of every degree. 

But I find no room for Charity. 

Conscience came in with his hat in his hand, 

He looked like some gentleman. 

The lawyers they laughed and jeered at him. 

And pointed their fingers with their hands. 

For he would be telling them of fhe latter age. 

Which put all the lawyers in such a rage. 

That they kicked poor Conscience down the stage. 

Hark ! Hear the Babylonians, the drums they did sound, 
As they came rattling through the town, 
Hark ! Hear the Babylonians with noise to confound, 
Enough to shake our chimneys down. 



Yankee Jumbles. 223 

Then in stepped Mars, the great God of War, 

And ordered them to face about and be as they were. 

And when I awoke I was sitting in my chair, 

And when I awoke, I was sitting by the fire.' 

The next is a humorous song on the supposed visit 
of an Englishman to France, who took a Frenchman's 
replies of misunderstanding to be an individual's name. 

JOHN BULL'S VISIT TO FRANCE. 

John Bull for pastime took a prance, 
Some time ago to peep at France, 
To talk of sciences and arts, 
And knowledge gained in foreign parts. 
Monsieur Obsequious heard him speak. 
But answered John in heathen Greek, 
About all he asked, about all he saw. 
Was ^'Monsieur Je ne coniprends pas" 

John saw Marseilles from Marley's height. 
And cried enchanted at the sight: 
"Whose fine estate do I see here ?" 
"State? Je ne comprends pas. Monsieur." 
"What, his the land and houses, too? 
He must be richer than a Jew. 
No doubt he's plenty for the maw, 
I'd like to dine with this Comprong paw." 

John saw a lady to admire, 
A beauty clothed in grand' attire, 
'^hose lovely wencli do I see here?" 
"Wench ? Je ne comprends pas, Monsieur." 



224 Yankee Jumbles. 

**What ! his again. Upon my life, 
Houses and lands and such a wife, 
His happiness must have no flaw. 
I'd like to see this Comprong paw.'* 

The next he saw in sad array, 
A train of mourners come his way. 
**Whose funeral is that?" cries John. 
"Je ne comprends pas." "What, is he gone ? 
Wealth, fame and beauty could not save 
Poor Comprong paw from the grave. 
But since he has chosen to withdraw, 
Good night to you, Mr. Comprong paw." 

The third is Shakespeare's "Seven Ages." 

Our immortal poet's page 
Says that all the world's a stage, 
And that men with all their airs are nothing more th'an 
players. 

Each using skill and art. 
In turn to play "his part; 
All to fill up this farcical scene. 
Enter here, exit there, stand in view, mind your cue. 
Hey down. Ho down, derry derry down, 
All to fill up this farcical scene. 

First the infant in the lap, mewling, pewling with its pap 
To please the puppet tries, it giggles and it cries. 
Like a chicken that we truss as it waddles by its nurse, 
All tp fill up this farcical scene. 



Yankee Jumbles. 225 

Hush a bye, wipe an eye, kissy pretty, sucky titty. 
Hey down, etc., 
All to fill, etc. 

Next the pretty babe of grace, with its smiling morning 

face. 
With a satchel on its back, to school at last must pack. 
And like a snail he creeps and for bloody Monday weeps. 
All to fill up this farcical scene. 

Mischief plying, laughing, crying. 
Fretting, snarling. Mother's darling, 
Hey down., etc.. 
All to fill, etc. 

The lover next appears, soused over head and ears, 
Like a lobster on the fire, sighing ready to expire. 
With a big hole in his heart, through which you might 
drive a cart. 
All to fill up this farcical scene. 

Love it spurns him, passion burns him, 
Like a wizard cuts his gizzard, 
Hey down, etc.. 
All to fill, etc. 

Next the soldier full of plunder, breathing slaughter, 
blood and thunder. 

Like a cat among the mice cuts a dust up in a trice. 

Talks of scattered brains, sliattercd limbs and stream- 
ing veins, 

All to fill up this farcical scene. 
L-ongs for glory, struggles gory. 



226 Yankee Jumbles. 

Prittle prattles about battles. 
Hey down, etc., 
All to fill, etc. 

Next the justice in tb'e chair with his broad and vacant 

stare. 
With a wig of formal cut and a belly like a butt, 
Well lined with turtle hash, calipe and calipash. 
All to fill up this farcical scene. 

Smooth bald pate, looks sedate. 
At his nod, go to quod. 
Hey down, etc.. 
All to fill, etc. 

Next the slippered pantaloon in life's dull afternoon. 
With voice once large and round, now whistling in its 

sound. 
With spectacles on nose, shrunk shank and youthful hose. 
All to fill up this farcical scene. 
Body bent, vigor gpent, 
Shaking noddle, widdle waddle. 
Hey down, etc.. 
All to fill, etc. 

At last to end the play, second childhood leads the way. 
And like sheep that have the rot, all our senses go to pot. 
And death amongst us pops and down the curtain drops, 
All to fill up this farcical scene. 

Then in the coffin, we jog off in. 
While the bell tolls the knell, 
Heigh down, low down, in the cold ground. 
All to finish this farcical scene. 



Yankee Jumbles. 227 

Willi the various patriotic songs the evenings were in- 
terspersed for the edification of young and old. Such 
thrilling events as Perry's Victory, commencing with 
these thrilling lines : 

Ye tars of Columbia, give ear to my story. 
Who fought witli brave Perry, where cannon did roar, 
Whose valor it gained him an immortal glory, 
Whose fame it shall last till time is no more. 

Also, the old Eevolutionary song of some forty verses, 
commetncing : 

Old England, forty years ago, when we were young and 
slender, 

She aimed at us a mortal blow, but God was our de- 
fender ; 

She sent her fleets and armies o'er to ravage, kill and 
plunder. 

Our heroes met them on the shore and beat them back 
wifh thunder. 

Jehovah saw her awful plan, great Washington he gave 
us; 

His holiness inspired a man with power and skill to save 
us. 

And so on, rehearsing the exploits and victories dur- 
ing the Revolutionary War and War of 1812. 

Aside from such instructive exercises, riddles, conun- 
drums, puzzles and games filled up the evening enter- 
tainments. An interesting diversion is recollected of a 
case on shipboard with a croAv of thirty men, half black 



228 Yankee Jumbles. 

and lialf white, resources becoming so scanty, in order 
to save part of their lives it was decided to cast lots 
for half the crew to be thrown overboard. They were to 
stand in line, and commencing at one end, every tenth 
man to be thrown over. The arrangement could be 
described in this jingle : 

Two before one, three before five, 
Now two, then two, and save four alive, 
Now one, and then one, and three to be cast, 
Now one, and twice two, and whip Jack at last. 

Expressed in figures it commenced this way: 

wbwbwbwbwbwbwb 
213 5 22 41131 2 21 

When these are counted, every tenth man struck out 
until fifteen remained, it will put all the blacks over- 
board. 

A puzzle that taxed the ingenuity of boys then and 
will some now, was placing ten pennies in a row, jump- 
ing one penny over two pennies either single or in a 
pile and making them into five piles. 

Besides patriotic and pathetic songs, many love songs 
can be remembered of a humorous character, one of 
which was called "Piggie's Courtship," starting off with 
this charming stanza : 

There was a lady loved a swine, 

**My honey, dear," says she, 
"Piggy, hog, will you be mine?" 

"Ou^h/' said he. 



Yankee Jumbles. 229 

The large families of boys iind girls it is regretful 
to say, were not all as tidily kept as they should have 
been. The use of fine tooth-combs was necessary to 
a liberal extent in a large percentage of the families. 
The maufacturo of such combs, made of ivory was 
quite a profitable industry in those times. 

A large establishment making those combs some fifty 
years ago existed in Meriden, at the head of which was 
Julius Pratt, who was a very practical Abolitionist. 
On a certain occasion, when he was expressing himself 
very freely against the institution of slavery, some 
friend hinted to him that it might be well for him to 
be a little more reserved in his comdemnation of that 
Southern institution, as it might prejudice the people 
in the South against buying his combs. He very 
promptly replied, "They can do as they choose about 
that, buy my combs or go lousy" 

Scarcely a house could be found where mothers did 
not find active employment for a fine tooth-comb. An- 
other thing about as common as lice was the prevalence 
of itch. It was presumed to be a disease of the blood 
until revealed by the microscope as being an insect. 
The treatment used to be in taking liberal doses of 
sulphur and molasses, and in large families of boys and 
girls, blankets would be hung in front of the big fire- 
places, the boys stripped naked and anointed with sul- 
phur mixed with grease behind their ears or under their 
arms, between their fingers, and every place where this 
insect located, and before the blazing fire roasted it in 
to the different localities and were then sent to bed. Af- 



230 Yankee Jumbles. 

ter the boys were disposed of the girls were given a treats 
ment of the same nature. 

Compared with New Year's and Christmas gifts of 
the present time, children used to be diverted by a very 
limited supply. Comic papers and periodicals were 
almost unknown, about the only anecdotes that were 
published were at the bottom of the pages in the al- 
m^anacs. Almanacs were preserved by families for a 
long series of years, filed away for future reading of 
the anecdotal features. About the first edition of 
nursery rhymes came out about 1830, under the title 
of "Old Mother Hubbard and Her Dog." Many of the 
rhymes in that old edition have been preserved in later 
works, but some that were thrilling in those days have 
been lacking in later editions. Like this in part, which 
was fully illustrated then: 

They had not all been drowned. 
There were two blind men went to Bee 

Two cripples run a race : 
A bull he fought a bumble-bee, 

And scratched him in the face. 

There were some children sliding went, 
All on a summers day. 

The ice grew thin, 

They all fell in. 
The rest did run away. 
Now had these children been in school. 

Not sliding on dry ground, 
Ten thousand dollars to one cent, 



Yankee Jumbles. 231 

Here was another hair elevator: 

There was a man, he had a house, 

And robbers came to rob him, 
He climbed up to the chimney top. 

And then tiiey thought they'd got him, 
But he crawled down on t'other side, 

And then they could not find him. 
He ran fourteen miles in fifteen days 

And never looked behind him. 

About the time of these nursery rhymes appearing in 
print was the dawn of negro minstrelsy. The first 
book remembered in putting out minstrel songs was pub- 
lished about 1830, called the "Pickaninny Warbler; or, 
Little Nigger Roarer." This was the introduction of 
such songs as "Old Zip Coon," "Jim Brown," "My Long- 
tail Blue," and a very popular melody rendered on the 
stage with a refrain as follows: 

"I turn about and wheel about and do just so, 
And every time I wheel about I jump Jim Crow." 

These performances were copied and taken up largely 
from slave characters, then existing abundantly in the 
South. Southerners coming to New York and to our 
northern cities and seeing these burnt-cork characters 
imitate plantation habits, would go into raptures, as 
it is generally admitted that the "white darky" can 
entirely outdo one of genuine color on the stage. As 
this style of amusement became more and more popular. 



232 Yankee Jumbles. 

the country was filled with minstrel troupes ; all that was 
required was to pick up one or two good fiddlers, a flute 
or cornet, and two end men, one with bones or cas- 
tanets and the other with a tambourine. An inter- 
looutor would make up a company that would draw a 
paying audience almost anywhere in the country. The 
bone and tambourine men or end men were expected 
to work all the jokes. Aside from this combination, 
there was little else for the stage performance, unless 
an occasional clog or jig dancer. The performance 
always opened with an overture accompanied by the 
most extravagant gestures and absurd attitudes by the 
bones and tambourines. Then would follow the old 
songs of "New York Gals," "Oh, Susannah," "Dandy 
Jim," and many others of kindred nature. The song 
of "Dandy Jim" was so popular an air as to be sung and 
whistled by everybody that had a musical ear in the 
country. To preserve a relic of the past a few verses 
of "Dandy Jim" might be well to record: 

"I have often heard it said of late. 
That South Carolina was the state, 
Where handsome nigs were bound to shine. 
Like Dandy Jim of Caroline. 

Chorus. 

"My old massa told me, 0, 
I was the best looking nigger in the county, 0, 
I looked in the glass and found it so, 
'Twas just what massa told me^ 0. 



Yankee Jumbles. 233 

"I went down town the other day, 
To hear the preacher preach and pray. 
But nothing came across his mind, 
But Dandy Jim of Caroline. 
Chorus. 

*'I dressed myself from top to toe. 
And courting Dinah I did go. 
With pantaloons strapped down so fine. 
Like Dandy Jim of Caroline. 
Chorus. 

"Miss Dinah, she wrote me a letter, 
And every word she spelled the better, 
But at the end of every line. 
Was Dandy Jim of Caroline. 
Chorus. 

*'When married ever}' nig she had. 
Was a perfect image of his dad. 
Their heels struck out three feet behind. 
Like Dandy Jim's of Caroline.'' 
Chorus. 

Instead of the gorgeous stage display of the present 
time, everything was made up of the old plantation 
style, all the conversation and jokes were told with the 
best effect in counterfeit of negro dialect, and for many 
years this style of entertainment was a great success, 
leading up to the formation of such troupes as Christy's 
Minstrels, Haverley's, Primrose and West, up to our 



234 Yankee Jumbles. 

last performances by Hi Henry, and Primrose and Dock- 
stader, all of whicli later troupes have no more resem- 
blance to original negro minstrelsy than the Jersey 
Lily Langtry has to a Piute Indian squaw. 



SCHOOLS. 



The methods of education for the greater part of the 
nineteenth century were as different from modern meth- 
ods as thte age has been in any other enterprise. 

School -houses were as nearly one pattern as the style 
of dwellings. It was rare to find a school-house in city 
or country of more than one story in height, usually 
about thirty feet in length and twenty in width, the 
only entrajice being through a side door near enough) 
to one corner to admit of a hall or passage-way across 
one end, the farther end of which was frequently 
used to store wood. The walls were allotted to the hang- 
ing up of the scholars' extra clothing, the girls on one 
side and the boys on the other. 

The schoolroom arrangement was with counters run- 
ning around the entire lengtJh of the room, except the 
teachers end near the entrance, where a small table 
was used for his accommodation, on which to write 
copies for the pupils. The table contained a small 
drawer in which to keep the ferrule, which was one of 
the principal iiioans of chaf-'tisGment and was also used 
to rule off tlve blank paper for beginners in writing. 
For large boys' flagrant offences, the oil of blue beech 
was freely applied with coats off. 

Following tlie counters around the room were long 



Yankee Jumbles. 235 

rude benches, frequonlly made from large slabs taken 
from the saw-mills of those times. These slabs had the 
advantage of being thicker in the middle than common 
planks. Large holes were bored through them to take 
in the legs on which they were to stand. The edges 
of the slabs were, of course, trimmed to uniformity 
so as not to wear and tear the clothes of the children 
seriously. They were generally left movable and so 
high as not to allow common scholars' feet to reach 
the floor. 

Until near the middle of the century a large propor- 
tion of schoolrooms were warmed by a large fireplace 
in one end of the room, which would naturally make 
th'at end somewhat comfortable, while the farther end 
of the room would be in a freezing condition. After 
awhile large box-stoves Avere instituted, in which four- 
foot wood could be placed. These stoves were set in the 
middle of the room and benches placed ^around them for 
the accommodation of the smaller children. 

The girls in order of their ages and acquirements 
would be seated along one side of the room from the 
head, which was the teacher's end, and the boys of the 
first class on the other side in the same order. 

At the farther end of the room would be what was 
termed the second classes of boys and girls. As the 
pupils came into the room, they had to swing their 
feet over the benches to take their seats, and when 
called upon for recitation, would have to repeat the 
same operation in order to face the teacher. 

Instead of the modern system of grades for different 
teachers, the one schoolroom in those days inchuled all 



236 Yankee Jumbles. 

grades, from children learning their A, B, C's, to thoae 
in their last term of school. 

The morning exercises opened with a reading of a 
chapter or two of the New Testament by the first and 
second classes. In some schools the pious tendencies of 
the teachers induced them to follow the reading with 
a service of prayer. For some time after the eigh- 
teenth century, readings were kept up in the Old Testa- 
ment until so many passages were found too objection- 
able to be read by the young that the Old Testament 
readings were abandoned and nothing but the New per- 
mitted to be read. Both these readings and prayerful 
exercises of such religious character have become objec- 
tionable to a large percentage of the people who 
patronize the schools, particularly Agnostics and Free- 
thinkers, and such as do not recognize the inspiration 
of Scripture or the efficacy of prayer as a healing or sav- 
ing agency. So that those services have been largely 
aliandoned through this state and largely through the 
country. 

In some of the schools the writer taught in his earlier 
days, some rather curious readings occurred by scholars 
not very proficient. On one occasion in reading of where 
Christ was lost and his parents set out to find liim 
among their kinsfolk and acquaintances, the youth 
rendered it among their knives and forks and ac- 
quaintances. In John's spiritual visions and revela- 
tions, some minds have been exercised to know what 
kind of spirits he could have been drinking to have 
seen such sights. Where John speaks of seeing locusts 
with stings in their tails, one boy created a laugh 



Yankee Jumbles. 237 

by saying John saw locusts with strings in their tails. 
The passage of sitting on twelve thrones to judge the 
twelve tribes of Israel was rendered, "sitting on twelve 
thorns/' to which the writer remarked: "It must have 
been quite an uncomfortable seat." In the Old Testa- 
ment, in the passage where Satan smote Job with sore 
boils, the boy rendered it, "fSatan shot Job with four 
balls." 

In one of the towns where I taught was a Morse 
family in Avhich were two boys named Alpha and 
Ozias, who had a sister, Patty. They were well known to 
all the scholars. One boy rendered this passage in 
Eevelation of Alpha and Omega : "I am Alpha and 
Ozias," and John in the Isle of Patmos as the Isle of 
Pat Morse. 

In one of the reading books was the passage, "The 
tongue of the viper is no more harmful than the tongue 
of a slanderer," The pupil, having snakes in mind, 
read it, "The tongue of the viper is no more harmful 
than the tongue of a sissing adder." 

To show the duties required to be performed by the 
teacher during the six school hours: The following pro- 
gramme was carried out. In the morning. Scripture read- 
ing by the first and second classes. Then the first class 
took their writing lesson, for which copies had to be 
written at the head of the page for each pupil by the 
teacher. For the first half of the century very few pens 
were used except those made of quills. These the teacher 
had to prepare, with the exception of an occasional 
steel pen. The awkward beginner would bear too hard 
on his pen and thus it would soon have to be mended. 



238 Yankee Jumbles. 

While the writing was going on, the time Avas filled by 
hearing some of the smaller children in some primary 
exercise, in words of one syllable, followed in some 
schools by teaching the alphabet. This lesson would be 
constantly interrupted by, "Please, sir, mend my pen." 
So the teacher had to be provided with a penknife. 
After going through this routine with the smaller 
classes then began the first and second class arithmetic 
lesson, followed by geography lessons for two or three 
classes. Then another round with the primary de- 
partment, winding up with a spelling lesson for all 
classes. An intermission of an hour at noon, the same 
routine was then gone through with in the afternoon, 
with the exception of the Scripture reading, for which 
was a reading in some book selected by the school au- 
thorities, with lessons in history and grammar to fol- 
low. These reading books were graded somewhat in 
accordance with the capacity of the scholars, the first 
part of the book being of prose reading, then a series 
of dialogues, the book concluding with selections of 
poetry. 

The calling of the roll as a record of daily attendance 
concluded the school session. The daily attendance of 
each pupil had to be recorded in order that the tuition 
for their schooling could be correctly adjusted at the 
end of the term. Then one of the girls and one of the 
boys were selected to bring in the "things" from the en- 
try preparatory to going home. This was a duty very 
eagerly sought and appreciated by all. After all were 
equipped ready for departure, the boys were usually 
"let out" first, every one in passing out the door was ex- 



Yankee Jumbles. 239 

pected to make his obeisance to the teacher, the girls 
following and all curtesying as they passed out. 

The male teacher was usually employed for the winter 
term and the female teacher for the summer term, when 
very few of the older scholars attended. 

The term was about five months and the uniform 
wages ranged from $15 to $20 a month. Twenty- 
two full days constituted a month, the teacher board- 
ing around the district with each family in proportion to 
the number of children sent to school. The teachers 
had to make their own fires, wood being the only 
fuel, and that rarely ever seasoned to burn freely, so that 
with much difficulty could the schoolroom be made com- 
fortable for the scholars on the outside of the room 
in the forenoon. 

In boarding around the distrct one week a good 
table and comfortable bed would be enjoyed, the next 
very poor fare and very cold room and lack of bed 
covering. This state of things would alternate all over 
the district. It was the desire of most parents to have 
fresh meat when the school teacher boarded with them, 
so that it became a current sign that when a hog was 
heard to squeal in the district, it led to an invitation 
for the teacher's next boarding place. 

The writer of these precious scraps of history com- 
menced business on the first day of August, 1828. It 
will be more convenient to pursue these narratives 
somewhat under the first person in subsequent pages, 
and introduce boyhood and aftergrowth in the war, 
and silly realities of life. 

My father died in my sixth year and 1 was left to 



240 Yankee Jumbles. 

the care of a kind and indulgent mother, who possessed 
a phenomenal memory, and to whom credit is due for 
many details in this noble work. 

Until thirteen years old, I remained on the farm where 
I was bom. At fourteen obtained work outside at $6 
per month, and the first thing received in compensation 
was a fiddle at $1.75. The fifteenth year got a better 
one and played in the Baptist Church in Waterbury, 
Conn., for two years. 

The same year spent learning to draw wire and mak- 
ing tin and sheet-iron ware, and with an old horse 
took a load of pipe to Naugatuck and fitted up the first 
rooms for annealing rubber shoes for the Goodyear 
Eubber Co. The seventeenth year spent in peddling 
tin through the hUl towns of Litchfield, Fairfield and 
New Haven Counties. 

The following winter commenced teaching school, 
which subject will receive special attention later on. 
From this time the reader may at times need an oc- 
oasional sniff of camphor and a fan, but in order to 
give deacon's measure all the poetry is thrown in at 
no increase of cost, only time. 

When a teacher was engaged for a school, he had to 
appear before a board of examiners in order to obtain 
a certificate approving his ability for the position. My 
first experience teaching a winter school, after a summer 
spent in peddling among the hills of Litchfield and Fair- 
field, occurred at the mature age of seventeen in a farm 
district of Wat^rbury. Not having attended any school 
after my fifteenth year would naturally have made some- 
thing of a blank in my recollections and knowledge of 



Yankee Jumbles. 241 

all the nice points required. As luck would have it, 
to relieve my youthful embarrassment, I appeared before 
a committee composed of the principal of the Academy, 
two doctors and four clergymen. This was somewhat 
the order of the examination : First write my name, 
and some other specimen of my writing. Next a short 
exercise in reading. Then a test in orthography, which 
is still fresh in mind. This was the sentence required 
to be written out : "Preferring the Carnelian hues and 
separating the innuendoes, I do declare that the peddler's 
gray pony ate a potato out of the cobbler's wagon which 
the sibyl had gauged." Out of this three words were 
at fault by using in Carnelian and misplacing y in 
sibyl and a in gauged. 

Next in geography, asking the location and boundaries 
of several states and countries, capitals of different 
states, and random questions on the locations of capes, 
rivers, lakes, etc. One examiner asked where the Isle 
of St. Anne was on the map of South America, which 
question, to his great amusement, was answered cor- 
rectly. (The finding of this island would prove a very 
good diversion for any scholar.) In arithmetic, such 
simple examples as how much is one-third and one- 
half of one-third of five. Another simple question in 
complex fractions was to solve ~- into simple form. 
They all seemed desirous not to produce any confusion 
in the mind of a young candidate, so one of them gave 
this problem: "In each corner of the room sits a cat. 
facing eacli cat are three cats, on each cat's tail sits a cat. 
How many cats in the room?" This being answered 
correctly, was a source of much amusement to the com- 



242 Yankee Jumbles. 

mittee. A parsing exercise in grammar was this: "The 
string let fly twanged short and sharp like the shrill 
swallow's cry." This in substance was about the whole 
sum of the examination. After a few minutes' retire- 
ment of the candidate, he was informed that he was well 
qualified to teach in the East Farms' district, euphoni- 
ously known as the "Hog Pound" district. 

The first winter was passed with much enjoyment in 
the old school-house, with a box-stove at one end of the 
room and a huge fireplace at the other end. In the 
severe cold weather of that time nearly half a cord of 
wood would be consumed in a day. 

Several scholars in attendance were older than the- 
teacher. Among the pleasures of the season were hold- 
ing spelling and writing schools one evening in each 
week. Many outside of the school attended these ses- 
sions and contributions were brought in of apples, hick- 
ory nuts, butternuts, chestnuts, and in those days 
beechnuts, popping corn and an occasional jug of sweet 
cider, all of which were much relished and enjoyed 
when the evening's work was over. 

After this winter's experience in teaching, the win- 
ters for ten or twelve succeeding years were spent in like 
manner in Meriden and Wallingford. During these 
winter seasons, in after school hours much time was 
passed in writing copies for pupils, and for diversion 
in the writing of poetry or jingles. Specimens of which 
are more or less interspersed in this valuable narrative. 

The eighteenth year commenced farming on the old 
homestead on my own account. After passing through. 
all the vicissitudes of youth, including the diversities 



Yankee Jumbles. 243 

of scarlet fever, whooping cough, chicken pox, measles 
and mumps, this season wound up with quite a severe 
attack of eighteen-year-old-fever. This is one of the 
most serious of all this string of ailments for a young 
man to get over and leave his blood clear from taint. 
This is the rock on which thousands of young men have 
become stranded and thus these words are written for 
a warning. One of the strongest symptoms that such 
a malady is coming on, is manifested by a young man 
commencing to write poetry. This inclination began 
to develop itself at this time of life and proved to be 
somewhat chronic, as will be shown by quite a volumi- 
nous amount of evidence to follow. 

To show the pious tendency of this youthful mind, 
it is thought best to introduce the first poetic effort, 
which was written in a young lady's album. 

To Miss J. B. 

May thy days be spent in pleasure. 
Holding fast a sacred treasure, 
One that may lead thee to possess, 
A future life of happiness, 
A place where all is an Elysian, 
Enclosed in seas of full fruition. 
Where God's good will may be with you. 
And guide with love thy pathway through. 



The next was a valentine the same season, showing 
at the fever was incre 
fir^;t name was Hannah. 



that the fever was increasing, written to a girl whose 



244 Yankee Jumbles. 

Dear Hannah. 

Oh ! could you hear these lips of mine, 

Express to you their love : 
Then could I hear those lips of thine, 

Their little tale approve. 

Sure 3^ou in me, and I in thee. 

Could satisfaction find : 
Since Cupid's darts are flying free. 

Let's he to love inclined. 

As o'er the world my thoughts have roved, 
They've found a home in thee ; 

Now think of one by whom thou'rt loved. 
And thinking, think of Me. 



Another valentine to an amiable young lady dated 
from the old homestead : 

My dear one, my fair one, pray how do you do ? 
We're just out of an old year and into a new, 
I have long felt anxious to hear from thee. 
Thou sweetest and fairest that ever I see. 
For no custard or pie that e'er flattered my eye. 
To my heart and hand could so welcome be. 

Oh ! hast thou not left me to wander in grief. 
And wish not to stay and render relief? 
If not give a balm to my bleeding breast, 
And from heaven's store thou shalt be blest ; 
You shall have a man that knows beans from bran 
And can cat onions and whistle as well as the best. 



Yankee Jumbles. 245 

A Pilgrim I am in love's weary stride, 
With no sweet place for my heart to abide, 
But if on my way I should reach thy hand, 
I kinder believe I should feel real grand, 
For, by golly, you're neat as a pussy's feet, 
And your eyes are as bright as a pile of sand. 



The next year, at the mature age of nineteen, was 
written an assumed reply to an anonymous missive pre- 
suming to be answering the right author. 

Dear J. 

Your line I have received with pleasure, 

I've stored it up for future view, 
And when that I peruse that treasure. 

Fresh fonts of love will flow for you. 

When I look o'er sweet memory's page, 
And think of those I once have loved. 

My thoughts they burst oblivion's cage. 
And mourn that they so long have roved. 

My fond affections I've not yet 

Unchained to woman's lovely charms, 

But still I never can forget 

The days I've wished you in my arms. 

I have regretted much the day. 

When social ties with us did sever, 

But yet the time will come, I pray. 
That we in bands may join forever. 



246 Yankee Jumbles. 

Hath C. G. and thyself dissolved, 
That partnership once so connected? 

If so, I firmly am resolved. 
That thy sweet charms shall be protected. 

Now tell me true if thou hast parted, 
To seek in single paths a blessing? 

He, who was once so tender-hearted. 
That longed thyself to be caressing. 

If so, I'm free, my mind is clear, 
I've naught to worry on the morrow. 

If but from thee I'm sure to hear, 
A word that shall not cause me sorrow. 

Dear J., howe'er thy lot be cast. 

With pleasures may thy path be strown. 

And may I say as time rolls past. 
Some future day thou art mine own. 



A young lady who wore a very conspicuous bustle 
requested a composition to be written for her to read 
in school. Bustles being then in fashion, the subject of 
the composition covered the evolution of arts and 
sciences back from the days when Adam and Eve were 
sojourning together, the subject being, "Creation/' 

When dame Creation first her course begun. 
And took her yearly circuit round the sim. 
Earth was a vacuum and nowhere to be found 
Was man or animal above the ground. 



Yankee Jumbles. 247 

But soou uevv siglils lliore quickly did appear, 
And Eve and Adam up their heads did rear ; 
Snakes, toads and lizards shortly did abound, 
And various reptiles did infest the ground, 
The Arts and Sciences began to flourish, 
And all things curious men began to nourish, 
In course of time, amongst the curious rabble, 
The women all did learn the act to gabble. 
Brooms were invented and their various sweeps. 
Piled men about the floors in shocking heaps. 
Inventions numerous have graced each age. 
Of mortal creatures that have filled the stage. 
Fair knowledge has o'er earth flowed far and wide, 
And buried all beneath its swelling tide. 
Hens, geese and turkeys, monkeys, cats and dogs, 
Birds, insects, fish, and turtles, toads and frogs, 
Each in their turn obeyed man's separate will. 
Till all submitted to his wondrous skill. 

Some walked, some ran, some crawled, some hopped, 

some flew, 
And every creature had its work to do: 
At last the world through all this mighty hustle. 
Has finished off the heap — with what? — why, a bustle. 



Another valentine, at the age of twenty-two, dated 
Charity Street, February 14th. 

Jemima, dear, thy sympathy engage. 

And here bestow its favor on a friend, 

With mind unprejudiced, peruse a page. 

That here, by one who loves thee well, is penned. 



248 Yankee Jumbles. 

One who among life's busy social scenes, 
It is his lot to change from place to place; 

And see the difference that intervenes. 
Amongst the creatures of the human race. 



And as amongst life's creatures thus I rove. 
Acquaintances I make — some good and kind; 

While yet there's others who disgust one's love. 
And kill each fond regard within the mind. 

But thou, Jemima, thou dost fill a place. 
Within my heart that causes warm desires; 

That gives me joy when I behold thy face, 
And in my heart a flame of love inspires. 

I oft have seen thee at thy daily task. 
Plying with readiness thy willing hands ; 

And is thy work well done? I need not ask. 
For everything in perfect order stands. 

Thy heart is bountiful, thy soul sincere. 
Thy mind is filled with tender sentiment, 

To misery thou wilt give the grateful tear. 
And melt in love the heart of Adamant. 

Thy care extends o'er all domestic tilings. 

Thou seest the needy when they're in distress; 

Thy charity it sails on tireless wings, 

And each afflicted soul thy charms caress. 



Yankee Jumbles. 249 

Thy sparkling eye, thy stratagem iinfurLs, 
And still thy face is pretty, too, 'tis said; 

But yet the best of all those beauteous curls, 
That hang in graceful ringlets round thy head. 



But from vain flattery I will withhold, 
From thy true merits 1 will not depart; 

With candor now, I will my tale unfold. 
And tell the truthful secrets of my heart. 

I have a heart within my bosom bums. 
With fervent love for thee, I now declare ; 

And when I think of thee, fresh hope returns. 
To cheer my heart from sadness and despair. 

Not rich or poor, I live in easy state, 

With thee alike I would each bounty share; 

And joy within my heart could ne'er abate, 
If thou in confidence wert trusting there. 

And thus of thee I would this boon implore, 
Thy kind return of answers, speaking love? 

Oh ! grant me this, and I will ask no more. 
That thou to mc a faithful heart wilt prove. 

I love thee well, my heart 'tis true and free. 
And all that's lacking to my earthly peace, 

Is thy sweet heart, with mine in unity. 

Oh ! were it so, 'twould give my mind release. 



250 Yankee Jumbles. 

And have I hope that thus it yet miay be ? 

To think it may be so, my mind is prone; 
Thoughts spring like this: to sweet futurity, 

I yet may fondly say, "Thou art my own," 

In love and bliss we would our course pursue, 
Along the quiet gentle stream of peace, 

And as in constancy its waters flow, 
So might our joys invariably increase. 



Another valentine headed, 

"A TEXT AS LONG AS A SERMOK" 

Apologies are weak and fickle things, 

A covering for some fraud or dark deceit; 
A wounded bird may flit its crippled wings, 

Yet not conceal the fault once seen complete; 
Whereas, I'll squander not away my time, 

To make excuses of exquisite mold. 
But let heart, hand and soul, in one combine. 

And let my tale be short and frankly told: 
Therefore, with patience lend a willing ear, 
And truth and candor you will surely hear. 

The "Book of Nature" spreads an lample page, 
Rich with the spoils of time, each leaf unrolls; 

It tells the character of youth and age, 

Makes idiots wise men and some wise men fools: 



Yankee Jumbles. 251 

It well delines the passions of mankind. 
From childhood's days to age's last decline; 

And in its precepts seek and you shall find 

That all's not gold that doth most brightly shine. 

Thus one and all, their errors strive to hide, 

Beneath fair looks some danger may reside. 



Fair Nature's work I often have perused, 

Observed with care its language plain and wise, 
And studying, I'm perplexed, vexed and confused, 

To find the source whence comes Dame Nature's 
prize. 
But there's a hope dwells in each humian breast, 

A lamp to lighten and a rod to guide; 
When minds become bewildered or oppressed, 

Hope's compass stems the storm and swelling tide. 
Wherefore, I've hope that yet my lot may be, 
To draw a prize of sweet felicity. 

Each individual of the human race. 

Hath some fond heart on which their thoug*lits incline, 
Which with their own could gain a welcome place, 

And each their thoughts in harmony combine 
And I, in seeking one sweet heart to gain, 

Have marked my ticket to be lost or won. 
And on it is inscribed in letters plain, 

Cecilia E., 'tis marked prize No. 1, 
Propitiously may Fortune's wheel roll round. 
To pay good fortune, I'd be strictly bound. 



21)2 Yankee Jumbles. 

Altliougli' not rich in gold or silver store, 

To pay the claims that fortune may demand. 
Yet grant success, I will not lask for more, 

I'll pay with kindness from a willing hand, 
The sum, I'll draw from rich Affection's purse. 

The interest with Devotion I will pay, 
I'll give a blessing where it needs a curse, 

I'll love and serve and reasonably obey. 
Then pray by me let No. 1 be drew, 
Joy then will be complete with No. 2. 

The text now drawn, I'll tell you my desire. 

May love my heart and truth my hand inspire ; 

And may my mind be pliable and willing. 

Whilst I am here a few facts plainly telling. 

There is on earth for thee one faithful heart. 

Of which, if thou wouldst, thou mightest take a part, 

True to thy welfare it can never swerve, 

'Twill thee protect and dutifully serve, 

'Tis no false heart that uses base deceit. 

That smiles to entice and uses art to cheat. 

But one that cherishes a friendly love, 

One that of truth and constancy will prove ; 

Though thou art young and in thy youthful prime. 

Yet fastly forward roll the wheels of time: 

Time brings us changes every day anew. 

Which need some guidance to conduct us through. 

So then, 'tis sweet to have some constant friend. 
With whom our Joys and sorrows we can blend. 
Perchance, there's many wbo thine eyes might please. 
With fair exterior, airs of graceful ease. 



Yankee Jumbles. 253 

Who might delight the fancy ; yet within. 
May lie concealed raalieionsness and sin ; 
Then be discreet where thou thy hand bestow. 
Choose a fond heart and not an outward show, 
I would this favor thou'dst confer on me, 
My life, my all, I'll consecrate to thee. 

Now do not think that 1 presumptuous be; 
To talk with such excessive liberty. 
For when tlie bowl holds all it can enclose, 
O'erturn the cup and free the liquid flows. 

'Tis thus with me when I sit down to write, 

My heart is free the subject to indite, 

So then, pray pardon me, for I confess, 

Though I could say much more, I could not well say 

less. 
But may the future grant me time and space. 
That will permit me plainly face to face. 
To say, "I love thee," and may thy reply. 
Be a response of cordiality. 

I'll now conclude with wishing you much joy. 
May pleasures crown each day; sweet be thy dreams; 

May Charity and Love thy time employ; 
Peace be to thee in everlasting streams. 

This from your true and abiding friend. 
Whose devotion will last until life shall end. 

Anonymous. 



254 Yankee Jumbles. 

Another is an application for marriage: 

Ho ! hum ! here I be, poor sorrowful me, 

I feel like a gizzardless goose, 
My heart's run away, my mind's gone astray. 

My senses are miserably loose. 

But never mind, I guess you'll find, 

I shan't kick the bucket just yet. 
For bless the good luck, I've yet got a pluck, 

If mind, heart and brains take their exit. 

Now on some charming gal, I've resolved that I shall 
Turn my fate in that woeful direction. 

I think I'll go courting and trust to dame Fortune, 
To preserve me with her gracious protection. 

Now courting's like a lottery, 

You may and may not draw a prize, 
Each gal's tongue is pointed with flattery. 

That will cheat you quite out of your eyes. 
So it stands, each chap in hand, to look well to the land. 

And the thing that he puts his cap onto. 
Or his brains may leak and run off so sleek. 

That he soon will not know where they've gone to. 
Then I'd warn the boys from connubial joys, 

Unless they will take in due season. 
This precious advice, 'tis given without price, 

To get a gal full of besom and reason. 
It is no matter how the deuce she looks. 

If she is only healthy, wealthy, wise and smart, 
If she can use swill-pails, washtubs, pots and pothooks. 

And is constructed firm as a new cart. 



Yankee Jumbles. 2^5 

She should be of good age, there's reasons why, 

Because that then she'll treat you motherly. 

Her teeth should all be good and white and clean, 

Her tongue should be as any razor keen, 

Her visage should be long and thin and spare, 

But mind you this, she should not have red hair. 

Of words no lack of nature bold, 

Then she'll be competent to scold. 

Long legs, on no account would I erase 'em, 

For then whten rogues disturb, she'll out and chase 'em ; 

A horse to mill she then could ride astraddle. 

And be not half so apt to fall from the saddle, 

A nose that turns up like the toes to sandals, 

'Twill make a glorious place to hang up candles. 

Then if the mice to eat them should determine. 

She, with her mouth, could catch the pesky vermin. 

These are the qualities a wife should claim, 

And to get such a one will be my aim; 

And if, my dear, you answer this description 

To marry you — you have my proposition. 

If you will have me tell me quick and plainly, 

Then words and tears and sighs, I'll not spend vainly. 

But if you won't, I think I'll cut my throat, 

And kick the bucket, just like any shoat or goat. 

Now will you be so cold-hearted and wicked. 

As to let me deliberately be sticked? 

Oh ! if you do, you'll through life wretched feel, 

By night and day you'll hoar my dying squeal; 

Much better it will be, if you'll comply. 

And say you'll be my loving wife, bimeby, 



2^6 Yankee Jumbles. 

Then I should feel — Oh! glory, tongue can't tell; 
As happy as a clam, snug in his shell. 
If you will have me, I myself will bind, 
To do all things agreeable to your mind, 
I'll be a tool for you to knock about. 
And when I need it, you may twist my snout, 
Do with me aught that will thyself delight. 
Administer a blow, a scratch, a kick or bite. 
If I neglect the pretty little dears. 
Tell me the error and just box my ears. 
You needn^t wash or bake or broil or stew, 
I'll hire a paddy girl the work to do, 
I want you to sit down and look as sweet. 
As a molasses cup or sugar beet. 
I want you to resign all care and strife. 
And try to live a real lady's life. 
Now say you'll have me, do, I'll be uxorious ; 
Just say the word, and won't I feel most glorious! 
From Your Melted Heart. 

P. S. 
I'd like to have you tell me pretty soon. 

If you will have me, then my fears once o'er, 
I'll go right off and hire a little room. 

Where we can live as snug as "Pigs in clover." 



In ian album: 

To wish is vain, 'tis folly's blank, 
'Tis luck and chance if Fortune's crank, 
Should e'er resolve to gratify our wishes. 
It's just like angling in the brook for fishes. 



Yankee Jumbles. 257 

Yet they, who have a friend, 'tis very clear, 
If they respect them, M^ish them merry cheer. 
And therefore, I, with most sincere intention, 
To make a wish will tax my brain's invention. 

So, then for yon, I'll make the wish, friend Mary, 
Hoping that from it you'll but little vary, 
And if you should digress to left or right, 
I hope 'twill be to add some new delight. 

My wish, then, is that all your days may be 
A sea of pleasures, sparkling, pure and free. 
And every day that swells its flowing tide, 
May each joy by itself be multiplied. 

But that your earthly joy may be complete. 

Your friends augmented and your home made sweet, 

There's just one thing to fill the cup of bliss, 

Just lend your ear, I'll tell what it is. 

You want, (what maiden all this wide world through, 
Who does not want?) a husband kind and true. 
And such a prize, I hope ere long, you'll gain. 
To ease each burden and soothe every pain. 

And when in love's soft net you've caught him fast. 
In peace may you enjoy each day's repast, 
May love in one your hearts together blend, 
Until your earthly days shall have an end. 



2^8 Yankee Jumbles. 

May spiritual .and temporal wealth be stored, 
And sons and daughters grace the smiling board. 
To bear your toils, your comforts to increase, 
And let you from life's scenes depart in peace. 



Another valentine, dated 1825, to Jemima: 

Beneath yon hill that lifts its towering height. 
Above the humble valley at its base, 

Where every prospect charms the wondering sight. 
And Nature's clothed with all her robes of grace, 

Where pleasure dwells to give the heart delight, 
Where bliss spreads out in one eternal green. 

Where happiness remains forever bright, 
Angels might smile upon the lovely scene. 

There in that vale of joy and peace and love. 
And bliss and ease, and comfort and repose. 

There in her beauty, dwells Affection's dove, 
A balm to soothe and heal poor human woes. 

The dazzling sun that crowns the happy hill, 

Nor the fair moon, night's most illustrious queen. 

Nor the bright stars that shine with lustrous skill. 
Can rival her, who lives this vale within. 

For others' woes, her heart in sympathy. 
Melts like tlie snow beneath the torrid sun. 

She smooths their pillow, bids each sorrow flee, 
Caresses, cheers and tells each grief begone. 



I'ankce Jumbles. 259 

Tongue cannot tell, no pencil can portray, 
Pen cannot make the letters to descrii)e, 

Her loveliness or wisdom, for they say, 
That things inanimate her charms imbibe. 

The mountains melt in rivers of delight, 
And fill the spacious valleys, far and wide. 

Earth, air and sea, their voices all unite. 
And on each tongue her praise is multiplied. 

Her soul is soft and gentle is her tongue. 

Her words are kindness and her looks so sweet, 

That all exclaim, who view her matchless form, 
That by no thing that lives can she be beat. 

As doth the needle to the magnet turn, 
So do the beaux around her congregate, 

Like flies around a sugar hogshead swarm. 
So come they all to this delicious bait. 

For her sweet charms they surely are bewitching, 
They make a fellow feel all over curious. 

They give him such a most tormenting itching. 

That scratching to cure, to flesh might prove injuri- 
ous. 

And I am bound to say no greenhorn living, 
Unless his heart is tough, as owl or wizard, 

Could view her beauteous form, so sweet, life giving. 
Without its melting out his very gizzard. 



26o Yankee Jumbles. 

The next is a song, "I've been down to Uncle Sam's,'* 
sung to the tune of "Captain Kidd :" 

I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down 

below, 
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below. 

Where there's people thick as rats. 

Hungry dogs and hungry cats. 
And windows filled with hats, down below. 
And windows filled with hats, down below. 

I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down 

below, 
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below. 

Where each house is made of logs. 

And the people live like hogs. 
And they hunt among the bogs, down below. 
To catch the toads and frogs, down below. 

I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down 

below, 
Fve been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, 

Where the cattle are quite small. 

And so poor, they scarcely crawl. 
And they eat them, horns and all, down below, 
And they eat them, horns and all, down below. 

I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down 

below, 
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, 



Yankee Jumbles. 261' 

Where the turkeys all are white, 

And eggs, they lay a siglit, 
And hatch 'em over night, down below. 
And hatch 'em over night, down below. 

I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down 

below, 
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below. 

Where mosquitoes, bugs and flies. 

Are thick as lawyers' lies. 
And they roost in folks' eyes, down below, 
And they roost in folks' eyes, down below. 

I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down 

below, 
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, 

Wliere the squashes grow on trees. 

And toadstools high as your knees, 
And old maids as thick as bees, down below. 
And old maids as thick as bees, down below. 

I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down 

below, 
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, 
■ Where, when children leave their dams. 
They wean them off on clams, 
This is done to Uncle Sam's, down below. 
This is done to Uncle Sam's, down below. 

I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below, down 

below, 
I've been down to Uncle Sam's, down below. 



262 Yankee Jumbles. 

Where the people do not know 

Enough to last a crow, 
Over night, 'tis truly so, down below, 
Who wants to, they may go down below. 



Another valentine to J. F. 

Hail! darling, hail! my jewel, hail! my dear; 
Listen awhile and give attentive ear, 
And ponder well that which thou readest here. 
Where honesty shall in each line appear. 

Some years ago old Cupid aimed his dart. 
To strike a fatal blow upon my heart, 
Alas ! the arrow sped, I felt its smart, 
My single life I felt must then depart. 

The wound was deep, distressing was the pain, 
My heart in agony it heaved amain, 
But Cupid tied it with its tender chain. 
So fast, I think 'twill ne'er get free again. 

First with his golden chain he fenced it round. 
And then with silken threads each nerve was bound, 
With silver cords each limb was snugly wound. 
How 'twill escape, the plans my thoughts confound. 

Upon this heart there stands a little tower. 
And in its garden is a lovely bower. 
Affection's vines entwine, and many a flower. 
Feasts the glad eye and cheers the passing hour. 



Yankee Jumbles. 263 

Vriniin this tovrer, I often have lieeii told, 
There has been placed a sentry, brave and bold, 
Who is beyond the bribe of paltry gold, 
And in his hand a pearly key doth hold. 

This sentinel was stationed there to wait, 
Until some one shouild seek the bower's gate, 
And he is to decide each pilgrim's fate. 
Whose destinies he tells with looks sedate. 



This sentry is not free to mortal gaze. 
None can approach the consecrated place, 
Whereon he stands, to view he bnt displays 
His hand and key, a veil obscures his face. 

Many there are who have this castle sought. 
And some have almost took the key, they thought, 
But ah ! none brought the passport that they ought, 
And all their labors have availed them naught. 

At length war was declared with good intent, 
Arrows in clouds were at the castle sent, 
One pierced the secret veil, a hole was rent. 
It struck the sentry and his life's blood spent. 

Alas ! like ancient Tyre, that proudly stood 
In the Levant amid the Islet brood, 
That felt secure from all who dared intrude. 
This tower, I think, at last will be subdued. 



264 Yankee Jumbles. 

Tliat whicli so long hath made its hangthy boast. 
And bravely challenged every warring host, 
That ever yet invaded its stern coast, 
If not already conquered, 'tis almost. 

For lo ! as if by providence 'twas willed, 
Some spirit the besiegers hath instilled, 
A shaft was sent, the sentinel was killed, 
With strangers' steps the halls must soon be filled. 

Fidelity (this was the sentry's name). 
Received the blow as it had been a flame. 
Sent from above; with mighty force it came, 
And laid him low ; he fell a child of fame. 

And he who owns the tower must bewail 
One thing, which is the secret of my tale. 
When poor Fidelity's life breath did fail. 
He dropped the key which fell outside the veil. 

Now Cupid and his troops are not aware. 
That this important trust is lying there. 
But there it is, now listen with much care, 
I'll whisper in your ear the whole affair. 

Adorable and beauteous fair maid. 

If you would but enjoy this bower's shade. 

Come hither now, I pray, be not delayed, 

And you shall see what eye hath ne'er surveyed. 



Yankee Jumbles. 265 

But first of all pick up this precious key, 
Then lift thine eye and you shall quickly see, 
A little gate, step there with footsteps free. 
Unlock, and you'll behold a mystery. 



But ere the gate will open unto thee. 
Remember this, that it is held by three 
Bright locks of gold : Truth, Love and Charity; 
Turn each of these and welcome thou shalt be. 



Happy thy lot, for once inside the door, 
Thy life will change from what it was before, 
Into thy hands the castle's wealth will pour. 
All its bright pearls and all its golden store. 

There from its tables with its bounties spread, 
Thou shalt partake without a fear or dread. 
Not like weak Damocles, of whom 'tis said, 
A glittering blade hung pendant o'er his head. 

But thou shalt be the queen of this fair tower, 

And be admitted to its secret bower, 

Where lies a treasure which shall be thy dower, 

Of far more worth than Fortune, Fame and Power. 

Within this bower thy soul may find repose, 
'Tis strongly shut against intruding woes, 
A safe retreat whereof no mortal knows. 
But thee, to whom tlie secret I disclose. 



266 Yankee Jumbles. 

Devotion's roses in this arbor bloom, 
The air is loaded with their sweet perfume, 
One joy departs to give new pleasures room, 
And peace and bappiness make this their home. 

And now, fair J , I pray thee tell, 

Will thou come hence in this repose to dwell? 

Ah ! come ; my hand shall guide and my heart's cell 

Shall open wide, and say, "I love thee well." 



In an album: 

This little book I have now placed before me, 
Wlierein each friendly hand shall sketch a line, 

Wakes a desire which quietly steals o'er me. 
Where others offer gifts that I may mine. 

Wliereas, I hope that now while in thy youth, 
Thou'lt give thyself to honorable pursuits, 

Cherish with care, fidelity and truth. 

And as you live you'll gather of their fruits. 

Be to your friends obliging, true and kind, 
Be prudent, humble, virtuous and discreet, 

For evil render good, and then thy mind. 
Clothed with sincerity will be complete. 

Till Time blot out these few recorded names, 
'Tis sweet to think when they have passed away. 
This brief memorial of them still remains. 



Yankee Jumbles. 267 

To a short girl by the name of Dorothy: 

Dorothy, Dorothy Dump, 
Fat, rosy, jolly and plump, 
Going with a hop and a jump, 
Eun up against a stump. 
And gave herself a bump, 
Which knocked her all in a hump, 
Onto the ground, kerthump, 
And seriously hurt her rump. 



Another one to an old man named Onderdonk; 

Christopher Onderdonk, 

He was no hermit or monk. 

But a man of fiery spunk, 

And oftentimes got drunk, 

And then crawled into his bunk; 

One day old Peter Fonk 

Called Christopher a skunk; 

Christ, rolled his fist in a junk 

And hit old Pete a tunk, 

In the lower part of his trunk. 

Which knocked him down kerchunk. 

And Pete lay there till he stunk. 



Another valentine: 

Hallo ! how der ye do, my pooty crutter. 
My pot of honey and my bread and butter, 
I'm stuffed so full of love 'tis hard to utter, 
Although it makes me walk a little strutter. 



268 Yankee Jumbles. 

Old Love has pounded me with his darned flail. 
And hung my heart I think upon a nail ; 
Love's pains dart through my body thick as hail ; 
I feel one now down in my big toe nail. 

With his old rusty knife he come and stuck 

A great big hole almost square through my pluck, 

He did, and more'n that blast the luck. 

He jammed his fist against my heart kerchuck. 

My innards now with Cupid's hands are scarred, 
My respiration it is growing hard, 
And lest I grease my throat with oil or lard, 
I think of breathing I shall be debarred. 

My heart swells up the way it is a sin, 
My chest is puffed out nearly to my chin. 
At such a sight I think you fain would grin; 
Oh ! horrors, what a pickle I am in ! 

I've strained myself to breathe till both my eyes 
Are swollen to four times their natural size. 
They're big around, I think, as pumpkin pies. 
And every one that sees me laughs till he dies. 

My mouth is stretched to be an awful sight ; 

I cannot even shut it up to bite ; 

The rats (were they disposed) I'm sure they might 

Dance a cotillion in it every night. 



Yankee Jumbles. 269 

Oh, dear ! to think of it affects my marrow, 
I feel as gaunt as if I had run farrow ; 
Time fastly flies, and rapidly doth narrow, 
Till Cupid o'er my pluck will draw his harrow. 

I hope he will not sow it o'er with weeds, 
I'd sooner have it grow to honest deeds 
Of some pure kind ; I don't like mixing breeds 
Of any thing, things animate or seeds. 

Hold on ! just now I felt an idea hunch. 
Right under my short rib it give a punch, 
And said just this, think of it when you lunch, 
That hearts should always grow two in a bunch. 

Alas ! for my poor heart, it's all alone. 
Just like the man that sat on a cold stone; 
It wanders here and there, unseen, unknown, 
E'en like some dog that's looking for a bone. 

Is there no power of water, wind or steam 
To help me through life's solitary dream? 
If you and I were yoked it now doth seem 
To me that we should make the very team. 

We'd want a harness made of good .strong leather. 
And one that wouldn't crack in stormy weather; 
Oh! I should feel as proud if bound together 
With thee as our old rooster's biff tail feather. 



270 Yankee Jumbles. 

Now I do wish that we were putting through, 
And pulling in the harness good and true (by Jo) ; 
If any one should meet us and say : "You 
Don't love the gal/' I'd say, "You lie, I do, too" (and 
so). 

And I do love you, too, I tell you what, 

I always go to your house on a trot ; 

But if you don't love me, I'll tell right on the spot 

That I'll stay to home with ma, and you may go to pot. 



An anonymous poem, by request, written to a notori- 
ously loud alto singer: 

Miss G,, give ear and listen here. 

And be kindly inclined. 
And if you please I will give you a piece 

Of my mind, 
And a slice of advice 

Which you'll find 
To be quite tender about the line; 
But to begin, pray do excuse 
My sad attempt to court the muse. 

As feeling just now a little poetic, 

I think I will give my brains an emetic 

And see what's in 'em — ah — ^now, here it comes, 

Guns, thunder and lightning, tin whistles and drums, 

And loud screaming voices I hear therewithal ; 

Wliich interprets my subject to be musical. 



Yankee Jumbles. 271 

WTierefore, as I'm driven to take Hobson's choice, 
I'll proceed to consider your great, big, large voice. 



Your voice, my dear jewel, by some means has grew well ; 

It's round as a pumpkin, and deep as an earthquake; 
I thought when I last heard its clarion blast, 

What a glorious voice it would be to eat beefsteak ; 
I doubt if another in creation there be. 
Can roll out such cartloads of big melody. 

Could those old blind heathen that lived long ago, 
Who tramped seven times round about Jericho, 
Have had but one thundering voice like your own, 
Their rams' horns would never have had to be blown ; 
Let you gin 'em one blast, the old walls would come down 
And the people all heeled it like rats out of town. 

Perhaps you may think that this sounds rather queer, 

But don't feel uneasy about it, my dear; 

The idea I would come at is this, that when you sing 

You give us entirely too much of a good thing ! 

Or another trope I will use (if you're willing). 

It's what I should call too much pork for a shilling. 

On Sundays when up there with those jolly souls, 
That set round in rows like hens roosting on poles. 
And a music machine for grinding out notes, 
Which stands right between the sheep and the goats ; 
Where each pealing anthem you help to prolong 
And squander your soul in the rapture of song. 



272 Yankee Jumbles. 

And your mellowest tones I'm delighted to hear 

As they stealthily come and crawl into my ear; 

But such notes are too few and far between, 

Though to "holler," I'll say you're a dabster, Miss Green. 

And now I will ask you in kindness, my love. 

My deary, my dumpling, my darling, my dove, 

My sparrow in daytime, my cuckoo at night, 

My thoughts' sweetest food, and heart's fondest delight. 

Thou gem of my eye, my "Huckleberry" pie. 

And every nice thing I could call thee by, 

Won't you please to leave oif making such a great noise, 

To frighten the g'hals and astonish the b'hoys? 

loved one ! I'd have thee pour out a mild strain. 
As soft as the zephyr that breathes o'er the plain. 
And forth from thy chest of deep melody sing. 
As nightingales chant tkeir sweet love song in spring; 
And then you will please me, you music will ease me, 

'Twill make me feel happier far than a clam, 
And others there be who think just like me, 

Whom, do as I tell you, with joy you can cram. 

But if "holler" you must, you most surely will vex us. 
And for one I shall wish you were living in Texas ; 
So be prudent ; or else spare not parson or people, 
But blow off the shingles and tear down the steeple. 



Another valentine : 

Oh, Elvira ! Elvira ! for you I am dyiu''. 
Through the locks of my hair the soft winds am 
a-sighin' ; 



Yankee Jumbles. 273 

Oh ! I'm goin', I'm goin', there's nothin' can save, 
I'm sinkin' far down in Love's fathomless wave. 

Oh, Elvira ! Elvira ! Do save me, I pray, 

Oh, pilot me into some sheltering bay. 

For, Oh ! sweet Elvira, I'm goin', I'm goin'. 

Where no more I shall wake at my old rooster's crowin'. 

Oh, Elvira ! Elvira ! thon beautiful creature, 
There's beauty and life glow in every feature, 
You're a big dictionary of humor and wit 
And made of clear honey you be every bit. 

0.h, Elvira ! Elvira ! you don't know 'how I love you; 
I love the ground under and umbrella above you, 
I sliould covet the rat that was caught in your trap. 
And the cat that so happy sits and purrs in your lap. 

Oh, Elvira ! I fear I can never be cured. 
And the pangs through my gizzard can't long be endured. 
Oh ! give me your heart, do, you beautiful lass. 
And then my darned gizzard, let that go to grass. 

Oh, Elvira ! the thought of you is very revivin'. 
Into your dear affections how I wish I wae divin'. 
If you will but marry me, gracious St. Peter 
I should have such a wife that nobody could beat her. 

Oh, Elvira ! Elvira ! forever 1 am tiliine. 
And, Oh ! dear Elvira, won't you but be mine, 
I'll love you and kiss you, and richly I'll feed you. 
And when you are sick, I will physic and bleed you. 



274 Yankee Jumbles. 

Oh, Elvira ! I hope you^ll rest well every night, 
And when you get up have a good appetite. 
And when we are married, we'll laugh when we're glad, 
And dance when we're merry and fight when we're mad. 



Another one to Loisa : 

Miss Kitty O'Dumacfh had a delicate stomach. 

And her appetite it was genteel, 
So whatever she eat, unless 'twas complete, 

Her stomach would squirm like an eel. 

I've heard of this Miss that receiving a kiss 
Would very near kill the sweet creature, 

But could she receive one, and then but just give one, 
It seemed to agree with her nature. 

Now all the young fellows that lived in Dumbrellows 
Of course they thought much of dear Kitty 

For whoever she found, on whom sorrow had frowned 
She gave them a vial of pity. 

Her heart soft as butter, and such soft words she'd utter 
They would melt down a mountain of ice. 

There's naught to compare beside Kitty so fair, 
I think, but a bundle of spice. 

But Kitty is dead, peace remain on her head. 

And sweetly repose may her ashes. 
For Kitty, the dove, her life was all love. 

And her eyes grew between her eye lasshes. 



Yankee Jumbles. 275 

Since Kitty she has died and from us gone, 
We've had a doleful, dark and lonesome night, 

But now another day begins to dawn, 

Since thou art born to give us new delight. 

Most lovely maid ; welcome as Flowers of May, 
Thrice welcome to onr ball of rolling clay. 

With rapture now, thy beauty I behold, 
Lo ! I see. Loisa to charm my soul. 

Like darling Kitty full of life and love, 
I think in candor, you're one notch above ; 

The roses they would blush if they should be 
With thy fair cheek brought into company. 

Long have I sought a jewel of thy kind. 
To grace the ring that circles in my mind. 

I think the ring is gold, but time, ala^ ! 
May tarnish it till it will look like brass. 

But stop — I am not going to rack my poor brain. 
To measure you out such a sorrowful strain, 

So here I'll just tell yooi right square on the spot. 
What 'tis that I want, and what 'tis I want not. 

I want a wife, by golly, one plump, rosy and jolly. 

One that can run, kick up and hop. 
One as spry as a cricket; them's the kind that's the 
ticket. 

That can fly round as quick as a top. 



276 Yankee jumbles. 

I will not have a wife hitched on to me, 

That always wants to be a-gnzzling tea. 

Should she want drink, why, then, I'll give her some ; 

I'll give her cider or I'll give her mm. 

She should not stuff herself up on sweet cake. 
Perhaps once in a month I'd let her bake, 
She might bake beans or Johnny cake or bread. 
But if she baked a pie, I'd break her head. 

If I get me a wife, I never mean 

To run my legs off for her till I'm lean, 

If she wants shoes and other things to wear, 

Then work and get her clothes, for what I care. 

She needn't think fhat she's a-going to shirk, 
And poke around and not do any work. 
For when I'm gone from home she'll have to learn 
To feed the pigs, and milk the cows and chum. 

At evening when I'm ready I'll retire, 
And she, what wants doing may set up and do, 
At daylight she may rise and make the fire. 
And when it's warm enough, I'll get up, too. 

If she behaves well maybe I will let 
Her with me at the breakfast table set, 
But if she don't behave, then, I'll tell you 
That she'll just have to wait till I get through. 

Whenever I am harnessed to a wife, 
I want her for the comfort of ray life. 
And when we launch the matrimonial bark 
You may depend she'll have to toe the mark. 



Yankee Jumbles. 277 

So in good faith I here have straightly told 
You all these things ; and may I now make bold, 
To offer you my heart and hand and pluck, 
Which you can have if you're in want of truck. 

My heart and pluck, it is my true belief. 
Are each one worth a dozen pounds of beef; 
My hands a cord of wood a day can saw. 
Carry a hod or paddy handcart draw. 

My house in size is 14 feet by 10 
With two nice rooms as ever yet was seen, 
A woolen blanket hung from side to side, 
The kitchen and the sleeping room divide. 

My chambers are not yet done off at all. 
Because my family has been so small. 
So at one end of them I've cut some holes. 
Through which the hens go in and roost on poles. 

I think when I am married I shall make 
Some new arrangements for appearance' sake. 
With prospects of improvement I now stand 
A candidate for Hymen's holy band. 

If you refuse my suit 'twill end my life, 
I'll cut my head off with my old jackknife. 
But if you'll have me, tell me quick, I pray, 
And when we shall unite ; just name the day. 



An anonymous letter to a bright, witty man in the 
habit of using meaningless foreign phrases, which was 
a success in confusing and puzzling him : 



278 Yankee Jumbles. 

Op gi fat rotundum fudge mi gudgy 

Ne filly diffy trickerdom must budgy 

You Diabolus sacre demus squirtim 

Mick fardon tupperfuddle pistora shurtim, 

Sacre mush dah, dis furdulum gurdy munge 

Shek si Diabolus mon Leplunge. 

La petite, sacre stingum p arde furt 

Gush ti van strandum dis de pimpus squirt, 

Le diable ; mic f arly sacre troonk 

Un sacre, menus, Diabolus, schoonk, 

Op si don illimus de trembus tone 

I'll catapultus sacre dorsal bone 

Oh, Joel, Joel, si le diable 

De oyster pay I cum reliable 

Des furly mangum brakus darlos grunge, 

Mus very mincum dat sacre Leplunge. 

•The recipient took much pains to get an interpreter. 



TO A BACHELOR FRIEND. 

Friend Fred well said ; 
Not married yet? 
That love of thine 
Quite cold must get. 

Ah ! Fred ; — Celibacy is but a cup 
From which thou drinkest only bitter waters; 
Not such the draughts that from the wells come up 
Of Adam's line, of long descended daughters. 



Yankee Jumbles. 279 

I'm fearful, Fred, my labor will be vain. 
If my advice I venture to impart, 
Although I hope to harrow in a grain. 
That may take root upon thy stony heart. 



That you with joy may rear the tender plant 
And be not overborne with growing sadness, 
The cultivation I will now descant, 
That you may nourish it and till with gladness. 

Anti-Celibacy's an herb, you see ; 
That groweth only in the "Married State," 
And you are but a "neuter verb" to be 
A citizen if you will emigrate. 

Anti-Celibacy! plant of celestial birth. 
Descended from a mansion in the skies. 
Thou takest root when planted here on earth, 
Most beauteous flower, that bloomed in Paradise. 

Now hie thee, Fred, to Hymen's blissful clime. 
Where wine and milk and honey all abound. 
And happily wilt thou enjoy the time 
To feed the flock and cultivate the ground. 

Anti-Celibacy; if thou wouldst raise a shoot, 
'Twill most remarkably in hot beds grow. 
Prepare thy bed and then set in thy root 
Near some warm spot where gushing waters flow. 



280 Yankee Jumbles. 

A little shoot will soon come forth anew 
And to the sun raise up its modest head. 
Ah ! then, no tongue can tell, no eye can view 
The sweet sensations that reside in Fred, 

When to thy daily toil thou dost away, 

The moments seem like hours, the hours like weeks, 

How gladly, then, wilt thou at close of day 

Seek thy sweet home and kiss that flower's cheeks. 

And Fred, when thou art old, and when thy hand 
Hath lost its strength, and sickness wastes thy frame. 
That flower by thy bedside then may stand, 
And with its branches feed thy vital flame. 

Then go, I pray thee, to the married state. 
And spend thy days in peace and harmony, 
But ere you go, permit me to relate 
A word or two about celibacy. 

Celibacy is but a useless weed. 

It never blossoms, or produces seed. 

It has two different stalks, or worthless blades, 

One called old Bachelors, the other Maids. 

I think the Maid plants early in the season. 
Might be made to produce ; and what's the reason 
They don't produce, is very strange to me, 
For all their flowers are pistillate, I see, 
I therefore think the subject soon discussed. 
They only want the fertilizing dust, 



Yankee Jumbles. 2811 

And on the Bachelors of course the blame ends, 
Because they've got no pollen in their stamens. 

Old maids, therefore, are hardly worth remark; 

I don't think Noah had one in the ark, 

They're worth no more than some old caged up parrots 

And live a lifetime on a peck of carrots. 

And when they're old, some dry and windy day. 

They'll wither up and all be blown away. 

And now, old bachelors, 'tis your turn next ; 

I deem you hardly worthy for a text, 

I'd rather save my breath to cool my broth, 

Because on life's great wave you're but the froth, 

You're like a wagon running without grease. 

Or like a flock of ganders without geese, 

To think of any good thing you are. like, my mind 

Wanders through space, but can no object find, 

But when transplanted to the married state. 

Of which I've known few instances of late 

They soon become a thrifty growing tree 

And recommend Anti-Celibacy. 

But you who will old bac?ielors remain 
Your wretched end I think I can explain. 
Some Satan uses on his hook for bait, 
And some arc guards at the celestial gate. 
Those are but few, the rest upon a pole 
Are carried off and flung into a hole. 
So, Fred, beware ! That you may not be took; 
(To fill a hole, or bait Old Scratch's liook^ 



282 Yankee Jumbles. 

Delivered in debating society on the snbject "Does 
Married Life Conduce More to Happiness Than 
Single?" 

A bachelor the happiest of all men. 

How happy is a bachelor, how very much a^E ease. 

He has a right to go out nights and come home when' 

he please, 
And when he gets back home again, and turns his guar- 
dian keys. 
He meets no wife, who has for hours set up to raise a 

breeze ; 
And finds no children, their papa for sugar things to 

tease ; 
Through this dark world his single team with skill he 

haws and gees 
With a good soul and heart so warm that it will never 

freeze. 
In acts of charity and love and generous deeds there he's 
One of the first among the poor their sorrows to appease ; 
He rests at night, no brats in bed to harass him like fleas. 
There Morpheus within his arms our bachelor doth seize 
And soon in dreams he joins some lodge and goes 

through the degrees. 
By lily hands he's led away through smooth and grassy 

leas 
Along the little streamlet's bank, and 'neath the shady 

trees. 
Where flowers grow and the sweet air is charmed with 

birds and bees, 
He feels some sweet emotion upon his heart disseize. 



Yankee Jumbles. 283 

The bliss that's strcarning tlirough his soul with every 
nerve agrees 

And in an ocean of delight he's wading lo his knees. 

His dream Hies n^^t, but when he w^akes 'tis not for 
warming teas 

Or liears his wife's alarming words, "How hard the baby 
breathes !" 

Rises at morn, goes to the door, and gives his lungs a 
wheeze, 

Gapes, rubs his eyes and clears his brains Avith one pro- 
digious sneeze, 

And after finishing a few performances like these 

He crams himself with victuals as full as he can squeeze, 

Eats, drinks and lives as happy as a skipper in a cheese. 



A WINTER NIGHT'S DREAM. 

Some few nights since while sitting by the fire. 
And for the cold than usual I sit nigher, 
Miss Pussy jumped into my lap to purr, 
And I for her soft music sleeked her fur. 

The room was warm, although without 'twas cold, 
A dreary time for the infirm and old. 
But though without the wintry winds did sweep, 
A-sitting by my fire I fell asleep. 

While in my sleep or that which thus did seem, 

I had a dream, which was not all a dream, 

And 'twas so odd you could not guess the theme 

With which my thoughts in that strange sleep did teem. 



284 Yankee Jumbles. 

I seemed to wake within a spacious house 
And by my side there smiled my gracious spouse, 
A bouncing child sit laughing on each knee. 
And pulled my nose and hair in playful glee. 

Others at play, were tumbling round the floor. 
Or playing hide and seek behind the door; 
Four rosy girls each handsome as a queen, 
And twelve fat noble boys made up sixteen. 

I asked my wife or she who thus did seem, 
If the time past did not seem like a dream? 
Dating the time back to the auspicious morn 
When we with mutual joy hailed our first bom. 

Here I was dry and told my oldest son. 

Who after me was named Sam No. 1 

To go and bring me up a quart of cider, 

Which I would take to make my thoughts range wider. 

My wife then answered the grave question which 
I just proposed ; I see it made her twitch 
All over, because I suppose her mind — 
Just then we heard an awful scream behind. 

Sam No. 5 had got my wife's big shears 
And robbed our old gray cat of tail and ears; 
My wife she saved the tail, I'll merely mention. 
And sold it for a shavino^ brush of new invention. 



Yankee Jumbles. 285 

Now 111 go back once more unto my story. 
My wife she thus replied to my interrogatory — 
Says she — just then something went bang, 
Slam, bump, thump, ram, jam, kerwhang, 
And then rose up a most tumultuous yell, 
My second daughter down the stairs had fell, 
Trying to climb and steal a few dried pears. 
She'd tumbled headlong down the chamber stairs. 

Poor little thing, she looked just like her mother, 
She was most awfully bruised from one end to t'other; 
We washed her bruises over with some gin 
And by this time I was quite dry again. 

A little more cider I thought would do no harm, 

'Twould quench my thirst and keep my stomach warm ; 

I drank a quart or so, — My wife replied — 

S'he'd scarce begun — the door flew open wide 

And in stepped No. 3 ; says he, "I'll tell you what, 

If I hain't had some fun, then I'll be shot. 

I've set Tray on to Granny Bcnom's cow 

And he's 'bout killed old Hopkins' spotted sow. 

And chased off old aunt Prindle's bobtailed mare. 

And killed her cat (I wish you'd heard her swear). 

And Tray killed eight of mother Wiggins' geese. 

As clean as you could lick a spot of grease, 

And now he's chasing up a horse and wagon — 

The horse and dog they both run like the Dragon." 

When he'd told this, says I, "You dirty brat," 
Then hit him a good swipe aud knocked him flat ; 



286 Yankee jumbles. 

Told him he was a little ugly villain 
That such a wicked wretch he wanted killing. 
Here wife she interposed, "Wa'n't it too bad !" 
She said he always was Just like his dad. 
Oh ! lightning on a limb, then wa'n't I mad ? 

I doubled up my fist, says I, "Wife, look here." 

She grabbed the pudding stick. Says she: "Old man, 

look here." 
Says I, "Wife, what are you going to do with that pud- 
ding stick?" 
Says she, "If you touch me I am going to hit you a lick." 
"Now," says I, "Wife, it's foolish for us to go to fighting 
And kicking and scratching and pulling hair and biting 
And hurting each other and then again maybe 
Before we get through we might smash the baby." 
I softened, she softened, our wrath was soon missing 
And the battle was turned into hugging and kissing. 

Wife here made her mind up to ansv.cr once more, 

The question I put to her some time before, 

Says she, — and at that instant No. 4 

Jammed No. 11 headlong out the door. 

Son No. 5 and daughter No. 1 

Were pulling hair and fighting just for fun, 

Thirteen and fourteen they were pulling hair. 

Seven and eight were practicing to swear. 

Six threw the coffee pot at No. 4, 

Twelve turned a pot of cream upon the floor. 

Nine come in with his pocket full of frogs. 

Ten brought my hat in full of pollywogs, 



Yankee Jumbles. 287 

And what the rest were doing, I've forgot. 
I put my foot down somewhere 'bout this spot 
And brought the house to order, so that I 
Could give attention to my wife's reply. 

I had another quart of cider drawn, 

Drank and then said; '^Wife, now you go on," — 

Says she, — says I — "Young 'uns, now be still." 

A half dozen answered : "Pa, we will." 

"Yah," cried the baby, another one did cry. 

Four threw a frog and hit me in the eye. 

One used a tin pan for a tambourine, 

The table was turned over by thirteen. 

My eldest daughter got pricked with a pin. 

Says I: "Young 'uns, stop this infernal din." 

They stopped quicker'n lightning, there never was a dad 

Possessed better government over a family than I had. 

Now says I, "Go out of the house and play, 
And don't you stop till I call you away." 
It was most dark, but out the door they flew, 
A jolly, laughing, mischievous, happy crew. 

Then I drew nigh unto my own dear wife 

She was the joy and comfort of my life. 

And asked her if the days that we'd passed through 

Were not delightful to her mind's review ? 

And although she had many cares to vex 

With sixteen noisy children to perplex 

And whether she would not much rather be 

Rid of all these but perhaps two or three? 



288 Yankee Jumbles. 

My wife replied: "My days have passed in peace, 

And with my children all my joys increase. 

Sweet little things, they are my heart's delight. 

My life by day, my comfort through the night," 

But here she stopped and bitterly she sighed 

(If I'd not kissed her I believe she'd cried) 

She said 'twas for the four sweet babes that died. 

My wife she was divine to look upon, 

She shared my kisses with the Demi-john, 

Although we never either one got drunk 

Yet drinking would sometimes warm up our spunk, 

Then she would scold, and I would walk the room. 

And swing my fists and she would swing the broom. 

When my dear wife was young she was a lass 

In size amongst the girls, "bout common class. 

But age, and other incidents forsooth 

Had changed her looks and added to her growth; 

For now instead of at an earlier date. 

Weighing but ninety pounds, she weighed 200 weight. 

Her looks in youth I cannot here portray. 
But you can view her features any day. 
Look in the glass, as true as I'm a biped 
There you can see her looks daguerreotyped. 

As wife and I talked on of happy days. 
Of our dear children and their pretty plays. 
How lonesome we should be if they were gone. 
How innocent, kind and loving they were, and so on, 



Yankee Jumbles. 289 

A mass of something down tlic cliimnoy came, 
The room was quickly filled with smoke and flame. 

The boys had put old Tray into a sack, 

And down the chimney they had thrown him, whack, 

I darted up and thought I would go out, 

And see what my wife's darlings were about; 

Opened the duor — earthquakes and gingerbread ! 

If I'd not dodged, I'd got a broken head. 

There were set up against the kitchen door. 
Hoes, rakes and ladders, kettles, tubs and more, 
Than half a dozen barrels, wood and stones. 
Made up the trap set there to smash my bones. 

"Now," says I, "Wife, let's both of us get out. 
And see what them darn young 'uns are about." 
I took her by the hand and we marched straight. 
Out into the yard and headed for the gate; 
We didn't get half way into the street, 
Before new troubles we were doomed to meet. 

Across the path were tied two young trees, 

A rope that came up nearly to our knees. 

We run against it, quicker than a flash. 

We both were pitched upon the ground, kersmash, 

The young 'uns on the house top raised a yell, 

Tickled to death to see how slick we fell. 

The fall awakened me out of my dream. 
During my sleep, (or that which thus did seem,) 



290 Yankee Jumbles. 

But not to find a wife, fat girls and boys, 
To trouble me with mischief, traps and noise, 
But in their stead the fire had all gone out. 
The wintry winds were blowing hard without. 
And I, to tell the truth and nothing more. 
Had fell as flat as a pancake on the floor. 

I got up, lit my light, for that had fled. 
Drew me some cider and then went to bed; 
And 'twas so cold that night, ^twixt me and you, 
When I got in, I wished my dream was true. 

I soon got warm in bed and slept again. 
And dreamt another dream — but I'll refrain. 
As I am tired of thinking words to rhyme: 
I'll tell that dream to you some other time. 

But to conclude, kind Miss, pray answer me, 
If in your mind there's a possibility. 
That this strange dream may be reality? 
Or shall I keep on dreaming through my life, 
Without those sixteen children and a wife? 



COKRESPONDENCE. 

New Yoek, May 15, 1869. 
F. T. Ives, Esq., 

Dear Sir : — As you propose coming down on Monday 
and will expect to see Mr. Brown, this is to inform you 
that he is out of town. Yours, 

Walter Brown & Co., 

By Gerrish. 



Yankee Jumbles. 291 

Meriden, May 16th, 1869. 
Messrs. Walter Brown & Co., 
Gents : 

Yours, 15th May, arrived to-day; 

Its contents I shall cherish. 
For telling mc that Mr. B. 
Is out of town — hy Gerrish. 

If Mr. Brown is out of town, 

To come down will be folly; 
So I'll delay until Thursday. 

Yours, Frank T. Ives, 
By Golly. 



New York, May 18th, 1869. 
F. T. Ives, Esq., 
Dear Sir : 

As Mr. BrowTi is out of town. 

It falls to me to write. 
And to you say that on Wednesday, 
He will be home at night. 

Your little rhyme came in due time. 

And set us in a roar, 
That F. T. Ives should think it wise. 

To write poetic lore. 

And now to-day just let me say. 

These contents also cherish. 
This other folly to Ives, by Golly, 

Was also writ 

By Gerrish. 



292 Yankee Jumbles. 

Meriden, May 19th, 1869. 
Messrs. Walter Brown & Co., 
Gentlemen : 

Your chain of rhyme 
Came in due time. It was very sublime. 
And nobody hurt. 

'Twas sweet as May bees sing, 
What my wife calls pleasing. So soothing and easing. 
Such a grateful Squirt. 

It does seem to me, 
Your Grerrish must be a prodigy; 
Does he yet endure? 

If not yet dead, 
Please put him in bed and rub his head 
With a hornicure. 

On the 20th day 
Of this month of May, 10 a.m., I will say, 
You may lay your plan 

At your business place. 
To behold the face, the beauty and grace 
Of a nice, young man. 

Respectfully yours, 

F. T. Ives. 



Yankee Jumbles. 293 

A letter to two nieces : 

Dear El and Sue, how do you do? 

You cannot turn and say 
We are quite well, and prithee tell 

Us 'how are you to-day. 

But never mind, I feel inclined, 

Now to communicate. 
So lend an ear and you shall hear, 

How I have been of late. 

Of first rate health, I've had much wealth, 

If health may be called riches. 
But I'll be sworn that gold's not torn 

The pockets in my breeches. 

The mother she, and nephew he. 

Are living snug as rabbits, 
With hearts as light, as cake is quite, 

Made with that stuff of Babbitt's, (saleratus.) 

Whilst like a bug, they're living snug, 

I, like a stupid fool, 
Amidst the charms of old North Farms, 

Am shut up keeping school. 

Here, 'mong the hogs and dogs and bogs, 

And frogs and pollywogs, 
The stupid sogs have need of jogs. 

Gin 'em by Pedagogues. 



294 Yankee Jumbles. 

The young 'uns all, both great and small. 
For knowledge each is yearning, 

They ope their mouths and with a souse, 
I just pour down the learning. 

The little brats, as thick as rats. 

Come flocking in together, 
Fine boys and girls, with glossy curls, 

'Make storms seem pleasant weather. 

As nice a green as e'er was seen. 

We have whereon to frolic. 
And there to see the jollity, 

Would cure you of the colic. 

Some run and prance, some hop and dance, 

And some do this, some that, 
Some wrestling, fall, and some at ball, 

Are playing two old cat. 

The girls all sweet, look most complete. 
Some fair and green as yew trees, 

I think, 'tis rare that anywhere. 
You'll find such perfect beauties. 

To give the names of these fair dames, 

Would kill me to repeat 'em. 
No cannibal shall I e'er tell 

Their charms for fear he'll eat 'em. 



Yankee Jumbles. 295 

.Vnd when they come bencatli the dome, 

01' old North Farms' Sanctorum, 
'Tis a delight, that charms the sight, 

When you are looking o'er 'em. 

Thus you can see quite easily, 

That my condition's blest, 
I've naught to do, 'twixt me and you, 

But roll in happiness, (or liomets' nest) rhymes 
better. 

Perhaps you'll choose to hear some news, 

If so, I'd fain indulge you, 
Although 'tis true there's nothing new. 

Which I can now divulge you. 

The world is round, as has been found. 

And folks therein are wicked, 
And horses hired when they get tired, 

Why, then they must be licked. 

But this ain't news which you'll peruse, 

I think, to your instruction, 
So I'll digress from this I guess, 

And rake some new production. 

When you wrote last, some four weeks past, 

(Or when your mama wrote). 
No doubt that EI remembers well. 

She sent a little note. 



296 Yankee Jumbles. 

The which we read, and there it said. 
That she had been to ride, 

With Mr, Heyes — and "pumpkin pies/* 
For them she'd almost died. 



These words she wrote, which I will quote, 

I want a piece this minute, 
Just then our table, could you been able. 

Your heart would leaped to seen it. 

For there then stood a lovely brood. 

Of nine big pumpkin pies, 
And would you not most surely thought. 

That this was Paradise ? 

But sad to tell, like grass they fell, 

And soon we slew the last, 
And now their names, like all of Fame's, 

Are numbered with the past. 

But if you sigh for pumpkin pie. 

Come over here some time; 
The widow'll bake for your dear sake, 

A few that shall be prime, 

I'd have you, Sue, one favor do, 

Allow me here to ask it, 
This is my wish, I'd have a dish, 

Made which you'd call card basket. 



Yankee Jumbles. 297 

If 3'ou will get the stuff for it, 

And make it as you will, 
I'll raise the jink as quick as wink. 

And settle up the bill. 

So now I'm done, my song is sung, 

I'll bid you all good-bye, 
Eespects to all, both short and tall. 

Sue Jo}^ — El Pumpkin Pies. 

P. S. 

Old Tige is gone, peace to his bones. 

Or else his bones to pieces ; 
A little spot on Burdick's lot 

Tige's mortal body greases. 

Burdick he took a club, and struck 

Poor Tiger on the head; 
With dying yell he prostrate fell 

At Burdick's feet quite dead. 

Tiger had been quite free from sin. 

In him there was no evil ; 
But strange to tell, when Tiger fell. 

He wont right to the Devil. 



To A. E. T. 



My Dear: 
Your attention give here. 
To these few lines I'm inscribing. 
And do not at once pronounce me a dunce, 
Nor consider that I've been imbibing, 



298 Yankee Jumbles. 

For it would somewhat detract from my merits 
To allow that my mind is directed by "Sperrits." 

I do not propose in abandoning prose, 

To rise quite out of sight, 
Not much higher than a skylark goes. 

This fine bird has long known the secret of song. 
And much to her powers of wing do belong 
The force of her notes, for the higher she floats. 
And warbles her music in loftiest sphere, 
The softer her melody falls on the ear. 

I'll not try to surprise you with eloquent showers, 

Nor figures of speech nor rhetorical flowers, 

Or give you a show of political views, 

For with such abstruse subjects I could not amuse, 

You'll therefore permit me to merely resign 

Myself to dropping a plain simple line. 

And if not provided with delicate bait, 

Pray pardon the angler for weakness of pate. 

There's a chapter of life connected with fishing. 
It has its uncertainties, like unto wishing. 

Some fellow may sit him all day on a log, 
And look like a mammoth unsanctified frog. 
There wait for a bite, and but for the flies. 
That longed for delight, he'd not realize. 
And when at last he must quit his log, 
To travel towards homo with weary jog. 



Yankee Jumbles. 299 

He'll nearly give vent to his wicked wishes, 
That the very Old Nick had the flies and fishes. 

The next time, perchance, he will follow some brook, 

And drop his hook in some shady nook. 

As the line twirls round in some giddy stream, 

He feels a thrill of joy supreme ; 

With a nervous pull at his bending rod, 

He lands his prize on the bank's green sod. 

Then oh, what a pride his breast inflates, . 

His brain is delighted, his heart palpitates, 

Like a lover accepted, 'lis little he waits, 

Till newly his glittering hook he baits. 

And feels well paid if he pulls out, 

Bullhead or shiner, sucker or trout. 

Now with poets it is always the law. 
From all our writings a moral to draw. 
And that this subject may be well impressed. 
The following moral I would suggest. 

Young people, when fishing in life's mighty ocean, 
Are always encouraged with some very high notion, 
And nine times in ten, will provide them a dish, 
By far too large to carry their fish, 
And when they anticipate trout for their meals, 
They're as likely to breakfast on catfish or eels. 

Thinking, perhaps, your patience I'm tiring. 
And as I'm from great mental effort perspiring, 
I'll try to write something to suit you better. 
Lest you pronounce this a scaly letter. 



300 Yankee Jumbles. 

Yours of the 15th was received last Friday noon. 
Its contents were sweeter than "Balm from a spoon," 
And the kind words and feelings its lines did convey. 
Were grateful as odors of that lovely bouquet. 
'Tis a truth you may search among earth's brightest 

bowers. 
The fragrance is sweetest exhaled from tihe flowers 
That bloom in the heart, and their beautiful shade 
In sunshine or storm the least likely to fade. 

To divert the subject a little 
And hang over another kettle 

Of fish to fry. 
In all goodness and love allow me to reprove 

Your bigotry! 

In seeing you class a Universalist Church next 
To a theatre, I must say made me feel rather vexed. 
For of this one thing, I'm sure, there's as good Chris- 
tian people. 
As e'er collected beneath a church steeple. 
Who sincerely believe that God's creatures he loves, 
And all of their sins in this world he reproves. 
And when they cross o'er to eternity's shore, 
Their sins and their sorrows shall trouble no more. 
*Tis a most pointed truth, we're the work of his hands. 
Acting out not our own, but His mighty commands, 
And is it a sin to believe that above, 
We all shall be saved in the "Ark of His love?" 
'Mongst wrangling sects there's such disparity, 
We should employ our largest charity, 



Yankee Jumbles. 301 

And ere we put our armor on to fight, 
Be sanguine which we strike for, wrong or right. 
Trusting you will agree to this moral creed, 
With something else I now will proceed. 

Permit me next, if you please, to speak 
Of the pleasant scenes I enjoyed last week, 
Four evenings at home with my friends I spent, 
With chatter and music they merrily went. 
On Wednesday eve, if you will believe, 

I went to the sewing society, 
And saw the compound, which is usually round, 

Of frolic and sobriety, 
Some women troubled, 'bout who's to be doubled, 

And doubting the propriety. 
Some men distressed, with tightness of vest. 

After eating to satiety; 
And perhaps an old maid, uncommonly stayed, 

Distressed, she thinks, with piety. 

A sewing circle is a lovely scene. 
Embellished with its shades of light and green, 
A place for gossipers to ply their trade, 
A sort of nest, where gossip's eggs are laid. 
And these are eggs that e'er so big a batch, 
'Mongst setting women never fail to hatch, 
With little feed the chicks are sure to grow, 
The pullets cackle and the roosters crow. 

If you have lime, my dear, please take my arm, 
And we will look in upon this buzzing swarm. 



302 Yankee Jumbles. 

Here are three rooms : the first contains the men. 
Talking of crops and stocks and wondering when 
'Twill rain or come off fair or whether this or that, 
Will run up high or fall down very flat? 
They talk of business and express their views, 
About the politics and general news, 
In fact, it may be said of them, that when 
They finish up, they've acted much like men. 

Next come the young folks in the largest room, 
Here youth and beauty bud and blush and bloom, 
Stand in a ring so straight and laugh and sing, 
With hearts as gay and light as birds in spring. 
Enraptured, lost in bliss, the younger sips 
The melting kiss from forty honeyed lips, 
Until from sheer exhaustion he retreats. 
Like loaded bee, half surfeited in sweets, 
The little maiden feels supremely blest. 
To "Go and choose the one she loves the best." 
I think the world ought to show the deference, 
To give the ladies larger rights of preference. 
And yet I should not dare to trust the day 
When "women's rights" held universal sway. 

The next room, somewhat smaller than the rest. 
Contains the women huddled in a nest. 
With heads and faces drawn quite close together. 
Discussing every why and what and whctlier. 
One wonders if Joe Smith admires Kate Stokes, 
And how the match would set on the old folks ? 



Yankee Jumbles. 303 

Old Mrs. Brown tells how her Polly Ann, 
Is "guntei" marry a rich "gintleman," 
And then "they say" that Sally So & So 
Has been out west and really got a beau, 
And Mr. Vine and wife, a happy pair. 
After these dozen years have got an heir; 
Some married, some are born, some sick abed, 
Some run away, some courting, some are dead. 
Their tongues ring all these changes, till their breath 
Exhausts the stock of courtships, births and death; 
But only stop, when the bold summons comes. 
From their dear husbands to go to their homes. 

This is a picture which no doubt that you 
Can quite indorse as being very true. 

And now to switch off on another train, 
With a clerical turn of the subject. 
Again. 

On Friday eve I attended a party 

At Dr. Davis'. We all had a hearty 

Good time — music, singing and dancing, 

Card playing and puzzles, kissing, flirting and prancing. 

Shrewd speeches, smart sayings, sharp shots and keen 

jokes, 
(But free from all gossip about other folks,) 
And many amusements our time did beguile. 
To gladden the heart and encourage a smile, 
I must own that I kissed so many sweet women. 
That I felt like a bee in a honey -pot swimmin'. 



304 Yankee Jumbles. 

For these kind of sociables we have a good reason, 
And this was the first of the series this season. 
Most of the ladies who attend these festivities. 
Are very fat, and to avoid these proclivities. 
Go to these assemblies, where they have a chance 
To lessen their burden in the maze of the dance. 
'Twould do you good to hear the great clatter 
They make to shake off their oleaginous matter, 
If ever you chance to come over this way, 
I'll show you the beauties of such a soiree. 
Where lean folks can laugh themselves jolly and fat. 
And fat ones can dance themselves lean as a cat. 
Last night, Sunday eve, I passed four pleasant hours. 
At the town hall — Parson Wolley's oratorical powers. 
Were applied in behalf of the temperance cause> 
And a warning to drunkards in their habits to pause. 
The choir sang some verses, denouncing their sins. 
And we accompanied with three violins, 
A big bass viol and a well-played piano. 
Sustaining all parts from bass to soprano. 

Your short interview with friend Putnam, I find. 

Sent him away with a gratified mind, 

But then it seems wicked almost, you sTiould call 

The fat jovial fellow a specimen small, — 

I should hate to believe that this could be, 

A slight backhanded thrust at me. 

I must measure myself, but not by myself, 

Ijest perchance that my size may lay me on the shelf. 

But if your ideal of beauty is height. 

Why, just get me mad and I'm high as a kite. 



Yankee Jumbles. 305 

Just imagine a big fleshy man, six feet high, 

With a woman but four feet, quite shrivelled and dry, 

Now doesn't it seem decidedly queer. 

For one to embrace such an " "orrid highdear?" 

'Tis not with the adage of "Birds of a feather," 

But perhaps it's all right when "extremes meet together." 

It seems that our Governor B. postpones 
Thanksgiving one week, so the turkeys' bones. 
With geese and ducks and nice spring chickens. 
Will have a chance to defer their pickings; 
The pantries of puddings and pies 'twill relieve, 
With only a brief seven days' reprieve. 
Then all kinds of poultry that through life have hobbled. 
With turkey gobblers will have to be gobbled. 
The chickens, poor things, give my feelings a shock. 
When I think of their flutters and terrified squawk. 

Now as to your visit I have only to say, 

You must not expect to go back the same day, 

There's no danger at all on the boat at night. 

You'll be all safe and the boat won't bite. 

And Mrs. H. says if you'll be good, 

A visit of several days won't intrude, 

And as she remarked, it would be quite befitting 

To bring along your sewing and knitting; 

Or to sum up the matter, she expects you to stay, 

And make a good visit when yon come this way. 

Therefore make such plans it it moots your notion, 

And to try your mind, I'll second the motion, 

The vote being taken I hear from the chair. 

That the ayes have it I'm bound to declare. 



3o6 Yankee Jumbles. 

It's most ten o'clock and my sleepy head 
Is getting tired ; I must go to bed. 
So with love to all, let this rhapsody end, 
And awaiting your answer, believe me your 
Friend, 

F. T. Ives. 



The following are a series of light correspondence 
sent to Miss Ella C. Birdsey during my trips through 
the west, summer of 1869. 

Indianapolis^ June 6th, 1869. 
Sweet Ella: 

Charming little girl, 
Does this make you feel better? 
I am going to give my pen a whirl, 
And write you a beautiful letter. 

You see at the top of the page, 

I'm in the state of Indiany, 
Feeling quite well for one of my age, 

But for some days past have felt like an old gi 

This is a very nice country, indeed, 

Fine weather seems to prevail; 
But it may surprise you to read. 

That they ride me around on a rail. 

The fields are green and beauteous to the view, 
These adjectives describe the boys and girls as true. 



Yankee Jumbles. 307 

If you should move from old Connecticut 

Into this state, you'd be a butternut; 

If in Ohio, when you chance to cry, 

Your tears would then flow from a sad buckeye, 

So to avoid pain, trouble, grief and sin. 

You'd better stay in the state you now are in. 

I write this caution as so many young women 

Get thoughts in their heads that set 'em a-swimmin'; 

And make them feel anxious to wander astray, 

And leave their good homes for some other way. 

Perhaps on the banks of the high Oh, 

Where in anguish and sorrow, they'll cry ! dear ! 

I hope this subject will seem clear to you, 
(Although I present but a bird's-eye view,) 
And tliat you'll discard all Persimmons and Murdocks, 
And Griswolds and Catswolds and Catnip and Burdocks, 
Assume a calm feeling, become sober and staid, 
And resolve that you'll be a contented old maid. 

I expect to travel some two weeks longer. 
And by change of climate hope to feel stronger. 

Since I saw you I've been in Cuba awhile, 

But at Oil Creek was where I first saw the He, 

In the course of this week, if my way I pursue, 

I expect to inhale the fresh air of Peru. 

Even in this day of rapid travel. 

You may depend one has got to scratch gravel, 



3o8 Yankee Jumbles. 

To see all these countries with speed of balloon. 
Can only be matched by "the man in the moon." 

Next in my travels I propose to wander 

And become for a time a Michigander, 

And if while (there some bird should me choose, 

She would make of herself a Micherablc goose. 

I guess when I get there I shall feel homesick, 

And if I do I shall beat time double quick. 

And put for Meriden, that lovely, lively city, 

Where I address this amiable ditty, 

To let you know I'm yet alive, 

And if you behave well, until I arrive. 

As a roM^ard to balance the account, 

I'll treat you well at Marvin's Polar Fount. 

Addressed : 

' Miss Ella Birdsey, 

Meriden City, 
nere the boys are honest, the girls are pretty. 
In Connecticut, that model state, 
In which women are lovely and the men are great, 
(I won't say what, it matters not). 



Chicago, III., June 10th, 1869. 
Prune Ella : 
How does this title suit? 
Prunes, you know, arc delicious fruit; 
Are sweet and nice, so you'll pardon me. 
For usinir thi;^ Ella-gant simile. 



Yankee Jumbles. 309 

.\.) doubt, ere this, my pretty little letter 
Of last week, you've received, read, and feel better. 
Since then I have enjoyed some pleasant views. 
Which may 3'our mind instruct, if not amuse. 

I'll state, in brief, a few outlines and features 

Of Indiana lands, its folks and creatures. 

There is, where'er you go, on every hand. 

Big towering trees, big swamps and lots of land. 

The people are a sort of general mixture 

Of everything; but an important fixture 

Throughout the state is droves of spotted pigs, 

Large herds of mules and just the blackest nigs. 

Where'er you go, in every public street 

Or in the byways, you are sure to meet 

Great broods of pigs with their indulgent mothers. 

And all seem friendly as a band of brothers. 

Another feature, which I would note down, 
Is how the country people come in town, 
To bring their produce, butter, eggs and cheese. 
And get their dry goods and their groceries. 
Ofttimes I wish that I was born a painter. 
But as an artist in that line, I ain't a 
Very scientific character; if I could, 
I'd draw some views, to see would do you good. 

Their wagons have a box some ten feet long. 
Four wide, two deep and everything made strong. 
Their team is always made up of a span. 
They come in strings just like a caravan. 



3 TO Yankee Jumbles. 

The wagons liave no seats nor steps, but chairs 

Are used to substitute these small affairs. 

The old man rides in front, when they've got him in, 

The space behind is partly filled with women. 

The balance of the space is packed in full 
With hay and grain and packages of wool, 
Hides, beeswax, chickens, pelts and various bags, 
Of feathers, ginseng, dried apples and rags. 

I think that every land and every age 
Has scenes of oddities upon the stage, 
And if they do, I'm sure, this is the day. 
In this queer state for one to see the play. 

Suppose we walk upon the public street 
For twenty rods and see what we will meet. 
If I was to make up an inventory, 
I should call this an average category. 

One hundred people come from out of town, 
One hundred poor, lean pigs running up and down, 
Tlie women look like fits; the pigs all colors; 
The men a hard, rough looking set of fellows. 

Here are a dozen sitting round the door 
Of a Jew's clothing or a grocery store; 
Eating their lunch of corn bread, eggs and bacon; 
How oft I wished their picture could be taken. 



Yankee Jumbles. 311 

But after all, iu candor I must say, 
These people's lives are happier day by day, 
Than those who trade and travel on Broadway, 
Indulge in gluttony and fine array. 

To moralize a little in conclusion. 
These people have contentment in profusion, 
And their continual feast in comfort finds 
Its source to be in well-contented minds. 
So let us be content that we were put 
Down in the state of old Connecticut, 
Nor turn our noses up in scornful manner. 
Towards the pigs and folks in Indiana. 



Elkhart, July 15th, 1869. 

Miss Ella C. B. : 
Please listen to me, 

While I rehearse a ditty, 
About country life, away from strife. 

Outside of bustling city. 

I daily think how you must shrink. 

Pent up 'mid bricks and noise, 
While I expand and feel so grand. 

Among the country boys. 

The air so pure, 'tis very sure 

'Twould make you grow to breathe it; 

So that your gown to get around 

Your waist, you'd have lo squeathe it. 



312 Yankee Jumbles. 

Your pallid cheeks in a few weeks, 
Would blush like damask roses. 

Your form and face have style and grace. 
Like the aforesaid posies. 

The country air would make you fair. 

Fat, happy, good and witty, 
Your rarely find folks of this kind 

Brought up in any city. 

Pestilence crawls 'mid city walls. 

And pounces on its victim. 
Laughs at his groans, plays with his bones. 

When of their meat he's picked them. 

Tliere, darks and damps, robbers and tramps. 

Assail in street and alley. 
The brawls and fights and noises nights 

Would frighten your aunt Sally. 

There's few believes what horrid thieves, 

In cities play their part, 
Unless you keep one eye from sleep, 

They'll steal your precious heart. 

They are so bold, it has been told, 

Ofttimos without reflections, 
They boldly stalk or slyly walk. 

Eight into your affections. 



Yankee Jumbles. 313 

They flatter misses witli sugar kisses, 

With winning smiles they greet them; 
Girls not discreet, think they're so sweet. 

These cannibals would eat them. 

These shocking features, these wicked creatures, 

Who have no sense of pity, 
Shrewd, foxy chaps, with snares and traps. 

Abound in every city. 

Not so in country where the verdant fields, 
The fertile valley and the meadow yields 
The lavished bounty of the fruitful soil, 
To compensate the laborers' hardy toil. 

Here Nature opens out her bounteous hand, 
And spreads content and sunshine o'er the land, 
She gives the sturdy yeoman joy and health, 
A rich exchange 'gainst cities' crime and wealth. 

In country, fathers work and earn the bread, 
With which their offspring daily must be fed, 
Their lives are humble and each goodly liver, 
Acknowledges with gratitude the Generous Giver. 

The mothers make a home and teach the girls 
To keep things straight instead of making curls. 
They teach their boys to go where'er they send 'em. 
And if their pants get torn, the mothers mend 'em. 

The boys grow up strong, healthy and robust. 
Trained to be honest, virtuous, noble, just, 



314 Yan!:.ee Jumbles. 

Devoted hearts, brains filled with cnmmon sense, 
Hands large for good as that of Providence. 

The girls in health and beauty naught surpasses 
They are superlatively the sweetest lasses, 
Joy of their parents, brothers, friends and lovers, 
No spot on earth but their affection covers. 

The contrast now shown between city and town, 
I'll promenade round and conclude, 

And hope that each word to 3^our mind will afford 
A soothing and nourishing good. 

Although 'tis a pity you are squoze in a city, 
Just try and breathe free as you can, 

Much in firmness depends, tell your feminine friends. 
To stick and hold fast to a man. 

And don't let this story that I've placed before ye 

Oblige you to lose any sleep. 
On retiring at night just lock the door tight, 

And you'll wake up as safe as a sheep. 

Life in the city lasts but scarce a day, 
Like hot-bed plants, quick growth and quick decay. 
The country is the garden fair and wide, 
Where life and peace and sunshine can abide. 

With great tenderness in my breast. 
And concern for your interest, 

I remain. Yours truly. 



Yankee Jumbles. 315 

Plymouth, Indiana, August 22nd, 18Hi). 
Miss Ella: 

Miscellaneous news 
Sometimes instructs, if it does not amuse. 
And as of late, my jounieyings have been 
Mixed up somewhat of dangers now and then, 
I feel constrained to trespass on your leisure, 
To grant me the felicity and pleasure. 
Of telling some of my hairbreadth escapes. 
Of shunning pain in many direful shapes. 
Some few w^eks since I left my peaceful home, 
With clieerful hope o'er this fair land to roam; 
The days passed off securely aud serene. 
As free from trouble as a courting scene, 
When suddenly four miles from Titusville, 
Occurred a scene which gave my blood a chill. 

The soil upon a lake had made a cover. 

Across this lake the railroad did run over. 

And just the day before we came along. 

This upper crust, not being very strong, 

Three cars sank through into the lake's calm bosom, 

(\Vliich made the company fcxjl bad to lose 'em). 

But 'as the road sank down from mortal eyes, 

It railly carried all its earthly ties; 

And down in mud and water fathoms deep, 

'Mongst eels and pollywogs must ever sleep. 

Now if tbe train that I embarked upon, 
Into this hole the day before had gone, 
No doubt that I and all the rest within it. 
Would have been drowned and strangled in a minute. 



3i6 Yankee Jumbles. 

But we escaped from cooling off our blood, 
In that big slough of water, bogs and mud. 

Other escapes to which I M^ould refer, 
Are such as do not frequently occur; 
Though not from being sunk in dangerous bogs. 
They were from Jaws of aggravated dogs. 

As we were swiftly riding o'er a plain, 
A savage dog came rushing at the train, 
His looks were wild, and anger filled his eye, 
His bark was loud, his tail he flourished high, 
The train and passengers seemed doomed to be 
Destroyed as quick as you could kill a flea. 

Just as this monster was about to pitch 
Upon the train, he fell into a ditch. 
And while upon his back in reeds and grass, 
The train in safety was allowed to pass. 

Imagine now the sense of great relief. 
To get away from this bloodthirsty thief, 
And safely go upon our fleeting passage. 
And not be stock for "goot bologna sausage." 

Our next great fright was at Kalamazoo, 
Where for a time we didn't know what to do, 
While coming in, the train was slacking speed, 
We were exposed unto the wrath and greed 
Of still another dog, whose anger boiled. 
And yearned to have us of our lives despoiled. 



Yankee Jumbles. 317 

From a small house that stood back from the street. 

He wildly rushed — madness impelled his feet, 

Upon his back the bristles stood erect, 

This was, no doubt, done muchly for effect; 

His eyes flashed fire, his jaws extended wide. 

With hideous teeth showed they were well supplied. 

There seemed no way his anger to evade, 

But to submit and helplessly be slayed. 

What wild emotions gatJhered in each breast, 

The women screamed and were with fears distressed. 

Some were hysteric, many of fhem fainted, 

And all were pale as ghosts but those who painted. 

And in their panic and extreme alarms. 

The women for protection rushed to arms. 

The suddenness and force of the attack, 

The men caused for a time to sally back, 

But they worked calmly and kept self-possessed, 

Assuaged the women's fears, calmed and caressed. 

Used camphors, cordials, ointments, antidotes 

Of various kinds upon tlieir necks and throats. 

Embraced them, kissed them, squeezed their nerveless 

hands. 
Pressed lips to lips and cooled their brows with fans. 
Called them endearing names, breathed in their ears 
The softest words to dissipate their fears. 
But all to no avail, this would not do. 
The women still more scared and fainter grew. 

What might befell us all cannot be told. 
But for a woman eighty-nine years old, 



3i8 Yankee Jumbles. 

Who during all this most tumultuous scene. 
Had kept from fainting and was all serene. 

She told the men instead of their caresses, 

To just unloose their waterfalls and tresses. 

And then instead of kisses and embraces 

To pour a cup of water in their faces. 

Magic effect ! soon as the water poured 

Most perfect quiet was at once restored. 

All were delighted and the wonder grew. 

To think how much that good old woman knew 

Now to resume about that awful dog, 
Who for the train was rushing down good jog. 
Across the master's yard, and in his heart 
Anger was sharp as Satan's fiery dart. 
Thirsting for blood, with murder on his brain. 
He seemed resolved to swallow up the train. 
And when we seemed abandoned to our fate, 
And must be gobbled like a piece of bait. 
We were preserved again by Providence, 
Which by a modest little picket fence. 
Stopped this insatiate monster's mad career. 
From drinking down our blood like lager beer, 
His joy suppressed from crunching on our bones, 
Or feast his ear with music of our groans. 

If he liad caught us, his fermenting rage. 
Would given no respect to youth or age, 
Ilis wicked teeth would bitten through our necks. 
With no regard to beauty, fame or sex. 



Yankee Jumbles. 319 

Our flesh devoured and stripped our shivering limbs. 
Without saying grace or singing any hymns. 

His meal to him would seem a little bite, 
Served in a manner very impolite, 
But when with carnage he had tired his jaws, 
His meal compk^ted, he woukl had to pause. 
And we, poor souls, with all our traps and togs, 
Should been reported as ''Gone to the dogs." 

Now stopping here before your patience fails. 
About these dogs, I'll just cut 0\ff their tales. 

With some instructive words to benefit, 
Yet, ere I close, your mind should needs be lit 

That you may know in trials how to act, 
From these dogs' tales this moral I'll extract: 

MORAL. 

This world is filled up with narrow escapes. 
That look quite appalling, but most of our scrapes. 
We some way get out of, we still live and hence 
Are saved by some "if," "ditch," or "picket fence." 
Dear ladies of beauty, if youthful in years, 
Whenever your minds are distracted by fears. 
And dangers affront, lose no time for reflection, 
But calmly fall back on the men for protection. 

When you faint away don't be in a flurry, 
Don't try to come out of your swoon in a hurry, 



320 Yankee Jumbles. 

Men never will tire of attention and care. 
To revive any lady who is blooming and fair. 

But as beauty departs and the women grow older. 
Men's notice of fainting is o'er the left shoulder, 
For it wakes no compassion in the breast of a saint. 
To see an old woman make a face up and faint. 



Letter to Cousin Mary Rogers, Danbury, Conn. 

Wateebury, Conn., February 12th, 1861. 
My Dear Cousin Mary: 
How is your health, your joy and your wealth. 

Your much beloved mother's. 

Your sanctified brother's, 

And all of the others, 
Who in family claim a relation? 

You cannot reply, by your presence most high. 

And gratify me, sweet divinity. 

For distance is lieing between us. 

We models of Apollo and Venus, 
So we cannot hold free conversation. 

Yet still, I think, that paper and ink 

Can form a link, through which we can drink. 

Of friendly news or political views, 

Life's aches and toils, its troubles and broils, 

Its sweets and smiles, and comforts' "iles," 

Occasionally a swallow. 

Provided the link is hollow, 

Aju] our own inclinations follow. 



Yankee Jumbles. 321 

As for news, dear, 
(This may sound rather queer to your delicate ear,) 
There isn't much here. 

Some have dyed, of both sexes, I've heard, 
The women their cheeks and the men their beard, 
Of those that got married, I need hardly speak, 
For this news is only the "Noose of the Weak." 
And business foots up such very small figures, 
On account of the troubles about a few niggers. 
That could you consider in me 'twas a sin, eh ! 
To wish the black rebels in Tophet or Guinea ? 
And if they'd take with them the Republican party, 
I assure you they'd have my concurrence most hearty. 

But I will digress from political topics, 
And leave out these subjects that belong to the tropics, 
Or a place soraewh^it hotter than on the equator, 
Or hotter than claimed for the earth's deepest strata ; 
For surely such hoihcads as now trouble the nation, 
Must spring from the very last depths of Creation. 

For a subject next, to take for my text, 

Most agreeable to you, I'm somewhat perplexed. 

I like to talk about pictures and flowers. 
Of "love in a cottage," and "courtship in bowers," 
Of moonlight walks and "love's honeyed kisses," 
Or any other of life's choicest blisses. 
For these give me pleasure beyond depth or measure. 
And are things which 'tis pleasant in one's mind to 
treasure. 



322 Yankee Jumbles. 

I expected this winter. 

To have entered into 
Some young lady^s partnership; 

But the pressure, I fear, 

Of the times, tlhis year. 

Will affect my finances 

So much that the chances 
For this consummation will slip. 

I'm sorry, for while men are getting old. 
Their bodies and affections must grow cold, 
And woman was for both by Nature's plan. 
Made for a universal warming-pan. 
Oh ! joy for him who tastes the sacred sweets 
Of shoving such a pan between the sheets. 

Thus much for love and women and such toys, 
Mixed in the cup with other earthly joys, 
From which we drink of pleasures and of sorrow; 
Sunshine to-day and thunder storms to-morrow. 

I'll now relate up to this date, 

The shape and state of our family affairs; 

How we enjoy ourselves. 

Like so many happy elves. 
In our sitting-room upstairs. 

And how Mrs. Hall, 

Ever since last fall 
Has taken to putting on airs; 

And how Albert, my son. 

At name of Kcpublican, 



Yankee Jumbles. 323 

Is so mad, he almost swears ; 

And Ada, you must know, 

Has got another beau. 
To sootlie her anxiety and cares; 

Sarah dances, Eliza prances, 

Anna watches her chances 
To catch a new beau in her snares. 

And Ed. and P'red 

Are almost dead. 
Running after the girls everywhere. 

But as for me. 

To the fullest degree, 

I maintain my dignity. 
And don't allow women to increase my gray hairs. 

Although the hard times our patience is stinging. 
Still much of enjoyment we're constantly bringing, 
Through eating and drinking, talking, fiddling and sing- 
ing. 
We wash down our troul)los witli a glass of good wine. 
And sigh for the days of "Auld lang syne." 
If you'll come next summer, I"ll promise you fair, 
To play "Pop goes the weasel," and "Begone, dull care." 

When you wrote us last, I marked your good wishes. 
That I might partake of luxurious dishes, 
Eegardless of times, although they are hard. 
You did not from life's comforts wish to have me 

debarred. 
Luxuries and comforts of (/// sorts, I expect, 
Hard times of necessity cannot eU'ect. 



324 Yankee Jumbles. 

Wherefore, I have hopes with those that are fair. 
To get meted out my proportionate share. 
May a wife be given amongst the profusion, 
Though perhaps I'd ought not to hug such a delusion. 

So I'll not be fishing 
For women or wishing 

For all such plans. 

In wedlock's pans 
Are eternally squishing. 

To turn from my case, 

I would now embrace. 

This occasion to know 

If you've got in tow 

Some widower beau, or bachelor slow, 

Who have got the dough? 

If they've pockets full of money. 

Dispositions sweet as honey. 

And don't look very funny, 

With age on the sunny 

Side of — shall I say, forty-two? 

If so, I'll tell you what to do. 

For those that sue and a heart would woo. 

Must understand well how to bill and coo. 

If he's handsome and rich, just let out a stitch. 
And be determined you'll hive him; 
By foul or by fair, no pains would I spare, 
If coaxing won't do, you may drive him. 



Yankee Jumbles. 325 

If he's cliicktni-hoartod, there's no hetter coops 
For sheltering chickens than women's hoops; 
But above all things, you must this recollect. 
It's not good for chickens to be henpecked, 
Hoping to hear of your final success, 
I hasten to finish this foolish mess. 

So now in conclusion, I have hut this to tell, 
That as to our health, we are all pretty well, 
And all unite in sending tlieir love, 
To thee, darling Mary, my sweet turtle-dove. 



American House, Elmira, 
Sitting by the fire, a 
Rather cold day. 
For 1st of May. 

Dear Lucy, 

You see 

That I have survived 

And at this place arrived, 
Since writing you last my time has been passed 

In shifting about, 
My talent displayed in traflfic and trade, 

To bring profit out. 
It is rather iate in this part of the state, 

To make much money; 
If I don't increase my treasures, I enjoy some little 
pleasures, 

To make life sunny. 



326 Yankee Jumbles. 

I saw yesterday on a fence by the way, 

The following prescription : 
Magic Oil will kill pa — the next board was ajar. 

Which might have changed the inscription. 

Frank Leslie's special artist is here taking views. 

To fill up his paper in place of the news. 

He is a person of much self-possession. 

And very apt to receive an impression. 

The thing is done as quick as a flash, 

Of a house or a horse, as quick as that — 

He can copy a group while taking tea, 

A laughing child on its mother's knee, 

Kittens while playing on the floor, 

An organ grinder in front of the door. 

Or anything that is pleasing to view, 

I think he might get a good picture of you. 

I met yesterday Henry Lord from New York, 
We dined together, enjoyed a social talk. 
He was former partner of Walter Brown, 
'Tis pleasant to meet friends when out of town ; 
Have chanced also other acquaintance to meet. 
Who afforded me much satisfaction to greet. 

To-morrow morning by train, I shall speed o'er the 
plain. 

As far as Wellsbury village, 
And then explore the country o'er. 

To find tobacco tillage. 



Yankee Jumbles. 327 

I cannot guess with what success 

My journey to pursue ; 
Unless I find much to my mind, 

On Tuesday I get through. 

Thursday occurs our public sale, 
I must be present without fail. 
And thence I can leave, 
And be home Thursday eve. 

And then shall I hear a kind word of cheer, 
From you, little dear. 

Of course I will. 
For each kind thought and word doth its pleasure afford. 
And ma,kes joy bubble up to o'erflowing, the cup 
Of my happiness, fill. 

No rose in the beauty and freshness of bloom 
Can exhale to the sense such a grateful perfume, 
No symphonies falling from angelic sphere, 
Or singing of birds can enrapture the ear. 
No fruits in the circle of earth are embraced, 
Can yield sudh delicious response to the taste; 
No beauties of nature or art to the sight, 
Can give such a glance of unsullied delight ; 
No passion for kindred or treasures of earth. 
In our holiest feelings can find place of birth. 
To compare with that sense of all others above. 
The enjoying sweet thoughts of the one that we love. 



328 Yankee Jumbles. 



REFLECTIONS FROM BYRON'S "ADDRESS TO 
THE OCEAN." 

Scrap of letter to L. A. M. R. (Subsequently my wife.) 

There is a pleasure with the one I've wooed, 
Who dwells adjacent to the Sound's calm shore. 

She is society, let none intrude 
With only her, no other I adore ; 

I love her not the less, but life the more, 
From these our interviews in which I steal, 

From what I may be or have been before. 
To mingle heart with heart, to think and feel. 
What poorly I express, yet cannot all conceal. 

Thou beauteous charmer, whose seraphic form. 

Dresses itself in conquest, in all time, 
Calm and composed, no breeze or gale or storm, 

No icy soul, or heat of passion's clime 

Doth thee disturb ; but woman true, sublime, 
The image of divinity; thy radiant zone 

Should be perennial ; and may life's growing prime 
Devotions deep make up, before thy throne. 
May I enjoy without distrust thy love entire, alone. 

For I have loved thee, L — y, and this joy 
Within my breast has caused my heart to be 

Borne light as bubblies onward ; from a boy 
I've waited for thy promise : this to me 

Is a delight, and mayst thou live to see 



Yankee Jumbles. 329 

I ;im no terror, frowning and severe: 
But that I'll prove a guardian true to thee. 
So trust my pillow, I invoke thee, dear. 
And rest thy hand in mine, without a doubt or fear. 



TO MES. L. A. M. R. ON HER BIRTHDAY. 

Branford, Conn. 
If rigMly I remember, the 11th of September 

Is your birthday. 
And, as when mine occurred, you gave advising word 

With this prolonged delay, 
I acknowledge the receipt of that message pure and sweet 

And in reply, must say. 
That I am well agreed its good advice to heed. 
At least, I'll try, and trust (God help) I may. 

As thoughts go tracing back adown life's bygone track, 

They meet with many acts of folly. 
And while my memory brings to light some pleasant 
things. 

They're also tinged with hues of melancholy. 

Each birthday is the line whereon my tlioughts incline, 
To give the passing time a brief review. 

And if for me, 'tis well to heed the warning knell, 
Of the years as they pass, 'tis well for you. 

These days in which v/e stand and see the shifting sand 

In our glass, most emphatioally say. 
That we, like all of earth, are mortal in our birth, 

And youth and strength and hope must pass away. 



330 Yankee Jumbles. 

TTow many things our memory brings, 
To please us in their happy recollection. 

The smiles and joys, th« youthful toys. 

And all that claimed dear childhood's warm affection. 



Yes, memiory sends us back to friends. 

The loved, the kind, the true. 
In fancy's ear, we seem to hear 

Their voices tuned anew. 

We've pa^ed through years of smiles and tears. 

Of conquest and defeat, 
Lived in and out of hope and doubt. 

Drank bitter cups and sweet. 

And each birthday, on life's highway, 
Is but a milestone on our devious road ; 

On which to read the rapid speed. 

With which we hasten to our last abode. 

But as each friend and joy of life departs. 
And idols crumble whidli engage our hearts, 
We'll give them tears as due to comrades slain. 
And treasure more the ones that still remain. 

The past has its sorrows and griefs and frowns. 
Its glitfer?. its baubles, its sceptres and crowns, 
Pro'-peT'ity'p spring has bright flowers displayed. 
And many Isnvc dropped in Adversity's shade. 



Yankee Jumbles. 331 

But adieu to the past, let us turn a now lonf. 
And hope for a page less mingled with grief, 
If troubles besot, may Love lighten the load, 
And the light of God's love keep us straight in the road. 

The present and future engages our thought. 

With pain or with pleasure they both may be fraught. 

The result is with us, and 'tis wisdom to plan, 

To gild them with sunlight as much as we can. 

So, my dear, sweet friend, and my fair little woman, 
With the evident fact that we are both human, 
iMay we tirjnly resolve for oaeh other's enjoyment. 
To make true devotion our future employment. 

Let us bear and forbear with each other's weakness, 
Perform all our duties with patience and meekness; 
And before I conclude with this rhyming and jingle, 
For your own special self let this sentiment mingle. 

My much beloved Lucy, of all earth most dear : 
As you step o'er the fhreshold of this sacred year, 
May it be with fresh bopes and expectancy l)right, 
May your comforts be many, and burdens be light. 

And ere Time revolves us an annual round 
In Hymen's soft band may we be fondly bound. 
United in sympathy, heart, hand and life. 
To taste the best joys of a Husband and Wife, 



332 Yankee Jumbles. 

THE HUNTEE. 

There was a wondrous hunter in the west country. 

By far the greatest hunter that ever you did see : 

He hunted for all sorts of game, for lions, wolves and 

bears. 
He'd take the hairs off from their skins and take the 

skins from hares. 

Soon as his breath was give to him, his hunting he be- 
gan. 
He hunted from a little boy until he grew a man; 
But not for fleeting honors or heritage of fame, 
For offices or stations, these were no kind of game. 
From which he hoped to get a pelt, to clothe him up 
a name. 

He was a man of giant strength, by history is told. 
Of stature large, commanding look, of courage very 

bold; 
By nature kind and peaceable, and slow to wrath, but 

when 
His anger rose, he was a match for any hundred men. 

Far from the busy scenes of life his presence he with- 
drew, 
His home was in a cavern, obscure from public view, 
And there in innocence he lived, scarce knowing how to 

sin. 
And when from weariness he \aj upon his bed of skin, 
Within his cave, he often f(^lt as if he was caved in. 



Yankee Jumbles. 333 

To fowl or fish or any beast, he was a source of fear, 
They learned that with his presence their end was al- 
ways near^ 
For with his stock of weapons, or heart or hand or fist, 
'Twas all the same, for none of these in life had ever 
miss-ed. 

His weapons were a rifle, which was both tried and 

true, 
A monstrous dagger that to wield, the men are very few; 
He kept a lion for his dog, a tiger for his cat, 
Besides a noble pack of hounds, all very sleek and fat. 

He lived on choicest fowl and fish, sirloins of fattest 

deer. 
And drank their blood as freely as a Dutchman does his 

beer; 
When he got his fullness, their carcasses he threw 
Unto his hounds, who picked their bones, and fat upon 

them grew. 

He let his lion lie on hay, his tiger lie on straw, 

And all intruders learned to pause before his lion's paw. 

He lay in line with these two pets, before the cavern 

door. 
And when that aught disturbed the row, the lion ho 

would roar. 

His riches were his comrades, and conscience clear and 

bright. 
And all the wealth he ever stored were deeds both true 

and right; 



334 Yankee Jumbles. 

Though golden eagles oft he caught, we yet are strangely 

told 
In all his life he never saw an eagle made of gold. 

He never gambled in his life, although so fond of game, 
And anything unfairly won, was thought by him a 

shame ; 
And though he relished fowl and fish, when either well 

or sick. 
He spurned foul play, and foul intent and every scaly 

trick. 

With fishing seines and other scenes, he shuffled of! his 
time. 

Until Old Age came creeping on, and cut his manly 
prime ; 

'Tis thus he deals to all at last, although he long for- 
bears. 

Yet not for playing any Joke, he crowned him with grey 
hairs. 

He always lived a temperate man, but as his strength 
did fail. 

His mouth was parched, his tongue was dry, and he be- 
gan to ail ; 

To quench his thirst, regain his strength, and shun life's 
fatal brink, 

With teas of herbs and various plants, from these he 
took to drink. 

He was a very honest man, this hunter brave and bold. 
True to his race, and by his lips a falsehood ne'er was 
told, 



Yankee Jumbles. 335 

But when disease consumed his frame, and age be- 

dimmed his eye, 
Upon his bed for the first time he was constrained to 

lie. 

He passed a calm and quiet life, as one might wish to 

spend, 
In all his life was never known to borrrow or to lend; 
His only theft was, when at last, from life he stole 

away. 
And nature's debt the only one he ever h'ad to pay. 

With body bent and vigor spent, he took his load of 

years. 
Time rammed him down and picked his locks and 

charged his mind with fears. 
And with his honest armor on, this hunter old and 

brave. 
Bested his peace in Death's grim hands and shot into 

his grave. 

REFLECTION. 

Now safely home, he stacks his arms on yonder peace- 
ful shore. 

Where men or bears, wars, pains or cares, can ne'er op- 
press him more; 

And he, no doubt, the fact ascribes of his Celestial 
birt!h. 

To be, because his life was spent, in "preying" when on 
earth. 



336 Yankee Jumbles. 

SWEET GEAPE. 

The following are copies of labels put on several 
bottles of wine sent to Rev. D. Henry Miller, ivhile 
Chaplain of the 15th Conn. Vols., while on duty dur- 
ing the war. 

This vine was made, digestion to aid. 
And give to one's blood a lovelier shade. 
One glass we are told by ancient tradition. 
Gives unto the drinker a lamb's disposition. 
The second glass brings out the lion, we're told, 
Makes a man feel courageous, gigantic and bold, 
The result of the third we cannot desire. 
It produces the hog, that rolls in the mire. 

So, whoever drinks me, lord, lady or lass. 
It perhaps would be well to take but one glass ; 
But two at the most, for remember the third. 
The Devil returns to his s-wine-ish herd. 



DRY GRAPE. 



Many the uses for fruit of the vine, 
The most legitimate, making wine; 
For a healthful drink, for good begot. 
Not pressed as it was, to intoxicate Lot, 
So that of his acts he could not be apprised, 
And still worse for him could not be realized; 
For here I think one adage makes a miss. 
It cannot be such ignorance is bliss, 



Yankee Jumbles. 337 

So drink this wine as prudent as you can, 
And you may be a wiser, better man. 



BLACK CURRANT. 

The fruit for this wine, the next line will explain, 
It punningly means — Sable, Dog, torn in twain, 
It's good for jaundice, gout or canker. 
And for general health, is a very safe anchor. 



BLACKBERRY. 



Whene'er you attend the obsequies 
Of a deceased descendant of Ham, 

And amid the mournful sympathies. 
Plant him as you would a yam; 

You then perform the very same act. 

In name, if not in essential fact. 
That a person does whenever he goes 
To gather the fruit that his wine doth compose. 

For colics and cramps its virtues appear. 

But more especially for diarrhoea. 



RED CURRANT.— DRY. 

In. these times of Panic and Wars' devastation. 
When financial revulsions embarrass the nation. 
When shinplaster and treasury notes are but trash. 
Or at a great discount from genu-wine cash. 
This wine forms a medium for circulation; 
A draught that is Current all over Creation. 



338 Yankee Jumbles. 



CURRANT.— SWEET. 

To the Currency Wine I claim to be kin. 
For further particulars inquire within. 



ELDERFLOWER WINE. 

My first of this wine 
Is a title of thine. 

MY SECOND. 

A counterpart of thee cannot be reckoned, 

But sometimes when religious truths you teach. 

You intersperse it haply in your speech; 

It also dwells by many a cottage door, 

In the gay walks of life and with the poor. 

And as my First, all socially respect. 

From rudeness likewise it should me protect. 

My whole when blended in this precious wine 
Creates a compound bordering on divine. 

Soft as the words that drop from lovers' lips. 
Sweet as the kisses that he fondly sips, 
Light as the heart in midst of festal hours. 
Lovely as Courtship 'neath ambrosial bowers, 
Refreshing as to earth the summer showers, 
So to the tongue is this choice balm of flowers. 



A man who passes through life without marrying is 
like a fair mansion left by the builder unfinished ; the 



Yankee Jumbles. 339 

half that is completed runs to decay from neglect, or 
becomes at best but a sorry tenement, wanting the ad- 
dition of that which makes the useful. A bachelor is 
only the moiety of a man, a sort of garnish for a dish, 
or a prologue to a play, a bow without a fiddle. 

Old bachelors never cut their wisdom teeth. 

NO SIGNATURE. 

The following lines were in reply to the sugges- 
tions included in the above, after becoming well sat- 
isfied as to the origin of the gentle admonition therein : 

MISS . 



The lines which follow, I deduce, 

From your fine text, which I produce; 

But my ideas to seduce. 

And get them here to introduce 

A few brief words that might conduce 

To your enjoyment may induce 

A shocking fever, and reduce 

My constitution like the deuce. 

However, Miss, grant me the bliss, that you will listen 

to my lay; 
And I'll proceed with all due speed, that you may read 

what I shall say. 

Fair Goddess ! once thy gentle ear incline. 
Permit rac now to worship at thy shrine ; 
Extend thy hand and ease the burning dart. 
That from thy bow is rankling in my heart. 



340 Yankee Jumbles. 

Eest for the weary ! on thy peaceful breast. 

My troubled soul would feel supremely blest; 

And once enfolded in thy tender arms. 

Would crown my life with most transcendent charms. 

Perhaps, fair maid, these favors, you'll deny. 
Unless I give some proper reasons why, 
You should consent to lend your gracious aid, 
To give my life and hopes a brighter shade; 
And then, if you decline, the blame will be 
Upon yourself, and cannot rest on me. 

To follow out original intentions. 

And not indulge too many circumventions. 

There's nothing more in order, than to next 

Discuss the subject mentioned in our text. 

A bachelor — to most this would not seem 

At casual glance a very fruitful theme. 

One who grows old, sedate and gray. 

Whose heart grows cold, from day to day. 

He is perchance the ripened grain, 

If sown, might beautify the plain, 

Eeward the Husbandman his toil. 

When planted in the Virgin soil; 

But yet, alas ! 'tis sad to say, 

Too oft his life is passed away, 

And ends in profitless decay. 

His life of single toils and cares. 
Our text thus properly compares — 
He's like a mansion left undone. 
Which thus will soon to ruin run; 



Yankee Jumbles. 341 

Or like a story just begun; 

Or like a snow house built for fun; 

Unfinished mansions, if neglected. 

Must soon decay it is expected. 

And when the builder makes intent 

To finish up and ornament, 

'Tis very wrong, whene'er he can. 

To not complete a worthy plan. 

And thus, a bachelor, whose life 

Is passed away without a wife, 

A clever fellow though he be. 

Of man is but a moiety: 

He's like a dish without its garnish; 

Like furniture that lacks the varnish; 

Or like a man who wastes away 

A smiling, bright, sun-shiny day. 

To make and cock his crop of hay. 

He's sometimes likened to a bow ; 
Whether of promise I don't know, 
Most likely not, they rarely make 
Engagements which they are apt to break. 

If Beaus are meant to wait upon young ladies. 

There's instances, I think, where this their trade is; 

For some I've seen extremely fond of girls. 

Delight to squeeze them and upset their curls. 

Press their soft hands, and clasp their slender waist. 

And from their lips "Love's honeyed kisses" taste. 

To see the eye say yes, the tongue deny. 

And feel the bosoms throb, and hear the sigh, 



342 Yankee Jumbles. 

'Till lost to sense, when ecstacy imparts 
A flood of rapture to their mutual hearts. 

Of this last class, I say it in all meekness, 
I'm quite inclined to imitate their weakness. 

And yet there is another kind of Bow, 
That has its use as all musicians know ; 
And ere you guess, I will divulge the riddle 
Without such bow quite useless is the fiddle. 
A fiddle it may be in tune complete. 
All nicely strung, of tone most pure and sweet, 
Of polished back and handsome swelling breast, 
A graceful head and neck, and all the rest 
That it requires to have it finished well, 
'Tis yet for music but an empty shell. 
Young ladies are but vain and gaudy shows 
Mere fancy Fiddles if they're lacking Bows, 
Thus I'd advise the girls the prudent plan 
To get Bows for their Fiddles when they can. 

And bachelors should not for once suppose 
That they are anything but stupid Bows; 
They should get Fiddles if they wish to play 
And with nice music drive their griefs away. 
'Tis time with victory the sword ta sheath. 
But bachelors don't cut their wisdom teeth; 
And good advice and counsel are in vain ; 
They shed it like the duck's back sheds the rain. 

A Bachelor may be a good musician ; 

May play the shifts up to the seventh position ; 



Yankee Jumbles. 343 

May beau, and finger well, and keep good time, 
Have a nice ear, and taste almost sublime ; 
Play Breves, and Crochets, play in sharps and flats, 
Play smooth as oil, or discordant as cats, 
Play soft, or loud, tones quite subdued, or full. 
Like Paganini, or like Ole Bull, 
Unless he had a -fiddle it is sure 
You'll wait in vain to hear his overture. 

Now as no sermon, or complete oration, 
Can be well put without an application. 
And to reverse the ordinary plan 
Of giving physic to another man ; 
Although I preach, yet egotistic I, 
Unto myself the subject will apply. 

I am a bachelor; not very old; 

Extremely modest, form of perfect mold; 

Very fine looking (so the ladies say). 

Immensely rich, and adding more each day; 

Temper as mild and sweet as any dove. 

An object no one can forbear to love ; 

Ladies can't see me without being pleased. 

Or grasp my hand without their feeling eased ; 

Complexion white as snow, expressive eyes, 

Brilliant of speech, clear judgment, virtuous, wise, 

Have splendid whiskers, wear a stand up collar ; 

To see me dance is worth at least a dollar ; 

I'm handsome, wealthy, pious, kind, and witty. 

Virtues combine in me ; yet what a pity ! 

I'm but a Bow; no Fiddle I possess, 

On which to play through life's dark wilderness. 



344 Yankee Jumbles. 

So, in conclusion, I have but to say 

I lack a Fiddle upon which to play. 

And as you gave the hint some time ago. 

Please be my Fiddle, and I'll be your Bow ; 

Wlien during life we'll play that jolly tune 

Called "Kiss Me, Darling, Through the Honey Moon.' 



In our Alphabet we have two useless letters, — 
In fact, confusing and worse than nothing. 
The first is Q and the absurdity W ; 
As proof read the following poems, and form 
Your own opinions as to which is the most 
Eidiculous, the poems or use of the above letters. 



A maxim kuite old and familiar in use 
Suggests ue be mindful of our P's and Q's; 
The P's are all right, but let the Q's go ; 
How needless they are this short poem will sho. 

An angler set forth uith a box full of norms, 
A riggling mass of kuerls, riggles, and skuirms; 
He drifted his hook in the brook and the lake; 
In shallos and pools, and holes deep and opake. 

A hunter with gun, ammunition, and uad, 
Uent forth to the field to shoot game by the skuad. 
His gun was old-fashioned and fired with a flint. 
But his aims never seemed to have the right skuint. 

One hunted, one fished, they tramped nearly a ueek. 
Till their poor, tired joints you could almost hear 
skueak. 



Yankee Jumbles. 345 

The Hunter brought back not so much as a kuail ; 
The angler naught but the old fisherman's tale, 
That he'd lost a fish off his hook as big as a huale. 



It is a useless letter ; 

It's as uell to say single u anyuay. 

But to use u single is better; 

To sho hou double u is abused, 

In the following poem it is used and unused: 

An unlucky farmer once lived in the west ; 
Uhose goose had the trait of forsaking her nnest. 
Or another trope uill express it this uay ; 
His plans aluays "Flashed in the pan," as they ssay. 

His favorite cous never failed to have wens. 
And pip or roup killed his best laying hhens; 
His farm seemed a center surrounded by woes; 
His corn uas aluays pulled up by the ccrows. 

He was never surprised if a neighbor brought word 
That black tongue and murrain infected his herd ; 
Or his hueat was destroyed by chinch bug, and weevil. 
His potatoes all rotted and gone to the DDevil. 

Fires at times suopt his fields, his fences, and woods 

His creditors levied on all of his ggoods; 

His garden uas ravaged by vermin and norms; 

His buildings uere shattered by lightning and sstorms. 



34^ Yankee Jumbles. 

He made his investments and laid out plans which 
Some evil misfortune uould give the rong ttwitch ; 
The same made by others uould have ended in wealth. 
But his life's only solace uere his uife and good hhealth. 

One comfort proved true, it uas his good wife, 
Uho divided the burdens of his unlucky llife; 
For no matter huich uay their expectations went, 
They took, without murmur, huatever uas ssent. 

They had three chilren born, the first puny and weak ; 
The next didn't know much ; the third uas a f freak ; 
They died prematurely, and none of them wed; 
Is it strange that their parents should not uish them- 
selves ddead? 

At the close of their lives it is hoped that they won 
The meed of good servants and of having uell ddone ; 
They bore earth's rebuffs, and afflictions so well, 
It is hoped in the next world they uill have no more 
hhell. 

But be full fledged Angels uith strong spreading wings. 
Have the best golden harps tuned uith unbreaking 

sstrings. 
May eternity favor uith most heavenly weathers 
For playing or flying uithout their ffeathers. 

In conclusion, do angels have feathery wings? 
Or are they like bats, sort of leathery tthings? 
Are their bodies feathered to shun cold and wet? 
And like birds, do they make nests, and lay eggs, and 
sset? 



Yankee Jumbles. 347, 

Lines accompanying the return of a little tin cup 
which was left at my house by a young lady. 

This little cup, which you left up 

At my house Friday eve, 
I herewith send unto the end 

Its loss you shall not grieve. 

There may appear a symbol here, 

In this small liny thing, 
Reminding you that draughts are drew 

In cups, from out life's spring. 

In all our talks and daily walks, 

Whatever our employ 
We're quaffing up some little cup 

Of bitterness or joy. 

May this cup be a type of thee. 

So well adorned outside 
As to invite and please the sight 

Without vain show or pride. 

And yet within, as free from sin. 

One clear and spotless white: 
With graces filled and sweetly willed 

As Saints' lips to invite. 

This cup's complaint had no restraint 

For being left alone. 
Poor, tiny thing, I heard the ring 

Of its entreating tone. 



348 Yankee Jumbles. 

You'll pardon, Miss, my sending this, 

Ere you're regretting, too. 
Things left loose ends have taught your friends, 

To be foTgetting you. 



THE DAMFLY. 

(Meditations of a Dogday Morning.) 

When weary man belated goes to bed 
To rest his tired bones and sleepy head. 
And wants to have a happy morning doze; 
What is there in this world of toil and care 
Incites his wrath, impels his mouth to swear; 
As when a Damfly lights upon his nose? 

He partly wakes, and broken of his nap, 
Eolls over mad, and gives his face a slap ; 
The quick-winged pigmy safely flits away; 
While with the sheet the victim shrouds his head. 
The black, persistent torment haunts his bed. 
For when the Damfly comes, he comes to stay. 

(Moral, with nice, parliamentary advice) : 

Early to bed, and then early to rise, 

Are the few words suggested to the wise ; 

In Morpheus' arms by daylight don't repose; 

"Git up and git," not lie in bed and snore 

While larks are singing, but adjourn before 

Some Damfly moves to try the Eyes and Nose. 



Yankee Jumbles. 349 

The following was enclosed to Aimer T. Hall, then 
residing in Duarte, Cal., but a native of Wallingford, 
Conn. His new home led him to slander and traduce 
the climate of New England. Hence the reminder of 
what he was going back on. The "Homes and Seasons 
of New England," written in mid-Winter in reply to 
some adverse comments : 

'Mid sunshine and flowers, where'er one may roam, 
There is naught to compare with a New England home; 
In its valleys, through which many sweet waters flow 
From the hills spread with mantles of beautiful snow. 

Here comfort, contentment and happiness dwells. 
Peace springs up like streams from her rock-bottomed 

wells; 
And while sin and pollution in other fields grow; 
Here, all things are pure, as the beautiful snow. 

In a New England winter you get out your sleigh ; 
Invite some nice girl, a short distance away; 
She accepts your invite, and flying you go 
Wrapped in robes as you glide o'er the beautiful snow. 

The drifts may be deep, and the air keen and cold; 
You throw yaur arm round her, thus safely to hold ; 
She nestles quite closely, for safety, you know. 
As she fears to be bounced in the beautiful snow. 

It is so, I fear, Aimer, with your parched up soul; 
Which in sin has persisted, till black as a coal ; 



350 Yankee Jumbles. 

How I wish you could turn on virtue's arch foe, 
And become as pure as the beautiful snow. 

How pleased I should be to see you hand in hand 
Walking and shouting in Gabriel's band ; 
With a harp to play, or trumpet to blow ; 
And face white and radiant as the beautiful snow. 

How much better than live where everything shakes, 
With reptiles, vile insects, mosquitoes and snakes; 
To live where Angels would laugh, coo, and crow; 
To see now and then some beautiful snow. 

It is life to live in our New England hills; 
Breathe her pure air, and drink her sweet rills; 
Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, in turn, each bestow 
Flowers, foliage, fruit and beautiful snow. 



ORTHODOXY. 

Life is the time to serve the Lord, 
The time to insure the gi*eat reward, 
'And while the lamp holds out to bum 
The biggest rascal can return. 

From youth to age in Sin can revel. 
Steal, lie and cheat and 'Raise the Devil," 
And when Life's clock is past eleven 
Profess religion and go to Heaven. 



Yankee Jumbles. 351 



AGNOSTICISM. 

]f man's last breath speaks faith, hope ar.d belief, 
Who all his life has been a knave and thief, 
And makes success to gain the great reward. 
Gives doubts as to the judgment of the Lord. 

Absurd such faith, professions are a cheat. 
The good we do is what makes life complete; 
With unbelief, an honest life should have 
An honored memory and a peaceful grave. 

This creed seems safe. Be always true and just. 
Nor fear God's wrath when we return to dust. 
Or that our souls the vaults of hell will fill, 
Do right, and when Death calls, let come what will. 



Lines addressed at the tin wedding of Mr. and Mrs. 
George Howell. (George Howell — Annice Burrows.) 

It was ten years ago when this story began, 
Of a nice young girl and a nice young man ; 
Who fell in love, a very queer passion. 
Which always has seemed to be in fashion. 

This nice young man, as sly as a mouse. 
With nimble feet sought this nice girl's house; 
He rapped at the door and soon heard a hummin', 
And a voice sweet as mint from his Annice said, "come 
in." 



352 Yankee Jumbles. 

He walked right in, and found his love there. 
Who bade him sit down in an easy chair, 
The truth I must tell and nothing forge, 
She sat down close to his side, "by George." 

He whispered her ear of his loving intent, 
^Twas a mistake to know, or not know what he meant. 
And from her fond lips these words tenderly fell, 
"My George, I do love you, you don't know how well." 

The sequel 'tis easy for any to guess, 

Drawn snug to his bosom he gave her a press. 

She melted away in a rapture of bliss, 

As their lip printed vows were sealed with a kiss. 

Of course, they were married and formed such good 

habits, 
That their lives have been spent as happy as rabbits. 
How well they have prospered, and time never furrows. 
The face of a man that goes into such burrows. 

And may they still flourish for many long years, 
Their days free from sorrows, misfortunes and tears. 
May their cup of enjoyment be full to drink in 
Nor their pantries or pockets be wanting for tin. 



During the early part of the nineteenth century a 
great deal of military ardor existed throughout our 
country, growing out of the wars of the Revolution 
and the later conflict of 1813. Military discipline was 



Yankee Jumbles. 353 

kept up as thoroughly in every community as the sys- 
tem of common schools. 

Every house where able-bodied men lived had its 
8lock of accouterments such as flint-lock guns, bayonets, 
swords, horse pistols, cartridge boxes, troopers' caps, 
trimmed with furs and adorned with stub feathery 
plumes, belts and various uniforms to conform to the 
legal requirements of doing duty training days. A car- 
tridge box was made of a slightly circular block 
of wood to fit the side of the body, and cov- 
ered with leather. Tn this block were 24 holes to 
receive the cartridges, which were protected by a 
leather flap. Cartridges if made for actual service 
included a ball same as modern paper shells are made, 
but for practice the ball was of course omitted. 

The powder was put in and a slight wad over it 
to hold the ball in place when loading. Instead of 
the cartridge being inserted in the breech, as in these 
times, the powder end must be broken or bit otf so as 
to allow the charge to run out with the muzzle of the 
gun, and the rest to follow, being rammed down with 
the old iron ramrod. The necessity of breaking or 
biting open the powder end required good teeth, and 
any one not possessing such was disqualified for mili- 
tary duty. 

Every toM'n had its training company and those com- 
petent with good teeth and legal equipments, perform- 
ing duty, were exempt from poll tax, but if at fault 
for suitable outfit on inspection, were subject to a fine 
and often more severe penalties. The requirements for 
training in time became odious as the discipline seemed 



354 Yankee Jumbles. 

unnecessary to be so rigorously enforced, and to get re- 
lief from the exacting requirements the trainers took 
advantage of their privilege of electing their officers 
by vote of the ranks, which soon led to the whole system 
of militia training becoming a complete farce. 

Men would be appointed for officers as unfit for the 
positions as sheol is claimed to be for a powder house. 
Companies when ordered out would appear in every un- 
couth uniform they could invent, guns without locks, 
some imitations of wood, and all entirely useless for 
defense unless to pound woodchucks. Cartridge boxes 
filled with cobs and everything studied to disregard 
proper regulations. 

This state of things led to the appointment of the 
most lax and inefficient men to office, who felt a pride 
at their exaltation, while perfectly incompetent for their 
positions. As was designed, this system sent discipline 
to the winds. The following biography is of a man 
who was actually appointed a regimental drum major 
and is submitted as an evidence of the decline and fall 
of militia trainings in Connecticut, some sixty years 
ago. 

As this man was a very innocent and pleasant 
character, he was always greeted respectfully by men, 
women and children. Not given seriously to drinking 
habits, yet he needed something in his declining years 
to brace up his wasting energies, and several of his long- 
time acquaintances contributed from time to time to 
his solicitations. This biography was furnished that 
the public at large might know the worth of his services, 



Yankee Jumbles. 355 

and sacrifices to the nation, and show the need of a more 
general subscription for his comfort. 

This history was written in a common grocer's pass- 
book, the left-hand pages being devoted to his life and 
services, and the right-hand pages left blank for subscrip- 
tions, beginning with $1,000 and downward, with a slid- 
ing scale to cast off clothing, and good advice. This 
Manuscript book was taken up by a local printer and 
six hundred copies put out in the first edition, which 
found ready sale at twenty-five cents each, and one 
thousand more called for. 

The latter would have been issued with his frontis- 
piece in uniform, but for his untimely death by being 
run over by a train of cars, thus blighting the hopes of 
his admirers, and ending the phenomenal career of 
this G. 0. D. 



The subject of the following biography was a charac- 
ter. Major David Bradley was egotistically proud of his 
etyle of drumming, like some authors of their simple 
rhymes and poetry, among whom the writer of this stu- 
pendous work may be classed. The principal charm and 
satisfaction for writing the events and adventures of 
this precious life were realized in the subject giving 
his living approval and indorsing all as strictly true. 

With the commendation of the survivor of this in- 
teresting and diversified history, the author offers these 
truthful pages for the instruction and consolation of a 
dying world, wrapt in wickedness and rolling in a hor- 
rible pit of miry clay. 



35^ Yankee Jumbles. 

"LIFE OF MAJOR GEN. GEORGE WASHINGTON 
DAVID BRADLEY, 

Champion Drummer." 

Birth, Youth, Marriage, Religion, Politics and Adven- 
tures of Major General George Washington David 
Bradley, the embodiment of Christian virtue, of sterling 
political integrity, and the acknowledged 

CHAMPION DRUMMER, 

who has lived since the days of Abraham, or ever can 
live. 

His drumming; Oh, the joyful sound 

'Tis music to our ears, 
A sovereign balm for every vround 
To wipe away our tears. 

Entered in the Clerk's office according to Hoyle, 
April 1, 1875. 

PREFACE. 

It is a strange fact, but nevertheless true, that history 
only attempts justice to the memory of past heroes who 
have achieved glory by dyeing their hands in the blood 
of their fellows, or in some bold political rascalities. 

This little volume is written to introduce to futurity 
a character of countless worth, and spotless virtue, a 
name that redounds to the ends of the earth as the 
Champion Drummer of the universe as far as heard 
from. 

He is glad that Salvation is free. 



Yankee Jumbles. 357 



INTEODUCTION". 

Maj.-Gen. George W. D. Bradley is a Miracle. 

It is with a sense of great delicacy and weakness that 
the author attempts to portray his inimitahle powers 
in drumming, and transcendant Christian dharacter to 
the bewildered and astonished gaze of an admiring and 
agonizing world. As a heritage of greatness to his age 
it is the purpose in these pages to preserve so precious 
a legacy for rising generations, 

"Blest are the sons of peace. 

Whose hearts and hopes are one ; 
Whose kind designs to serve and please 
Through all their actions run." 

BIRTH. 

Drum Major Bradley was bom in the town of North 
Haven in the early part of his life and of this century. 
As an infant, he was a prodig5^ He was the Star of 
Bethlehem to his parents. Musicians and poets came and 
recognized him as the long expected champion. He 
proved to be the right baby. 

"Watchman, tell us of the night, 
What its signs of promise are, 
iTraveller, o'er yon mountain's height, 
See that glory beaming star." 



358 (Yankee Jumbles. 

YOUTH. 

George Washington David's early taste for drumming 
■was displayed by a free use of pans, pails, kettles, barn- 
doors, barrelheads, boys' heads, chamber furniture, board 
fences, etc. 

It was thought by some that the famous red beans 
of his native town conduced much to his youthful 
vigor and precocity. He persisted in drumming, not 
omitting schoolmates, brothers, or sisters. He started 
in the world right; full of glory, full of heroic juices, 
full of drumming. 

"There is a battle to be fought. 
An upward race to run, 
A crown of glory to be sought, 
A victory to be won." 

"Blessed are the poor in heart." 

Opposite. — Gifts of $100 and upwards. 

MAEEIAGE. 

So wonderful in the cause of his country, so sweet 
a drummer, so bold in the face of death ; yet the major's 
heart was susceptible of love. His looks were pleading, 
his words convincing, his drum winning. 

Underneath the well-barred window. 
Where asleep his love was lying; 

How he'd drum, you can't begin to 
Think, to save yourself from d}dng. 



Yankee Jumbles. 359 

Roll and trill and whirl and flutter, 

Tumult, glory, discord, hum. 
Hallelujah, street and gutter. 

Echoed to his glorious drum. 

She awakes, and all the neighbors 
Think the Judgment day is coming; 

While the major, sweating, labors ; 

Tihey swear; they never heard such drumming. 

Uriah's beauteous wife. 
Made David seek his life. 

Dollar gifts and over. 

RELIGION. 

The virtuous major was born a Baptist and was al- 
ways fond of water and took right to total abstinence 
and close communion. He had faith and zeal. Was 
dipped with two incipient cases of small-pox, one of 
itch, two of scrofula, three lepers, three colored men, 
and six beautiful young ladies. He is not at all par- 
ticular in his tastes, only give him cold water; no chang- 
ing and he is happy. 

Sweet is the day of sacred rest; 
No mortal cares can fill his breast. 
Oh ! may our hearts in tune be found. 
Like major's drum, of solemn sound. 

There is that giveth that tendeth to ridies. Try it 
yourself. 

Dime g-ifts. 



360 Yankee Jumbles. 



POLITICS. 

diampion Drum Major Bradley is a true blue Jack- 
sonian Democrat. Marched with Gen Jackson in battle, 
and drummed at his reception in this state. He never 
drinks, unless for influence and example to his asso- 
ciates. Never takes more than ten dollars for his vote, 
and says no d — d Whig or Eepublican can buy it for 
less than that amount next election. He wrestles with 
the Lord for a return of Specie to our pockets, that he 
may once more sing : 

"Among the saints on earth, 
Let mutual love be found, 
Heirs of the same inheritance. 
With mutual blessings crowned.^' 

Eememiber Lot's wife and Major Bradley too. 
Donations of cast-off clothing. 

JACKSON'S WAES. 

The great Champion marched side by side with Gen- 
eral Jackson through scenes of strife and seas of blood. 
During seven weary years he laid down his life on many 
a gory field, frequently perishing from cold and hunger. 
His obnoxious daring was the theme of praise and in- 
dignation throughout the land. Of Jackson's fame the 



Yankee Jumbles. 361 

Major was tho chief Corner Stone. WJien Jackson mot 
him in New Haven in 1833, he pressed him to his hosom, 
and with tears of blood flowing from his eyes, told the 
people how he lovod him. 

Eeligion should our thoughts engage, 

Amidst our youthful bloom, 
'Twill fit us for declining age, 

And for the cheerful tomb. 

If you want to be an angel give to the major. 

GENEEAL SCOTT'S WAES. 

The mighty major led General Scott's troops to vic- 
tory against the British and the Indians, wherever the 
incomprehensible roll of his drum could reach their 
ears. During these affectionate struggles, the Major 
often yielded up the ghost to Him who gave it, and 
walked the elysian fields of the blest. At the Battle of 
Lundy's Lane, he was mortally wounded, and when the 
spirit fled, he was laid on the dissecting table for post- 
mortem examination. Two balls were found in his 
body which ho carries (it is supposed) to this day. 

Blest be the tie that binds 

Our hearts in Christian love. 
The fellowship of kindred minds 

Fits like a new kid ijlove. 



362 Yankee Jumbles. 

INDIAN WARS. 

During King Philip's Wars he was taken captive 
and kept in a cave for one whole year with nothing 
to subsist upon but water and his drum. Every day 
the stirring roll of his drum could be heard. At last 
the Indians trembled and with fear opened the cave, 
bowed down and worshipped him. His face shone like 
the full moon ; 'though persecuted and annihilated, he 
smiled upon his cringing foes and lifting his palsied 
hands, said: "My beloved Indian friends, Salvation is 
free." His heart is full of forgiveness. 

"Now I am thine, forever thine, 
Nor shall my purpose move, 
Thy hands hath loosed my bonds of pain. 
And bound me with my love." 

Good advice — taken. 

BLACK HAWK'S WARS. 

In this bloodthirsty conflict, the dauntless Major 
came to hand-to-hand conflict with the bloodthirsty 
Tecumseh. He dashed his drum over the head of the 
savage and would have taken him captive, but in- 
stantly being surrounded, after defending himself valor- 
ously and stabbing a score of warriors to the heart with 
his drumsticks, like Marco Bozzaris, "He fell bleeding 
at every vein." With a smile and a blessing on his lips 
for his enemies, "The mortal put on immortality," and 
he was left upon the held, a noble prey for Indians, 
robbers and turkey buzzards. 



Yankee Jumbles. 363 

The Lord lakes pleasure in the ju-'^t, 
Whom sinners treat with scorn ; 

The meek, who lie despised in dust, 
Salvation shall adorn. 

Whatsoever measure ye mete. 

MODOC WAR. 

The implacable Modocs would have to this day in- 
fested the Lava beds but for the Major's drum. 

Soon as the drum began to roll, 
Captain Jack prayed "Forgive my soul." 
Boston Frank began to parley; 
And groans were heard from Bogus Charley; 
Bad smelling Shonchin, cold and grim. 
Fell on the breast of Shack Nasty Jim ; 
And the whoops and yells that rent the air 
Sounded as if the devil was there. 
But when they saw Major, the Indians and squaws 
Surrendered at once and offered their paws, 
And said: "Our dear Major, pray how do you do?" 
Said Major politely: "I'm well, how are you? 
Oh ! I love you dear Indians, as well as my life." 
Then gave them his blessing and kissed Capt. Jack's 
wife. 

Come, ye disconsolate, and give the Major a quarter, 
and you'll feel better. Many that withhold become poor 
cusses. 



364 Yankee Jumbles. 



APPEAL TO HIS COUNTRYMEN. 

The beloved Major is approaching his final dissolu- 
tion. After suffering crucifixion, dissection, extermina- 
tion, decay and death. After being beheaded and 
twice buried on the field of battle, twice drawn in quar- 
ters, blown to atoms from the cannon's mouth, and 
all for our good, will the American people prove recreant 
and ungrateful to this martyr, whose spirit is now whis- 
pering to us through the unbiblical depths of the ethe- 
real firmanient and whose soul breathes an effluvia of 
harmonious sweetness to cheer our pathway to the silent 
tomb. 

Decay, thou tenements of dust, 
Pillars of earthly pride, decay; 

A noble mansion 'waits the just; 
The Major he is on the way. 

Church contributions. 

PERORATION. 

In dropping the curtain on the precious life of Major 
Bradley, will the citizens of this fair "land of the free" 
forget to drop a generous donation in the hand of this 
heroic drummer? Shall we deny him the tribute due 
from every true American ? No ! From the depths of 
ocean rolls up a thundering wave exclaiming: "No!!" 
Let the mountains respond from the mouths of a thou- 
sand volcanoes : "No ! ! !" Let the winds over every hill- 
top blow their "Noes ! ! !" Let every friendly hand 



Yankee Jumbles. 365 

and pulsing heart open with liberal response to the 
wants of him who has drummed to the dismay of our 
enemies and the delight and salvation of the human race. 

Give and your reward shall be great. 
The Major will now take up a collection. 

Contributions from old Comrades. 

NOTICES OF GREAT MEN AND WOMEN. 

Washington, D. C, April 1st, 1875. 
This thrilling volume reviewing the life of our 
country's greatest hero, I have perused with profound 
satisfaction. It recalls the time when a plow-boy, and 
in later life, after hauling wood to market some long 
cold day, I used to sit on the knee of my beloved grand- 
mother and listen to her telling about the tale of this 
wonderful drummer. 

My grandmother loved him; 

Ecading this book has learned me to love him, 

And to remember my grandmother. 

"To see him is to love him. 
To name is but to praise." 

Love is the golden chain that binds 

Two happy hearts together. 
And strangely true, it always winds 

Them closer in cold weather. 

Yours truly, 

A. S. S. Grant. 

Gifts of wearing apparel. 



366 Yankee Jumbles. 

Testimonials of great and good men and women con- 
tinued : 

"He drummed for his country." — George Washington. 

"He loved the nigger." — Horace Greeley. 

"He was temperate." — Mary Peroe (colored). 

"He was poetical." — Luther G. Riggs (Editor Meri- 
den Literary Eecorder). 

"He was modest." — Anna Dickinson. 

"He was honest." — Benj. F. Butler. 

"He was virtuous." — Henry Ward Beecher. 

"His country's glory, the Star Spangled Banner of 
our hopes, the Fourth of July, and Hurrah for the 
Major." — Tom Collins (ubiquitous). 



NEW PUBLICATIONS. 

Advertised in this work: 

Witticisms, by Ed. Lawrence (Non compos;. 
Precious Truths, by N. Brainard (Prince of Lyres). 
Orations on Putty, by Geo. W. Eogers (Windy Orator). 
Poems on love, moonlight, twilight, dewdrops, fog, 
white frost and honey suckle juice. Coming out all the 
time, by Luther G. Riggs (Editor, Meriden Recorder). 
Dr. Stephen Bailey's Treatise on Cathartics and Regula- 
tion of the Bowels, after reading the aforesaid. All 
bound in calf. (Author resident of Stag County, near 
Meriden Driving Park.) 



Yankee Jumbles. 367 

The following localities are strangely not dowm on 
Eand & McNally's maps, which must have been an un- 
usual oversight in these otherwise very correct gazet- 
teers. Turkey Range in ancient times included the 
later principalities enumerated, all of which are now 
located in the eastern parts of Meriden and Walling- 
ford, in New Haven County, Connecticut. 



HISTORY OF TURKEY RANGE. 

The ancient history of Turkey Range, which in- 
cludes the modern kingdoms of Federalsburg, or Blue- 
ville, Spruce Gutter, Muckville, Charity Farms, Misery 
Swamp, Arab Hollow, North Farms, Hog Lane, Wild- 
mare, and Whirlwind. 

A. M. 1 to 1,000 years. 

Of the early history of Turkey Range, we have no 
very authentic account, the discovery of the West- 
em Continent by the Eastern Nations not being made 
until 1492, preceding which date our information is 
derived entirely from tradition. It seems by old tra- 
ditions that the Western Continent was peopled as soon 
as the Eastern, and that man was an inhabitant of both 
hemispheres at the same time. We are informed by 
sacred writ that Adam was created in the garden of 
Eden, doubtless the most lovely spot that the ancients 
could conceive of; their first parents being introduced 
to the world. But the contemplation of Eastern Eden 
should not make us blind to the delights and romances 
that surrounded the Elysian of the Western world, and 
upon the best authority that can be gathered we are led 



368 Yankee Jumbles. 

to believe that the Western Paradise must have been 
within the limits of Turkey Eange. 

The traditionary account is as follows: 

At la remote period of antiquity, the earth was but a 
email lump of clay upon the planet Saturn. Although 
this history may seem strange, still we must consider 
the vast size of Saturn compared with the earth, and the 
inhabitants of Saturn are more than proportionally 
large. They could at one stride, step over the Hima- 
laya Mountains as easj'^ as the tallest man of our day 
would straddle a broomstick. They could walk througih! 
the Atlantic and scarcely go in over their shoes; they 
were so tall, they could use our moon for a lantern, 
and their voices were heavier than the loudest thunder. 
They were possessed of such immense strength that they 
could work cold iron in their hands as easily as our 
strongest man can work new butter. 

Moreover, upon Saturn there lived a race of giants 
much greater and stronger than the common people 
heretofore described. 

It happened in one of the great cities of Saturn, where 
the giants lived, they had a gala day, which they de- 
voted to all sorts of sports and games. The hero of the 
day was Giant Herth, from whom, las tradition shows, 
our earth took its name. One of their feats was to pull 
up large trees by taking hold of their tops with their 
teeth. We can imagine something of the size of these 
trees when we are told that the Washington Giantea, 
of California, 500 feet high, were but little plants, 
which they made herb drinks of for their children. 

Another was tlhe jumping over of a high mountain 



Yankee Jumbles. 369 

near tlie city. The Great Ocean lay in sight of the top of 
this mountain, although a long ways off, and one giant 
laid a wager of a hogshead of wine to drink with his 
supper, that he could jump into it. He made a great 
spring towards the sea, and, having on a large cloak 
and a strong wind being in his favor, he was carried 
into the ocean a thousand miles from land. Having fre- 
quently been as far oh a pleasure trip, he turned to and 
swam for the shore, but wind and tide were against 
him and he was drifted where the water was so shallow 
that he had to wade. His great weight sank him so 
deep in the mud that he was unable to get ashore or to be 
helped out and here he was fed by ships until he died. 
The saltness of the water preserved him and he soon 
became a great island, which in future years became 
much celebrated for its guano. 

In the evening the giants held a great feast. This 
was cooked in the following manner. N'ear the City 
of Giants was a great volcano, from the crater of which 
always poured forth immense flames of fire. This was 
a great convenience in cold weather for the giants to 
warm their hands by. For the feast 200 cattle were 
slain, which, compared in size with ours, would be like 
comparing whales with pollywogs or elepihants with 
mosquitoes. One hundred giants went up to the feast, 
each carrying an ox under each arm, which when they 
arrived at the crater, thoy stuck upon forks and roasted 
in the blaze. After tliey had eaten, they ran around 
the mountain to shake down their suppers, which was 
probably the origin of the time honored practice of run- 
ning around chimneys. 



370 Yankee Jumbles. 

The only mention made of the ladies of Saturn is 
in this connection, therefore, we are led to believe that 
the ladies participated in these festivities. The crater 
of the volcano was fifty miles across, which made a 
circuit of over 150 miles around. One of the ladies, 
being hard pressed in the chase, in attempting to dodge, 
slipped into the crater, but her hoops shutting over the 
top of the mountain saved her life, and she was rescued 
by her lover without any injury, but being slightly 
singed. From the mountain they returned to the city, 
and drank 500 hogsiheads of wine. By this time the 
giants began to feel quite merry and some felt disposed 
to quarrel. At last several of them got into a fight. 
The giants struck each other with great force, often- 
times knocking their opponents' heads entirely off. One 
giant struck so hard and missing his mark that his fist 
came off. The contest was so great that showers of blood, 
bones, brains and hair fell every day or two for several 
weeks. Thirty giants we.'-e killed and many wounded. 

But with those that were merry, the time was differ- 
ently spent. They engaged in displays of fireworks, 
holding cannon in their mouths and firing them off, 
and throwing stones at the stars, several of which they 
hit and knocked them helter-skelter. 

Now Giant Herth was an expert marksman. He laid 
a wager that he could, on the following day, throw a 
stone so as to extinguish the sun, because he had suc- 
ceeded in throwing a ball of mud and spattered over 
one side of the moon. Giant Herth, from whom the 
earth, no doubt, takes its name, owned great possessions 
in Saturn and he had gained many of them by perform- 



Yankee Jumbles. 371 

ing some of the greatest exploits ever performed by man. 

There was no animal in Saturn that could stand be- 
fore his mighty strength. The lion that Samson killed 
would not have been of sufheient strength to have g'iven 
his head a pleasant scratching. It was supposed by the 
people of Saturn that the comets were but animals run- 
ning through the skies and that their sagacity taught 
them better than to approach too near on Saturn for 
fear Giant Hcrth would catch them by their tails. 
He even flattered himself that he might accomplish this 
feat some day, but the circumstances which are next 
related put an end to this fallacy of Giant Herth's. 

As before stated Giant Herth laid a wager of one- 
half of his vast estate that he could blot out the sun, 
and the next day, after their festivities, he undertook 
this great adventure. He supposed it to be but a few 
thousand miles to the sun, not imagining that there 
could be the great distance that really existed. So when 
tlie sun rose in the morning he went up onto a high hill, 
carrying several large stones and a great ball of mud 
much larger than that which he threw at the moon. He 
commenced throwing his stones at this shining mark, 
but they soon disaj^peared from sight and did not seem 
to do any execution. After throwing until his patience 
was quite gone and fearing that he might lose his wager, 
he resolved to eonstniet a great sling with which to 
throw the ball of mud, it being too soft to throw with 
his hands. So he made a sling and put in his great 
ball of mud. At the foot of the hill, on which the giant 
stood, was a village of little people, called Pimps; al- 
though &haped like the giants themselves, the giants 



i;j2 Yankee Jumbles. 

would almost need microscopic aid to ascertain their 
shape. It so happened that two of these little Pimps 
and their wives, led by curiosity to see the giant, got 
into the sling and crawled up on the ball of mud on 
opposite sides of it to get a better view, and being so 
small, Giant Herth did not see them. All things being 
ready, he made one more mig'hty effort and slung the 
ball of mud, and the little Pimps being on it, went with 
it. One of these Pimp's name was Adam, whose wife's 
name was Eve, and the other's name was Edon, in honor 
of which Adam named his new home, which is now 
called Eden. The name of the wife of Edon was Morn. 

Pimp Edon saw the last scene of which we have any 
account on Saturn. The conclusion is that Giant Herth 
in his exertion to hurl the ball burst a blood-vessel and 
•fell down and died on the spot. Pimp Edon from his 
side of the ball saw him fall down and a large stream 
of blood gush forth from his mouth and run down 
the hill, so large that it doubtless drowned all the little 
Pimps who lived in the valley. 

This account we have handed down through tradition 
from Pimp Edon, as he seems to have been most familiar 
with the scenes on his native planet. After leaving 
Saturn, Edon gives a short account of their aerial voy- 
age. 

He states that for a time they suffered great priva- 
tions for want of food. This may account for Adam's 
eating forbidden fruit, but the ball on which they were 
travelling had many roots and seeds, peculiar to Saturn, 
of the smallest kinds, which they had for a long time 
to subsist on. After a while they found they were 



Yankee Jumbles. 373 

coming near the sun, as they began to feel phiinly the 
warmth imparted by it. They then lived several days 
in great fear of every moment being dashed against it. 
But days, weeks and months passed away and still they 
seemed no nearer and they imagined, as their descendants 
did for a long time after, that the sun had moved out of 
its usual place in order to escape the blow intended 
for it. But from later calculations it is proved that the 
distance from Saturn to the sun was so great that the 
ball after leaving the orbit of Saturn digressed from 
a straight line to the sun some 95,000,000 miles, but the 
power of gravitation being the same then, as now, it 
was kept within the sun's orbit, consequently it formed 
a new system in the material universe. The history of 
the earth under its new system here commences. 

The earth derived its name from Giant Herth. Of 
the early history of the earth which was peopled by the 
descendants of Adam and Eve we have a somewhat au- 
thentic account, although in fact founded on tradition, 
as is also the history of the west, which is now to be 
related. 

Pimp Edon sought for a long time to find a suitable 
place to abide with his companion, or wife, whose name 
was Morn. At length, in their travels, they came to the 
top of a high mountain which overlooked the most 
beautiful country that their eyes had yet seen. By the 
sun^s warmth every seed and root which slept in the 
earth had come forth again. The beast and birds, which 
were but the insects of Saturn, seemed to possess new 
life. On every side wherever they looked they were 
dclif^hted with the sight of the luxuriant vesretation. 



374 Yankee Jumbles. 

The little streams leaped irom the mountain side and 
ran in every direction as far as the eye could see over 
the beautiful country. The beasts that had made their 
pilgrimage with them offered no harm, as they were 
tamed by the bounties that were here spread on every 
side. The birds poured forth sweeter melody than had 
ever before fallen upon mortal ears, and all the new 
creation seemed to join in one glad anthem of joy. 

Edon and Morn now felt that their troubles were 
near to an end, and with thankful hearts they laid 
themselves down on the top of the Mountain Besek, 
which signifies a place of repose. After descending 
tlhis mountain into the valley on the west they passed 
over a hill into the beautiful vale where they took up 
their abode. Here they spent the remainder of their 
days, tilling the soil, feeding their flocks and multi- 
plying and replenishing the earth. The history and ex- 
ploits of Edon's and Morn's immediate descendiants 
are mostly lost in antiquity. 

The first of their descendants of whom we have any 
details was Sweepstakes Moulton. This remarkable man 
flourished about the tenth century. The kings who 
reigned during this time in Turkey Eange were Bo- 
huclgeon,Bekadezzar,Bumfuzzar, Peshgazzar, Fuzguzzar, 
Shamalazzar, Bohuzzar and Shackolumsquizzar, who 
reigned successively, all living to a great age. At the 
death of the last king, a republican government was 
formed and Moulton was first president. Moulton de- 
scended in a straight line from his first parent, Edon. 

The generations of Moulton ai'e these: 

Edon begat Mush. j\Iush begat Squash. Squash be- 



Yankee Jumbles. 375 

gat Pumpkin. Pumpkin begat Rootabaga. Rootabaga 
begat Long John. Long John begat Bulhead. BulhcaJ 
begat Poggy. Poggy begat Catfish. Catfish begat Wood- 
chuck. Woodchuck begat Bulldog. Bulldog begat 
Moulton. 

Sweepstakes Moulton was a very mighty man. His 
father, as his name implies, was a very tough customer. 
His mother, whose name was Kitty, could whip her hus- 
band, and Sweepstakes at the age of only ten years 
could lick his mother. At twelve he could lift himself 
in a bushel basket; at fourteen could take himself by 
the collar and hold himself out at arm's length. When 
he arrived at his full strength, ho could jump across 
a fourteen-foot ditch with a 40-gallon cask of cider 
under each arm. He could throw his feet into the air 
and walk a mile on his little fingers. He was so limber 
that he could tie a knot in the middle of his body. 
He could keep his feet in one position and turn his 
body five times around. His sense of seeing was so 
sharp he could shoot a bat on the wing the darkest night, 
and his hearing so nice that he could hear an eelworm 
crawl in the ground six feet below the surface. Be- 
ing a great hunter he was the terror of all the beasts 
and birds of the forest. His manner of obtaining 
the skins of animals was quite ingenious. Know- 
ing of the fear in which he was held by them, on dis- 
covering a company of animals together he would 
place some of his clothes in a position so as to attract 
their attention. When they saw or smelled his clothes 
they would flee for their lives. Moulton would select 
some place where they would pass and as they went 



37^ Yankee Jumbles. 

rushing past in their fright he would catch them by 
their tails. Their speed would he so great that they 
would rush out of their skins and run away with their 
naked carcasses while Moulton would bundle up their 
pelts and go home. 

From Moulton descended Lunnon and the renowned 
Horton and other noted characters who will be noticed in 
their proper places. The age of Moulton was dis- 
tinguished for its wonders in natural history. The ani- 
mal creation wias the most remarkable. The terror 
of the forests was the savage Catawampus and prowl- 
ing Bozygurd, each spreading destruction in his path 
wherever he went. The Swampadag, Guyuscutus, 
Fuzzyguzzle, Conywiggle, Baumguzzle, Wizzlcr, Jerry- 
bungle, Ichthyosoggar and mighty Hythumifogon, 
were the dread of the nations. The conywiggle was 
noted for its exquisite beauty and agility. His eye was 
of a diamond brilliancy, he could charm birds like a 
serpent, his ears were like ears of corn, and his skin 
the softest that ever was felt. His hair was delicate as 
that of a mouse. He could jump fifty feet and turn 
around in the air and strike back where he started from. 
He could balance himself on the tip of his tail, which 
was quite long and would be an interesting subject to 
the student of natural history. He was the most beau- 
tiful animal known and could kill and eat a man in a 
minute. But the king among beasts was the Hythumi- 
fogon. This monster caused every living thing to 
tremble at his approach. His eyes were like the full 
moon, his head like the Rock of Gibraltar, his body of 
mountainous proportions, his legs like the cedars of 



Yankee Jumbles. 377 

Tvcbanon, his teeth like huge pillars of ivory, his skin 
like thick plates of iron, and his roarings would shake 
the earth. He could eat the city of New York at a 
meal and the Croton Reservoir would no more than fill 
his bladder. His animal food was elephants, alligators, 
hippopotami and other small game of those times. 
The haumguzzle was noted for his ferocity. His eyes 
were like lightning, his roarings like thunder, teeth like 
broad swords, feet large as a small house, and hide eight 
inches thick. His hair always stood straight up on his 
back, and when he was mad it stood straighter. When 
he growled he would shake the rocks out of their places, 
jar down houses, dislocate barposts, and shake the bark 
off the trees for miles around. His tail was two rods 
long, and a foot and a half through, at the butt. His 
usual diet was upon children that did not attend Sunday 
school. 

The history and habits of the other animals would be 
highly pleasing and int^;resting, but they will be passed 
by for other subjects which require to be noticed. 

The sea in earlier times was filled with huge and 
terrible monsters. They multiplied so rapidly as ulti- 
mately to arrive at such numbers that there was nothing 
for them to subsist upon, and they died from starvation 
and devouring each other. Whales were so numerous 
and large as to exchuh; commerce from the ocean. They 
could swallow the largest vessels afloat as easily as a 
turkey can swallow a grasshopper. The names of the 
most noted of these wonderful ercaturos was the Ounner- 
lopion, the ]\Iunguaddlo, the Longgobble, the Thung- 
dummer and the Finn. 



37^ Yankee Jumbles. 

The last maTtied was supposed to be the largest amon^ 
them and was never known in the Atlantic Ocean on 
account of the water being too shallow for him to swim 
in, and not wide enough for him to turn around. He 
was, therefore, only to be found in the Pacific, but from 
their immense size, like the large animals in land, they 
early became extinct. In the Atlantic were found the 
Longgobble, Mungwaddle and Gunnerlopion. The 
Longgobble was a reptile of sea serpent nature. His 
length was nearly equal to the Atlantic cable, and wlhen 
full grown was some thirty feet in circumference. He 
very often became the food of the Fum in the Pacific 
and the Gunnerlopion in his more accustomed element. 
The chief embarrassment to these creatures in eating 
him was his immense length, and usually required many 
months to swallow and digest him. But 'his flesh was 
exceedingly fine and delicate, and when they had him 
swallowed, he lasted a long time. 

The Thungdummer was a very strange creature. In 
size as large as the Gunnerlopion, and covered with an 
enormous shell some twenty feet thick and hard as a 
rock. He was very peaceable in his disposition, and 
possessed the faculty of burying himself in the bottom 
of the ocean and boring into the earth under the main- 
land, often penetrating a long distance from the water. 
He being covered with sharp pointed scales on the top 
and sides of his shell, made it difficult for him to turn 
about sometimes, particularly when following up un- 
der the bed of a river and wedging in between hills 
and rocks, would oftentimes become inbedded in tihe 
earth and die. Being in his structure very fat and oily 



Yankee Jumbles. 379 

he is presumed hy some to Imve been tlic so'urce of tlv^ 
great oil deposits in various parts of tllie world. 

The wihalcs were then as much larger than the mod- 
em as the whales of this day are larger than bullheads. 
The celebrated cave, known as Fingal\s Cave in Staffa, 
is supposed by some to be only the skeleton of one of 
these antiquated whales. 

The feathered creation assumed the same mammoth 
proportions. There were eagles whose breadth of wing 
was a thousand feet. They could pick up the Bunker 
Hill monument in their beak, and the capitol at WasJi- 
ington in their claws and fly off with them. The dry 
dock at New York would no more than hold one of their 
eggs. They made their nests in the craters of volcanoes 
and trusted to the heat of internal fires to hatch them. 
They fed their young with mastodon and carried 
them their drink in the half shell of an egg, which in 
hatching always parted in the middle. Their flight 
was far beyond the clouds, and the moon was their fre- 
quent roosting place. 

The Coodooledoo was the most singular of the feath- 
ered tribe. His legs were some five hundred feet long, 
free from feathers their entire length and covered with 
a bright red skin. His feet were very large, each 
toe being a hundred feet in length and covered with 
spurs on the bottom. These were of great service to 
the ancients to use for harrows. This bird never flew, 
his only means of escape depending upon his legs. He 
was very shy and difficult to catch when awake, and the 
only means of capturing him safely was to chain his 
legs together while asleep. Unless thus secured, he 



380 Yankee Jumbles. 

was very dangerous, as his bill was very sharp, and when 
assailed he would peck rig'ht through a man in a mo- 
ment, killing him at once. But as his safety, so was 
his courage in his legs, and when once he saw they were 
bound, he would offer no resistance whatever, but hang 
down his head and submit to his doom. His eyes were 
very remarkable, being exceedingly clear and brilliant, 
and possessing the power of reflection equal to the 
finest mirror, so that a whole landscape could be 
viewed by looking into his eye, on a grander scale than 
can be produced by modern cosmoramic art. lUie 
Coodooledoo was said to yield from three to five tons 
of feathers and his flesh was a great delicacy. His 
habits in eating were similar to the modern ostrich, 
and were many times a source of great annoyance. He 
would eat horses and wagons, anchors, telegrapih: poles 
and wires, railroad iron, stone walls, brick houses, 
rail fences, steeples off from churches, (but not tJhe 
members) lightning rods, iron fences, steam engines, 
stone forts and gunboats. From his rapacious habits 
great pains were taken to destroy him, and when 
caught, they usually sawed off his legs and let him tum- 
ble to the ground. 

There were also great bats, or flying dragons, with 
wings as large as the sails of a ship. They could eat 
up an elephant at a meal and drink a hogshead of 
blood. When creatures were asleep or oppressed with 
heat, these bats could produce so agreeable a cool- 
ness with their wings that the sleeping victim would 
never awaken until he was devoured. They were easily 
caught themselves when fully gorged with blood, by 



Yankee Jumbles. 381 

cutting out the lining or web of their wings, which 
(JL'prived them of the means of escape. 

There were, likewise, great snakes of prodigious 
length and prodigious speed. The Skinnyboger was the 
most remarkable. He was some hundred miles in 
length, smooth as an eel and shone like a glass bottle 
from head to tail. He could run as well on his back 
as on his belly. His tail was pointed sharp as a dagger 
and hard as steel. He could strike it through a plate of 
iron two feet thick and run it through a hill a mile in 
diameter. His breath was so hot as to burn and his 
venom so powerful as to kill objects within a mile of 
him. He marked his track with death wherever he 
v,-ent. But luckily, these Skinnybogers were rare and 
v/ere all exterminated by an ingenious device of making 
them bite themselves. 

There were mosquitoes larger than the largest birds 
of the present day, with bills as long as an elephant's 
trunk and possessed of great power. They could suck 
the blood from a pair of oxen or a dozen men at one 
meal. Flies were as large as modern geese and tur- 
keys, and lice on hens and children as big as mud tur- 
tles. 

In fact, it was a mammoth age and everything grew 
with gigantic proportions. Every hair on a mouse was 
as large as a broomsplint, and a hummingbird's feathers 
were large as a goose's wings. Grass grew as large as 
a canebreak, mayweed as tall as the cedars of Lebanon, 
whortleberries the size of pumpkins, and babies were 
born ffaints. 



382 Yankee Jumbles. 

In contrast witfh these gigantic phenomena. Nature 
always produces the other extreme. 

We freely express wonder and surprise at the great 
things, the mountains, the worlds in space, and all the 
immensities of creation, but observation of the small 
side of the scale is quite as remarkable and interest- 
ing. An elephant excites curiosity for his bulk and 
we are naturally led to ask ourselves why he is made 
so big and cumbersome. But for beauty and ingenuity 
of mechanism he is simply a monstrosity when com- 
pared with a flea or many other specimens still smaller 
in the world of parasites. This foretold age of wonder 
abounded as much relatively in Lilliputian specimens 
as in the Brobdignagian. There were swarms of fairies 
to be found in all the caves, in the gloomy depths of 
forests and in cellars of old, abandoned houses, as fre- 
quently and plentifully as in any more recent history. 
They were of different varieties and names, such as 
Gogles, Gubbers, Shipperals, Kuniphs, Winkets, Kiphs, 
Fidders, Iffets, Squits, Gumps and Sques. 

The larger fairies, such as the Gogles, Gubbers and 
Shipperals, were very beautiful, having skins like those 
of one's teeth by which narrow escapes are sometimes 
made, wore coats like those on a fever coated tongue, 
pants like a hart's, and shoes tanned in puppy's bark. 

They feasted on roasted mice and fried bats witfh 
which the caves abounded. Omelets of hummingbird's 
eggs, served in small acorn bowls with wines from the 
honeysuckle juice to wash them down, were considered 
great delicacies. 

The Kuniphs, Winkets and Fiddlers were still smaller 



Yankee Jumbles. 383 

and very difficult to find, as they could change their 
color to conform to the surroundings like a chameleon. 
A favorite bill of fare for them was bedbugs on the half 
shell with pickled mosquito legs and flies' brains, and 
drinking distilled dew gathered on wild wood flowers. 
A Sque could crawl through the hair of a mouse and 
into women's ears, hearing all their thoughts and what 
news they had gathered in the neighborhood on court- 
ships, marriages and prospective births, and what their 
general views were of each other. 

A Sque could travel through the anatomy of a po- 
tato bug as easily as Joshua stopped the Sun to give 
time to kill a few more heathen by daylight. 

They lived on bugs, worms, crickets and grasshoppers, 
from which habit we may infer they were the pro- 
genitors from which has evolved our modern Skunk. 

Of all the fairies, the Iffets were the smallest. They 
subsisted on extracts from flies' wings, condensed breath 
of infants, some mild kinds of poetry, pollen from but- 
terflies' wings and for a time dieted on miserly people's 
souls, but losing flesh on this food, they restored their 
avoirdupois by a tonic soup made from microbes found 
in the livers of hen lice. 

A dewdrop falling on a colony of Iffets would over- 
whelm them with a flood as disastrous as overtook the 
hosts of Pharaoh. 'Tis thus we see the extremes of 
animated nature which existed in this new world of 
which mankind has remained so long in ignorance. 

In conclusion, when asked what we have ever seen 
much larger or smaller than things enumerated in this 
history, cannot a safe and truthful reply be ttothingf 



3^4 Yankee Jumbles. 

If s often a question that arises, "Why is nature so 
profuse in the production of the infinitesimal world in 
size, and so limited in the larger species?" Where one 
Jumbo is produced countless millions of ants and an 
endless variety of insects swarm throughout the earth. 
While elephants and mosquitoes have a slight resem- 
blance it is not easy to believe that either has been 
evolved from the other. While an elephant has its 
uses in war, for exhibition and for domestic purposes, 
performing many feats of labor and as an article of 
food could afford sustenance to a famishing commu- 
nity, on the other hand, are billions of mosquitoes, not 
only useless for food, labor or show, but designed merely 
to suck our blood, annoy our nights and create habits 
of profanity. A few gigantic sequoia grow in Califor- 
nia and eucalyptus in Australia, while the earth is cov- 
ered by the smaller growth of trees and bushes spring 
up spontaneously in every hedge row. All the needed 
and valuable grains and fruits require the utmost care 
to preserve, while weeds and worthless fruits are next 
to impossible to exterminate. It is only here and there 
during centuries and ages that a Washington, a Lincoln, 
a Euclid, a Eaphael, an Angelo, a Copernicus, an Edi- 
son, a Marconi, an Ingersoll is born to dispense light 
and liberty to the bodies and minds of men, but in all 
time the world is as lively as an ant hill with every 
lower strata in society and intellect, with a large per- 
centage of what may be classed as nothing more or les^ 
than human vermin. The mammoth spociinons we find 
remains of belong to the remote past of animals, bird? 
and aquatic life, have all had their day and now ex- 



Yankee Jumbles. 385 

cite our curiosity and wonder at their enormous size. 
Wliile these gigantic freaks of creation have become 
nearly extinct the world of little things seems to be in a 
thriving condition. The ancients hunted elephants, 
Ichthyosaurus, Bozygurds, Hythomfogons, Mammotlh 
Swaraperdags, lions, tigers, bears and crocodiles. In 
modern times, the hunt is after heathens, infidels, 
Quakers, Indians, witches and anybody that differs in 
religious or political views and any game encroaching 
upon puritanical or fanatical rights. A hundred years 
ago this country was the sportsman's paradise for every 
species of choice game, but now, behold how changed. 
To the ambition of the hunter little is left. The big 
and desirable game is gone with the great auk, the 
bison, the conywiggle, the coodooledoo, wild turkey and 
pigeon, and their places substituted with the English 
sparrow, the potato bug, San Jose scale and microbe. 

Let us pause for a minute, take breath and think of 
the days of Giant Herth, of what the earth was in the 
days of Edon and Morn, of Adam and Eve, when snakes 
walked upright and women were made of men's ribs, 
and when vegetables grew without sunlight, when Noah 
"was the proud possessor of the biggest show, and had 
the earth all to himself and family, when the hythumi- 
fogon and bozygurd roamed over the hills and plains, 
and the gunnerlopion and fum looked upon modern 
whales as mere catfish and pollywogs and the coodoo- 
ledoo flapped his wings and crowed at daylight on the 
highest peaks of the Alps and Andes. It seems a 
proper time to stop and reflect, and seriously ask our- 



386 Yankee Jumbles. 

selves if we are evoluting? If so, which way? And 
at which end of the horn are we coming out? 



An episode in the early history of Turkey Range, 
concerning Timothy Range and Clara F. Hyde, who 
fell in love: 

ADVENTURES OF TIMOTHY RANGE AND 
CLARA F. HYDE. 

Near the great Besek Mountain, called by some Turkey 
Range, 

In Connecticut, the wooden nutmeg state, 
In much state, I would state, dwelt a couple so strange, 

That their story I fain would relate. 

Jovial Tim — all the name he was known by in youth — 

And Clara, a damsel of beauty ; 
And a damn sell she was, if I tell you the truth, 

For to give them their due is my duty. 

Clara's juvenile form, I have often been told, 
Although trim, was repeatedly trim-med, 

And you'd think that her beau must needs be very bold, 
But Tim was exceedingly timid. 

Wben Tim first saw Clara his heart felt a shove 
From an arrow that could not be parried ; 

And right square on the spot, Tim's burden of lov^ 
For Clara was clearly declar-ed. 



Yankee Jumbles. 387 

Tim bowed to her days, and beaucd to her nights, 

Until he got fairly bewitc'hed. 
And they both were tormented with Love's mosquito 
bites. 

Till apparently clear that each itched. 

Tim's comfort had come, his spirits were light, 

This question one day he indited, 
"Clara dear, may I ask papa for you to-night?" 

She said, 'Yes ;" consequence, two united. 

Now when they were married, Tim opened a mill. 
Where he spent many years and made money; 

But ere I forget, in this place I must tell 
Of a little affair that seems funny. 

Tim had for a long time felt strongly inclined, 
Twelve children to have like his cousin, 

And Clara, when asked, if it met with her mind, 
Said, "It does," and they had just a dozen. 

But Tim with his mill, his hands or his wits 

Was unable to support such a rabble. 
He drank, lost his money, at last packed his kits. 

And took "Jordan the hard road to trabble." 

The babies, poor things, were dispersed far and wide. 
Through the valleys and over the hills; 

And sad be the tale, these twelve children all died 
At last, with the chilblains and chills. 



388 Yankee Jumbles. 

Poor Clara, her days of adversity saw. 
She looked woful wan as she wandered; 

And Tim swore his labor on such an old squaw 
As Clara, should never be squandered. 

But Tim, one cold night, while out late, got elated, 

(Such affairs have quite often arisen,) 
And it said in a letter the next day Clara dated. 

That she found her dear prize in a prison. 

Of the bars he had drank at he to her did relate. 
But these bars he pronounced very hateful. 

And if she'd release him, a great fool, from this grate. 
To her he'd forever be grateful. 

Tim always had claimed, 'twas enough to be tight. 

For titles his ambition ne'er soared, 
And when his dear wife called her poor drunken wigtht 

"A hero," Oh ! then, Tim he roared. 

But the woman she bought out her husband, of course, 
With some money she had kept in a bag. 

Which left not enough to buy them a horse, 
So they bought them an old brindle stag. 

Tim took a good horn and then with the help 
Of the stag's horns, he got on astraddle. 

Then lifted up Clara with a horrible yelp. 
But she looked awful sad in the saddle. 



Yankee Jumbles. 389 

They got up their whip and gave it a whisk. 
Then took out their bottle and kissed it; 

And when they'd have brindle to travel more brisk, 
They'd hit him a cut round the brisket. 

So Tim rode in the road all over the town. 
With his hag and his countenance haggard; 

Till the jaunt hurt their joints so that when they got 
down 
From off the old stag they both staggered. 

From the stag they then steered for the tavern nearby. 

But before they got into the iim, 
They fell into a hot trough that stood near a stye. 

Where the landlord kept swine and their kin. 

The (hogs all came out in a state of surprise, 
And rooted and worked them like butter, 

And Clara, I cannot well see with my eyes, 

Why they didn't gut her right there in the gutter. 

They both of them hollered, the man and his wife, 
And Clara cried, "Whe" till she wheezed ; 

And Tim got as high as he could for his life. 
And there on his knees, Tim, he sneezed. 

What might have befell them cannot now be told. 
Miss Fortune had not the rumpus waked her up 

In tHie shape of a Quaker, so feeble and old, 
He could scarce stir his foot in a stirrup. 



390 Yankee Jumbles. 

The Quaker on horseback, with a whip in his hand, 
Penned the pigs without asking a. penny; 

But why no one helped him, he could not understand. 
As standing about, men were many. 

The old man asked Clara her name by and by ; 

She never so miuch as replied. 
"Is it aught but Clara?" She answered, "0 fie!" 

So he called her at once Clar-0-fied. 

And Tim, when he asked him his name as he might. 
Wouldn't tell him, now isn't that strange? 

The old Quaker guessed it and guessed it right. 
He called him bold Tim o' the Eange. 

The Quaker and Clara and Tim finally died. 

Ending days, shady, shiny, and sonny. 
And folks sighed as they laid the old Friend by the side 

Of Tim and his Clar-O-fied Honey. 



THE END. 



